13 Essential Tips To Find Love In An Arranged Marriage

Indian marriage traditions

One of my friends sent his son to me who seeked some advice before his wedding day. When I talked with him I realized he was not aware of the institution of marriage. What I have observed during all these years is that boys really do not know many things about this union of two adults and this can cause further issues building a relationship.

Here in India we find that the marriages are mostly arranged ones, a match is found either through an acquaintance or through matrimonial sites. A boy or a girl will register his/her name on a matrimonial site of his/her choice with all the relevant details and seek a match. When both parties are a suitable match, they exchange horoscopes and if they are compatible there are subsequent discussions that take place and finally, after the grand wedding the girl enters the boy’s house.

The most delicate part starts here as the boy is not aware of women’s issues nor does he understand the psychology of women. I believe that every man must study women’s issues especially related to menstruation. Before he gets married he must understand the menstrual cycle and the repercussions such as bleeding, pain, cramps, mood changes and the related psychology. It is he who is going to take care of her in the initial years of building a relationship with her because she has entered his house for good and it is not the other way round.

It is his responsibility as a husband to make his wife happy so that they can both lead a good life. Here are some suggestions to make it possible.

Arranged marriage ceremony
Image: Indian Proposal

13 Tips To Build A Strong Marriage With Your New Wife

  1. In the initial days and months he must make her comfortable and help her get adjusted with the new set-up.
  2. If she is staying with you by herself, help her in small day to day work. Don’t expect her to be on her toes all the time.
  3. Never expect that as a wife she is aware of everything. She is as new as you are in this relationship, which is between two adults, not one. So maturity is essential to handle all issues that arise.
  4. She may not be a great cook. She is equally qualified as she spent her time studying and building her career just like you so she couldn’t learn culinary arts. So what? Give her some time. She knows that the way to a husband’s heart is through his stomach.
  5. Be a little romantic. Surprise her with small gifts to celebrate special days or write small ‘thank you’ and ‘i love you’ messages which will help her feel special.
  6. You must find time for her. Take her out on the weekend to celebrate with some quality time together.
  7. Always involve her in important family issues and discuss her opinions.
  8. Don’t be a mama’s boy, no wife will appreciate this idea of a mama’s boy. What if she starts being papa’s girl? So, be mature.
  9. Stop being judgemental. In any arguments between her and your mother or sister, avoid taking sides.
  10. If she has professional aspirations; help her pursue them.
  11. Remember you are her best buddy and not a typical husband. Let her feel free so she can share her thoughts freely.
  12. Don’t force her to do something which she doesn’t want to do especially in the area of sex. She is not a sex toy, don’t force her for sex, accept and respect her when she says “NO”. Understanding the difference between consensual sex and non-consensual sex is important.
  13. Give her some personal space. Marriage is not the end of her previous life, her old friends and her social life. She is an individual even after marriage.

The secret of a harmonious, loving and peaceful coexistence is to do SWOT analysis for ourselves and other people. Focusing on people’s strengths and merits rather than on their weaknesses and defects is the key to building strong relationships. When we focus on the faults of others, we only draw those negative forces on to ourselves. We are so cultured we do not want to pollute the atmosphere with negative vibrations. Let us do away with ingrained notions of prejudice and biased views. Let us eradicate the judgemental attitude we possess. No one in the world is perfect. A union through marriage, friendships and relationships brings two imperfect human beings together and makes one cohesive figure out of it. Unless we accept that we are imperfect we may lose all the possibilities of making our life blessed and blissed out.

Unspoken Signs Of Love

You may find that in a relationship a man hardly utters the words “I love you” even if a woman wants that assurance from him or she craves to hear these three words. Men do fail to understand women in the romance section and this was very true for a generation before mine. Here is a short story about this issue.

Three Magical Words

The other day there was an argument between my son and his wife. The reason she said it had happened was because he was not spending quality time with her and he was so busy he didn’t even notice her new dress. The last time he had said “I love you” to her was half a decade back, so she complained. And so the exchanging of words continued in a heated manner until it finally settled on a compromise where he had to take her on a long drive, have a lunch in a downtown restaurant and finally conclude with a movie, that Sunday.

I remembered how my grandparents loved each other. My grandparents to which my son could attribute his legacy. Whenever my grandmother was with me, she used to tell stories about how she met my grandfather and how they used to converse with each other. The stories were in a fragmented manner. Like how she never entered his room rather she would doze off in another room, she never looked up into his face and exchanged words once in a while and that too was on rare occasions. But whenever she said all these words, a faint smile lingered on her face and sometimes she would even blush, making her so attractive!

I wondered how this woman could love a man who always frowned; spoke in a low voice that was almost a growl which could frighten anyone. It baffled me, how two people who had been married for 5 decades could still be so much in love with each other. How my grandma could so clearly have this crush on my grandpa, how she could find him the most incredible man in the world when they had shared so many years of up and downs and perhaps so many of their own flaws and differences.

How could an old woman like her light up like that, when speaking of her husband? How could she smile and blush as though she was in her teens when she knew so much about the world and had made so many sacrifices for this person?

And I am sure he had never said “I love you” to her.

I love you message
Image: I love you leaf

Chemical Addiction Is Stronger Than Love

Substance abuse

Try and love an addict, then look me in the eye and tell me you didn’t get a sense of empowerment “trying to fix” them. I am not an addict, but I was hooked on trying to “fix” someone. Loving someone who is addicted to a substance is consuming. It consumes your every sense of being, it consumes your life, your mind, your self, your time, and every single aspect of your life is completely consumed even the parts you thought didn’t exist. You drop everything for them; you try and be everything for them. I wouldn’t wish knowing this feeling even on my worst enemy.

Most days I have a deep compassion for those who are in similar positions and offer my support and advice. Most days I have a better understanding for the reasons why we choose to a turn a blind eye, the reasons why we prefer to be numb. But most definitely there are the days where I feel so empowered because of how deeply I understand my fears, my pain, my personality and myself. I understand how to forgive, I understand my boundaries and this is because of all my experiences.

On bad days I hate myself. I am so angry with myself, my anxiety is through the roof, I cry at the most basic things and I cringe at the thought of being touched by someone again.

I know that after all my experiences I have become a better, stronger and smarter person. I know that I will love so deeply and I will give all of myself to my partner. I know that I can get through anything that is thrown my way, but I know not every day is the same and some days I crumble.

Substance abuse in relationships hits home hard, it hits home so hard that it makes me physically ill to think about it. You might just think the substance is the only bad thing; truth is it affects so many different aspects of a relationship and life. You can read countless articles about ways in which you can overcome these problems, but what none of them inform you about are the interpersonal conflicts that go on.

It’s not easy just to leave, it’s not easy just to seek help through councillors or rehabs and it’s not easy just to talk it out with your partner. Lies and deceit plague the relationship, everyday events are not trusted or are mistaken and taken advantage of.

Substance abuse damages social health and this is something that often isn’t spoken about or even thought of but the strain it puts on relationships is massive. It isn’t just the person who is abusing the substance that it affects; it’s the partner as well. To firstly be involved in a lifestyle, which they are not comfortable with, but also not understanding the reasons why your partner chooses this lifestyle over everything. You think to yourself “what am I doing?”. You try so damn hard to show the person you love that there is a better way of living and that life is just as fun without the substance.

But that’s exactly the problem… they think mundane things are made better and more exciting on substances, they think the only way to enjoy things is on substances and trust me it makes you feel like you’re the reason why they are on it… you see yourself as boring and obviously they need the substance to stand to be around you.

Drug addict
Image: Substance Abuse

Elements Of Successful Relationships

Even without the presence of an addiction, relationships are complex issues that take work to maintain. Successful relationships:

  • Use honest and assertive communication based on respect.
  • Are fun and rewarding.
  • Have the goal of compromise, trust and understanding.
  • Have an absence of physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, violence and aggression.
  • Can thrive with times of individuality and times of togetherness.
  • Allow for all members to feel good about themselves.

Successful relationships involve a lot of elements and when addiction becomes a problem those elements diminish and it makes the relationship a lot harder to maintain. Relationships cannot compete with the euphoric experiences that substances bring. The user will almost always put more time and energy into the substance than into maintaining the relationship.

When The Addict Builds Walls Of Secrecy

The one thing that is present in every relationship attempting to compete with a substance addiction is secrecy. It’s not the secrecy of the substance that is deliberating, it’s the constant questions of where are they? Who are they with? Why are they behaving differently? They isolate themselves and even when they are present, they aren’t really there. With this breeds trust issues, the differences between fact and fiction become apparent and it’s only a matter of time before you start to see the body language associated with your partner lying. Before too long you start to see it every single time they speak, and once that happens you never believe a word they say, promises become empty and you have no expectations for anything.

Everyone speaks about “walls” but what are they really? Walls are not boundaries, they are an emotional invisibility cloak and they are a way to have control when you don’t feel in control. It is a defence mechanism and way to stop becoming hurt before you are hurt.

You are shutting down to shut others out.

It is a coping mechanism.

Drugs That Can Induce Anger

Anger and abuse are major concerns in the relationship with someone who is addicted to a substance, this is because you learn to see the signs, you learn to manage the anger and learn what the “set offs” are. Drugs that are known to cause increased anger, irritability and violence include:

  • Alcohol
  • Cocaine
  • MDMA
  • Methamphetamine (crystal meth or ice)
  • Ritalin and other prescription stimulants
  • Steroids

It is a vicious cycle to be in, loving someone who is addicted to a substance means always avoiding the issue for the fear of starting an argument. When you do finally chose to express your hurt, the issue is magnified and a discussion can escalate into a knife being pointed or thrown at you, a firearm being placed onto your forehead or hands very securely wrapped around your throat. Some get out with minimal hurt or consequences, others aren’t so lucky, but almost all are left with emotional scaring and hurt relating to future relationships.

Healing happens at your own rate, no one is the same; self-love is the biggest asset to healing. Self-love brings trust back into yourself, because learning to touch yourself again means having the ability and strength to let someone else touch you. Working at Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres opened my eyes to the power behind sex, intimacy and how truly different we all are. The body is a wonderful and magical being, and should be celebrated, empowered and spoilt in every way possible.

Sex is the most intimate part of yourself you can give.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

9 Mischievous Valentine’s Day Sex Ideas

Valentine's kiss

Valentine’s Day is an excellent occasion to make your sexual life a bit more interesting. For couples, it gives them the perfect chance to deliver new and exciting pleasures to each other. It’s time to think about how you can please your partner and what can make the night unforgettable. Here are 9 mischievous Valentine’s Day sex ideas:

1) Dominate Your Lover

Instead of sighing and ecstatically moaning during sex, verbalize your own desires. Each of them! That is, say what your partner should do, how to stand, lie, where and how to touch or kiss you etc. Warn her that you won’t tolerate disobedience. All she needs to do is to listen and follow your orders.

2) Close Your Lover’s Eyes

For this one, you’ll need a blindfold, an ice cube, a feather, a vibrator, and other objects that you can adapt and use for foreplay. Use the blindfold to cover the girl’s eyes, then touch her in unexpected places with unexpected objects (the more unexpected the objects and the spots are, the better) until she finally begs you to take her. When her eyes are closed, other senses become sharper, so her orgasm will be unforgettable.

3) Visit New Places For Sexual Discovery

You need 10 sheets of paper and 2 pens. Each of you writes 5 places on the paper (“cinema”, “restaurant”, “parking lot” etc.), throw the pieces of paper in the hat and pull one out. Next, go straight to the location written on the paper. Find a quiet and cosy spot so you spend time enjoying each other. Sex will be spiced up with adrenaline (and the possibility of being caught is also a kind of extreme) which will feel incredible.

Valentine's restaurant date
Image: Valentine’s Date

4) Become Strangers

Meet in the lobby bar of the hotel and pretend that you don’t know each other. Offer to buy the girl a drink and try to make friends with her. You can both be whomever you would like to be and say whatever you want. For example, you can pretend to be a stewardesses, a millionaire or even a nuclear physicists.  The main thing is not to break character and act according to the role until the very end and by “the very end” we don’t mean the moment when the “stranger” agrees to go up to your room, the end is the check-out time the next morning. This way the “immersion” will be better.

Since both of you will be playing new roles (and this is the main rule), your sex will at least be non-trivial. It may even turn out to be the best in your life. Besides, it’s sometimes extremely entertaining and interesting to know how your partner sees herself.

5) Try New Sex Toys

Each of you can bring, say, 3 new sex toys to your bed and then go for a test drive trying all of them. The main thing is to be realistic about your capabilities and not turn the marathon into a sprint. Usually, the novelty of the sensations experienced inevitably affects the rapidity of a male orgasm. And the task is to unbox and try all your new purchases.

What’s the catch? This game allows both of you to suggest to your partner to try a new toy you have always wanted to bring into your sex life. When both of you are free to choose any device you want, you’ll avoid embarrassment, misunderstandings and phrases, like “normal human sex is no longer interesting to you.”

6) Try New Sex Positions

This sex position will be great if both of you want to reach maximum levels of pleasure. Get on your knees, take her by the ankles and put her feet on your shoulders. Once you’re inside her, move both her legs onto one shoulder. In this position, the blood flow to her genitals is increased, which means that sensitivity is much higher than usual. Besides, in this position, her legs aren’t spread, the vagina is tightly wrapped around the penis, which increases the sensations during friction. You can also use your hand to stimulate her clitoris.

7) Visit A New Place

Nothing brings brighter sensations than extreme sex. Why not leave the standard options for later and try something new and even exotic in the name of Valentine’s Day? Everything depends on your sexual fantasy and the level of adrenaline you wish to experience. For some couples, sex on the kitchen table is already extreme and for others, sex in a crowded bus is quite normal. Wherever passion gets you: in the fitting room of a shopping centre, on the roof of a multi-storey house, in an elevator or in a public toilet, do it.

Valentine's holiday
Image: Couple Swimming

8) Try A New Experience

According to the polls, more than 20% of couples in love go on holidays for a new sexual experience. The most innocent one is a trip to the nearest sex toy shop to buy a couple of toys and spend the night experimenting with them. But some couples go further. To spice up their sex life, they invite a third partner into their bed or even try tantric sex. Why not? Just make sure that your loved one is OK with such experiments.

9) Make It An Intimate And Romantic Atmosphere

If you’re conservative, you can simply limit yourself to a nice, romantic dinner and continue the evening in a hotel room with a glass of champagne. You can enjoy a striptease performance from your girlfriend and end the night with passionate sex. In general, everything depends on your desire and thickness of your wallet.

Make your fantasy work and give your loved one a truly new feeling. And if you happen to be alone, find yourself a mate on Contact Brides.

7 Essential Rules To Seduce A Beautiful Woman

Flirting

You’ve probably asked yourself how to show a girl that you want her in a way so that she doesn’t reject you. But in fact, it’s not about how much you want her. It’s all about her and her desire to have sex with you. The guys from Yes dates shared a couple of tips on how to gently guide the girl you fancy towards your bed.

1) Show Yourself Off

It’s easier than it seems. Most sexual interactions are motivated by women giving silent signals to the world. Your task is to direct these signals to yourself. What does it mean? For example, when you arrive at a party try to stand in the middle of the room for a while. It’s natural for girls to hang around the epicentre of the party. Besides, this gives the lady a chance to examine you from all sides. If you notice a girl you already know in the crowd, smile at her as women always prefer even casual acquaintances to suspicious strangers. Get a smile in return, catch her eye and leave the room. You already made it clear that you’re ready to make contact… To be continued.

2) Look Into Her Eyes

Making her agree to take a tour around your bedroom isn’t so difficult. Just ask her when you see that her pupils are fully dilated. This shows that at this moment, she’s receptive to everything you say. If the situation requires immediate agreement and you don’t have time to wait until the pupils have expanded all by themselves, then just dim the lights in the room. Her pupils will dilate, her receptivity and her interest in you will suddenly jump to the level you need. Carefully watch how she reacts to your words. If she takes a look to the left, be ready for a quick decision. If she looks to the right, then she most likely needs some time to think. At this moment, we can say that her positive answer will make you happy.

3) Know What To Say

If you were sexual partners in the past, tell her how much you enjoyed everything that happened between the two of you. These words will result in a surge of hormones of happiness (dopamine and oxytocin) in your companion’s body. Be sure, after such fireworks of emotions, she’ll try to do everything to make you say these words again in hope of getting a new portion of these hormones. The conditional reflex works for you in this case. This is extremely important for good flirting.

4) Stand Your Ground

A girl always prefers men who know what they want, even if they want to seduce her. Moreover, it will flatter her and make her a little more talkative. Give her all the charm you have. In a skilled seducer’s hands, this weapon can work miracles! And, of course, be persistent. It’s not so easy to refuse a persistent and charming partner who wants you and doesn’t even hide it.

5) Don’t Agree With Everything She Says

You shouldn’t agree with what your companion tells you. Girls are interested in socially dominant men. That’s why when having a conversation about anything (the topic doesn’t matter), try to argue with her from time to time, not agreeing with her words, but your arguments should be similar to her arguments. At some point, she might think that she managed to change your point of view. Let her think this way! But remember: a healthy argument is good, and throwing a glass of beer in her face is a bad argument; it can spoil the evening.

6) Be Generous

This method only works in the long run. By nature, a woman is programmed in such a way that she’s attracted to generous men. Let’s say that for her, generosity is a signal that a man has some surplus of resources which he’s ready to share. It’s not even about giving her a gold necklace and taking her to a luxury restaurant. Give some money to the homeless guy in the underpass, donate your blood, or take the bag of toys to the orphanage. First, it will make a proper impression on her. Second, these are good deeds that will boost your mood and self-esteem.

One night stand
Image: Picking-up

7) Use Non-verbal Body Language

Don’t hesitate to use long proven non-verbal ways to persuade your companion. Breathe in the same rhythm with her and repeat her gestures. Using simple techniques of non-verbal language can form a desired image of you in a person’s mind which will influence how they react and behave towards you. Repeating your partner’s gestures creates the illusion that you absolutely agree with everything she says. We don’t need to tell you how important that is, right? And the girl can relax a bit, knowing that she has nothing be afraid of with you, since you’re on the same page.

To Sum Up

Try not to show the girl that you want her too much. You need to make her want to seduce you instead. The thing is that girls don’t like when guys give them too much attention. Perhaps it’s not that noticeable, and it seems that ladies love when men show sympathy to them all the time, but it’s not true. The most important thing here is to play with her a little. Don’t try to give all that you have to her and share all of your secrets at once; don’t be afraid that she’ll leave you. If she is interested in you enough, she’ll stay by your side.