There Is Nothing Wrong With Me!

I think it’s time for people to start feeling confident enough to start opening up more about there sexual needs, fantasies and experiences. The more people that talk about it the more relaxed and comfortable everyone out there will start to feel. This story is about my history with not knowing what or how to go about getting help in the sex department.

I’m a women that has struggled over the years to try to pleasure myself successfully. With many fails and having no clue were to even begin, it started to put me off even trying to figure it out. Started to feel like a jig saw puzzle with so many pieces missing. I always felt something was wrong with me, my body must not be working right, maybe I was born weird and not normal or even started to feel a little scared or embarrassed about doing it in general like I was judging myself for wanting that pleasure.

I tired to open up to my friends group when we used to discuss things about there sex lives. They all seemed to know exactly how to satisfy themselves and it used to make me worry even more that something was definitely wrong with me. That I was programmed totally different. Don’t get me wrong I always had the feeling a lot of my friends weren’t being honest about there experiences and trying to hide the fact they couldn’t satisfy themselves either, probably with feeling the way I always did and not having the courage to be truthful about it.

My parents have always brought me up to be open and honest about everything but when it comes to sex you always try to give them some respect on this subject and not get into too much detail as you feel it’s not something they feel comfortable talking about with there child. Not feeling I could talk to many people about this subject and then be truthfully honest I started to google up information and do a bit of research.

Online only explains to you in a reboot basic way which never helped me personally and it’s not like you get much feed back on if your doing it correct. By pure luck I discovered the oh zone shops and went in for a stroll. Looking at reviews the shop and staff were highly recommended and I thought to myself what’s the harm in trying it out. Like a bit of a nerve reck I took a wee visit down to shop. I explained my situation to a staff member and straight away they were taking me to what section they could recommend for me.

The staff advice was so helpful and they made me feel so relaxed and at ease from start to finish which was great to calm the nerves. Never once did I feel judged or ashamed of what I was asking about or struggling to do for that matter. They steered me down the right path of different toys that would suit my needs and also what was going to be in my price range. It’s very intimidating and confusing when you first walk in as the selection they have there is so large – and being a novice I did not even know where to start. In saying that it’s amazing to have so much choice and variety. The shop definitely provides for every need and if something is not in stock in the store they are so helpful in trying to order items in for you.

The best lessons I was taught was that every person is different and most do struggle to find there right spots straight away but it’s all about practicing and getting to know your own body, experiment around and listen to what my body is saying it likes. Well that first night I went home with my goodies and put all there intel to the test. After about 10 minutes off fiddling around and trying to relax I finally started to feel something different (a feeling I had never experienced before). Let’s just say “OH MY GOD” is the best words to describe it.

Finally that amazing, intense feeling that everyone goes on about, I had just got to feel it for the first time. The only way I can explain it is just pure bliss, satisfaction and release. It’s like my body had just exploded with excited, stitches and butterflies. I had finally felt my first orgasm and it was bloody worth the wait. It was exactly how I was told it would feel when I eventually got the right spot. Safe to say I practiced more and more that night. It felt like such an accomplishment, I didn’t know I could have ever felt so empowered in my own body and had managed to make myself feel like that all on my own. You don’t realize how much pressure you put on yourself because you feel like you have been failing so bad before. Sometimes you just need a little help to guide you down the right path and I thank the staff at oh zone for doing that with me.

I have now become a regular customer and still each time  I visit there so happy and pleasant to help me on what to try next. Never once do they push me into something that doesn’t feel right for me. Some wise words I was told by one of the staff members and these words fit perfectly right now.

“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”

and that shop consultants definitely know there stuff and I have got to know most of them!

After shopping in this store now for a couple of years I have been given an amazing opportunity to working in one of their stores. It’s now my time to advise and teach other people that are in the situation I used to be in. My advice is stick with the lovely oh zone team who are always going to steer you in the right direction. They will always make sure your going home with a smile and a very enjoyable night!

Pop in and see me at the adult lifestyle centers if you have had a similar problem to mine.  Trust me – there is nothing wrong with you!

 

Abbey!

Sponges Can Be A Girl’s Best Friend!

You are out on a first date, things are going well when suddenly a sharp pain can be felt in your lower abdomen. Thinking to yourself, did I eat too much dairy? You make a quick visit to the restroom and discover that it wasn’t the chocolate mousse which is causing you pain, but your monthly cycle arriving two days early!

 

Panic sets in whilst rummaging through your clutch as all that can be found is a pad. There goes any hope for returning home with your date to have passionate sex. If only there was a product that would allow me to have as much sex as I wanted any day of the month!

 

Well the wait is over as Joy Division have made a product which does exactly that!  The Original Soft Tampon is a pink heart-shaped sponge, which when inserted will allow the wearer to enjoy swimming, intense exercise and intercourse, even on their heaviest flow days.

 

The sponge is a hygienic and safe alternative to pads and tampons. As they are chemical free, there is no need to worry about nasty side effects like toxic shock syndrome which can occur from wearing regular tampons.

 

The application and removal are made simple with an easy grip finger loop and the inclusion of an aqua glide lube sachet with every sponge. Many sex workers who continue to work during their monthly cycle use traditional sea sponges. These can be uncomfortable because of the large size of sea sponges and they are extremely difficult to remove without the finger loop. (Nothing is worse than getting a sponge stuck and having to ask another worker for help removing it!)

 

Another advantage is that there is no string, therefore it is completely invisible to the prying eye. It is also undetectable during lovemaking, with the Soft-Tampon adapting perfectly to the female anatomy.

 

Joy Division makes all of their Original Soft-Tampons in Germany, where they have been dermatologically and clinically tested to ensure they are of the highest quality.  The environmentally safe sponge is a must have for anyone who doesn’t want to deal with the hassle of bulky pads and chemical filled tampons, with the added joy of being able to have intercourse any time and all the time! Joy Division has really thought of it all!

 

Some women may be unsure if they will be able to fit the entire sponge inside as they come in their fully expanded size, unlike a tampon which expands when exposed to moisture. For those looking for something more petite, the Original Soft Tampon is also available in a Mini size! Great for keeping in your purse or toiletries bag.

 

For those of you who are reading this and didn’t know that a sponge could be a better alternative to mainstream sanitary products, I hope I have opened your eyes to the wonders of the sponge. And for some of you that have tried a traditional sea sponge before, I ask you to come and experience the Joy Division Original Soft-Sponge as everyone deserves that little taste of luxury, even if it’s only for one week of the month!

 

The Joy Division Original Soft-Sponge is available for purchase at your local Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre.

The Ugly Duckling Syndrome!!

What is ugly duckling syndrome?

I think this is best described in Shallow Hal the film. I’ve pulled this quote from the film, to sum up, what this condition entails.

“Ugly Duckling Syndrome, she probably didn’t get pretty until high school, thus the personality had to develop out of necessity… sometimes they’re ugly so long, when they finally turn pretty, they don’t even realize it! The ugly self-image is so well engraved, that’s a real find!” – Maurico, Shallow Hal, 2001.

For the life of me, I can’t take a compliment. Why? Because I have ugly duckling syndrome and it affects my ability to find love. My mother has always told me how beautiful I am but of course, I think she is biased. Retrospectively speaking, even now writing this article, I can’t think of one of my male friends who hasn’t complimented me on my physical appearance. Some have hit on me and some of them I slept with in my youth clearly seeking the validation of being desirable. I have had strangers approach me at bars and tell me I am attractive, some of them are married men. I get random social media adds from men across the seven seas asking for nudes. Yet, I still struggle to accept compliments about my looks.

I once laid in bed with a woman, I told her that she was beautiful; she cuddled into me and said, “No, you’re beautiful but you know you’re beautiful.” This baffled me that this beautiful woman wanted to share her bed with me and thought my beauty outweighed hers. I couldn’t believe it. I left my shirt on during sex and even after when she cuddled into me, she placed her hands on my stomach, back or thighs, I’d push her away – literally. I was in complete awe of this beautiful creature who thought I was attractive enough to spend the night and I was so worried about her thinking about my body fat that I ended up making her the little spoon, so her hands wouldn’t be on my body. A study conducted in 2016 found that appearance anxiety (ANN) found that women experience this kind of thought process at a much higher rate than men. For women, AAN correlated negatively with global self-esteem and positively with shyness, social avoidance and distress, and public self-consciousness. Furthermore, the study found that individuals who had ANN had a long history of making ill remarks regarding their appearance often linking back to feeling like an ugly child. (Dion, K. L., Dion, K. K., & Keelan, J. P. (1990).

 

I recently did some modelling for my friend who is an aspiring photographer and he often tells me that I am beautiful. I will deflect this compliment every single time and tell him it’s the Photoshop, lighting or professional hair and make-up. I can hear myself deflecting the compliment, a defensive mechanism that so ingrained in me it’s become my default behaviour.  This isn’t just limited to my looks if I did well in my class – I know I could have achieved a higher mark. If I cooked an amazing dish I could have added something else to it to make it a better dish. This hypercritical behaviour is what I do to keep myself down, a negative cycle of low self-esteem. While I can appreciate when I look in the mirror that the reflection looking back at me isn’t ugly, I would never say she is beautiful and that is really sad for me to admit.

This self-hatred stems from being the fat child, the ugly child, the weird child. These things manifested into my teens and early adulthood, being the fat, weird and ugly one meant I had to learn to be funny to make friends. I had to learn to be kind to maintain relationships with these people. Learning not to depend on my looks or body meant I had to rely on my wit, humour and human compassion. As an adult woman, I can say that I am such a good friend, I’d drop anything I was doing for someone who needed my help. I selflessly put others before myself, sometimes to my own detriment. I am the most empathetic person I know, I know I am caring and compassionate. Sometimes I wish I had a clone of me so I could be friends with me. I know that clone would never let me talk about myself the way I do. It’s funny that I never let my friends talk about themselves negatively but I say the most horrific things about myself.

On a positive note, having ugly duckling syndrome has made me an avid reader, which landed me into university where I acquired my bachelor’s degree. Having ugly duckling syndrome has made me a great conversationalist, able to hold witty and funny conversations with just about anyone, a skill I treasure. Having ugly duckling syndrome has made compassionate beyond belief, kind almost to a fault. Having ugly duckling syndrome has made me humble, and while it is frustrating for you to give me a compliment and me to dismiss it. You have to remember I’ve had a lifetime of people say things to hurt me and I am not sure if you’re going to hurt me too. I’ve had people abuse my kindness and try to dampen the light inside. I push you away and reject your compliments because I think the world is a dark place, I think you don’t mean it, I think you’re making fun of me. I reject your compliments because, after more than half a lifetime of being the ugly person, I am just perplexed as to how you think I am beautiful.

Beauty

You might see a swan when you look at someone but for that someone with ugly duckling syndrome, they look in that mirror and still see that ugly duckling. They see that fat, ugly weird person and they don’t know why you think they are beautiful. So, be kind with your ugly ducklings, they are trying to see the swan that you see.

The Labiaplasty Epidemic

With so much comparison & judgement of female bodies, it is no wonder that the root of our femininity could not be saved. Women’s vulvas & vaginas have become another part of the body to scrutinize, to the point where young women are undergoing irreversible procedures to change the way they look.

 

For the last couple of years, I have heard mentioned the growing trend in young women of labiaplasty, a cosmetic procedure in which the labia minora (inner lips of the vulva) are surgically reduced. Beyond my initial reaction of sadness & rage, I had an immense curiosity to understand why young women would do such a thing to their bodies. After some research online, I am left with a heavy heart at the reality of women striving for a false idea of “perfection.”

 

My research led me to find the documentary “A Perfect Vagina,” an exploration on the growing trend of labiaplasty in Britain. Women from all walks of life are interviewed on how they feel about their genitals & the lengths they are willing to go to in order to change them. We see a young 21yo women having her labia cut as if it was a piece of meat, men saying they wouldn’t want to be with a woman if she had “an ugly fanny” and women who have lived a lifetime with chronic shame around what their genitals look like.  

 

One of the main sources of women’s shame around their labia’s is the media. Pornography gives a one-sided view of what a woman’s vulva looks like; pink, minimal and short labia minora, completely hairless & symmetrical. Even medical text books mislead women into thinking this is what every vulva looks like. Nowhere do women see images of anything other than a “neat & tidy” vulva meaning if they possess anything other than this, they take on the belief that they are abnormal.

 

Australian censorship laws around female genitalia also support the scrutiny women have on their bodies, with images showing more than single folded labia minora to under 18 year olds illegal. This means that young women grow up only ever been exposed to a certain kind of vulva even if they read anatomy or sex education text books-they are almost wired to believe that vulvas of different shapes, colours and sizes are wrong.

 

Through my research, I found myself on a website of a clinic that offers labiaplasty surgery & came to witness a heap of images of women who had undergone the procedure. Seeing the before & after photos reminded me of a bunch of beautifully unique flowers having their petals ripped off. Each vulva before the procedure had such an incredible uniqueness that was destroyed and made to look the same as the next. It was devastating!

 

I understand that labiaplasty is indicated and sometimes necessary in cases of labia hypertrophy (Enlarged labia). This is because the size of the labia is leading to chronic urinary tract infections & painful intercourse. A study however showed that 30% of procedures were completed for aesthetical purposes alone which is devastating if you consider the post-operative recovery and inability to reverse the procedure. As well as the after effects, young women as young as 16yo making a decision to change their genitalia for aesthetical purposes is not ok considering the changes that occur in one’s psyche as they age. I look at how much I loathed my body at that age and now I love it 10 years later! In my opinion, labiaplasty should be left for these extreme cases where health is affected not purely for aesthetic purposes. 

 

Vaginal surgery

What I found to be the most tragic thing about the labiaplasty trend is the fact that personally I have an “outie” vulva like the one’s many women were changing and would not change it for the world. I love how it looks and feels, so the thought of traumatising it to fit into the category of “perfect” is awful. Through explorations into embodiment, self-love & my sexuality over the last 5 years, I have complete acceptance for my bodies uniqueness. I understand my vulva doesn’t fit into the photo shopped “norm” of vulvas but love it because of its differences (and so does my partner!!).

 

If someone like me can come to love & appreciate her vulva, then there is hope for every woman. I believe there is absolutely no need for women to resort to a medical procedure to change their bodies when there are so many other ways of finding acceptance for their vulvas just as they are.

How To Use A Urethral Dilator!

Dillating the vagina

 USING A URETHRAL DILATOR

 

This week we have had a few customers asking about dilators, personally when I was first asked the question I was stunned and did not have a clue what she meant but luckily enough I was able to jump online and do a quick lookup and thought what a perfect chance to learn something new for my review this week 🙂

After a little bit of research I have came to a conclusion that there are many ways that a dilator can be used, here are just some of the main reasons I came across on why you might need to know this information for the future

 

 Curvical cancer – brachytherapy

One of the other reasons we use dilators for are after to maintain vaginal size in the long term after menopause or cancer treatments, dilators may help women remain size enough to be able to have pain free intercourse or examinations after menopause they are also helpful on that time of the month and when a patient needs to take anti-oestrogen hormone therapies for breast cancer they are also very commonly used to prevent scarring during graft versus host syndrome after a stem cell or bone marrow transplant.

 

 Some women are born without a vagina

Something I had no idea about was that some women are born without a vagina instead they have a small like dimple that is a dead end as they begin to become teenagers they have 2 options. One option is surgery another is to use a dilator, they begin to press the dilator into the vaginal opening for about half an hour twice a day, after a few weeks they\ can begin to deepen the vagina enough to be able to have sexual intercourse with a partner, however they need to keep regular dilation or sexual intercourse in able to maintain the vaginal canal. Sometimes they’re condition can involve abnormal low hormone levels in these cases they need to use oestrogen creams to improve the stretch of the vaginal area.

 Dilator vs vibrators 

There are some people that may claim that you would get a more positive result from using a vibrator of different sizes rather than using dilators, these people believe vibrators will cause sexual excitement creating more blood flow or even just to make the process more pleasurable, Some also tell women to find something shaped more like a penis for the realistic feeling with a few different sizes or even just something she desires. Excitement usually helps to bring more blood flow which allows more oxygen to the tiny blood vessels in the vaginal area witch may also help to keep the tissue healthy. Some educators worry that using vibrators without the other parts of the program will stop women from understanding their own anatomy, including full control of the pelvic floor muscles even most vibrators that have a ridiculous amount of adjustable tips of all different sizes to fit in the vagina do not have a wide commercial range of dilators witch may reduce the women’s freedom to customize her dilation

Inserting a dilators
Dilator Insertions

Vaginismus

commonly known as penetration anxiety but Also known as pelvic floor myalgia is when some women have an intense fear of something entering their vagina. Most therapists tend to think that its a phobia genuinely triggered when a partner tried to enter their finger or penis into the vaginal entrance. A great way to overcome this is to use dilation and it will give the women a greater control over what is going into her vagina

 

 Vaginal reconstruction

After a women has experienced surgery to rebuild her vagina due to a default at birth, healthier problem in later years or after cancer treatments she may be given as customised dilator to wear for some hours of the day and also while she sleeps. It helps the reconstructed vagina keep depth and to stay as wide as possible during healing time. They are more likely to be used if the vagina was created using skin grafts. They man not be needed for reconstructions built from intestines, skin or muscle flaps.

 

Easy Dilator Use

 

Starting with a comfortable size that you can slip into your vagina with little or no discomfort make sure you don’t forget to pack on the lubricant and repeat as needed 🙂

If you are lying on your back you need to remember that your vagina slants slightly downwards in this position and do not push the dilator in at a right angle motion

Make sure you know how to contract your muscles relax them as you are inserting the dilator and then tense once the dilator has been fully inserted

– If you are experiencing sexual pleasure from your dilator you can move it side to side to produce good feelings

– Try reading or watching television if you find it hard to keep the dilator in for a few minutes at a time

– It is possible to injure yourself with improper use of your dilator after you have experienced radio therapy, surgery or graft versus host disease, be sure to consult your medical team to correctly show you the use of your dilator, it has been known that pushing or moving the dilator too roughly against fragile or scarred areas may result in further damage

 

This material is intended for informational purposes only and is never to replace professional advice or diagnosis treatments that have been dealt with by professional educators

 

If you think this might be something that your missing in head down to your closest

OH!ZONE Adult Lifestyle Centre to pick up your new silicone dilator kit one of the friendly staff will be more than happy to point you towards your perfect product 🙂