9 Ways To Manage Chronic Pain

Pain hurts, no matter which way you look at it, pain is uncomfortable and distressing. Even the most stoic people among us, when faced with chronic pain, will find themselves faltering. Given that so much of sexual arousal is directly related to the psychology of a person, it’s no wonder that pain can hamper sex and intimacy. Pain makes you tired, it makes it hard to concentrate, it makes it hard to tease apart the fact you are aroused away from the actual sensation of pain. In spite of feeling mentally aroused, pain can make it difficult to ascertain that a sexual response has started physically.

Pain can also rapidly shut down a sexual response and completely ruin any pleasure one was feeling. Pain can make you hurt so much you can’t continue and leave you feeling like a sexual failure. As well, if all that wasn’t enough, pharmacological treatments for pain can reduce libido, impede the physical sexual response by reducing erections and can hinder women from producing natural lubrication. All of these symptoms added together can make you anorgasmic, whereby despite sexual stimulation you are unable to reach climax and orgasm. It feels… nice, but you never really start to climb the crescendo towards the pinnacle of orgasm because you can not maintain the orgasmic feeling.

As a warrior of chronic pain for 12 years, I’ve personally felt the impact pain has had on my sex life. I’ve felt the sexual failures as I’ve struggled to navigate pain, intimacy and sex. I’ve learned that what one feels is always valid. With plenty of patience, compassion and communication it is vital to you and your partner enjoying yourselves with a mind-blowing sexual encounter.

Chronic Pain Ramp

From my personal experience, here are some things I’ve learnt so far:

  1. If medications help to ease pain levels, ensure you’ve taken these medications with enough time for them to be active prior to sexual encounters to give you the best chance at enjoying yourself. If medications are impeding your arousal and ability to orgasm, speak with your doctor/pain team about alternatives.
  2. Experiment with different positions and use as many objects as needed to ensure you are comfortable at all times. Pillows, cushions, rolled up blankets and towels etc can be used to support whichever positions you find yourselves in. Use lounges, chairs, tables and bench tops to positions yourselves. There is a wonderful range of products designed to help with positioning. The companies Liberator and Sportsheets offer products to help with positioning during sex.
  3. Discover products at Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres that can enhance arousal and shorten time to orgasm. There are products like sexual arousal gels, vibrating adult toys and lubricants.
  4. This point cannot be emphasized enough – Communicate!  To have the best sexual experience it is important to be always open an honest. It’s OK to start a sexual encounter and find yourself not enjoying it and wanting to stop. Let your partner know your sexual needs so that both of you can be flexible and open to your approaches. If you become disinterested with sex, switch from sexual activity to intimacy. Try being close to one another naked, enjoying skin on skin contact. You can also enjoy a massage together as the feeling of closeness and relaxation may make it easier to continue on to have sex.
  5. Create a new definition of what sex means to you and your partner. Sex doesn’t have to mean either of you reach a pinnacle climax or orgasm. If you change your definition of sex to being something like “We deserve to be sexually intimate with one another. Let’s do our best to pleasure each other.”
  6. Change what you think about intimacy and sexual encounters. Perhaps you can wear sexy lingerie and talk dirty whilst your partner admires you and masturbates themselves to orgasm. Relish in non-sexual contact such as hugs and massages. Watch pornography together and masturbate simultaneously. Read aloud from an erotic novel whilst touching each other.
  7. Never underestimate the greatness of the quickie! Quickie will make the experience short and the outcome can be generous for both of you.
  8. Most importantly, look after yourself. Listen to your body and stop if you’re not feeling it. Chronic pain does not make you a sexual failure. You’re a warrior for handling chronic pain. Remember that people without pain have their sexual bad days.
  9. There’s always tomorrow and lots of hugs.


By Alicia an consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

2 Replies to “9 Ways To Manage Chronic Pain”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *