My Sordid Dark Past!

Couple Kissing Sunset

Love relationship

, as explained by any standard dictionary, would be the deep, unconditional, passionate and affectionate feeling of solicitude between two persons. In a relationship, we are supposed to reflect our true selves in the mirror, to our loved one and be loved for our originality. In a committed relationship you should be able to tell your lover anything. Now these are the terms what an

“Ideal Love Relationship”

has put in front of us. In reality, where do we stand in being the clear slate in front of the person whom we have chosen to spend our lives with? There would be rarely any couple that has not run into any bumps of the love road. The disguised complications start where we don’t want to reveal the actual selves. I wish i could tell my lover about the dark past I have dealt with.

BDSM Brunette Woman

Some years back, when I moved to a new city, I ended up doing things I have never been proud of. I now wish I could tell him about all those without arousing his judgmental side or losing my relationship with the person I ultimately care about the most. In order to blend the pace of new city and with the behavior of new people, I had faked to be another identity. At the time, I really need to get some easy favors and have a good time. I got into a relationship with a person despite always knowing that I could never end up with him . He had the money I needed to survive and leave a comfortable lifestyle. He surely made my days much more comfortable than before and I wasn’t worried about paying the rent, my bills or paying for the groceries. I would never say that I used that person wholly for my selfish motives as he was in it for his interests and satisfaction too. I thought it was a proper mature relationship but we did give each other the things we need at the time. Being lonely all the time was his Achilles heel and my paid company used to keep him out of his depression and emptiness to.

Spending quality time together, had made us both feel comfortable in the arrangement. Neither of us felt lonely when we were together. It would not be wrong to say that we both ended up in it for our mutual completeness and happiness. From the very beginning, we both knew that it would eventually end. We always kept a very honest relationship and were always open with our thoughts. I never kept him in the dark that I would be there as long as he paid for my rent and living expenses. As was destined, after just over eighteen months it ended.

After my time in the city, I never went back and saw him again. Going back to him meant my life would never been complete as it wasn’t true happiness or love. Coming back home, resuming the way of my original life made me happy. Here I am, loved, with the person of my life, my lover! I am not having any doubts about this ending or being with my soon to be husband. It is the perfect relationship that i could have ever dreamed of. But sometimes, in solitude, i wish i could tell my lover about the deal i had made in my past. I wish i could come so as to have  a clean slate with him. I hope he does not doubt my integrity, honesty and dignity. I wish he could understand the state of my mind and life then.  But would not this be asking too much from him?

My fear is that he would not understand from his perspective. I can always justify the right of my past to myself, but probably, I can never truly believe I can justify the wrongs of that, to my lover. Am I again acting selfishly in designing my “fairy-tale” future and Not Tell My Lover my tainted past?  But I feel I am not left with any other option either. I just cant afford to lose him anyhow, finally, I have made peace with and will forget the sins of my past in order to welcome my future happiness.

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Anna has been writing original erotic works for quite some time and specializes in Asian fantasies. When you have a few minutes and want to relax by reading some FREE original hard core adult stories you are welcome at the adultsmart blog.

Love At First Sight!

Autumn Kiss

“Whoever loves, loves at first sight.” William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

Love is one of the most beautiful feelings that can make a person feel on the top of the world. Love can take away all the stress and frustrations out of life and negate the effects of the varied trials and tribulations . It is capable to make one feel extremely content and happy. Falling in love with someone is also a marvel in its own right. While some people take months and even years to realize about their feelings for one another, for some its just a moment that helps them fathom their true feelings. This is what is popularly known as Love at first sight and it is not just a creative concept that is present in romantic novels but a reality. All depends on the two people concerned. Some can be a little oblivious about their own feelings while some know exactly what they feel for their partner right in the first meeting.

Most people think that falling in love with a person by just seeing him once is not actually love but is an infatuation. But I believe it is possible and is undoubtedly a beautiful feeling. It is all about the wavelength and the degree of comfort that you share with a person that makes you fall in love with him. Sometimes it might be difficult to break the ice in the very first sight but your heart can take the cue and make you realize that you like someone a lot and very soon you find yourself hopelessly in love. Some people are also of the opinion that love at first sight is only an outcome of being attracted to someone’s physical looks. But again I personally know of many couples who have fallen in love with each other and neither of them looked like a film star ever. So I believe it is not a right thing to reduce this beautiful feeling and describe it as just a result of being attracted to how someone looks.

 

Couple Kissing Passionately

Life Is Too Short Not To Love

Life is too short to take calculative measures and plan out every aspect in great detail . Matters of the heart are referred to by the same name only because these decisions are taken by the heart and not the brain. This basically means that one listens to his heart more and relies less on his intelligence while taking decisions pertaining to the one he loves. Love at first sight is one classic instance that explains how feelings can overpower logic and one can hopelessly fall in love with a person without knowing much details about him. Now how feasible and logical is this action will always be a point of debate but it is also important that you listen to your true feelings and not let logic and reasoning drive you all the time. In such cases man will cease to remain human and start functioning mechanically like a machine. Just like you can perceive danger very fast similarly it should not be difficult to believe that love can also happen very fast and you do not need to test the person or your feelings before express you your true feelings.

Sometimes you can meet your soul mate anywhere and realize the instant connection that can transform your love completely. Therefore do not have a mental block that the whole concept of falling in love at first sight is unreal. Keep an open mind and you never know how your entire life can change when you meet the right person and also realize how deeply you have fallen in love with him. Love is always a beautiful feeling so enjoy it spontaneously without always gauging its pros and cons. This will enable you to live life to the fullest.

Love at first sight is basically exceptional affection. The colossal allure strikes you like a blaze of helping and you wish to delay the time you go through with the other individual. All gauges of sentimental power, for example, the “warmth” of feeling, the intellectual substance of what the significant other accepts about the dearest, the quality of the positive assessment of the adored, and the measure and nature of the activity preparation, are available in this reaction. It can be the premise for a significant relationship.

 

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Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

Building Rapport in Gay Relationships

Men Discussing

There is a widespread but erroneous belief that people in gay relationships have an easier time with their relationships compared to those in heterosexual relationships. And while that notion stretches the truth a bit too far, it is not surprising to see why people would think so. For centuries, it has been believed that the only reason why men and women have trouble with communication in relationships is because their thought processes are different and they are biologically wired to effectively communicate and respond to situations differently. Women tend to use nonverbal cues and their actions are often led by emotional responses. Men on the other hand, are natural problem solvers who like to face problems logically, and so approach issues with less emotion. And while it is true that the fact that people in same sex relationships have an easier time agreeing on certain things in their relationships, they might also experience greater hurdles in their relationship, especially if communication is poor.

One of the most difficult aspects of this kind of relationship is deciding when to go public with your relationship. If you are in a committed one, there will always be some trouble between partners if one of them is reluctant to go public or worse yet, if they still haven’t come out of the closet. Being in a relationship such as the latter can be very challenging, but not completely if there is effective communication. To begin with, if you are the partner in the relationship who chooses to stay mum about his/her sexual orientation, it is imperative to discuss your fears with your partner openly; whether that be fear of becoming ostracized, a religious family or the fact that you haven’t completely accepted or realized where you want to be. By sharing your most intimate thoughts and feelings, you’re able to help your partner understand that it’s not about you not caring about them but that you need more time to get acquainted to your new-found status or find the right time to come out.

Gay Couple Kissing

On the other hand, caring about someone who is still afraid of being who they are can be very challenging. By understanding that they are not at the same level as you and may be having trouble with themselves, you are able to sympathize and offer your support where necessary. You should always put yourself in their shoes and remember what it was like for you before you got to where you are. If you had immediate support from friends and family, don’t think of the matter as trivial. Not everyone has the opportunity to get accepted as easily as you did. Don’t push your partner to come out or worse still; try to manipulate them into doing so. Doing this will only damage their trust in you and you may end up losing them entirely. People like to be comfortable when trying to commit to a relationship and to effectively communicate is a must. Most importantly, don’t enter into a relationship with someone who is still in the closet if you are not able to handle it. Also, make sure that you define the relationship and your expectations before getting emotionally involved.

For those people who have already come out and are enjoying their relationship, communication has to be a two way street. Both partners should be involved in making decisions which affect the relationship. You cannot expect to have it easy just because you are in a same sex relationship. For starters, make sure you have your own personal interests and hobbies in a Gay Exchange. This way, you have something interesting to discus with your partner at the end of every day. No matter how much you love your partner, it is never a good idea to make them the center of your whole world. Surround yourself with people who care about you and love you and do things that are interesting. Just like in heterosexual relationships, every person needs to have some time to themselves.

Another aspect of communication that people in both gay and retro relationships fail in is listening. Being able to listen to your partner is probably the only thing that is more important than actually expressing yourself. Whether they are calling you out on behavior from you that they don’t like, complaining about their boss or job or whatever else, they should always feel like they can talk to you. The only reason why people fail in listening is because they confuse “listening” with “help me”.

Sometimes, he/she just wants to let out steam and know that someone is on their side, no matter how ridiculous or whiny they sound. So, just sit there and actively listen. Remember, your partner isn’t stupid, so just sitting there, newspaper in hand and nodding your head isn’t going to cut it. It may actually hurt their feelings. Instead, pay attention, show your support and give your unbiased opinion. If you feel like they are asking for your help but are unsure, always ask if there is anything you can do to help. Half the time, they don’t really want any help; they just want you to be there to talk to.

Last, if you’re in an argument, don’t always be in it to win it. Your partner might let you win some arguments, but they are not always going to want to. In time, they might get fed up with it. Apologize when you are wrong and be willing to find middle ground in cases where neither one of you is willing to back down.  Additionally, keep in mind that communication transcends word of mouth. Sometimes, that long hug will make your partner feel much better about a bad situation than a conversation. When you’re lost for words, non-verbal cues will do the trick just as easily. Always remind your partner how much you love them with little gestures and a whisper about your feelings now and then. We’re not saying that you should be sappy, but don’t be afraid to let your emotions show.

A gay relationship like all relationships needs to be fueled by trust and understanding; both of which can only be achieved by open communication.

 

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PJ Weir was employed at the Gay Exchange for over a decade and was a regular contributor to the blog. He is a gay activist and an advocate for same sex marriage. PJ is proud of his aboriginal descent and has remained in a long term relationship with his partner Darren.
PJ left work in late 2014 as his mother fell ill. He has moved to Queensland where he has become her full time carer.
Unfortunately the iconic Gay Exchange, Sydney’s first all gay adult store closed down in June of 2017 as the building was taken over by the State Transit Authority to build the new rail.

10 Reasons Why I Love Being Gay!

Handsome Glitter Beard

Gone are the days when we used to be stereotyped for being gay, when people would look at us like they wished we would just die. These days we can walk around the neighborhood stealing glances at guys and even look at others who I consider cute straight in the eyes without other people paying attention.  I love being gay. I acknowledge that I am a gay guy and proud of it and having come out more than 10 years ago, ever since I was in Year 8 at school. I would also like to acknowledge the fact that being gay has played a big role in shaping me into this confident, committed, hardworking, and successful person that I am today. Many people believe that being gay entails having a tough and difficult life. To some extend yes, but life is not that easy for the straight people either so in reality the same but different to straight guys who have to worry more about family, wives, supporting others and more. All factors considered life is what you make it and according to me, it is about looking at any negative things and try to turn them into positive ones. Here are reasons why I love being gay.

Serious Gay Men

 

Being gay is most amazing as I get to experience the joys of both worlds, but for that to happen, I first had to accept and love being gay myself here are my top 10 reasons why I love being gay:

1  Appreciation of both genders:

Unlike most straight men who would not dare to admit that another guy is attractive, it goes without saying that I find guys attractive and at the same time appreciate attractive women. One great advantage of being gay is that I am able to smile at both men and women whom I find attractive and tell them to their face, ‘you are good-looking’ without necessarily having to worry about what they think of me.

2  We make the best friends:

While we gay people love straight women, we would not trade in being gay. This is due to the fact being a Singapore Gay is like the better of the two worlds. I am capable of borrowing the best from both feminine and masculine stereotypes. We make the best friends. We are dependable, fierce advocates, we tell you what you want to hear, when you need to hear – although sometimes we can be bitchy, dance and celebrate with you, fight for you, and hold your hair when you are puking. If you are female we will protect you from other straight men, and if you are a straight male protect you from other gay me, take you out, cheer you up, and most importantly, we will always be there for you when you need us.

3   People consider my insults a joke:

I would be like ‘Bitch what the fuck are you wearing?’ and she would be like,’What, Where?’ and I would be like ‘No no, Bitch I am just kidding! You f*ckin look gorgeous!’ and my fag hag would laugh it off like it is the best joke she’s ever heard. Now imagine what would happen if a straight guy told a woman or even his girlfriend that. The things we can get away with is why I love being gay.

4  Power to mock other gays:

One of the funniest benefits of being gay is that I can joke about my sexuality. This is great because it usually eases anxiety and awkwardness in defensive conversations, and even lightens the mood very easily. This is only restricted to gays because if a straight person makes such remarks, they will appear rude or homophobic. In our case it is just being comedic.

5  We make others laugh:

I personally believe we gays are angels send to earth to cheer others and make them laugh. People easily get amused when I try to do certain things in a manly way. As a homosexual with gay actions and voice, it is interesting to see other people amused when I do some things. I have friends who occasionally request me to speak with a very deep voice, and they easily laugh their heads off when I do.

6  Positive negativity:

Another one of my reasons is positive negativity, which I interpret as allowing those to hate you. I will not lie to you that everyone is going to like your newly found status. I personally had my fair share of condemnation, but what did I do? I channeled that into a smile and motivation to progress, and even become a better person.

7  Travel:

Compared to many married straight people, we make a lot of money and have a lot of disposable income. Probably the main reason is because, unlike the straight people, we are not tied down by certain expenses, particularly those associated with having kids. As a result, we look for other recreational ways to spend it, such as gay traveling. I personally do travel a lot. It is my hobby. I have traveled across all the five continents and it is such a great experience.

8  Part of a cause:

Believe it or not, I really love this reason. There are very few people in the history of our universe who have managed to go against the administration and succeeded. We as the gay community are a good example. Being gay automatically incorporates you to our major cause, which is to try and change the perspective of other people and even help or teach them about homosexuality; and so far so good. How cool is it to be part of history?

9  Meeting new friends:

Initially, I used to be scared of the thought of opening up, because I believed in doing so I would lose all my friends. The truth is this is likely to happen, but along the way most of my friends, including those I thought would never cope with the idea were cool with it; in fact, most of my friendships strengthened. In addition, I got to meet new people, especially those who shared the same status as I and built new friendships and relationships.

10  Loving who I want:

This is another great reason why I enjoy being a gay guy. I get to choose and love who I feel like, with the ability to genuinely love him without pretending. Being gay to me means I get to go through my journey of life with another guy, whom I adore, besides me. I believe this tops every gay person’s list.

Stephen is a cis-gendered gay male who spends far too much time with his two cats and eating tim tams. A self-identified sex-positive advocate he cares deeply about gender equality, disabilities, sexual education and social issues. Opinionated and bold he isn’t afraid to speak his mind and say what others won’t. With a yearning for knowledge and experience in all things relating to sex, he is a prolific writer that has developed the content for a myriad of informative Sexual Health and Wellness websites.

Stephen’s articles and writings tends to focus on social issues, sexual education, queer issues and all things fetish and absurd. He comes qualified with the completion of a double Bachelor degree in Social Sciences and literature, and a Masters in Education.

9 Tips For Long Term Relationships!

Happy Couple

‘We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect perfectly’ writes Sam Keen.

Before I finally said ‘I do to my beautiful wife, I dated a lot of women. It took me many years to realize that to better my relationship isn’t a romantic series which we all like to watch in the Television. I know you are asking yourself, What has kept you going in this relationship? To get the answer, continue reading this article and you will understand how I have managed to better my relationship the entire time I have been married.

What is important, being right or being happy?

My wife used to load the dishwasher the wrong way, squeeze the toothpaste tube in the center and do other things the wrong way. We used to argue over these small issues for quite a long time. Even there was a time I thought we would break up. That when I asked myself, What can I do to better my relationship? The first thing I did was to accept that we all have our difference. Then I realized that accepting these differences was the key to a happy relationship. I stopped micromanaging my partner by proving that I knew how to do things the right way, and accepted that there is not a wrong or right way of doing things, there is different ways. It doesn’t matter how tasks are done in the house, of important is that they have been done.

Communication is the key

It seems simple; you speak, he or she listen; and vice versa. I came to realize that it is more complex than it looks. Communication was the root of my relationship problems. Our gender differences, different personalities and contrasting way of thinking used to make the communication inside our relationship difficult. I learned to communicate effectively with my partner and this has lead to a happy and successful relationship as well as better night sleep for both of us. The biggest mistake I was making in my relationship was to deny my partner an environment where she could express her thoughts and feeling freely. My partner started to express herself freely when she realized that I wasn’t going to criticize her if she expressed herself.

Spontaneity

It is important to be spontaneous and romantic.  We ensure that once a week we do something for us, for our relationship, to bring us closer together.  Every Sunday night we ensure our plates are clean by 7pm and then have a romantic spa bath together.  With a nice glass of Chardonnay and have some down time to ourselves where all pretense is gone.  Sometimes we add pheromone spray and burn candles to add to the atmosphere.  These spa nights leave us closer and allow us some much needed and deserved intimacy that better my relationship.

Trust! We all need it

For my relationship to be solid, I came to realize that it is important to assume that my wife tells me what I need to know and do what she says that she is doing. The same should apply to her thus making this feeling to be 100% mutual. This is what trust means in our relationship. Trust is not all about fidelity, it is trusting that my partner will respect me, be honest with me and not hurt me. I have been able to better my relationship through learning how to handle conflict and anger better and not fight. We are able to tell each other the truth because we know how to handle the situation as two adults in a happy marriage.

 

Couple Moving House

Sharing unconditionally

Sharing is quite hard than it sounds. Most people aren’t good at sharing. We used to fight with my partner quite often for ownership of things and never used to let it go that easily. We used to give up the ownership of things when we were sure that they were going to benefit us in return. I came to realize that what we did with my partner was not sharing in fact, but trading. After we realized that someone had to give up something in order for us to be happy in our relationship, we haven’t fought for a very long time. I had to give up my home town and relocate to other town just for my partner. In addition, I give my wife an unconditional surprise once per week without expecting her to return the favor. It makes us feel good.

I used to assume that I knew my partner well; the truth was that I knew very little. I used to use my life skills, and make judgments and perceptions about her which I would generalize to  be the reality. I used to project my interpretation about her behavior through perception which was very wrong as I used to miss very important detail. To better my relationship, I learned how to resist my natural tendency to interpret my partner’s behavior and decided to be talking to her when I want to know what is going on. Asking as opposed to assuming has resulted to a more peaceful relationship as we are able to find out what we are truly feeling.

Our goals and dreams

I have come to realize that for us to have a successful relationship we need to nurture our individual goals, dreams and support our partner’s too. Nurturing means accepting the independence of my partner and even encouraging her. I have learned to be more independent and not depend on her 24/7 as this would mean to control her every move. In addition, I have learned to ask my partner what her dreams, goals and aspiration are, so that I can assist her to achieve them.

Handling the fights

It often said that most couples argue and fight over finance and sex a lot. But this is not really true. As I found out, we used to argue about sex and finance a lot while in fact it wasn’t about these two issues. There were more underlying issues such as control, trust and jealousy which we used to suffer from. Money and sex were very obvious because they were the currency of control in our relationship. We have learned to fight fairly in our relationship through calling time outs when things get out of control, not fighting and arguing in front of people and of important trying to solve the issue as opposed to trying to find out who is better than the other. We have abandoned the strategy of winning the fight at all cost and now work toward productive resolution which we can both accept.

Making Up Afterwards

It goes hand in hand that none of us like to fight, however one of the upsides of fight is the making up afterwards.  As mentioned above on of the bargaining currencies in a relationship is sex and make up sex always seems better, more passionate and intimate than sex when everything is going fine.  Whether it is because you are willing your frustrations out during the act because you still have anger or feel you have been wronger or trying to reinforce that you are still loved after knowing you have done the wrong thing or been a jerk, there is no denying make up sex is more intense.  By no stretch of the imagination am I suggesting you have a fight to hopefully have great make up sex afterwards but there is a silver lining in every cloud.

So in conclusion the best ways to better my relationship are free but I still take the time out to buy my spouse some sexy lingerie for occasions to reinforce my love to her and also to help her feel sexy and desired.  We have now been happy for more than 20 years and I cannot see myself living without her.

 

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Roulla was a contributor on the adultsmart blog in 2014. She has since returned to her homeland in Greece where she has taken up a career in hairdressing. We wish her well.