The Ugly Duckling Syndrome!!

What is ugly duckling syndrome?

I think this is best described in Shallow Hal the film. I’ve pulled this quote from the film, to sum up, what this condition entails.

“Ugly Duckling Syndrome, she probably didn’t get pretty until high school, thus the personality had to develop out of necessity… sometimes they’re ugly so long, when they finally turn pretty, they don’t even realize it! The ugly self-image is so well engraved, that’s a real find!” – Maurico, Shallow Hal, 2001.

For the life of me, I can’t take a compliment. Why? Because I have ugly duckling syndrome and it affects my ability to find love. My mother has always told me how beautiful I am but of course, I think she is biased. Retrospectively speaking, even now writing this article, I can’t think of one of my male friends who hasn’t complimented me on my physical appearance. Some have hit on me and some of them I slept with in my youth clearly seeking the validation of being desirable. I have had strangers approach me at bars and tell me I am attractive, some of them are married men. I get random social media adds from men across the seven seas asking for nudes. Yet, I still struggle to accept compliments about my looks.

I once laid in bed with a woman, I told her that she was beautiful; she cuddled into me and said, “No, you’re beautiful but you know you’re beautiful.” This baffled me that this beautiful woman wanted to share her bed with me and thought my beauty outweighed hers. I couldn’t believe it. I left my shirt on during sex and even after when she cuddled into me, she placed her hands on my stomach, back or thighs, I’d push her away – literally. I was in complete awe of this beautiful creature who thought I was attractive enough to spend the night and I was so worried about her thinking about my body fat that I ended up making her the little spoon, so her hands wouldn’t be on my body. A study conducted in 2016 found that appearance anxiety (ANN) found that women experience this kind of thought process at a much higher rate than men. For women, AAN correlated negatively with global self-esteem and positively with shyness, social avoidance and distress, and public self-consciousness. Furthermore, the study found that individuals who had ANN had a long history of making ill remarks regarding their appearance often linking back to feeling like an ugly child. (Dion, K. L., Dion, K. K., & Keelan, J. P. (1990).

 

I recently did some modelling for my friend who is an aspiring photographer and he often tells me that I am beautiful. I will deflect this compliment every single time and tell him it’s the Photoshop, lighting or professional hair and make-up. I can hear myself deflecting the compliment, a defensive mechanism that so ingrained in me it’s become my default behaviour.  This isn’t just limited to my looks if I did well in my class – I know I could have achieved a higher mark. If I cooked an amazing dish I could have added something else to it to make it a better dish. This hypercritical behaviour is what I do to keep myself down, a negative cycle of low self-esteem. While I can appreciate when I look in the mirror that the reflection looking back at me isn’t ugly, I would never say she is beautiful and that is really sad for me to admit.

This self-hatred stems from being the fat child, the ugly child, the weird child. These things manifested into my teens and early adulthood, being the fat, weird and ugly one meant I had to learn to be funny to make friends. I had to learn to be kind to maintain relationships with these people. Learning not to depend on my looks or body meant I had to rely on my wit, humour and human compassion. As an adult woman, I can say that I am such a good friend, I’d drop anything I was doing for someone who needed my help. I selflessly put others before myself, sometimes to my own detriment. I am the most empathetic person I know, I know I am caring and compassionate. Sometimes I wish I had a clone of me so I could be friends with me. I know that clone would never let me talk about myself the way I do. It’s funny that I never let my friends talk about themselves negatively but I say the most horrific things about myself.

On a positive note, having ugly duckling syndrome has made me an avid reader, which landed me into university where I acquired my bachelor’s degree. Having ugly duckling syndrome has made me a great conversationalist, able to hold witty and funny conversations with just about anyone, a skill I treasure. Having ugly duckling syndrome has made compassionate beyond belief, kind almost to a fault. Having ugly duckling syndrome has made me humble, and while it is frustrating for you to give me a compliment and me to dismiss it. You have to remember I’ve had a lifetime of people say things to hurt me and I am not sure if you’re going to hurt me too. I’ve had people abuse my kindness and try to dampen the light inside. I push you away and reject your compliments because I think the world is a dark place, I think you don’t mean it, I think you’re making fun of me. I reject your compliments because, after more than half a lifetime of being the ugly person, I am just perplexed as to how you think I am beautiful.

Beauty

You might see a swan when you look at someone but for that someone with ugly duckling syndrome, they look in that mirror and still see that ugly duckling. They see that fat, ugly weird person and they don’t know why you think they are beautiful. So, be kind with your ugly ducklings, they are trying to see the swan that you see.

Remote Vibrators and their Effects on Long Distant Relationships

Long distant relationships weren’t as big of a thing a few decades back. These days, a lot of couples have to spend some time apart due to work commitments and live in different cities and sometimes even different countries. And, as you can probably guess, it’s nearly impossible to keep the spark in your relationship alive when you’re hundreds of miles away from your partner. A lot have tried, but most of them have failed. In this article, we’re going to dig a bit deeper into the primary reason why long distant relationships don’t work and then provide a suggestion that will definitely work for most of you.

What is the Main Problem of long distance relationships?

You might think that the reason behind the failure of long distant relationships is that the two people involved fail to give time to each other in the midst of their busy (and separate) lives. That’s absolutely false. Couples living away from each other can actually spend a lot of time with each other. They spend half their nights video-calling on Skype or watching Friends on Netflix Party. They talk to each other throughout the day and discuss how annoying a coworker is or what they ate for dinner. Giving each other time is not the main problem, the real problem is the lack of intimacy.

Let’s face it, most people like relationships because they like the intimacy. They would much rather watch a movie while cuddling with their other half instead of watching it alone with a bowl full of popcorn. And, no matter how much you try, it’s really difficult to achieve the level of intimacy that keeps a relationship alive if you’re in a long distance relationship. Wanting intimacy is one of the fundamentals of being human.  If you find yourself in a similar predicament during a lengthy time away from your partner, then we’re sorry to say that one of you might just decide its time to move on. But, don’t worry, where there’s a problem, there’s usually a solution. And, the solution to your problem is quite an uncanny one.

Remote Control Vibrators

It’s the 21st Century and there’s something called Long Distant Vibrators. That’s right, some amazing folks thought that couples needed something to help them feel closer to each other and reintroduce the intimacy that they would have otherwise. You can’t have sex over the internet, but, at least there are devices to drive you both to orgasm at the same time!

Remote Controlled Vibrators are pretty simple. They’re connected to an app which is to be installed on your phone as well as your partner’s. You control your partner’s toy and vice versa. If you’re feeling a little naughty, you could even leave the vibrator in your panties and your partner could turn the vibrator on at any time they wished!  This can definitely lead to some interesting situations.

Basic vibrators allows your partner to direct the vibrations, but there’s some vibrators out there that take it a notch up.  If you want to learn more about the basic remote vibrator options, check out this – Remote Control Vibrators – The Definitive Guide.

They come in packs of two; a masturbation sleeve for the male and a vibrator for the female. The two devices are interconnected in such a way that as the guy thrusts the masturbation sleeve harder, the motor of the vibrator inside the female starts to vibrate harder. You can even call your other half on Skype to really get the most out of the experience.  This is probably a little too complex for most couples and most will want to start off with something simple.  If you’re just starting out and want to start off with a vibrator for a female, I highly recommend the below option.

Sync Vibrators

We-Vibe Sync™

The We-Vibe Sync™ is a good example of a line of long distant sex toys. We-Vibe is an extremely reputable sex toy developer and they have a full collection of toys made just to spice up the sex life for couples (or create one if they’re not together). We-Vibe has it’s own app called We-Connect™ that makes the whole thing so much more convenient. There are quite a few other popular couple toys as well, but in our personal opinion, there’s none like We-Vibe.

Closing Thoughts

We said this at the start of this article, it’s impossible to keep a long distant relationship alive for more than few months. There will come a time when one of the two people involved will decide to look in other directions for the fun that they’re missing out on. While long distant vibrators might not be the most perfect alternative to sex, they’re more than good enough to keep a relationship as well as the intimacy alive. So, there’s no other way to say this, if you want to keep the bond with your other half thriving, you desperately need long distant sex toys.

10 Things Your Mom And Dad Didn’t Tell You – But Wish They Did!

There are a million things you learn about life when you become a parent, and nothing but parenthood could ever prepare you for them. Your mom and dad went through the same things and omitted to tell you a whole bunch of stuff to avoid burdening you, but sometimes wish they shared their experience if for no other reason than to prepare you for what awaits down the road. They knew very well that one day you’d grow up, live your own life, find love (online, since it’s the 21st century) like they did, and get to experience the most extraordinary thing in the world – being a parent. Today we look at the top 10 things your parents kept to themselves because you had to see them for yourself.

#1: They Shed Tears for Your Countless Times

They cried when you first saw the light of day. When you took your first step or said your first word, they shed tears. On your first day of school, your first violin recital, your high school or college graduation, your wedding day and every small and big milestone in between brought them to tears whether you saw it or not.

#2: They Made Great Sacrifices

From the moment you were born your parents started making sacrifices – from sleepless nights when you were a baby to having to miss their friends’ birthdays or outings because you were ill. As you grew up, their careers, vacations, and any minor or major plans probably had you at the center, and every decision they’ve ever made put your needs first. Your dad probably wanted that last piece of cake but gave it to you. In all likelihood, they never complained about any of it once.

#3: They Were Constantly Worried About You

Their full-time job was to make sure you were alright and luckily grew up into a happy and successful person. Life is full of traps around every corner and although your parents did their best to teach you to avoid them, they constantly worried about you.

#4: They Watched You As You Slept

Your parents spent countless nights begging you to ‘please, please fall asleep’ because they couldn’t keep their eyes open anymore. And once you’d finally fall asleep, they’d stay by your bedside and watch your cute face, forgetting their aching arms or back, and all the fatigue they were feeling just a moment ago would disappear.

#5: You Caused Them Pain, but They Love You Anyway

Aside from the fact that children can be egocentric and hurtful towards their parents at any moment in their lives, every child caused its mother pain at childbirth, which is arguably the largest degree of pain a human being can endure. And she loves you anyways! And would do it all over again!

#6: They’re Not Perfect

One of the first signs a child has grown up is when they realize their parents aren’t perfect. You as a child perhaps remember that moment even though your parents might have absolutely no clue when it happened. And no, no parents are perfect, but they are strong for their children. You’re bound to repeat that cycle when you have kids of your own – everyone makes mistakes, but we all have to be tough for our children.

#7: They Love To Just Look At You

‘Unless you have a daughter, you’ll never get to kiss the most beautiful girl in the world’ said a wise man once. Your parents created you, you’re a little him and her, their pride and joy, and they’ve never quite loved anyone the way they love you. Just looking at you gives them great joy.

Childbirth hapiness

#8: They Hated To See You Cry

Every time you fell and hit your head, your parents felt your pain as well. They hated to see you cry for no reason other than they just wanted you to be as happy as you could be. Every time you felt pain, they were right there with you, and shed those tears we’ve discussed already, whether you knew it or not. If they could take away your pain and carry it themselves, they would, but they couldn’t which left them feeling helpless and like they were the worst parents in the world.

#9: Letting You Go Was a Terrible Loss

When you left for college, to join the army, to live on your own, or to move to another country, they hated to see you go. It left a huge hole in their lives that couldn’t quite be filled ever again, but at the same time when you left to live your own life, they knew they did their job right.

#10: They Would Do It All Again in a Heartbeat

Being a parent is the hardest thing anyone has ever had to do. It’s a full-time job that never stops, there are no breaks or vacations, and there is certainly no retirement. And despite all the sacrifice, pain and tears, sleepless nights, missed personal opportunities or their wishes that couldn’t come true because of you, they’d do it all over again in a heartbeat. And why wouldn’t they? You’re the best thing that ever happened to them.

LOVE, CODED, DECODED AND CODED AGAIN!

Love..seems everybody have their own definition for it. Everybody wants to love and get it back in return but the question still remains- what the hell it is?

It is a pleasant emotional feeling some say as it gives a high. Science research says that when you are in love a particular part of brain is activated giving a pleasant feeling. Same part is activated and gives pleasant feeling when you sniff cocaine. Sure, love is a cycle of pleasure and pain just like pleasure when one is high on cocaine and pain when cocaine is unavailable. So love is an addiction just like an addiction to drugs one can say.

Sometimes one wonders how love can be defined and whether it can be shown in a physical form.

Love sometimes erupts like a volcano only to subside later. Love is neither breathlessness, nor it is an excitement. Are you walking in the shadows of trees holding hand of your hearthrob and feeling loved? It is not. It is an illusion like a deer sees a mirage in the sand. It is not even promise for eternal passion, to mate every minute of the day. Love is a not a beautiful woman, neither it is her well manicured hand.Building castle in the sand with your loved ones doesn’t define love nor surfing on the waves of a wild sea is love. Love is not a beautiful bouquet, not even a nice smile. If you think love is a romantic evening, you are wrong, as wrong as if you think rainbow is love. A seductive glance is not love nor a tearful song. It is not a butterfly with colourful wings nor it is a blue sky meeting an ocean at the horizon. Are you walking in the shadows of trees holding hand of your hearthrob and feeling loved? It is not. It is an illusion like a deer sees a mirage in the sand.Lying awake every night imagining that he / she is kissing every aperture of your body is also not love. If you think that a solitary canoe moving slowly in a lake on a moonlit night is love, you are making a mistake.

The Greeks broke love into four categories:

(1) “Storge” is Kinship love
(2) “Philia” is Friendship love
(3) “Eros,” is Sex and Romance love
(4) “Agape” is Divine Love

Hence Greeks can say “I love you but I don’t love you, but still I have a love for you” ( I feel PHILIA toward you but not EROS but still I have AGAPE) Plato said “Love is a serious mental disease,” and coined the word LOVESICK. Socrates said “Love is a madness.” Love can make you do stupid things.

Truth is our idea about love comes from Facebook posts, romantic stories, romantic songs and movies. They all show superficial ideas of love which lead to pain and anxiety . True pleasure and happiness is absent. The idea of love is mostly based on ownership and selfishness and comes with strings attached. That is why love immediately turns into hatred if there is a threat to the ownership.

Couple who share tender kisses start confronting one another when someone goes wrong and then hate each other out of jealousy and obsession . It is not love. It is compulsive attachment.

When expectation of something by each other crops up in a relationship and that expectation does not come up as desired, the cracks start showing. Couples when do not love each other for who they are and expect who they can become,the decaying process starts.

Bertrand Russell says ” Love is a word which covers a variety of feelings; I have used it purposely, as I wish to include them all. Love as an emotion — which is what I am speaking about, for love “on principle” does not seem to me genuine — moves between two poles: on one side, pure delight in contemplation; on the other, pure benevolence. Where inanimate objects are concerned, delight alone enters in; we cannot feel benevolence towards a landscape or a sonata. This type of enjoyment is presumably the source of art. It is stronger, as a rule, in very young children than in adults, who are apt to view objects in a utilitarian spirit. It plays a large part in our feelings towards human beings, some of whom have charm and some the reverse, when considered simply as objects of aesthetic contemplation. ”

Unabridged love

Love is not voice, love is not sound either.

It is silence that listens and says something which doesn’t halt nor stops anywhere, but drops of glow that it is , pours down for many a year. It spreads in eyes making the pupil diluted and smile, and on eyelids it droops by its luminescence because the lips do not say a thing but eyes do so, silently those tales for ages to come.Only few can feel the fragrance emanating from those eyes. It is only the realization that is to be felt with your soul. Do not blemish it by tagging it as a relationship. Let it be free from societal norms and other expectations; let it be pure. Let love be love, do not give it a name nor define it.

Secrets My Ex-Lover Asked Me Never to Tell!

A person’s love life can be a roller coaster indeed! While some people go from one partner to the next, others are dead set on finding the love of their life via a transgender dating website, for instance.

Then, there’s me!  I’m somewhere in the middle. My love life isn’t exactly what you’d call turbulent. Moreover, sharing intimate details from an old relationship isn’t something I’d normally do. However, I do believe I had some experiences that some of you might find useful.

With that in mind, here are some things that I learned from a girl I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. I’ve decided not to disclose our names because I want to protect her identity, but I’m still going to share with you guys some of the most interesting stuff I learned from her that she asked me never to tell anyone!

 

The Lesbian Experience

At one point in the relationship, my ex told me about the time in college when she had sex – not like making out or petting, but full-blown coitus – with another girl! The story revolved around her and her then-roommate who she was close with at the time.

Allegedly, the two college chicks went to a party, became super horny while dancing and making out with some random guys, but had to leave and go back to their dorm once the party ended abruptly. Intoxicated and still craving for sex, the two roommates allowed the situation to escalate and wound up in bed together, having what my ex described as one the best sexual experiences she ever had.

Although she claimed that this little field trip didn’t change the fact that she was completely straight, I couldn’t help but wonder: aren’t we all a bit bisexual?

 

The Forbidden Crush

Another interesting thing that I learned about my ex while I was with her is that she used to have a crush on her dad’s buddy from work while she was in her late teens. This guy was like 45 or something at the time, but that didn’t stop her from blushing every time she saw the man.

She admitted that deep down she knew nothing could ever happen between them. However, she had this notion of him being the perfect example of what a man should look and behave like. In her words, the ‘purely platonic’ crush revolved around his dad bod, his perfect chin and hairline and the way he addressed the people around him with respect.

In my opinion, this was probably a part of the “getting to know yourself” process that we all go through. She just had a particular person she used as an example of the guy she would want to marry in the future.

 

Clitoris vs. Vagina

People will tell you different things when it comes to clitoral and vaginal orgasms. Some will claim that the clitoris is the way to go while others will argue that the only real orgasm is the vaginal one. But in the end, it all comes down to personal preference.

For instance, I tried a multitude of different methods to bring my ex to a climax and all of them worked, but it wasn’t until a couple of years in the relationship that she admitted she always preferred the clitoris over the vagina in terms of reaching an orgasm.

In her words, it’s much easier to stimulate the clitoris and the orgasm comes faster.

 

How About Anal?

It’s no wonder that the question of anal sex surfaced at some point while I was with my ex. After all, we were together for five years. However, it wasn’t one of those situations where I was begging her to do it with me. No, I simply asked her what did she think about it, had she tried it before and if yes, how did it make her feel.

Turned out that she wasn’t a virgin in that sense. However, she confessed to me she tried it only once ever since becoming sexually active because it proved to be a weird experience for her. Namely, the whole idea of some guy putting his tool into her butt was not that appealing to her, but she wanted to try it with her then-boyfriend since he was really insisting and she was curious.

Now, here’s the most interesting part: although she didn’t find the concept attractive and went through some pain while doing it, she did manage to have an orgasm while having anal sex. She broke up with the guy shortly after for unrelated reason but swore never to have anal sex again despite having a somewhat pleasurable experience with it.

Sexual Secrets

Conclusion

I bet that you’re wondering what’s the message I’m trying to send by letting everyone know about my ex-lover’s personal secrets. For one thing, it’s because I want to help you learn that all women are different.

This applies to people in general, I know, but when it comes to women, there’s really no telling what preferences they have, what they’re brave enough to try and what crazy thoughts they might have at certain points in their life.

Having a platonic crush on a 45-year-old dude is pretty much the same as refusing to have anal sex despite the fact that you find it satisfying – the only difference is that there are various things a girl might like or dislike.