4 Types Of Men Every Woman Wants

Dating types

I was hanging out with my friend and she suddenly turned to me and asked how we ended up with the same guy since we clearly have completely different ‘types’ of men that we are attracted to. It was a good question and left me thinking about it again this morning.

It seems to be strange but true. I only have a few close friends that I have seen in multiple relationships or been with while drunk Tindering, but they all seem to select the same ‘type’ of partner, whether emotionally, physically or a combination of both.

Ms. M

‘Slightly older immature man-child type with scruffy, hippy looks.’

Man who acts like a child
Image: Immature Man Child

Although this guy is fun loving and easy to take on a date is he really an ideal type? Oh, my sister from another mister definitely has a certain relationship ideal that she doesn’t want to let go of. I love her dearly, but once she has something set in her mind, she pursues it relentlessly. Not that that’s always a bad thing.

There seems to be a definite theme that runs through her long term choices. I remember having a pretty in-depth conversation with her over numerous cups of tea one afternoon where she painted the picture of her ‘perfect man’ and what their life would look like together.

I have seen her over the past 10 years, struggle to fulfil that vision, but ending up stressed and frustrated after not being able to turn her toad into a prince. This dating scene can quickly turn into a tragic relationship with a man child!

Ms. K

‘Same age emotionally unavailable type with rock musician looks.’

Man with minimal emotions
Image: Emotionally Unavailable Man

This girl is like the other, wilder half of me. Sometimes we laugh and debate about how we ever came to be in a relationship with our shared ex since we have such vastly different ‘types’. Her excuse is that she was young and drunk… and that I have no excuse because I was sober.

I always have a giggle when we drunk compare Tinder matches. All of her matches look the same. That aloof, arrogant, slim, tattooed, long haired, slightly scruffy look about them. Personality wise, they all seem to want to dive in to the deep end straight away. No long dates and loving notes, but straight in to a relationship, but as quickly as they jump in they’re just as quick to become ‘emotionally unavailable’ and/or controlling and manipulative.

Mr. A

‘Younger emotionally in need of rescuing, petite brunettes’

Naive woman
Image: Brunette woman

I’m going to start by saying that Mr. A doesn’t do casual very well. I love this guy like a brother and I have seen him at every stage of his various past relationships. This boy is the definition of an emotional white knight, swooping in to rescue the damsel in distress.

His 20-something love interests who all seem to look strikingly similar, carry the same personality traits as well. An innate inability to move on from their ‘type’ of abusive and destructive past relationships.

Me

‘Older refined men with beards and glasses’

Matured man
Image: Refined Man

In my youth, I didn’t really have a type beyond anyone showing interest in me. I have since discovered that self-esteem is key and that the whole of my Tinder and my IRL choices in men are the same since my self-awakening last year.

Prior to that moment in my life, I settled for almost any man who showed an interest and I settled for second best because I was under the impression that it was all I was going to get. Men who were emotionally immature and selfish, but also insecure to the point that they took advantage of my mothering nature. Looking back at my life choices makes me cringe.

Now it seems that I have fallen in love with men who know what they want from life. Men who are dominant, but secure enough to not be controlling. Not arrogant, instead they are self-assured. It also helps their cause that they are attractive too.

What do you think? Is there any truth to people having ‘types’ or is it just that our personality attracts certain people to us?

Author: Mia is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Jennifer works marketing at Adultsmart an online sex toy shop. She has a non-judgemental approach to sex, sex toys and sexuality. Her favorite saying is if it feels good and right and is not illegal then why not!

#RelationshipGoals – A Millennial’s Guide For Dating

Feeling loved with money

I was asked a question the other night from my partner “why do you love me?” I thought it was an easy question to answer, I began to explain his qualities and personality traits the fact he was caring, kind, and a gentleman and the way in which his face would light up at certain moments. However, after listening to a few other people explain why they love their partner it seems to be only materialistic advantages that are mentioned by most.

The second thing I have noticed is that when friends, associates and people in general explain their new partner or new “friend” they say comments like, “he is a doctor”, “he drives a Mercedes”, “he has money”, “he spends money on me” and “he takes me out”. Since when did monetary value dictate the description of the person we date and hopefully fall in love with?

Its seems to be a bit like a resume for dating, beefed up questions and answers that prove or affirm the benefits and qualities of falling in love and having a relationship with someone, that purely examine the ways in which how well they can provide. Not to mention completely useless information that has nothing to do with the question asked, imagine if you were looking for someone to mow your lawns on a Facebook area page and in your add you wrote, “can someone please quote the mowing of lawns of a large three story house overlooking the harbour”, completely useless information isn’t it? It seems more and more in this day of age people feel the need to brag or boast about unrelated materialistic value for no apparent reason.

Instead of looking for a partner in which we can share loyal and loving moments with we strive for someone who we can post “relationship goals” onto Instagram or Facebook with.

Expensive birthday gifts
Image: Expensive birthday presents

Since when did #relationshipgoals dictate our validation in a relationship?

Love should be and is much more than gifts, love is hard work, love is caring about someone with all your heart and wanting the absolute best for them in life. It shouldn’t be about how much money or how many gifts you buy someone to validate how much you are worth to them and vice versa.

With social media comes competitions, and with competitions brings jealousy or a false sense of what is expected in a relationship. There are pages dedicated to “relationship goals”, “birthday goals”, “valentine’s day goals” and even “proposal goals”. These are flooding our newsfeeds, with materialistic expectations of what these events should look like, and if you’re someone who doesn’t receive glutinous affirmations like these depicted you feel as though you’re not in the right relationship or as if you are missing out on something.

Relationship goals
Image: Relationship memes

It’s disappointing how “relationship goals” are now measured by how much money your significant other spends on you. Relationships have turned into bragging rights on social media instead of loving, caring and intimate moments shared between two people. Relationships aren’t defined on feelings anymore, they are defined on what others think and feel about the gifts you receive – our generation has it all wrong.

Feeling loved by a partner
Image: True love

Appreciating and loving one another is what relationships are about

You should be happy to have that person in your life and appreciate and enjoy the little things. Sometimes our generation needs to realise that love shouldn’t be utterly built on materialistic items, and we need to appreciate what is in front of us. Our generation freely throws around the term “relationship goals” purely to only represent the materialistic side of a relationship, these then become wants and needs of a relationship where they think it is normal to buy each other overly expensive gifts and unrealistic expectorations of what we should receive from our partners.

Unfortunately, this has completely deconstructed our acceptance and appreciation of what relationships are really about. Gifts are not bad, they are extremely sweet and its one way in which you can treat your significant other and surprise them. The idea though has been blown out of the water into “insta worthy” moments and bragging rights.

We become jealous of what others have, or what others have been given, but if we going into a relationships expecting these things or posting about these things to make others envy us the relationships will quickly nose-dive.

Social media is very good at glamorising those who seem to “have it all” with the expectation that you need to spend wild amounts of money in order to have that “social media approved” relationship.

A simple laugh, an embrace, a moment shared together is worth so much more in the long run. There is no definition of a “perfect relationship” but everyone has their own person that they feel is perfect for them, someone who you are happy with being together with, growing old with one another, enjoying the small moments and the big, and creating memories.

We need to remember that being happy is an important goal, and relationships aren’t all unicorns and rainbows, working together, overcoming obstacles, and working every day on your relationship.

At the end of the day the only thing you can count on is your significant other, materialistic items break, get left in drawers of forgotten about. But your “person” with all the ups and downs is there, with their laugh, their smiles, their angry face, their cheeky grin, and all the accomplishments you have had together. So that you can have an honest and long lasting relationship.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

4 Toxic Ways Facebook Is Hurting Your Love Life

Relationship breakup Facebook status

Admit it, we all have that one friend who just splashed their relationship all over Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. Using social media to air all of their ‘dirty laundry’ or, even worse, we may be the ones spamming our friends with posts about our spouse.

I’m not old-fashioned, or anti-social media. In fact, I spend much of my free time at home just scrolling through my Insta and FB feeds for entertainment. But unlike some other people, I feel as though there are some things that shouldn’t be splashed on the internet for the whole world to see.

Facebook arguments
Image: Facebook relationships

Answer me this, if you’re a serial Facebook spammer… how would you feel if your significant other called all of their friends and your friends to tell them that you ‘didn’t take the garbage out’ or that you were ‘useless at everything’? Unless you’re a narcissist, you have to agree that it would hurt, even just a little bit. ‘It’s just harmless venting. It’s not that bad’ – Yes it is and here’s why:

It blocks or breaks down communication in a relationship

It has the other person watching everything that they say just in case it ends up splashed all over social media. People aren’t stupid (…well, the majority anyway) we all know that passive aggressive post about all the beer in the fridge being drunk and not replaced or the house is a mess, is about your SO. Come on!

It makes everyone feel super uncomfortable knowing things that happen behind closed doors

Especially if they have to spend time with your spouse or both of you. Call or message your bestie and have a vent, because the rest of us don’t need to see it.

Lasting relationship quote
Image: Relationship sharing quote

It also puts unnecessary pressure on the relationship

The constant sickly ‘kissy kissy boo boo’ and ‘Bae is so good to me, we’re so in love’ posts are just as bad. **News flash** These inevitably turn in to the above type of posts when the honeymoon period is over and you take off those rose-coloured glasses. It’s all flash, no substance.

I love to see photos of happy couples celebrating relationship milestones and read the affirming messages that go along with those pics. But everyone over the age of 16 will probably agree with me when I say – Nobody cares that your boyfriend/girlfriend just sent you a heart emoji text message.

It feeds mental health issues and insecurities

When you go from every post being about how much you’re in love in those first few months, to settling in to a long-term relationship where you have to negotiate the day to day stuff, then you might start to feel insecure about your relationship. Especially if you suffer from a mental health issue like anxiety or depression and have built a reliance on that continual public affirmation.

That constant craving for the ‘honeymoon period’ public affirmation may mean that you develop the inability to move past that point in a relationship. Keeping you in that perpetual cycle of love and heartbreak.

Relationship posts on Facebook
Image: Facebook relationship wall post

If you’re an attention seeking narcissist then, by all means, keep going with your public showboating. But if you’re normal human being, keep your relationship private. It’s not about how many likes you get from friends and family or how ‘open’ you are about your relationship on social media. Actions speak louder than words. A relationship (as well as all of its issues) is based on open communication and trust.

So, use social media wisely. Think before you post.

Author: Mia is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Jennifer works marketing at Adultsmart an online sex toy shop. She has a non-judgemental approach to sex, sex toys and sexuality. Her favorite saying is if it feels good and right and is not illegal then why not!

Let’s Talk About The L Word

Loving moments

L O V E the big four-letter word that’s just as powerful as the O word (orgasm) 98% of the time. The elusive love at first sight which often is confused by its counter partner lust at first sight, yes there is a huge difference!

Love is potent, miraculous, insightful, bloodcurdling, petrifying, numbing, magical, and possibly the most intense feeling in the whole spectrum of feelings.

Love can have you questioning your sanity one moment and your inhibitions the next, it can give you a sparkle, glow and empowerment, also an anxious, worrying and overthinking moments later.

At our core no matter what life events you have experienced we have all thought we are unlovable at one point or another, however we all aspire to be loved and give love, in one form or another.

And it’s not often you come across your true love. To be honest I thought that word was a bunch of phoney garbage before this moment. Someone who stuck by you through thick and thin, who surprised you with flowers on a date, who actually took you out on a proper date and was a pure gentleman the entire time. Someone who actually took notice of you and was wholesome and genuine in their thoughts and actions, someone who peaks your heart rate for all the right reasons.

Loving relationship
Image: Loving moments

It all started with a “hi”, multiple “hi’s” actually pretty much every day for at least 2 weeks with some light conversation about how our days were going. He never gave up, and I started thinking wow he must be really interested. We began to talk more and more all day every day. I would look forward to his “good morning” messages and his “how is your day going messages” and eventually we were beginning to talk more deeply.

My thoughts for the first couple of weeks were that this was too good to be true, he has to be some sort of womaniser or player and this would all end very abruptly once he knew he had won me over. Truth is he has continued to stay strong, and genuine, which is something I had not experienced before. I didn’t have any doubts after that, he was completely open with everything and thus I felt comfortable enough to be completely open with him. He sparked something in me that I never had felt before. I felt whole, a kind of out of body experience where I felt genuinely happy, something I haven’t felt since I was a kid.

I didn’t know overly much about him apart from the general questions and answers every new couple interrogates each other about. I didn’t know how he acted with his friends or how he spoke to other people. I didn’t know about his past relationships or if they ended on an amicable note or not. Our connection those first few weeks made my feelings even stronger about something I was already considering… that in some way, a way I still don’t understand fully our connection transcends beyond any connection that I have ever dreamt about feeling or experienced before. I have always thought about that infinite attraction where every part of you physically, emotionally, mentality and spiritually is drawn to that one person. I have always wanted and wondered what it would feel like to be completely smitten with someone in every way possible.

Loving sex
Image: Love making

I have spent the beginning of this year working on and living my most purposeful life, making sure every moment counts being my true self. I wanted to work on accepting and embracing love in my life without the drama and fear of being wounded and attached to it. You know, loving like you give a shit. I felt after everything I owed myself 100% attention into pure, true and wholesome love and happiness. This started with letting go of all my excess baggage and expressing everything on my mind or stuck in my heart. I was on a mission to rid myself of all negativity in the form of words – anything and everything on my mind I wrote out and sent off into the abyss of the internet, my deepest and darkest thoughts, those nagging blimps in your mind you can’t get rid of. I wanted a true fresh start, and that’s what I achieved.

My first realisation that fear is only a 4-letter word. It was in fact my best attribute in life, by overcoming my fears I was able to follow my truest desires, become my true self and follow my truest life. I was able to for the very first time accept love and affection.

Finding myself smiling at random moments, finding myself smiling at my phone, smiling at memories, smiling at objects. I am smiling! My heart feels full, it feels whole and it doesn’t feel shattered.

From the first moment I met him, even still every moment I see him now, my whole body is in this completely. It’s a weird and confusing emotion to feel, to feel like you have known someone forever but only have just met them.

The proof is in the pudding that there is light after dark, there is happiness after adversity, there is love after all. This is just the start of my lover’s diary.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Hey Honey, You’re A Narcissist!

Narcissist

In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:

Symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder

  • Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g. exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements).
  • Is preoccupied with fantasies of ideal love, unlimited success, power, brilliance, or beauty.
  • Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
  • Requires excessive admiration.
  • Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g. unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.
  • Is exploitative of others, e.g. takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.
  • Lacks empathy, e.g. is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
  • Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
  • Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Source: PsychCentral

Narcissists are the only people whose love leaves you feeling less confident, confused, and unhappy as the relationship progresses.

How many of us don’t realise that there is something drastically awry with our relationships until it hits you like a Mack Truck? I thought that I was smarter and more observant than those silly girls that looked at the world through rose-coloured glasses. Well, guess what? Turns out I’m not.

I cringe when I look back at that relationship now. I can see all of the signs like they were flashing neon.

Warning! Warning! Narcissist ahead!

This is one of those stories, where an intelligent woman attracted the wrong type of man. Honestly, I had no idea at first. He was thoughtful, sweet, funny and attentive. He would open doors for me, want to pay for dinner when we went out and walked on the road side of the pavement. An old fashioned gentleman.

We were friends for a number of years. Not super close, but close enough that I heard all about his separation and how his ex-wife was the instigator for all of the trouble in his life… Funnily enough, I now have the other side of the story, but I’ll save that explanation for later on.

He moved back to Sydney to ‘support’ his mother after his father passed away and I moved to Tamworth, so we didn’t see much of each other until I moved back to Sydney and started working out west, near where he lived (still with his mother).

Long story short, I was introduced to his family and ex-wife, then quickly became immersed in his schedule and life with his beautiful daughter, who happens to have autism.

Fast forward 4 months to where I was at the end of my current lease and was looking at potentially moving out west to make things easier for commuting over the weekends and midweek date nights. Next minute my search for a 2 bedroom unit became a search for a family home that had to have at least 3 bedrooms so that his daughter would have a room when she was with him on the weekends and another room for a baby when we were ready. It left me thinking ‘that escalated quickly’.

We found a beautiful townhouse that was perfect for our needs, so we signed a 12 month lease and moved in together. That’s when the cracks started to appear. I seemed to have subconsciously filled them with proverbial spakfilla. There were, however, a few stand-out events that I should have looked at closer.

The first was when he told me that he had told his ex-wife that she HAD to stay with us during her health crisis. What she didn’t know, was that he had spoken with all of her family and convinced them that she was an unfit mother, so that they would give statements in case he ‘needed’ to fight for full custody.

The second was when his car broke down and the expectation was that I was going to pay to fix it because it was my fault that it broke down. I had made a joke over the phone that it would be a shame if he missed the start of the State of Origin because his car broke down. He couldn’t believe that I would go on my holiday that I had planned and paid for instead of paying to fix his car.

And the last was when he said that he was ‘done’ with our relationship and walked out after our first and only fight. His reasoning was that he ‘just wasn’t feeling it’ anymore. Later on I found out that he had followed the same pattern that he had always followed; get a new girlfriend before breaking up with the last one then make up an excuse to leave and make the other person out to be the bad guy.

During that relationship, I slowly formed a specihttp://good-girl-guide.com.au/dating-kissing/al bond with his daughter AND her mother, who does a stellar job providing for their daughter, both emotionally and for her special needs. I’m not sure if Mr. Narcissist realised how much his ex and I shared. I now know the other side of all of the stories and the truth, when all of the emotion is removed and it paints a strikingly clear picture.

Narcissist quote
Image: Don’t feed the narcissist

In hindsight, there will little things that shout “narcissist this way”

His constant need to be commended on his stellar performance as a parent. “Dad first, musician second” was his motto. Which, as time wore on, I realised was absolute BS. The more I called him out on his inadequacies, the more frustrated and short he would get with me when I would try to implement some of the things that we had spoken about or had been suggested that we do during therapy.

The persistent need to blow things out of proportion that he knew would illicit a reaction from me that would paint him as the saviour. He also (still) selectively fed information to me about things that had happened with his ex, to make it seem as though she was out to get me and ruin the relationship.

All of his ‘back in the good old days’ glory stories were (and quite possibly still are) the only ones that he told consisted of name dropping or making himself seem better than everyone, like: ‘I spent one night with X drummer/singer just hanging out and playing the pokies’, ‘I knew X before they were famous. We were mates’, ‘this one time when I was on X, I tried to steal the Bounty, you know the replica one?!’, ‘You know the band X, don’t you? I sent them to X pub because they were being assholes when I was setting up stuff for them’.

Then there were the snide remarks about his mother’s cooking, even though she was paying for the food that he was eating; the ongoing story about the fight that he had with one of his sisters over children, she had struggled with IVF and he had conceived by accident, he automatically was offended by how upset she was; the constant insistence that ‘X company is headhunting me for a rep job. They just need to wait until…. so they can hire me instead’ which funnily enough never eventuated; and all of the comments about how his ex-wife’s health was ‘hurting’ their daughter and the frequent insistence that she was an unfit parent.

All of these words and behaviours seem to tick all of the boxes on the narcissist checklist.

6 months out from the relationship and I can now see these warning signs that I was in a relationship with a manipulative narcissist with a white night superiority complex. Now, at least I know what to keep an eye out for in the future, as to avoid more time-consuming and expensive learning curves.

There is one really positive thing that came of my relationship with Mr. Narcissist. The friendship that his ex and I have built. It’s nice that someone else knows exactly what I went through and I love that I can provide support and be a sounding board to her as someone who knows exactly what she has to continue to deal with. It’s always fun to sit around having a glass of wine or a coffee and laugh about how disconcerting and uncomfortable our stand of solidarity must be for him.

Author: Mia is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Jennifer works marketing at Adultsmart an online sex toy shop. She has a non-judgemental approach to sex, sex toys and sexuality. Her favorite saying is if it feels good and right and is not illegal then why not!