Top 10 Myths Of Happily Ever After

Relationship misconceptions

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that many of us hold on to the common relationship myths we are told, whether we are new to relationships or seasoned veterans! Breaking down relationship myths can be tough! Expectations that we gain from these myths are what drive relationships beautifully into the distance while the sunsets perfectly over the hills or straight into a wall as it pouring down with rain.

It is easy to put your sole focus on only the wonderful side of being with someone, you may look back and think meeting that person was the best thing to ever happen to you! Truth is we are not mind readers for each other, arguments are a fact of life, babies do not fix problems and people don’t change!

It is these misconceptions that make us look at our relationship with a fine tooth comb and cause us to question our partnerships. We forget that every couple is unique and you can put a “blanket” set of rules on every single relationship expecting them to be all the same.

A quick flick through your Facebook news feed reveals articles like:

“Quizzes for your perfect man!”

“What it means when he…”

“Men are secretly looking for these 9 things in their ideal woman!”

And guess what? We read these!! We hang on to the knowledge, we criticize and critique our relationships because THIS is what we are being told are the traits to a perfect relationship or perfect partner!

The truths behind these common myths that we hear and read in everyday life may help to look at your relationship in a different light.

Myth 1

“He/she just needs to change (fill in the blank) and then I will be happy.”

In relationships there is give and take but ultimately you can’t change someone or make them change, making compromises on the other hand are healthy and normal. Forcing someone to change is never a good thing and typically never works. A person has to want to change and put effort into self-improvement.

Myth 2

“Couples in good relationships don’t argue.”

Anyone can tell you it’s not about if couples argue, it is about how they argue! Arguments that avoid escalation are productive and result in resolutions through problem solving. Couples should learn to argue productively, they should not let it get out of hand and practice the relevant skills if they want to change how they deal with conflict; there should always be a resolution and different ways to overcome a certain situation.

Myth 3

“I am only jealous because I love her/him.”

Yes and no! Obviously jealously means you care about that person, but more than usual it stems from deeper issues within the relationship or within yourself. Not trusting your partner and having self-confidence issues are harmful to the relationship. You need to take a step back and evaluate the reasons why you are jealous. It could be because of your own self-confidence issues, it could be because your partner is baiting the jealously. You need to assess each situation and work out the exact reasons behind them and if you can, you might need to make some changes.

Myth 4

“Couples should have sex X amount of times a day, week or month.”

This is one of the most common myths EVERYONE has an opinion about! If you are told that having sex ATLEAST three times a week means you have a healthy and thriving relationship and you are NOT can cause you to have faulty expectations of your relationship. You might also be convinced something is wrong!

The frequency of sex will always depend on the sex drive of both partners and more so the situation of each individual couple. Everyone is different and everyone’s situations are different, some might work night shift, some might have kids and some might have stressful jobs. You never know someone else’s circumstances and asking friends is just pointless and misleading! This is something you most definitely need to discuss with your partner!

Myth 5

“Having a child will strengthen your relationship or marriage.”

The fact is this never works! Children bring challenges and complications. Bringing a child into the world doesn’t just magically fix a broken relationship.

Dating Expectations
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Myth 6

“If you are truly in love, passion will never fade.”

This lovely myth is popular thanks to all the movies and romantic novels that we read. We then assume that there are always constant never ending passion and sparks in a relationship! If the passion and sparks disappear in a relationship people assume the relationship is doomed, in trouble and failing. Truth is passion naturally diminishes in all relationships; daily routines and life are the basic culprits. Playfulness can boost passion, intimacy, adventure and exploration. All these things shouldn’t cease in a relationship, love is a constant journey!

Myth 7

“You should be able to read your partners mind and vice versa.”

Spending time with your partner does help to sometimes anticipate his or her wants and needs but being in a relationship doesn’t make you a mind reader. The more time you spend with your loved one you will eventually get to know what they like, what they don’t like and even their preferences. But I’m sorry sciences have not yet proven the existence of telepathy in relationship, reading their mind will never happen! Regularly expressing what you’re feeling and thinking will encourage the same treatment back, this is a type of healthy communication that is needed in a relationship which helps to avoid disappointment, anger and sadness.

Myth 8

“Never go to bed angry.”

It is always a better to resolve conflicts before going to bed but it’s not always realistic. There are always circumstances that prevent this from always being an option. What you should do if you can’t resolve an argument before you go to bed is to decide mutually to resolve it at another time. This does not always work as some people do need time to get over the issue and settle down. You need to give them some space, calm down and work it out when you both have a clear head.

Myth 9

“Relationships must be 50/50.”

It is tough to split a relationship down the middle and keep it 50/50. Keeping score of efforts made in the relationship is also dangerous. When you feel yourself tally up who wins, who loses and who’s done what, you need to remember that you are a team! You need to acknowledge your partners contributions and remain open to his or her needs.

Myth 10

“No one will love you just as you are.”

Unworthiness is a feeling that stems from unresolved experiences in the past, this can lead you to believe that the only way to form a relationship is to change. The total opposite is actually true; the strongest, truest bonds come with transparency and honesty. There is no doubt that you will feel most comfortable when you know the other person is seeing the real you, knowing they are accepting the true you and who you really are. This brings the intimacy and unconditional love we all crave.

After reading these do you have a different view on relationship myths?

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

A Mind Tearing Apart With Borderline Personality

Bipolar mood swings

So I have been writing about finding my feet working within the kink world and trying to put a comical spin on it. There was a much darker struggle going on in my personal life as my professional life developed.

Personal Relationships And Working In The Sex Industry

I was with my first partner for nearly 5 years. We were engaged and we had planned our life together. We had named the children we were going to have one day. She did the make-up and hair styling for my photo shoots. Within the first year of starting out just as a hobby we were both working professionally in our respective fields. It really looked as though we had our lives figured out. There was excellent money to be made covering weddings and we were well and truly on the track to working one day a week, 24 weeks a year.

I got my first professional job assisting a wedding photographer and shortly after that I was also working in a chain studio in shopping centres doing mostly family portraiture. My partner followed me to both jobs and was soon working alongside me and also doing very well for herself. My work sharpened up very quickly, I was headhunted to work for another very busy portrait and glamour studio in the city. I also started freelancing heavily in commercial and fashion photography. At the time, I was also working nights shooting privately for many of Sydney’s escorts and exotic dancers. Updating portfolios for websites and helping newcomers to the industry get a foot in the door. I WAS BUSY.

Exotic dancer on a pole
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I buried myself in work because I was hiding from the emotional wreckage that was the failed relationship that I know we both felt totally trapped in. See, my partner was an amazing girl. She was also totally crippled by the medication she was on for anxiety. It caused weight gain which made her depressed as she was severely self-conscious. This caused a vicious spiral of eating disorders, self-harm and self-medication.

I tried to help but I soon learned, you can drag someone down but you can’t drag them up. It’s almost too easy to make someone miserable but it’s really difficult to make someone happy permanently.

I faced daily accusations of infidelity. I was confronted with “evidence” consisting of social media messages, text messages and emails between friends and clients, all of which were innocently discussing kinky subject matter.

I was photographing fashion lines for a large importing company. I was paid $250 per campaign and could shoot anything from two to ten campaigns a day. I had been working for this company a few days a week casually while their head photographer was off sick. It was made known to me that he wasn’t coming back and the position was mine if I wanted it. I wished for years after that money solved problems because I turned them down.

My partner was no longer fit for work but was not eligible for disability whilst living with me. I remember the conversation like it happened 5 minutes ago.

Me:

“I’ve made it. We can move to the city and start our family.”

Her:

“I don’t want to have children with you anymore.”

I grew up poor, my Dad stopped working when I was 13 and I started working shortly after. I didn’t want my kids to go without. I wanted them to have everything. The deal was we waited to see if working as artists was going to pay off. If not one of us would work and the other would get an education. When the opportunity to work professionally as an artist came up, I was the most excited I had ever been. I wouldn’t be working for 6 different clients on a weekly basis. I could settle into a routine and provide for a family. We had problems and I know in retrospect that I was avoiding them but at the time I thought the money would fix everything.

So I turned them down, cut my workload to a bare minimum and decided I would properly try and help her through whatever she was dealing with. Over the years she had refused professional help at every turn. Hospital visits following self-harm were regular. It was like taking a scared dog to the vet. I hate talking about it that way but that is the best metaphor I could come up with to properly illustrate the process.

See, my partner was suffering from an undiagnosed mental illness and our situation couldn’t have been more toxic for her. If she had sought out professional mental health help sooner we could have handled our relationship so much better. I know we wouldn’t have stayed together. Our values had drifted apart. We were no longer on the same journey together but we both could have dealt with the fallout without the collateral damage.

We eventually got back on speaking terms again years later and she had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi-Polar Disorder. She was still dealing with the same issues but was much more settled into life. She was still unable to work but hadn’t had a manic episode.

I won’t go into too much depth about these disorders now. However…

Symptoms Of Borderline Personality Disorder Are As Follows

  • Feeling empty
  • Low self-esteem
  • Paranoia or emotional detachment
  • Anxiety about relationships
  • Making efforts to avoid being abandoned
  • Impulsive and risky behaviour
  • Self-harm
  • Threatening or attempting suicide
  • Anger, moodiness and irritability

She literally was a textbook case. Professional diagnosis and help provided immediate improvement in her quality of life once she finally went out and got it. This is not always the case for mental health issues but so many people suffer in silence.

In our relationship, I would literally be her personal Jesus at breakfast and the bringer of the apocalypse at brunch. A high paid job designing a website for a pro Dominatrix must mean that I am cheating on her. Doing a shoot for a friend means there must be indiscretions. There were many times where we would work on a shoot together and then a few days later the accusations would start. I would be questioned on behaviours that TRULY HAD NOT OCCURRED. Things I had and had not said were examined for deeper meaning. She was caught in the crossfire of a mind tearing her apart and a life that couldn’t have been more triggering.

Symptoms Of Borderline Personality Disorder
Images: Borderline Personality Disorder

SO… Why Is All This Important?

I was going on a journey of sexual awakening alone in my professional career. I turned down massive opportunities regularly. I stayed because I felt guilty that it was all really an illusion. I wanted so badly for the picture of our lives that we had made together to become a reality. I was never unfaithful. I was working with burlesque performers, exotic dancers, pro doms and subs, escorts and more. I also learned that sex is really, really good.

And yet… I had NEVER given my first and only partner at the time an orgasm and felt guilty even asking her to participate.

The medication she had been on since she was child for depression had made her completely numb. It was just a fact of life that it was never going to happen. She was 5’8” with gorgeous long black hair, a Gothic look and… not that it’s important but a very full F cup bra. She was a makeup artist. She was ALWAYS outright stared at in public because she was breathtakingly stunning… and we weren’t having sex. Like ever.

I discovered with other partners later what a wonderful journey sexual exploration is for two people who are truly willing. This was some time ago, the leaps and bounds I have seen for help that is available for people in these situations is amazing. NO MATTER how perfect things look on the outside. If something is broken. FIX IT. SEEK HELP.

Here is the thing, I should have left her. YEARS prior but I stayed out of obligation. I should have looked for help for my own mental health and wellbeing. My own happiness had not been important for years. I had only superficially enjoyed what was an amazing rollercoaster ride of a new and exciting career.

“I don’t connect with my life partner on any level”

It was a real problem that I ignored because I didn’t know any better either.

JJ Maher has been a professional photographer since 2008 covering all facets from shiny glamour to wedding photographs. As he progressed in his career he began to specialize in portraits of people with particular interest in adult erotica and those living outside of the norm in society. His magnificent portfolio speaks for itself and we welcome his insight and stories of his shoots, how he meets his subjects and the interesting tales he has to tell. Oh, and he is also right into music !

Navigating A Relationship’s Emotional Roller Coaster

Managing your emotions with communication skills

Lately I have been particularly interested in witnessing the ways people behave in intimate relationships. Relationship dynamics fascinate me and seeing how people are with their partners – what works well, what is destructive and where people are thriving- allows me an opportunity to reflect on my own behaviours and values when it comes to the relationships in my life.

Good communication skills, presence, mutual respect, passion & love are just a few of the qualities that are vital in a romantic relationship. I also believe a significant aspect of what makes a relationship healthy & functional is an individual’s willingness to take ownership of the emotions they experience.

Upon a quick google search, I found an emotion to be defined as

“a strong feeling deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.”

I find this definition encompasses the most important notion I support and that is emotions are our own. They can be affected by others but they ultimately are ours alone to feel.

How To Manage Emotional Projection

Many people go about relationships blaming the occurrence of certain emotions on their partner’s actions.

“She did this and that made me feel angry.”

“He doesn’t put effort into our relationship by making sex romantic with massage oils and sexual health aids!”

“He didn’t want to have sex with me so he made me feel unattractive.”

As well as being a disempowering way to go about life, this kind of behaviour can really cause chaos and disconnection between intimate partners.

It is usual that emotions that don’t feel good are usually the ones we attempt to offload onto our partners however the same can be said for feelings of joy & pleasure. The other day whilst experiencing gratitude for my partner, I told him how happy he makes me. As the words came out of my mouth, I felt my power slipping away with them. It did not feel true and authentic because I know that happiness is of my own making. I feel so much joy and happiness with my man and I love how I feel around him but he does not make me feel anything. Sure, he can behave in a way that triggers certain feelings & emotions within me but they are ultimately my feelings. By believing that he makes me feel a certain way feels dis-empowering for both of us.

Buddha Quote About Anger
Image: Buddha Quote

Expressing ones’ emotions without projecting them onto another is not usual practice for many people. It requires a level of self-awareness to feel your emotions and a dedication to step away from projecting them onto someone else-instead expressing them in a non-destructive and healthy way. Some healthy ways of expressing our emotions can involve bashing a pillow and getting out any anger that we may be feeling before communicating to our partner when we’re feeling frustrated or having a good cry, expressing our sadness and pain without blaming them for making us feel that way. When expressing our feelings to our partner, I also recommend speaking your own experience. It may look something like

“When you did this, I felt sadness and frustration”

or

“I felt really insecure when I saw you checking out that man.”

Communicating in this way is taking ownership of our own experiences instead of playing victim to them, whilst also acknowledging the fact that how your partner behaved played a part in how you felt. This brings me to my next point…

Buillding Strong Relationships With Communication
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Taking Ownership Of Your Feelings

What I believe is really important to understand is that when I speak of ownership of feelings, I don’t mean to say we can go around doing whatever the hell we want with little regard for the repercussions we may have on our partner. This person we are choosing to be with deserves our utmost respect, love and honouring when making choices in life. If you don’t feel this to be the case then it may be time to reassess your intentions & values in relationship. Actions we take in life that are done in full integrity and alignment may mean our partners do experience emotions that do not feel so great. It is not our job to change that or live in a way where we make choices based on fearing how we feel they may react. The best thing we can do is encourage the most authentic expression of the people we love, allow them the time and space to speak their truth and feel whatever emotions they are feeling-all this without feeling a need to fix anything or take it personally.

Growing up, males are rarely encouraged to feel & express their emotions and females are usually taught that being an emotional person is burdensome or somehow makes them crazy. Letting our partners know that we encourage them to express themselves and feel whatever they are feeling without judging them for it is so important for both men and women in relationships.  I feel it is about time we shift these inauthentic ways of being so that we can feel our feelings and express ourselves in any way we see fit without causing harm to those we love.

Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing

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Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Committing To Loving A Man Behind Bars

Maintaining A Loving Relationship

Picture your typical Friday evening leaving work for the day, thinking about what needs to be done when you get home and your only worry is deciding what you’re going to make for dinner…

Instead you come home to complete devastation. Your house is wide open, all the lights are on, doors wide open, curtains ripped down and your belongings are thrown around in piles all over the floor. Your puppies are nowhere to be seen. Your eyes are watering, your nose and throat are burning because there is that much pepper spray and your partner is missing… the only thing that explains anything is a piece of paper taped to your side gate. Hours later your partner returns home and everything finally hits as to what has happened.

That is just the start of the violation and betrayal you feel.

It’s a struggle to wrap your head around everything, a home you shared with someone special in your life has been destroyed and you’re now alone. Even the fact of how this all came to light? You find out the person you have shared a life with wasn’t leading the life you thought. You feel torn and emotional, your partner is being locked up and you are on your own with it- while still in shock and feeling traumatised.

I don’t know what it feels to be the person in jail nor do I know what it feels like to be that person’s parents, brother or sister etc. But I do know how it feels to be that person’s partner, together for four a half years and now the start of a whole new kind of relationship.

Prison visits are not what you think they might be, there is no rooms where you can be completely intimate with each other. There is just open rooms with tables and chairs that are bolted to the concrete floor, CCTV cameras everywhere, jumpsuits that are cable tied at the back and prison guards constantly watching your every move.

You are now faced with the feeling of yourself actually being locked in, long queues with people who appear anything from carefree- been there, done it all too often- feeling just as traumatised as you, being subjected to security checks; having to endure searches, including your hair and mouth, sniffer dogs deployed to detect illegal drugs and tobacco, and CCTV and lots of it!

You feel like you are the one who has committed the crime, your led into cold and clinical visiting rooms; it all feels alien and degrading.

Something as simple as a hug and kiss become the only bit of intimacy you get, and even that is watched with peering eyes not just by the prison guards but also the other inmates as well. Your phone calls are only six minutes long and they are always being listened into, guards read letters before they are given to your partner so nothing is private. Even photos you’d be happy to post on Facebook are questioned, because you have to remember that not all these guys have girlfriends and or wives, and some have been in for a very long time…

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Depending on what your partner is in jail for really determines how much you can handle, when your partner has lead a “double life” as such, there is some horrible truths, rumours and lies that also surface.

There are a few attributes of a prison wife/girlfriend;

Patience

When your partner is in prison patience is a huge attribute, you have to patiently wait throughout the duration of not only your partners sentence but also for their calls and letters. You might get a few calls a day or not hear from your partner for days. Letters take a week to get to them, and then you have to wait for a reply. All your conversations are delayed, and you cant just pick up the phone and call them.

On the outside after release there are inevitable adjustments that requires even more patience than waiting for a prison term to end. But learning to face adversity with determination will pay off when it comes to the strength of the relationship.

 

Loyalty

Loyalty and trust is imperative for the relationship to function and survive, if there are any doubts in the relationship it can cause issues and arguments. Also being able to withstand judgment from family or friends can be difficult, as everyone will have their own opinion as to what you should be doing in the relationship.

 

Forgiveness

Forgiveness can be one of the biggest hurdles; there is a lot of time for reflection on the situation. Holding a grudge when you’re hurting is very common and it almost always makes it hurt more and in turn make you miserable.

Overthinking can actually inflict more pain over time then the initial hurt did. Forgiveness not only takes a weight off your shoulders but also gives the relationship hope and a fresh platform in which to continue on.

 

Hope

Hope is a powerful tool not only for your partner but for yourself as well. When your partner is in prison you no longer have the constant reassurance of your partner’s love or commitment that in itself can be incredibly difficult.

To find hope in the darkest of times gives you the confidence to be able to support your own feelings and emotions. Writing letters everyday can provide not only support for your partner but also can be used as a form of support for yourself. Expressing ones feelings through writing takes the burden off your mind, and is a great tool for triumphing over the separation you are feeling.

Motivation

Giving up is easy; pushing through the hard times to want more from life is hard especially when you feel there is nothing left for you. Talking about goals with your partner gives motivation to the relationship and a want to do better when they are released. It is easy to fall back into olds ways but with confidence, a better life can be formed.

Helping to find a job after can be hard but to know that you are bettering yourself and your family can be the motivation they need to try harder for a better life, and a life away from crime.  A we are in this together attitude is important!

Persistence

Hard work does pay off; strength in diversity will make your relationship unbreakable, and a healthier and happier partnership. It’s not about agreeing with what your partner has done or accepting their lifestyle, its showing them there is a better life out there and there is no need for deceit and crime. Deceit and lying are the main issues in this lifestyle, it is a horrible world and showing them there is something better out there for them with constant support can make the relationship full again.

It’s not all roses though and sometimes the small thorn that was present before becomes larger, a perspective is normally shown. You find yourself questioning the previous lifestyle you were subjected to and if that lifestyle sits right with you.

Self-exploration, and going back to the basics really shows who a person is and what they are willing to achieve in life. When a relationship flourishes with only phone calls and letters anything is possible. You cherish those moments when you can just hold your partner and hear his heart beat when you hug him, the peering eyes don’t phase you anymore because in that moment it’s just you and him. This is really when you start to realise how much you love each other, and in turn you realise how much they truly love you. It’s not always what you think though, and realising a relationship is one sided is painful.

Whether you chose to stay or leave you need to make that decision for yourself, a relationship is that, just a relationship like any other. Without love and trust there is nothing, and there is no need to seek other fulfilment just for selfish needs.

Be true to yourself and your partner, sometimes you can fix what is broken, other times you can’t. At the end of the day respect and trust triumph through all the hard times, you just need to know where your heart and your head stand. If you are working towards rebuilding your relationship, you can use sexual aids and sex games to reignite passion.

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle CentresSave

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Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

5 Ways to U-Haul a Lesbian Death Bed

Lesbian Relationships Photo

​​Packing all of your belonging’s into a U-Haul to move in together after just 3 months is possibly the greatest tradition in lesbian civilization. Alas, it is not just a great joke followed by a wink and a nudge after a first same-sex date – I too am guilty of adhering to the ‘stereotype’ and packed up all of my belongings to move in with my partner after just a few short months.

 

U-Hail Lesbian Relationships Photo
Photo: U-Hail Lesbian Relationships

 

The beginning of the relationship is fiery, thrilling, impromptu. You find yourself having sex anywhere you can –  you need it.
But what happens when the ‘newness’ of the relationship wears off? If you’re unlucky, calamity is certain *Dun dun dunnnnnn* –  Lesbian Bed Death. It’s a real thing. Sure, not something that is exclusive to lesbian relationships; though, studies show that long-term lesbian relationships are most at ‘risk’ of having less sex than other couples, and can experience lower levels of intimacy. And as a self-obsessed female in a lesbian relationship, I’m going to explain why you may be feeling this way and give you some tips to help you out of it.
It’s important that you know that I’m not saying it’s the end of the world and I’m certainly not saying that you’re never going to have fiery, thrilling, impromptu sex again, believe me! Though I do know that once you start going down that rabbit hole, it can seem like the pressure of having great sex feels endless and paradoxically, whilst wanting to fix the issue, the pressure of doing so can lead to even less sex or no sex.
Old Lady Photo
Photo: Elderly Lady

 

Usually by this time you’re both aware of your ‘issues’, though if you feel as though your partner doesn’t fully understand, or isn’t struggling as much as you are – you should definitely begin by talking about what’s happening.
Below are a few other things you could try to kick start that fire:
1. Talk about it. Does your partner feel the same?
No: Tell them how you’re feeling. Explain that you’re feeling distant from them. Assess their reaction and progress to ‘yes’.
Yes: Discuss what might be causing a lack of desire. Exhaustion? Stress? A schedule clash?
The good news is that all of the above you can fix. You most likely need to take some time out for yourselves and then take some time to be with each other. It is common when feeling exhausted or stressed to feel as though you have no time for yourself. Then adding in someone else who feels as though you have no time for them, it can become incredibly frustrating.
Take a bit of time for yourself. Go on a walk, have a bath, get your hair done, wax your legs; whatever makes you feel good, you know? If you’ve been neglecting yourself you need to build you back up first. Now you can focus on mending those holes. Schedule clash? Plan your weeks together. Get out your diaries and make sure you have a couple of free evenings together and maybe a full day (or ideally all weekend) to spend together.
2. If you’ve tried making yourselves have sex for the sake of it, and it hasn’t sparked that fire, try to not have sex for 30 days. I know, I know. You’re trying to get it on, but sometimes giving yourselves a break from ‘forcing’ the deed can reset that desire and build up some sexual tension. This means no touching of anything that’s usually covered by your bra or underwear, okay!
You’ll need to mutually agree to this but it is a great way to build up some ‘organic’ sexual tension.
Try other intimate practices. Back/shoulder massages, a candle lit bath together or even a candle lit w/vino dinner. The idea of no sex for a month isn’t to drive you away from each other, it’s to still get your intimacy fix, whilst sub-consciously building back up that desire.
3. Whilst on that 30 day rest, try to not discuss sex either. Lesbians love to overthink and can over talk just about anything to demise. Leave the topic off of the list. If you’re both already experiencing a stint in your sex drives, you’ve probably already given each other shit about it, especially if you’re a psycho lesbian like me anyway. Because you know, it’s never your fault!
Put the topic away. Don’t even think about it. Why create more stress than you’re already experiencing?
4. BRING BACK DATE NIGHT. So frequently at the beginning of a relationship, we surprise each other or set a night which is your night. Bring that back. Don’t invite anyone else. Do an activity, or ideally something which you can really enjoy each other’s company doing. For example, bowling, dinner at a restaurant or try learning a new skill together like a cooking class, or a sculpting class.
If you’re on a low budget, clear the house of any house mates and do an activity together at home or have a games night. Trust me, it’s a great, inexpensive way to re-connect with each other.
5. During your month of no sex, adopt a ‘no criticism policy’. Just stop! It’s so easy to snap at your partner when you’re feeling stressed or tired, and say something hurtful or critical that is unnecessary. That negativity boils over and that could be the reason you’re in this situation. I’m the worst, if I’m having a bad day or I’m feeling down, I’ve been known (slight understatement) to pick at my partner at the little things and just being a generally bitter bitch. Stop that!
Compliment each other. Thank them for things. “Hey thanks for cleaning the kitchen” or “thanks or doing some washing”. Negativity breeds negativity and naturally if you flip that positivity is only going to breed positivity.
Lesbian bed death isn’t the end of your relationship and there are SO many more things you can try to get back into the swing of things. All it takes is a little romancin’, a date night and being less critical of each other, to get you back to those early passionate days.
Happy re-connecting!

 

About the author: Chloe is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Richard runs the marketing and social profiles of adultsmart and adultsmart blog. He has been in the industry just over 10 years and enjoys his role both in an administrative capacity as well keeping abreast of issues relating to sexual health and lifestyles.