14 Secrets Behind Why Guy’s Buy You Drinks

A guy buying drinks

Is it a thoughtful gesture or a golden ticket to his bed?

The age old question is:

“What does it mean when a guy buys you a drink in a bar?”

I have always wondered what the exact motive is other than the standard answer of “being a gentleman” because we all know most have a hidden agenda, there is however always an exception to the rule, but mostly just the rule.

Basically to put it bluntly any man who is offering to buy you a drink or actually is buying you a drink wants something. That something depends on the guy and the situation but by accepting that drink you are unofficially accepting the idea of entering into his request. Now that request could be a general conversation, or it could be that golden ticket to take you home.  Nothing in life is free, and expectations are always bought up in one way or another.

From working in a bar, and being in that “bar lifestyle” I have been witness to many amusing events as to reactions and end results of guys buying girls drinks.

And let me tell you there is no age limit on this…

From the information I have researched and also from what I have asked my male friends the agenda seems to be indirectly the same. Maybe this is because unlike men, women read deeply into things, and over think situations and it’s not always, as it seems.

Most guys first response when you ask is usually just for conversation or to be a nice guy, but is that just what you want to hear or what they actually want?

Being a female myself I have been witness too and experienced myself the magnitude in which guys offer to buy drinks for girls. I have never entered into this maybe because of all that I have witnessed or maybe because I wasn’t interested in what they were offering, who knows. What I do know is that I have in fact bought guys drinks if they promise to leave me alone for the rest of the night… it works mostly…

So here we get down to the nitty gritty, if one drink means one conversation what does two drinks mean? And so on? When you allow a guy to buy you a drink the polite thing to do is to let them speak to you and have a general conversation while drinking said drink. If you are “one of those girls” you will take the drink off the bar as soon as it’s placed and disappear like a ninja with drink in hand! You then spend the rest of the night ducking from the poor lost soul who purchased that drink for you.

Homer Simpson going into a bush
Image: Simpson Meme

If a man buys you a second drink, you are basically telling him you enjoy his company enough to stick around for another in-depth chat but when does this turn in to a golden ticket to his bed? This debate is never ending and I guess it depends on the person and how much “liquid courage” has been consumed from both parties prior to this investment.

Because men and women are made different there is some obvious differences in thoughts as to what buying a drink means. One blogger by the name of Big_Knows_Best surveyed 20 guys in a local bar and documented their responses, the responses are beyond hilarious.

From the start of the night to the end there is a major shift in responses for added humour she has also added in her own commentary.

Here are a few just for your enjoyment:

“Conversation”

This was the most common answer at the beginning of the night. Cool, man. You’re a great guy or whatever. Boring. I’ll check back with you after a few more shots. Maybe he will use a pick-up line that will work!

“Sex”

Really? For just one drink? I guess this works on the girls whose drinks aren’t usually purchased for them. Best of luck in your safari for girls with low self-esteem, sir.

Conversation that will lead to sex

Now, we are getting somewhere.

“When you buy a shot, you’re trying to close the deal. If you buy a beer you’re just trying to extend the conversation”

A method. I like it

“One drink? Conversation. Two? Get a little personal. Three? I better be walking out the door with you”

Basic concept of investment and return. I see you. What about four?

“One drink, like 5 minutes of your time. Two drinks, front door. Three drinks, back door”

Well, that escalated quickly.

“For her to drink it”

*Eye roll* You’re useless.

“At least a dance floor make out and finger bang”

Oh yeah, at LEAST a public finger bang. I see how a $3 beverage warrants that.

“I’ll buy you a drink and show you!”

Clever, Casanova.

But seriously what does it mean! I have a few options for you:

  1. He thinks you can’t afford your own drink, so he wants to be nice! It’s an expensive world out there!
  2. He wants to show you he is a nice guy, and maybe strike up a conversation with you.
  3. He is letting you know he is interested!
  4. He thinks you’re stunning! And he is just showing you some appreciation.
  5. He is hoping you will go home with him to privately show off your sexy lingerie that’s underneath! Well hello mister sleazy!

Now apart from accepting the drink there is also another side to this!

What do you do when you don’t want the drink? Awkward!

Tv Show Drinking Meme
Image: Funny Drink Meme

This is a completely viable option; I found most guys don’t take “No thank you” as an option so I had to get a little creative. Buying that guy a drink instead and asking him to promise to leave you alone for the rest of the night usually works. Not because he took the bribe, but because you basically embarrassed him and his masculinity – you know these days you have just to keep them on their toes!

But no joke it’s easy! By saying no thank you, or something along the lines of “I have already had enough tonight, but thanks” or “I already have a drink, but thanks” work perfectly fine too.

On a safety note as a general rule you shouldn’t really accept drinks from strangers, basically from a young age we are taught to not take candy from a stranger… I feel the same rule applies!

Happy drinking!

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

 

 

 

 

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Dr. Stacy, I’m Happily Married With Children But Am I Gay?

Gay curious man who is happily married

This week Dr. Stacy Friedman a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach has partnered up with the sexual wellness store Adultsmart to answer some of your deepest and most intimate anonymous questions which were emailed in to askasexologist@gmail.com.

Question

I have been married over 30 years and I am a 58 year old male. My upbringing was staunch catholic and prior to meeting my wife I had 3 very clumsy sexual encounters with girls. Growing up I was always more comfortable around boys, particularly my best friend (I will call him Ray) whom I had feeling for but never acted on them. After I got married, we had kids.  I was happy with my wife’s companionship but always used to dream what it would have been like to be with Ray. Our kids have now grown up and we are empty nesters now but I feel there is something missing – I find myself looking more at other men and wondering what it would be like to have a relationship with another man. I have told no one but my wife knows there is something wrong and troubling me. I feel guilty and wonder whether my whole life has been led as a lie. Am I gay? Should I act on my desires and find out?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

This kind of soul searching and defining your orientation cannot be completely answered by responding to one question but I can say this… Having an affair and acting on your desires to find out how you feel about being with men can have damaging affects on your current relationship and may not be the best action to take.  I do understand that since you haven’t been with a man before you may want to act on it to see if it is something that you are truly interested in so it is a tricky situation to be in.

Many times having a religious upbringing can keep people from truly being able to explore their sexuality as they grow up for fear of judgment or what your religious beliefs may tell you but the fact that you have always had a feeling for your friend Ray, may shed some light as to who you prefer and have truly desired to spend your intimate and emotional time with.  Being gay isn’t just being physically attracted to someone of the same sex but can involve being with someone that you truly want to connect and be close to on an emotional level.  Sexuality is fluid so you can be attracted to both men and women but desire a relationship with just one gender.

Man who is sexually fluid
Image: Sexually Fluid

As you get older you start to blossom into who you are meant to be because you have lived your life as to what society has told you is acceptable and you get to a stage where you just want to be happy.  I am sure you love your wife but you should never feel guilty for something that you are not doing on purpose.  It is not your “fault” who you are attracted to or desire to be with and being attracted or interested in another man may just be who you are and what your needs are.  Don’t look back at your life as being a lie because you may not have known the full truth until now.

I can’t answer the question “Are you gay?“, as that is something that only you can truly know.  I can say that you may want to discuss this with your wife if you feel you have an open line of communication and express your concern. You can mention this to her since she already knows something is troubling you and maybe you can work this out together to do what is right for the both of you.  Don’t forget if you feel that you have been living your life as a lie and feel that you desire to be in a relationship with a man or unsure where you stand with your wife, it is only fair to her to let her know how you feel or to allow her to be with someone who truly wants to be there with her.  If you need extra coaching or counseling through your soul searching, please let me know if you would like to have a phone or video session so I can help guide you through your discovery.

Best wishes,

Dr. Stacy

Would You Like To Ask Dr. Stacy Friedman Your Own Question?

If you have an sexual lifestyle, wellness and health issue or question that you have always wanted to know about be sure to send through an anonymous email to askasexologist@gmail.com. Dr. Stacy Friedman may answer your question in an article that will be published anonymously on Adultsmart’s Blog!

Would you like free professional advice from a Clinical Sexologist & Certified Sex Coach? Dr. Stacy Friedman may answer your question for FREE in a featured article on Adultsmart’s Blog! If you would like to send in a question please email askasexologist@gmail.com.

Why Stay In An Abusive Relationship?

Addictive Abuse

Because being someone’s everything is intoxicating stuff;

We use doctor Google for everything! Need to check your flu symptoms – Google, what is that rash? Google, where did I come from? Google, relationship advice – Google, does my headache mean I’ve got 48 hours left to live? Google, what’s the best sex toy shop in the world – Google!

We Google everything! And how ironic that this blog is probably also on Google! But please be careful not to jump to conclusions based on a list, they are a good tool for a range of reasons but not the be all and end all of life.

Why Do People Stay In Abusive Relationships?

I myself have googled countless times as to why the flop I stayed in an abusive and controlling relationship, and how that relates to my intimate relationships. Do you know what no matter how deep I’ve gone into Google, I mean in the depths of the black hole that is the Internet and have not found the answers I was looking for?

Why would anyone stay in a relationship with someone who puts him or her down, controls him or her and possibly even physically abuses him or her? Why would anyone hold down 2 jobs to keep the rent paid, food on the table, bills paid, all while their partner stays home all day with the wrong company, and goes out at night leaving you home alone. Why would someone allow themselves to be emotionally blackmailed by threats if they try to leave or try to stop the things that are hurting them?

There are no easy answers, and truth is you may never know exactly why you stayed, it is often a tangled and consuming web of complicated reasons and answers. You keep wondering to yourself why an earth you stayed with someone who kept hurting you, who kept promising you the world only to fall through every time. Someone who promised to do better, someone who kept breaking your heart but then would tell you they loved you.

Pinocchio's long nose
Image: Pinocchio

It was only last night at our Christmas party that I thought about what I was going to write about this week while drinking a vodka coke and eating popcorn at a pub in Haymarket, thinking to myself wow I haven’t been out in about 3 years! I also had another thought that controlling relationships are kind of like popcorn… popcorn is sweet but savoury, coated in butter and salt, chocolate or whatever you can think of; but every so often the kernel doesn’t puff out to a fluffy piece of popped corn.

Sometimes it is only half popped and still has a hard kernel that hurts your teeth when you bite into it, sometimes it hasn’t popped at all and when you grab a handful of fluffy popcorn a un-popped kernel hurts you- but you keep going back for more! Much like a controlling and abusive relationship, you keep going back because of those fluffy good mouth watering times that make you forget about all the bad ones.

So many people asked me why I stayed in such a horrible relationship, so many people told me to leave and get out each and every time they saw my body covered in bruises, cigarette burns and cut marks. The look I got from my friends when I received a phone call while I was out with them and they could hear him screaming at me over the phone. All I could do was put my head down and stay quiet. I can’t explain to you why he had such a control on me or why I let it happen, I can’t tell you why I was so scared to leave other then I thought I would get hurt more leaving rather than just staying.

Boyfriend relationship advice
Image: Relationship help from girlfriends

What It Feels Like To Leave An Abusive Relationship

What I can tell you is when I decided I could leave it was the best and most difficult decision I had ever made. It was like this clamp on my chest had been released and I could finally breathe by myself again, the day I actually left was exactly how I thought it would be. Screaming, yelling, non-stop phone calls and even him parking his car out the front of my parents place yelling out to me, saying he was sorry, saying he wanted to marry me, telling me things would change; he would change.

How His Abusive Behaviour Impacted Me

For a long time I would play down how bad things really were, I would make excuses for his abusive and domestic violent behaviour, give myself reasons why I should stay and give him another chance. At the start I would tell him exactly where I was going or what I was doing, in the end I just wouldn’t go out because going out with friends or to TAFE meant 1000 phone calls and abusive messages, to the point where even going home caused problems because he couldn’t control what I was doing or who I was talking to.

Man apologising to girlfriend
Image: Boyfriend apologising to girlfriend

It wasn’t always like this. He was charming, attentive, thoughtful and caring at the start. When we watched movies together he would hold me or play with my hair, we had barbeques at his, he would always smile at me no matter who was there, he would message me good morning and good night and ask me how my day was going. At the start arguments were over jealously, to be honest it was kind of sweet because I thought wow he really is interested in me! Turns out that was just the beginning of the control.

After a while I felt like I didn’t deserve anyone better and that he was the best I was going to get. I didn’t grow up in that environment so I can’t blame it on what I had grown up with, I can’t blame it on my parents or my schooling, I have no idea why I thought this behaviour was ok. This was my first serious relationship, this was my first relationship that had lasted longer than 2 months, maybe because a year previous to this I had been assaulted by an unknown man who thought it was ok to do so, or maybe because I had always been under confident. I did always agree in theory that women deserve to be treated well, with respect, love and care. I have always been submissive, and I’d rather apologise than cause a fight, I do everything for everyone and normally that means I get taken advantage of.

I kept thinking to myself if I do the right thing he will love me, if I look skinny he will want me and that if I do as I’m told he will love me. Truth is no one can make someone change unless they want to change; no one can make someone be something unless they want it and no one can make someone love them unless they want to. When I stepped back and thought about all the reasons why I thought maybe it was because I was more afraid of being alone than in a painful relationship, maybe just having someone to talk to and cuddle up to at night was better than being alone.

I Know That I DO Deserve Better

I have tried oh so hard to not fall into that kind of relationship again but truth is it’s hard! I constantly second guess myself, and allow certain behaviours for the fear of a fight. I don’t know if it’s because of my experiences and that my confidence has grown or that I am just learning but I have started to speak up for myself and know that I DO deserve better! I deserve to be comfortable with him and not fear him or flinch when someone comes to close to me, I deserve to be loved and be open with my life and experiences and I deserve respect. Intimacy is built on trust and respect and without that how can we grow and explore and experience all the good things in life.

We can’t be afraid;

Morgan x

Semi-colon mental health meaning
Image: Semi-colon Period

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Christmas. Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff!

A perfect Christmas Romance

Tis the season! Christmas trees, presents, Santa, reindeer, love and family. The mood just screams joy and love! The hopeless romantic in all of us comes out to cuddle up and spend a romantic night in on Christmas Eve then shows up for a family day on the big day itself!

And well since romantic movies always depict real life! It’s the time of year when all your romantic dreams will come true! And obviously Christmas means you tell the truth! Even if it is coached on by drinking a little too much eggnog or in Australia a little too much beer, wine and spirits (all in true Christmas spirit of course) where you send that risky text, grab the closest living breathing person next to you, or take your boom box and confess your love to your special someone at their front door! (Or in this day in age a video/photo of yourself and post it to Facebook/Instagram with those oh so subtle hash tags #lover #oneday #newyearnewme)

Christmas also brings the very popular secret Santa’s gift with vibrators and sex toys, those pesky little gifts defined by the categories of thoughtful or funny bound within the limitations of monetary value. At Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres, we get pumped by people wanting the funny side of life with these gifts! But the question I do wonder is how many of these “funny” gifts actually get used (I’m thinking a lot more than the gift givers actually think; we are all curious creatures at the end of the day).

The Dreams Of A Christmas Romance

What all the people in these Christmas movies do have in common is the fact that they all find their special someone, they instantly fall head over heels in love and what’s even better is that they are never rejected. As wonderful and cheerful as these Christmas movies are, the false hope they give and the oh so high expectations are a force to be reckoned with! I mean love actually tells us that no matter what or who we are, love will always win on Christmas. Although some tactics shouldn’t be mimicked, they are frowned upon in many relationships.

Funny Grinch Meme
Image: Grinch Meme
The Grinch's romance with Martha May
Image: Grinch And Martha May

It’s the holiday where women all over the world think that on Christmas someone will fall in love with you in a fortnight and travel across the world to spend the New Year with you. And then there is my favourite movie, the Grinch where the odd guys truly do get the girls! When finally the Grinch gets his long life crush Martha May choosing him over the mayor- giving us all hope that the underdog always wins or the strange one…

If this all somehow encourages us to be a pinch bolder at Christmas, is that really a bad thing? It’s like a light bulb goes off in everyone’s mind that has even an itty bitty romantic bone inside their body. All those hopes of their romantic daydreams come to real life and that someone declares their love for them.

Back To Reality… What Really Happens During Christmas

Christmas is actually a very stressful time of year, especially for new couples! There is that awkward moment when you think do I invite him or her to my family event? Is it too soon? Am I coming on too strong? Will my family embarrass me?

Then there is the gift situation… How much do I spend? What do I get? What if they don’t like it? What if they get me something I don’t like?

We need to stop sweating the small stuff! We spend too much time and effort focusing on the material elements and not enough on the values of love. We need to refocus our high expectations into small acts of kindness, why do we need something big and over the top that we can post on social media to make our friends jealous. Why can’t we be subtle and sexy? Gift massage oils for Christmas and give your special someone a massage, enjoy a romantic dinner ending with you being the desert, use a sneaky remote controlled vibrator to tease your partner while you’re out or just to use in private.

Couple with Christmas presents
Image: Happy couples exchanging Christmas presents

Show your loved one you care and you are thinking of them! Put your loved one first on Christmas, decide where you are going to spend the big day and when you are going to see the extended family.

Go on… buy them that naughty little gift to show them you want them!

And Did I Just Hear You Thinking… But What If I’m Single?

This doesn’t mean you don’t get to celebrate just because you’re single! Focus on your family, it’s a perfect time to catch up with extended family and enjoy each other’s company. Friends are family too, organise a dinner, lunch breakfast or even just drinks and a BBQ. Mingle with other singles, say yes to that BBQ your friend is hosting, you never know you might meet some pretty amazing people and have a good time.

And last but not least indulge yourself!  Just because you don’t have someone to buy you a gift doesn’t mean you can’t buy one for yourself! Spoil yourself this Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Coming To Terms With Being Gay & Fat!

fat and sexy

I was about 15 years old when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay. It was a long time before I became comfortable with my sexuality and decided to pursue anything, and when I finally did, I realized that dating wasn’t really an easy thing to do. Not for me that is.

What It’s Like Being A Chubby Gay

You see, I have always been a bigger guy and it got worse after I left school. I realised that, while yes, the gay community waved the banner of pride and inclusivity, it wasn’t always something that they actually practiced. By the time I went into the dating scene it was a world of applications and I decided to get Grindr on my phone. I added all the criteria to my profile that it needed:

  • A photo of myself – done.
  • About me – done.
  • What I was looking for – done.
  • What I was into – done.

Then it came to my information section. I filled in my location and my height but I paused on my weight. I thought about it and I decided to leave that part out. I activated my profile and started to look through all the different profiles. I looked at all the cute guys and their interests. I decided to say howdy to a few of them.

“Hey, hey. How’s it going? 😊”

This was my usual greeting. I honestly was not sure how I should start a conversation. I’d never done this before.

I said hello to a few different guys, left it at that and went about my daily business. A few hours later I jumped back on and there were no responses. Okay, maybe they’re all just busy. I decided to explore the app and check out the features. I then came across the section where you could see which people that had viewed your profile and went into it. Every guy that I had messaged checked out my profile but they didn’t even bother to respond. It didn’t feel good, but I decided not to dwell on it and went about my own business. I jumped on a few times and got the same response, so I decided to not bother and deleted the app. I felt deflated and kept off it for ages after that.

I Found Alternative Gay Dating Applications

Then soon after, a few more other apps came out that were marketed towards a more diverse market and so I decided to give them a try. The two that I tried were ‘Scruff’ and ‘Growlr’. They claimed to be for the bear and alternative gay groups. These were a little better received and so I decided to keep these apps. At least a very few guys actually answered me when I messaged them.

I also came across two apps called ‘Grommr’ and ‘Bigger City’, they were marketed for the chubbier gay community. Perfect I thought. I created a profile and perused a few different profiles. There were actually smaller guys looking for chubby guys! This was perfect! Or so I thought. I chatted to a few guys and I even hit it off with a guy. Yay! We went on a few dates and got to know each other. Then, he confessed something to me.

He wanted to be with a guy and make him bigger.

My warning bells went off. I certainly didn’t enjoy being bigger and I always tried to lose weight. Was it something I was willing to do to be with someone? Was I willing to compromise myself and my values just to be with someone? I thought about what he had said and what I wanted, and then decided it wasn’t something I was willing to do, so I broke it off with him.

I then became curios about why he wanted something like that, and discovered the world of feeding and gaining.

“Feeder: Usually a male who likes to encourage weight gain in his partner through the consumption of food.”

That’s how Urban Dictionary describes it.

I read up how feeders would do things to make their partners bigger. Buy them extra food and tell them they deserved it. Say they were full and give their leftovers to their partner. This was not something I wanted to be part of, so I deleted my profiles and have never been back since. Since then I have met guys that have a preference for bigger guys, and that’s okay. Everyone has their different preferences, but I personally don’t want to be fetishized and have to question if the person I want to be with wants to be with me or just the fetish they are after.

What The Gay Dating App World Really Needs

There’s also Tinder! Which I know for most straight people it’s just a hook-up app. When two people hook up through Tinder it’s called a tinder-bang. But I feel for the gay community it’s more about going on actual dates and to meet people rather than it just being one of the many hook-up apps for gays. That’s how I feel it’s like. I have talked to genuine people on it, I even met a guy off it at the beginning of the year and we’ve actually become good friends. And no, not with benefits but we have become good friends.

gay dating
fat gay

I’ve also never been to a gay club before. I honestly don’t feel like I would fit in to that scene and feel like I would be eaten alive in that environment. I’m not small; I don’t have the right clothing or hairstyle. I just wouldn’t fit in at all.

But after going through so much self-discovery and not loving myself for a very long time, I have come to realise that you need to look after yourself first and foremost. As the great RuPaul would say:

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anyone else? Can I get an amen?”

And those words are very true! I honestly do believe that you need to learn love yourself before you let anyone in.

Since coming to this realisation, I have decided to have a different outlook on life and have even given the apps another go. I have redone my profile after re-evaluating what I want and I feel like with a more genuine profile that has a positive view, I have gotten a better reception. I still find it hard to be part of the gay community even though there are definitely a lot of loving people in it. I feel that if I work on myself as a person, I can be included to be a part of this community and meet new people.

But hey, I must be doing something right, because just today I got asked out on a date, so that must mean progress right? I sure hope so! I am getting dressed up in designer clothing just for the occasion.

Author: Brett is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Richard runs the marketing and social profiles of adultsmart and adultsmart blog. He has been in the industry just over 10 years and enjoys his role both in an administrative capacity as well keeping abreast of issues relating to sexual health and lifestyles.