Teasing Or Torture! Which is It?

Sexual arousal

He brushes his fingers in between your thighs, a smile overcomes your face and you giggle, he lingers there just for a moment then takes it back. Your concentration should be on the road ahead of you but you glance at him in approval. Moments later he pokes your side for any random reason again you giggle and glance at him.

He slaps your thigh, and tingles are sent through your body. You lose yourself for just a moment…

Playful teasing is all about creating the tension, tension that is a turn on because he uses any excuse just to touch you.

He goes in for a kiss you stand there and lightly embrace it for just a moment, then pull away. Smile at him in an oh so ever cheeky way and linger for a moment looking at him until he grabs you again and pulls you in. let him kiss you again, but change it up take control slightly and bite his lip just a little, then pull away again.

He will be bewildered, inside he will want you more than ever, show him that cheeky side and leave that lasting impression that nothing is ever as easy as it seems.

Sexual affection quote
Image: Sexual affection and torture

Tension is the feeling of being pulled towards someone, but it is also experiencing resistance. You have a sexual desire to be with each other but delaying it can be the most exhilarating way to build the tension and end result.

The art of teasing is to give just a little and then take it away, and always leave them wanting more. It may be surprising to some but women are mostly in their heads. By penetrating her mind and thoughts you can begin to make an effect on her.

Tension is a thing that starts in the mind and spreads through the body.

The benefits of flirting

Flirting makes us feel good, and when we feel good we want to continue to feel this way. Butterflies give that spark to a relationship and nothing makes butterflies stronger than with sexual tension and teasing. That anticipation can sometimes be more exciting and fulfilling than the actual act itself.

Sexual domination quote
Image: Claim whats yours

What can playful teasing involve?

There are many aspects to playful teasing and can include:

  • Play fighting
  • Thumb wrestling
  • Tickling
  • Ass spanking
  • Hair pulling
  • Nipple squeezing
  • Humiliation
  • Bantering

Anything can be teasing as long as it’s in a light-hearted manner.

What does playful teasing say about you?

Teasing sends all the right messages; age is irrelevant it will always turn women and men on.  Through the art of teasing you are subtly letting the person know a few things:

  • You like them
  • You find them attractive
  • You are interested sexually
  • You are confident
  • You are comfortable with them
  • You are fun to be with
  • You see this person as your equal.

These are powerful abilities to have because the power of attraction is always linked to the power of mystery and what’s coming next. You can practice your playful teasing skills on a date!

Sexual tension is the most powerful tool in your arsenal.

If you want your man to be obsessed with and constantly thinking about you, sexual tension is the most powerful tool you can use. Even if you’re not completely confident in bursting out into wales of erotic flirting, subtle hints and messages also work with no issues and more mystery. A sneaky text message or whisper into his ear stating “I hope you behave yourself tonight” leaves everything up to the imagination. Allowing his mind to wonder and fill in all the possibilities of what “behaving” he and you will be doing.

Naughty girl quote
Image: Good girls naughty side

Physically teasing him is giving him almost what he wants. Pull him close, almost kiss him and linger at his lips then back away and give a little cheeky giggle or smile. Brush past him and either touch him gently somewhere intimate like the neck, ear, butt, inner thigh and when he reacts act like you didn’t do anything, say a cheeky “what?”.

Eye contact is always the subtlest way to build the allure of sexual tension. Being able to make eye contact is powerful especially when your facial expressions match your desire for him or if you quietly whisper something sexual just enough for him to do a double take.

Let it build, slow and steady wins the race

Not to mention the pure act of teasing your man is also working on you as well and the desire becomes even more heated, and eventually, when you do break well you get the picture….

Go ahead… release that sexual tension. You can even playfully tease your partner with sex toys.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Bad Boys Vs Good Men

Bad boys vs good men

Disaster is your middle name when it comes to relationships and your romantic passions often end exactly that way. Time and time again you ask yourself why these “attractions of deprivation” feel just like true love. We don’t get taught about the ways which love can hurt us, only that it is a beautiful and life-altering mystery to find. Our gifts are exactly just that, our most profound intimate gifts, but in the wrong hands they are our greatest downfall, but with every heartbreak comes a silver lining.

There is always that one type, you know that kind that stops you dead in your tracks, the type that makes your heart skip a beat and the type that makes you do and say the silliest things. You are literally “weak at the knees” they trigger our insecurities but yet we long for them, how does this happen?

Unresolved issues from childhood and adolescence

We often have unresolved hurts that began in our childhood or teenage years whatever form they manifest be it betrayal, hurt, or abuse. Unconsciously our mind seeks to heal from these traumas in the manipulation of our intimate partners. We are attracted to people who can wound us in the same way but then our consciousness tries to “fix it” by changing the outcome of the original event; this means we can finally break free of our feelings of unworthiness and distrust.

The myth of lost love

Deep in our core of being is a craving for healing, and the answer to this healing is our “myth of lost love” each of us steps out into the world of the unknown. These experiences we face feel like deep loss and betrayal because everything we read and was told as an infant was that love was miraculous, enchanted and profound. Instead, we create this “myth of lost love” to explain why our hurt occurred. Like any powerful myth, our myth of lost love shapes how we come to understand our life, and within that how our love works. There are two aspects to this myth one being it articulates how the world is unsafe, and what we should do about that, and it helps us to create our own walls and barriers in order for us to protect ourselves. The second part is more destructive in its ways and teaches us to hurt ourselves before someone hurts us, in the way of feeling as though it’s always our fault, or that we are unlovable or unworthy of love.

We become our most vulnerable, needy self and our rebellious qualities tell us that we are to blame for our loss of love. Most of us will stubbornly remain loyal to these ideologies, even when we find someone who awakens the unconscious memory of lost love.

The most heartbreaking yet hopeful part is that those qualities we are ashamed of are the ones that can best attract the love we need.

These are our core gifts.

If wise meant easy then we would all be hopelessly and zealously in love. But instead, wilding compelling is what attractions of deprivation can be described as. Our core gifts are not like talents or strengths they are instead our areas of deepest sensitivity and feeling and are a part of our most passionate, creative and loving self. Like most gifts, people take advantage of them and the intensity of them can make us behave irrationally. Our gifts are empowering but we need to recognise how to use them correctly then we can truly understand the deep storyline of our lives.

Fear of abandonment in relationships

Fear of abandonment is one of humanity’s greatest fears, but we keep falling for these types of people who attract deprivation because on some level winning our partner’s love, approval or care is our greatest need. The relationship triggers a sense of neediness and longing that robs our sense of balance and leaves us to feel inadequate, so much pain is caused and we thrive on it. Like with gambling every small reward is intensified and these are the most sneaky and seductive attractions we can come across, the thrill of the chase. It is very similar to what happens in love addiction.

  • Have you ever been irrational about someone who wasn’t available, or wasn’t good for you?
  • Have you ever devoted way too much time trying to teach someone to treat you right?
  • Have you ever felt anxious for the affection of someone who sometimes treated you wonderfully, and other times badly?
Addicted to trying to fix people
Image: Fear Of Abandonment

The great secret to finding love

We need to change these attractions for our own mental and physical health; the great secret to finding love lies in choosing only attractions of inspiration. It is so insightfully simple yet some of us take decades to get to this point if at all.

There is a warmth and easiness in these relationships, but the trick is accepting our partner’s care and not trying to win it. In a relationship, a partner should challenge us to be better, but ultimately they love us for who we are. These attractions are fuelled by a real sense of well-being, and the attractions often unfold slowly and get wealthier as time goes on. These relationships take work but make us feel love, not desperation, they are the type of love to build your life around and are the ones that deserve our greatest gifts and most intimate self.

Without attractions of inspiration, all love will weaken and revert to a smaller defensive and wounded version of us. We resemble that of elastic bands; we shrink to a small and comfortable size unless we are held to superior development by powers outside ourselves. Such as a relationship of inspiration this is where we can magnify to a size we never thought was possible, but with everything, there are rules to adhere too.

Questions you need to ask yourself:

  • Are you motivated by your partner’s (mostly) consistent care and approval?
  • Are you motivated by your partner’s goodness and graciousness?
  • Is your love powered by admiration for the kind of person your partner is?
  • Are you and your partner willing to do the hard work of soothing the relationship’s areas of limitation?

This is the kind of love that can sustain a future, treasure it, and celebrate it. This is your attraction of inspiration.

The most important part to all of this is that most of us are actually hardwired to desire people who can inspire us, value us and are available. We can be deeply attracted to inspiring relationships, not just negative ones. Or at least on some level we can choose the healthier love, but as with everything beautiful and inspiring they can come with their own unique challenges.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

The True Expectations Of Love!

Couple in love

Love is a variety of different emotional and mental states that range from the deepest interpersonal affection to a simple pleasure. Being loved and appreciated brings that feeling of being someone special. In a checklist of life, it stands out to be a significant checkpoint for some people, an important milestone, in order to have a blissful and successful life.

When we look around we have a feeling that everyone is being loved by everyone and we wish to have what everyone else especially when it comes to love. We see in different forms of media, couples in relationships exchanging words like “I love you sweetheart”, “I love you honey”, “I love you baby” and other similar phrases. We feel we are supposed to have that love and that love will surely make us cheerful. But does it?

If a husband forgets his wife’s birthday she starts thinking his love has diminished. If he doesn’t pay attention to her hairdo or doesn’t compliment her new attire, she nurtures doubts about his love for her. If a wife has a long conversation on phone with an office colleague horizontal lines appear on a husband’s forehead. Her omnipresence on social sites may have an adverse impression on his mind.  The words:

“He loves me, he loves me not.”

“She loves me, she loves me not.”

These words are a constant turmoil going on in the mind.

The Signs Of Love Is Not A Check Point Or A Tick Box

Thus love changes form and becomes a check point or a tick box that must be ticked if all is well or crossed out if it deviates from the trajectory. If love becomes a checkpoint, then it becomes a commodity, a thing to be bought in a mall, a possession and a status symbol.  When it is treated like a commodity, it becomes deceitful. So much so, people start expecting in return authentic love, unconditional love, pure and unadulterated love. Just like interest on the fixed deposits in the bank, dividends on shares and statutory bonus on a yearly salary.

This, then is not an honest transaction. People approach love like they are buying a smartphone. It must have three years warranty, unbreakable glass, latest operating system, dual camera, headphone socket and countless built-in memory. And oh, it should work trouble free! Ultimately seekers of such unconditional love become sad. Waking up each day, tearful and sobbing, not knowing or understanding why nobody has stuck around.

Love is not a checkpoint. It is not a checkbox. People are not objects. Neither are they commodities. People are living beings. They have flesh, blood, a heart and a mind. Treating them as merchandise certainly kills the desire, the wish, and the expectations of real love.

Couple looking to the future
Image: Loving couple

What Is True And Real Love?

Real love is a labor. A pledge, an effort, and a commitment. The same way as we do our job. Do we stick our business card on our forehead to announce who we are, just to tell people our title and designation? No.  Love is not a showpiece either. It is an investment made day by day.  Every day deeply caring for the other person. That is why love is hard to get. Good people cannot be chosen like it is done in a game of musical chairs. Good people are the privilege to have on your list. Treat them with respect. Reciprocate their feelings.

We reap as we sow, we get what we give and that includes treating other people honestly, with poise and esteem that we wish back in return.

What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.

This is what Don Juan had said.

Adultsmart’s blog is proud to announce the newest expert Dr. Satish Bendigiri to our blogging team.

Dr. Bendigiri holds a Ph.D , MBA, M.Com, B.Com, DPM and has corporate experience relating to human resources and public relations. He was a Director at Deogiri Institute of Technology and Management Studies, Aurangabad of Maharashtra State, and was also a Professor at Bharati Vidyapeeth Deemed University, Pune. He currently works as a freelance consultant. He writes passionately about love, marriage and growing together.

Clues And Warning Signs Of Psychopathic Seduction

Psychopathic relationship

Your deepest sexual desires are mirrored, that’s why it felt so passionate and flawless, like you were both in sync when together. The flow was limitless and fluid, they knew the exact places to touch, what to say and when to do the right things the compatibility was perfection.

Or so you think…

After you felt empty, fulfilled sexually but not emotionally, you kind of lay there lifeless for a moment stuck in your own thoughts during all the identity erosion there was no emotion.

You misunderstood the passion as emotion, why?

Because those most intimate fantasies you thought you shared were actually just grooming and observing, tailoring their behaviour to match yours. You were at your most vulnerable but they sat, watched and learnt; they never matched you in the spiritual pleasure you felt.

Their sexual approval and flattery becomes needed in such a way you feel desperate as that’s the only way you feel attractive. You become a target in which they control. They use their pull on you to make you feel desperate, needy and slutty. In the beginning, they couldn’t get enough of you but once you’re hooked the mind games start to play out, sex is withheld, making it a privilege that they hold.

Fundamentally, it is false that psychopaths make good lovers, generally they have low impulse control and are very promiscuous.  In the beginning, he is hyper sexualised with you, the “chase” and “conquest” excites him; you are merely a novelty. You drew him in though, the aura of your romance was seductive to him, and he couldn’t keep his hands from embracing your body, anywhere and everywhere. Control is vital in every aspect, how you dress, what you do, what you say, whether you wear makeup or not, to dress in a provocative manner, to practically cover yourself from head to toe, to humble them and satisfy their desire for indiscretion.

Your pleasure is their power.

Why do people have insecure attachment styles?

Recent studies into psychopaths have enlightened us to the fact that when women have “insecure attachment styles” it is often that they find themselves falling for the empty emotional core of the psychopath. This is instead of facing their fears of intimacy, and on top of that they are persistently dissatisfied with vaginal sex, they may have more anal sex and achieve orgasms through the use of vibrators. Research has shown that genitals are not the only part of the body sufficient for orgasm, without emotional fulfilment and a mental state of secure attachment there isn’t a sufficient depth for the ability to orgasm without sexual health aids.

Those of us with insecure attachment styles are anxious about intimacy, and thus avoid real closeness. A surface style relationship is more appealing than one of substance and depth. Women who fear intimacy or those who are avoidant, anxious or fear abandonment are stuck in a catch-22 situation, but becoming anxious is far less terrifying than the fear of actually becoming close to someone and allowing them the possibility to abandon them later on.

There is a genetic factor that contributes to insecure attachment styles where there is an alteration in the serotonin – receptor gene. But this isn’t always the full story and if it were to be a blanket reason for every self-depriving and self-destructive person they would have their fate there and then. More defines your insecure attachment style with how often you have an orgasm, your childhood, friends, social interactions all influence into this.

Image: Psychopathic lover

You may question why all this matters? And how can you obliterate all the years of your insecure attachment patterns?

To put it rather bluntly you need to stop dating men who cannot appreciate how you feel, and who you are. There is a land that psychopaths live in and that is in the realm of fantasy, there is no concept of standing by you during difficult times or even being compassionate towards your needs, and the only time he is close is when you are satisfying his immediate needs.

There is a brain-based method called spreading of alternatives this is where an individual evaluates the chosen alternative in a more positive manner and the rejected alternative more negatively; you need to start having vaginal orgasms rather than only anal and vibrator ones. There is a detachment you experience with anal and vibrator orgasms and you need to allow yourself to feel the full intimacy and vulnerability that comes with a vaginal orgasm.

How do you stop the cycle of insecure attachment patterns?

You have two alternatives to stopping this vicious cycle of endless surface relationships. Number one is by not changing, and being in the empty relationship without real intimacy or vaginal orgasms. Number two is to face your fear of intimacy and move on to someone and something more fulfilling, because your brain is so accustomed to your insecure attachment style it cannot make a distinction between the two, and so it simply regresses to what you already know every time.  Making a list of why staying away from intimacy is harmful to you is always a visual help, it may cause your anxiety to be heightened but only due to the fact you are conquering your deepest fears head on.

Ideas are not set in stone. When exposed to thoughtful people, they morph and adapt into their most potent form.

Ironically psychopaths are lovers who cannot love, this isn’t always obvious at first when the psychopath becomes infatuated with you and is pursuing you intensely, but becomes agonisingly apparent over time. If you don’t become numb to the mistreatment or stay in the realm of denial you come to the realisation that everything that is important and vital in a relationship is missing, just when you thought you had it all.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Redefining The Spirituality Of Love

Couple sending love messages

Recently, there was this video doing the rounds on various websites where a couple was engrossed in sending love messages on their mobile, across a dining table in a restaurant over a dinner date. The commentator was of the opinion that the technology was putting face to face conversation on the back burner and the mobile was being loved more than the living human being who forms the very core of the thing called love. This, he said was something called “distance love”. Now, the mobile has become an intermediary between two human beings who seek love. Could this device provide warmth of a loving soul, a touch filled with empathy, a hug of assurance and comfort, or the feeling of oneness when two hearts and bodies are joined together? Can it express humanly emotions of pure love?

It was almost sixty years ago in 1950 that David Reisman had written his book Lonely Crowd about this disintegration of face to face communities. It denoted the decay of social life and the feeling of insecurity amongt people. Juxtapose this against Indian tradition of the love between two people, for the people and for the community. Love of Radha and Krishna whose soul stirring narratives makes the reader experience how this love was sublime and cosmological. These love stories have an essence of spirituality in them.

Love has many shades. (Now, please do not mix this up with Fifty Shades Of Grey!).  These shades spread a pure joy.

The Divinity And Spirituality Of Love

There is a devotional love for Krishna by Meera. Love for Krishna goes beyond soul searching.  Meera sacrificed all princely comfort to come to Vrindavan from Rajasthan in search of Krishna. Vallabhacharya, an intellectual philosopher who introduced Adwaita – (non dualism) philosophy, came to Vrindavan from Andhra for the love of Krishna. Surdas, a blind poet came to Vrindavan to immerse in divine longings. Haridas, a renowned Dhrupad singer made Vrindavan his abode for the love of Krishna.

It was in 1570 that Mughal King Akbar listened to a song by Haridas and felt deep spiritual vibrations. Haridas was a Guru of Tansen, one of the nine gems in the court of Akbar.  Then came Chaitanya, walking on his barefoot from Orissa , and he saw Krishna, body and soul and he was prostrate on the ground, tears flowing down his cheeks. He built temples there.

What Is The True Meaning Of Love?

The majority of people misunderstand the concept of love. The globalization of the Hindi film industry has literally made these three words “I love you” carry a sensual tone almost filled with lust. The word love, is interpreted as the symbiotic relationship between nature and the divine power that creates the inner emotional self which in turn pours out love.

Divine love quote
Image: Worldly love

The Different Types Of Love

There is a reverential love for a mentor by a mentee, a self-fulfilling love for a role model, togetherness that comes from the love for friends, duty-filled love for one’s own family, and that strong pull of love between two which is karmic love. Most of us have experienced these shades but few of us understand the true meaning of love. There is another shade called self-less love which is unconditional.

Yes, a person can reach the level of God if he/she indeed understands the true meaning of love. Mother Teresa reached sainthood because of her unconditional love for the downtrodden. Australian cricketer Steve Waugh met Mother Teresa and was filled with love for the downtrodden children. He set up a charity foundation to help them.

Such is the soul-filled tune of true love.

Adultsmart’s blog is proud to announce the newest expert Dr. Satish Bendigiri to our blogging team.

Dr. Bendigiri holds a Ph.D , MBA, M.Com, B.Com, DPM and has corporate experience relating to human resources and public relations. He was a Director at Deogiri Institute of Technology and Management Studies, Aurangabad of Maharashtra State, and was also a Professor at Bharati Vidyapeeth Deemed University, Pune. He currently works as a freelance consultant. He writes passionately about love, marriage and growing together.