Have More Sex for Sounder Sleep

Lack of sleep is very common in Australia with as many as 39.8% of Australian adults battling to get a good night’s rest on a regular basis according to a report commissioned by the Sleep Health Foundation. This means that a whopping 7.4 million people are not sleeping as well as they should. While there are countless ways to try and combat insomnia such as prescription medication, herbal remedies, and white noise machines there is a much easier (and more enjoyable) way to ensure you catch some z’s at night: sex. More than 60% of people have indicated sounder sleep after a frolic between the sheets according to Dr Michele Lastella from the Appleton Institute of Behavioral Science at the Central Queensland University. So is sex really the answer to your sleepless nights? Let’s find out.

Sex releases sleep-inducing chemicals

When you have a mind-blowing orgasm, your body releases large amounts of hormones that envelope you in a multitude of warm & fuzzy feelings. Among these feel-good hormones are oxytocin, vasopressin, and dopamine which can all contribute greatly towards you getting a good night’s rest.  Of these, oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) is of most value to women as it reduces stress which is known to be a great contributor to insomnia. Dopamine, which triggers immense feelings of pleasure, helps you unwind before going to bed while vasopressin is known to be conducive of sleep. Apart from releasing a number of satisfying hormones, sex also surpasses the body’s dopamine secretion which results in reduced stress levels and an increased sense of euphoria.

Everyone sleeps better after a workout

By now we all know that regular exercise is good for us, but did you know that exercising could be the cure to your insomnia? Studies have shown that a stint of exercise of moderate to mild intensity can significantly reduce the amount of time it takes to fall asleep as well as enhance the quality of your sleep. Exercise has also been proven to decrease the seriousness of sleep-disordered breathing as well as lessen the severity of obstructive sleep apnea. While no one is going to prevent you from joining a gym or going for lengthy nightly jogs, you can always just get frisky in bed to reap the same benefits. If anyone dares tell you that sex is not considered to be real exercise, you can point out that sex burns up to 3.6 calories a minute which is more than your average vigorous walk does.

You send the correct signals to your brain

While having sex with the lights on is definitely hot, you can actually benefit by getting kinky in the dark as well. When we find ourselves in a horizontal position in bed our bodies tend to assume that it is time to prepare for sleep. According to bedtester.com, a comfortable mattress is paramount to sleeping through the night. By applying this logic to your entire bedtime routine, having sex on a comfortable mattress will give you the best possible chance at sound sleep as it is bound to leave you feeling completely relaxed, happy, and in need of proper rest afterwards.

If you don’t have a partner, go solo

While having a hot sexual partner to fool around with is ideal, it is important to note that it is the orgasm and not the actual sex that improves your sleep cycle. This basically means that, by masturbating, you can reap the exact same benefits as you would by working up a sweat with your partner. Next time you are battling to fall asleep, instead of popping a couple of sleeping tablets, practice some self-love instead. Masturbating will not only relax you, but the endorphins released during your very pleasurable orgasm will help you fall off to sleep happy and fulfilled.

Prepare for a wonderful chain reaction

While sex can undoubtedly help you sleep better at night, one cannot ignore the fact that more sleep can improve your sex life. According to research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, getting enough sleep can give your sexual response a very healthy boost which may lead to more frequent sex which will, in turn, improve your quality of sleep even more. If sex helps you sleep better, and sleep makes you have better sex you undoubtedly need to increase the frequency of both in your life as soon as possible.

It is good to know that, apart from supplying you with unmatched pleasure, sex is also good for you. If you often find yourself tossing and turning at night, encourage your partner to engage in some insomnia-busting sex sessions or, alternatively, lube up your vibrator or sex sleeve and orgasm your way to peaceful, sound sleep.

When Things Go Bad!

Relationships can be a funny thing.  It does not matter how hard or little you work at them they are always evolving.  A struggle for dominance here has an effect there.  The ramifications may not be felt for years as we hang onto our bag of resentments, till it gets to a stage where we can no longer close it and out floods pent up angst and emotional overload.

Things sometimes seem to be going alright for one partner and then one day out of the blue, kapow,  a direct hit between the eyes.   How one chooses to deal with this can impact negatively or positively for the rest of your lives.  If it is a long term relationship getting used to the idea of being single could be daunting or it could be liberating depending on which side of the fence you are sitting.  But there is no denying the emotional overflow will have a profound effect on both parties.

We have all heard the words

‘We will keep this civil’

but how often do you hear of a ‘civil’ separation becoming uncivil and full of vitriolic.  Especially when there are kids, property or worse still solicitors involved.  Being fair is relative!

What should you do if you are in this situation?  The offered ‘solutions’ many times seem promising but a couple has to be ‘on the same page’ and want to stay together.  It may be too late for one party or both to forgive or compromise.  Unresolved pent up resentments are clung onto like a security blanket to ensure that never again will someone be exposed to perceived hurts, despair, unfairness.  To allow trust and forgiveness is a big ask.

38% of couples seeking marriage/couples therapy or counseling will end up in separation or divorce within 4 years of the ‘treatment’.  Still it is a better than 50% chance.  However when you consider divorce or separation effects up to 60% of second and third marriages/relationships on would assume there are dark clouds are on the horizon.

However it may not be all doom and gloom as it is reported that only 8% of couples having marital or relationship disharmony at their second and third attempt will actually attend couples therapy.   And the success rate is well over the 50%.

A survey from the BBC found that over 75% of relationships experienced a ‘breaking point’ of relationship disharmony.

Relate – one of the largest marriage counseling agencies use a mixture of theoretical models to work through their clients’ problems. Systemic ideas involve getting individuals to see the effects of their behaviour on others – someone who has had an affair, for example, may not see it as the terrible betrayal their partner feels it is. The second theoretical model is a psychodynamic one that deals more with the unconscious processes people bring to their relationships. Arguments over who loads the dishwasher may really be baggage from work (you are really fighting with your boss) or a previous relationship. If it sounds Freudian, that’s because – loosely – it is.

The most popular and effective forms of couples therapies in order of their statistical success are –

 

  • 1) Gottman Method. …
  • 2) Narrative Therapy. …
  • 3) Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. …
  • 4) Positive Psychology. …
  • 5) Imago Relationship Therapy. …
  • 6) Communication Therapy. …
  • 7) Exploring Unconscious Past Roots of Problems – Psychoanalysis Therapy…..

“Love is not a contract between two narcissists. It’s more than that. It’s a construction that compels the participants to go beyond narcissism. In order that love lasts one has to reinvent oneself.” – French Philosopher Alain Badiou

For successful couples therapy empathy and respect for the other must be shown or it is doomed for failure.  7 tips psychologists give for before and whilst entering into therapy –

1. Use “I statement” feeling terms, but don’t use “you.”
2. Count to ten before speaking.
3. Implement the I-Thou.
4. Practice active listening.
5. Connect physically.

6. Meet on a bridge/halfway.

7. Engage in daily empathy actions.

And of course the number one killer of relationships is resentments.    Methods to keep them in check are –

  1. Focus on the solution rather than the problem. This is a healthy and future-oriented way of dealing with resentment. …
  2. Look twice at your analysis of the situation. Sometimes, we hold resentments based on perceived faults. …
  3. Focus on your strengths not the others weaknesses…

Believe it or not, many experts agree that holding onto resentments is addictive.  That if you cannot let go of a resentment it festers and creates a vacuum that will suck in more resentments.  Resentments can actually make the person holding them feel superior with the unhealthy feeling ‘if I have been wronged then I am better than him/her.’  A holier than thou attitude which is never conducive to solve a problem.

A solution to expelling resentments sounds simple but is often hard to do.  One word is the solution though –

Forgiveness

not only of the person that you hold resentment for, but yourself.

Another is

Venting

allows the perceived wronged to put their issues on the table, feel heard and let go.  But it takes tolerance and understanding of the one on the receiving end.

Relationships can be hard work but the benefits of loving and being loved.  Of having someone beside you ‘that has your back’, to grow old with together are well worth the effort and risk.   There is a saying and I am not sure who it is from but it goes along the lines of –

‘True love means putting the other persons needs first.’  For all those narcissists out there – it would be a bitter pill to swallow but one that once taken can be eye-opening and inspiring!

See the follow up article When It’s Done!

Singing In The Rain (1952) – Dr. Satish Movie Review

Have you ever become transcendental when the sky becomes dark and it is about to rain? Does your heart gets elated imagining yourself getting drenched in the torrential down pour and throw your  raincoat to the winds? And then croon a beautiful song while getting wet from head to toe and dance in the muddy puddle splashing the water all over,  careless of the world around you? If so you have fallen in love, just like Gene Kelly when he sings “Singing In The Rain” .
His solo dance  right after he as Don Lockwood  and young Kathy Selden ( Debbie Reynolds) realize they’re falling in love. That explains the dance: He doesn’t mind getting wet, because he’s smitten with romance. He dances with the umbrella, swings from a lamppost, has one foot on the curb and the other in the gutter, and in the scene’s high point, simply jumps up and down in a rain puddle. And when the policeman is in the sight… he does a wonderful acrobatic which only a Gene Kelly class can do.  Yes It is a title song of the film. It is as fresh as a dew on the rose petal and classic musical in the league of Sound Of Music, My Fair Lady, Mary Poppins, An American In Paris and many others.   But “Singin’ in the Rain” is a transcendent experience, and no one who loves movies can afford to miss it.

The three stars–Gene Kelly, Donald O’Connorand 19-year-old Debbie Reynolds- make the movie most memorable by their sheer footwork. The movie is  about the film industry in a period of risky transition. From silent to talkies. It  shoecases the changeover in a simplified manner at the same time keeping the authenticity in tact. Like   how the microphones were hidden in the flowerpots, how the cameras were kept in soundproof rooms,  The movie simplifies the changeover from silents to talkies, but doesn’t falsify it. And, yes, preview audiences did laugh when they first heard the voices of some of the actors.
When the film was made in 1952. Gene Kelly and O’Connor were established stars, and were past masters in the footing section.  Watch O’Connor’s “Make ’em Laugh” number in this film. It remains one of the most amazing dance sequences ever filmed in Hollywood.  A majority part in longer takes and oh  no dummy and no  body double and no computer animation .  He grapples with a mannequin, runs up  the walls. His somersaults? Matchless. He flings  himself  in the air  like a rag doll, dashes  into a brick wall and a lumber plank, turns cartwheels on the floor and smashes  into  a drapery.
Debbie Reynolds was comparatively  a newcomer, with five small roles previously, and this was her big break. She had  to match the professionals like Kelly and O’ Connor. Well what she did? Watch her determination. This petite girl  takes giant strides when they all march toward a couch in the “Good Morning” and finishes as if she werea  guru to these two men.
Now let us talk about most interesting character in the film. Lina Lamont (Jean Hagen), the blond bolt from the blue with the voice like, have you ever   scratched  your fingernails on a wooden plank? How is the sound? Yes she has the same. She plays a comic dumbo.   A blond, who  reads  in the fan magazine that she is in love with her leading man, Don Lockwood (Kelly), and believes it.  When questioned about it and explained that it is all false, she blurts out,   “What do they think I am? Dumb or something? Why, I make more money than Calvin Coolidge put together!”  She steals the scene.  The real Hagen had a perfectly acceptable and sweet  voice. But this role helped her win an Oscar nomination for best supporting actress.
The climax is wonderful. Lina had borrowed her voice from Kathy but when audience cheers Lina to sing on stage, everyone is in dilemma.  Kathy is requested to sing behind the curtain  while Lina mouths the words. Lockwood and studio boss, after some minutes raise  the curtain and when  the audience sees the trick, all hell breaks loose.  Lina’s face is drained of color,  Kathy takes  flight down the aisle—to save herself from the embarrassment but then, Lockwood, onstage, cries out, “Ladies and gentlemen, stop that girl! That girl running up the aisle! That’s the girl whose voice you heard and loved tonight! She’s the real star of the picture–Kathy Selden!”  It makes one of the great romantic moments in the movies.
The magic of “Singin’ in the Rain” will live on forever.
Dr. Satish

The Truth About Valentines Day!

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and while many people prepare lavish gifts and nights out with their loved one, there are those of us that dread this day. It can already be hard enough to see couples out when you pick up your morning coffee, but for some reason, it seems that much harder on Valentine’s Day.

Films and fairy tales have a lot to answer for. They wrote the rules for love stories, and propagated these myths with mass consumption. Yet rarely are real lives as clean cut as the background-poor caricatures forever thrust upon us. A story resonates with us on deeper levels because it is designed to pass on a message of survival. An experience shared to help us better know how to navigate our own lives without, hopefully, the pain of going through such times ourselves.

‘Don’t eat at that place, my friend Leslie had a whole glass of red wine tipped over her by the incompetent waitress, all over that new dress she bought just for that first date!’

Sure, not exactly a life and death story, but our need for actual survival stories has greatly diminished through the ages. I believe that where we need the most help, the most guidance, is in matters of the heart.

And mainstream stories just aren’t cutting it.

Life and love are messy. We’ve all met lovers, and we’ve lost most of them through a vast array of reasons. Sometimes we reflect on where it all went wrong, what we could have done different, if it was something we could have changed in ourselves, or adapted to, or if it was purely in the hands of the other. At which time, we might ask ourselves why weren’t we more aware of their shortcomings to begin with.

Dating, as I’m often told, is a long process. There might be a few dates before the first kiss, numerous more until the first night shared together. It can progress through lovely outings, bushwalks, restaurants and cafes, and a plethora of other activities designed to wear your purse and free time thin. This blossoming relationship might then move to more intimate settings, a perfectly home cooked meal presented with matched wines, sat across from one another on a candle lit table as the alcohol eases your defences and helps the bond to grow between you.

Eventually, maybe a year later, and months of discussion first, you move in together. You into their place, they into yours, or a whole fresh start somewhere new. And perhaps this is where those first signs of being mismatched reveal themselves. This is when you realise all those beautiful nights spent around the dining table, quietly admiring the cleanliness of the house was indeed just a three hour cleaning spree before your arrival, as most of the time their living conditions could be likened to squalor. Or that even at their age, and their years having previously lived with a woman, they still leave the toilet seat up. That the household bills are ignored until the letters arrive with red ink splattered across the page.

Because while that beautiful time of keeping the day to day away from your romance, in the end, those things make a difference. And the older you get, the less room for change and adaptability there is on both ends. Perhaps you can pinpoint their selfish nature back to so many events of their lives, but the reality is, unless they openly seek to better themselves, this is never going to change. Those historical events don’t disappear.

Which is why I said ‘as I’m told’ when it comes to the traditional idea of dating. I jump headlong into things. I want to have an idea of what I’m in for as soon as I can. And at my age, anything I become involved in is with an eye on the long term.

I say long term because I think I’ve become sceptical enough to not say forever, even though that could always eventuate. There is an average of two marriages in my immediate family, some more, some less. Only two are still going, one nearing four decades, the other nearing four months.

We like to love. We like to give ourselves wholeheartedly. It’s a blessing and a curse. I don’t believe in regret, no matter how much pain I may end up in, or worse yet, the pain I can cause to others. Because although I just spoke of the selfish nature some show in their relationships, there is a need for some selfishness, and that simply, is to be happy.

Life is too short to not be happy.

And that’s why this Valentine’s Day, and in fact every day, it is most important to love yourself first and foremost. Learning to be comfortable in your own skin, in your own heart, in your own thoughts.

When, or if, we ever then meet someone, we can be strong within ourselves, know who we truly are, and let them see that side of us. Maybe we’ll even think about how much do we care if bills are paid late or the toilet seat is left up, because in the end, does that really matter?

A rhetorical question? No. In the end, it shouldn’t matter. Because if we can love ourselves first, then we will have love to shroud another in, should we want.

This Valentine’s Day, I’m going to spend it alone, with the one I love.

And probably a pizza. And that horror movie the ex always refused to watch.

What Exactly are Hook Up Apps?

The internet has influenced all facets of our lives like; shopping, travel booking, online video streaming and so forth. It has established communication channels between people across the world. Now, hook up apps are available to people of all genders, and nationalities.
However, the impact of Adult Dating Sites development on romance and dating was an unexpected one. The outcome of sites meant for flaring love affairs and relationships was hugely successful. This is because they are an excellent medium for the lone and interested singles to get companions as per their desired interests. Thus, there’s no more need to bother someone in the family or friends circle to find a compatible dating partner. Here’s a take on how dating apps are revolutionizing the way people engage in relationships.
Let us understand how an Adult Dating Sites site functions.
Step 1: An individual can create a profile on a site by submitting basic details about himself/herself. Although creating a profile might be free of charge on most websites, some may charge a nominal fee for this service. Some sites need the person to provide detailed information so that they can match the personalities of the individuals.
Step 2: The site sends details of individuals who suit his/ her preference.
Step 3: The individual can select a suitable date from the list of profiles sent.
Step 4: Sites even aid setting up a meeting with the date.
After creating a dating profile, these apps have the following conditions or features-set to help you find your dream date.

Algorithms to find a match

This is after a user finds someone they are sharing with the same interests, location, profession, hobbies, life goals, and other things, the app must be able to make suggestions.
 Providing partner suggestions based only on the preferences of users results in lesser profiles display, but the quality is always better than quantity.
It’s a match!” is the new popular word for singles. Truly, with dating apps, many are getting potential mates whom they share with common interests.
Apparently, this is an era where knowing someone through a digital medium is not a problem.

 Filters

Preferences filters is another critical feature that is enabling dating apps to suggest suitable matches. Filters dependent on location, age, height, life interests, hobbies, family type, and others when used, will give the users a chance to pick their preferred partners.

Trust scores

Numerous users shun away from interacting with anonymous users who conceal their identities behind the application. In this way, a dating application comes with a background verification feature for assuring users real connections. Linking is a very coherent feature; it relates social media accounts of the clients with their dating profiles. Some applications even give a trust score to every user profile, according to their social media activities so users having more trust scores can initiate conversations online or can get matches.

Multimedia Files sharing

Dating implies interactive conversations between two individuals. In order to do this through a virtual medium, options for sharing different files like songs, emoji’s, voice records, video records or stickers will do good. This feature when included in a dating app, makes interactions between two more enjoyable and help them know each other better.
People prefer these Adult Dating Sites because of the following advantages;

They offer a reliable way to find partners

In this work-intensive and busy lifestyle, Adult Dating Sites give convenience to the individuals who are lacking the time and scope to meet up new people and know them. They can eventually scroll through a wide array of options in the site, choose one among them to connect, chat online and plan for meetups sometime later. Thus, helping individuals in this fast-paced generation to deliberately prepare for dating just with few clicks instead of depending on any coincidences or traditional meetings.

They give the scope to choose a partner with specific criteria

Online dating through apps is notably convenient for finding partners as they provide unprecedented access to the potential matches regardless of any geographic limit. Individuals are capable of searching partners with interest areas that match theirs and weed out those who are not potential partners. By enabling the search for partners according to age, location and personal details including orientation, hobbies, and interests, dating apps gained a stand in the market as automated matchmakers.

The idea of dating became more flexible with Adult Dating Sites

One remarkable advantage of a dating site is that they allowed the interested individuals to delve into an initial conversation with a potential match and gather some sense of compatibility before getting into actual face-to-face dating. Thus, both partners get ample scope through the app to evaluate each other’s interests and see how their bond matures with every passing day. This brought far more flexibility than traditional dating as both partners can eventually stop connecting if they foresee non-compatibility issues between them in initial interactions and start looking for other potential matches.

 Apps are offering fun-filled online dating experiences

With mobile apps for dating, people got countless distinct ways to single individuals to impress their potential partners. With lots of in-app features, they make online dating an exciting and fun-filled experience for the youngsters such as sending of audio/video attachments, funny stickers, games for compatibility check, gift cards, voice recordings, and so forth.
 Though these apps are great for dating, as a tip to be successful with these apps you should use the ones that best suit you. For instance, in the event that you are a senior, go for senior dating applications. Along these lines, you will effectively find a partner for dating who matches your likes and other things, other than when you just use any universal app.
adult dating
With these apps, singles are finding a perfect mate, becoming more acquainted with them and making arrangements for real dates to know each other better. in addition, they are really safe, particularly for women since they check and confirm the profiles of users before giving them a chance to connect with any matches. Basically, dating applications are the current way to help singles find their perfect companions.