Fetishes vs Fantasies.

fetishes and fantasies

Words are occasionally my favorite tool to use both in the bedroom and out. But today we aren’t talking about dirty talk, though we could. No today dear readers, we are talking semantics and comparing two of my favourite words and words that are often confused, confuddled and mixed up in many scenes, scenarios and interchanges between people when discussing kinks.

 

Fetish vs Fantasy.

 

Fetishes

 

A fetish can best be described as a strong desire or need for something be it an object or a person, an act or kink. There are those who can argue that a fetish could be categorized as an uncontrollable desire, the very opposite a phobia, in which a person has an uncontrollable fear, sometimes even irrational. Fetishes can sometimes be categorised as lust worthy, uncontrollable desires, perhaps even irrational to the rational part of a person’s mentality. But it still gives them sexual or pleasureable gratification.

 

Fetishes can be primal in nature and in some aspects some people have felt much shame in them. Finding safe and welcoming communities where they can find acceptance as well as safe spaces to safely explore, discuss and explore these fetishes is becoming more mainstream and is a joy to see as our society opens up and #breaksthestigma. Fetishes can be many and varied. To date there are over 239 fetishes but here are 12 of some of the most common sexual ones you may have come across

 

  1. Role-Playing – or dress ups. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t play make believe sometimes. It can be fun to slip into a different person from time to time, try on a fun costume and pretend to be a different character.

 

  1. Anal sex – this one is a little bit of a grey area, some people enjoy anal sex as a sexul act while others visualise it as a fetish. As long as everyone is consensually enjoying it, who are we to label labels?

 

  1. Lingerie – being aroused by a certain type of lingerie is definitely a fetish and more common than people give it credit. Stockings. Lace. satin. Latex. These pieces of adorning lingerie can be wholeheartedly turn ons for people.

 

  1. Impact Play- spanking, flogging, paddling and other forms of consensual striking.

 

  1. Foot Fetish – the worship of feet through acts such as kissing, massage, smelling, licking, touching or just watching.

 

  1. Bondage – Being tied up or restrained. Bondage can range from very mild to very intense and is usually found in BDSM but has also been known to be one of the first things to try when spicing up things in the bedroom. Restaurants can be made from cuffs, rope, a tie, cable ties,…..many things.

 

  1. Group sex – threesomes and foursomes are the most common but group sex also extends to orgies involving multiple people and gang-bangs including one person of one gender and mutliples of the other gender.

 

  1. Sensory play- When we think sensory play we often immediately think of hot and cold, ice and fire, or in this case wax play. Sensation play also includes blindfolds, feathers and for the more experienced, electrostim play.

 

  1. Dirty Talk – I say Dirty talk but well, it’s not really more things like humiliation and degradation, being called names, talking down and dirty.

 

  1. Orgasm control – or denial. This is edging into BDSM and is a subsection of submission and dominance, bringing the submissive to the brink of orgasm and forced to stop. And doing so repeatedly. or , withholding sex or orgasms over a period of time as a form of teasing.

 

  1. Voyuerism and exhibitionism- watching people having sex, or having sex out in public ith the risk of being caught having sex is very common. WHo among us has not had sex in a car or sneakily in the cinema?

 

  1. Pornography – Watching, looking at pornographic material, before or during sexual intercourse or play

 

So

 

Fantasies.

 

I will admit. Fantasies and Fetishes are not all that different. But the difference is a big one. Fantasies are our respective, imagined scenarios that get us all hot and heavy. They are the screenplay in our minds that we make up, that may involve various fetishes, or wants or desires, but they do not necessarily control us.

 

AND

 

This is the big one

 

We may not want to play them out in real life.

 

Fetishes drive us. We want them. Some people need them.

 

Fantasies are exactly that. They are imaginary.

 

Staging a scene in real life to mirror your fantasy, while nice, will be hard, especially if it is a fantasy you have lived and re-lived in your imagination for years. You have built it up with such exquisite and erotic detail that that is a hard act to nail in real life to the exactness of the fantasy. The fetishes, sure thing, those can be met. But the fantasy is a construct of the amalgamation of the fetishes and how you have controlled them in your imaginatorium.

 

Another example is a real life example of a couple who divulged their fantasies that they masturbated to, to one another, and the husband thought it would be nice to organise his wife’s fantasy, not realising, that while she fantasised about it, when faced with it she had zero interest in fulfilling it with him.

 

I think an important takeaway is that fantasies are amazing, and that everyone should have them, talk about them if you’re open enough and confident to do so, but make it clear when you do, if your fantasy is something you want to try, or something personal you enjoy having a good solo session to when you’re alone.

 

At Your Service

Tiffany

Caringbah Oh Zone Sales Assistant, Educator and Linguist

Toe Sucking For Beginners

sucking toes

Would you like to have more fun with your partner? In that case, you should consider introducing toe sucking into your relationship. Yes, I know, it may sound “ick”. But, there is more to toe sucking than meets the eye. In fact, sucking your partner’s toes is often a deeply sensual experience when done in the right way.

Basic Facts About Toe Sucking

If you have never sucked your partner’s toes before, you should carry on reading. When it comes to toe sucking, there are one or two things you want to know before you get started.

Is Toe Sucking A Fetish?

Of course, there are those who would argue that two sucking is a fetish. For some sucking toes is a fetish. They get turned on by having their toes sucked or played with by someone else. There is a good reason why having your toes sucked or played with is such a turn on.

Our toes are packed with the most fantastic network of nerves. Did you know that our toes are as sensitive as our fingertips? When stimulated in the right way, the nerves in our toes send signals to the brain. As a result, feel-good neurotransmitters called endomorphins are activated. An endomorphin is a natural opioid that gives you a high.

This is probably how the pleasure of toe sucking was discovered in the first place.

Clean Feet And Toes

You should always inspect your partner’s toes before you suck them. If he or she has any warts or ulcers , you certainly should not suck their toes. Any virus or bacteria present is easily transferred into your mouth. In a worst case scenario, they can cause oral and throat infections.

If you don’t find any warts or ulcers on the toes, it is a good idea to clean the toes. Make it into a pleasurable experience by using a pleasant smelling wipe or scented cotton cloth. It can easily be made part of the experience.

Set Yourself Up For Some Good Toe Sucking

Before you start, make sure your partner is comfortable. Laying on a bed works for some while others prefer sitting in a chair. The foot quickly becomes heavy when you have to hold it. Consider resting it on a pillow or a foot rest.

Start by inspecting the toes and then clean the area. Perhaps you can turn the entire thing into a bit of a game. Pretend your a toe specialist and you need to treat the toes to make them feel better.

A Truly Sensual Toe Sucking Experience

To make the experience even more enjoyable, you should consider adding other fun things to your toe sucking experience. For instance, you could kiss the toes and lick them. However, the first thing you should do is to massage the toes.

Massaging the toes will stimulate blood flow and start to stimulate delicate nerve endings. That will cause the nervous system to trigger the release of endomorphins. As you carry on playing with the entire toe area, the nervous system will carry on stimulating the brain.

Kissing, massaging and licking are all fun ideas to add to your toe sucking session with your partner. Remember that the toes are delicate. It is best not to get too heavy handed with the toes.

Should You Bite The Toes?

The jury is out on this one. A little bit of a nibble may not hurt, but biting the toes is not such a good idea. It can break the skin and cause problems with your partner’s toes.

Believe it or not, toes bruise easily. This is not going to look nice.

Also, the skin around the nail can break. Should this happen, infections can enter the bloodstream. That could put a stop to your toe sucking pleasure for a while. Broken skin can lead to infections such as Athlete’s foot. That is the last thing you want when you plan to carry on enjoying your toe sucking sessions.

Don’t forget to ask your partner to return the favor. Once you have tried toe sucking, you will find that it is an activity that you can both enjoy. Add a little bit of role play, and you will soon be having a great time playing and sucking each other’s toes.

These Feet Were Made For Loving

Kinky Feet

Do you or your partner have a foot fetish? Having a foot fetish is more common than you may think. Most of us have fetishes that we would like to express. One of the most common fetishes is a foot fetish. There are numerous reasons why a man or a woman may have a fetish. Here are a few interesting facts about foot fetishes. Carry on reading to find out what is so special about feet.

Is It Okay To Have A Foot Fetish?

Yes, it is perfectly okay to have a foot fetish. It is perhaps the most common fetish. Playing with the feet is a concept that has been around for thousands of years. The ancient Romans did it, so why should we not do it?

Playing with the feet is an intense erotic experience for some. For others, it is just a pleasurable experience. Many of our most essential nerve path ways end in the feet. When stimulated in the right sort of way, our feet can bring us enormous pleasure.

That is not the only reason people get turned on by feet. Others simply like the look of feet. Eventually that can trigger a foot fetish.

A foot fetish is not something that is likely to go away. Once you have it, it will be with you for the rest of your life.

Does A Foot Fetish Always Involve Sex?

That is the funny thing about foot fetishes. They do not always lead to you having to act them out as part of a sexual scenario. Some men and women can control their foot fetishes. Regular pedicures may be enough for some while others may just need that little bit.

How Do You Tell Your Partner You Have A Foot Fetish?

That could be the tricky bit. Women are not normally turned off by foot fetishes unless they have a thing about not touching the feet. But, if a man’s foot fetish involves vaginal or anal sex, women may put the brakes on.

When you a serious about pursuing your foot fetish with your partner, it is a good idea to get her involved. You can introduce her by starting to massage her feet. Most women like it when a man massages their feet. Don’t forget that women often walk around in high heels all day. It is not unusual for a woman to come home with aching feet. Treat her to a foot massage and see where it takes you.

The other thing you can do, is to buy her some nice foot care cream. Peppermint based creams smell nice and is easy to apply. Start by massaging her feet and then gently suggest she massages your feet.

Is It Safe To Play With Feet?

That is a good question. Before you start playing with your partner’s feet, you should check them out. Make sure that he or she does not suffer from any foot problems.

Broken skin and redness in between the toes, may indicate the present of a fungal condition such as Athlete’s foot. Also check for warts and cuts.

Once you have established there are no problems, start by giving your partner’s feet a wash. Let them soak in a nice warm bowl or foot spa for about 10 minutes. Towel them dry and then proceed to apply foot cream. The experience can easily be turned into a role playing or foreplay session.

Fun Things To Do With Feet

Massaging is a great way to play with someone’s feet. When you do so, make sure that your massage the entire foot – not just the underneath of the foot. The upper part of the foot has many nerve endings that can do with stimulation.

However, there are many other ways in which to have fun with feet. Kissing and licking are two experiences many lovers of foot fetishes enjoy.

And how about sending up some good vibrations? Using a vibrator to stimulate the foot and ankle area is a great way to get someone going.

A foot fetish is not something you need to be ashamed of at all. Just make sure that you play safe and have fun doing so. Remember that couples that play together, are often the couples that end up staying together.

Human Public Puppy Play

puppy play party

What is a human puppy public play?

Public play is a type of human puppy play where members of BDSM community use to come together and play scenes while socializing a lot and creating tight bonds of friendship. These events are also meant to introduce the new submissives and dominants to the entire community. A public play party has a set of strict rules that have to be complied with by anyone attending the event.

What rules must public play party attendees follow?

While each organization has its own protocol defining to the finest detail how party attendees should behave, there are still some broad rules that are applied to any public play event. Here are some of them:

1. Appropriate attire

The color and style of your attire are highly important when attending a public play party. So if you don’t want to be escorted out of the dungeon, you have to dress appropriately. First of all, you must wear dark clothes. If you put on a black attire you will be a welcomed guest at the event, since black is the most preferred color by most of the organizations. Also, your clothing style should be street appropriate, which will help you not stand out from other pedestrians and trigger suspicions.

2. Non-expository behavior

Your arrival at the party should be as invisible as possible. Most of the dungeons are located in residential areas and dungeon owners don’t want neighbors to know about the party. This is why, attendees should behave in a non-expository fashion, wear casual clothes at arrival, hide the toys in a bag, and even sometimes park in specially prepared places to not bother the neighbors.

3. No alcohol

Generally, alcohol is not totally forbidden at a public play party. You will be let in, but you will be not allowed to play in scenes. Exaggerate drinking leading to inappropriate behavior can make the party Master cast you out of the dungeon. Moreover, it does not apply only to those who drink. The host supervises the play scenes and if you behave in a way that violates any of the dungeon’s rules, you will be escorted immediately out.

4, Being courteous is a must

At arrival, you should greet the host and it is also recommended to offer him or her a gift. If delving deeper into the greeting topic, dominants are allowed to greet each other, while greeting a submissive is not appropriate for a dominant. A dominant can greet a submissive only when puppy’s dominant gives permission. You are also not allowed to touch a foreign submissive, and it is highly inappropriate to approach a naked puppy in any way.

5. Public nudity is something common

If you take on the role of a submissive, expect to be required to take off your clothes by your dominant. It is a common act for public human puppy play so you don’t have to feel strange or embarrassed. Usually, you will be required to leave on only the cuffs and collar. It may be challenging for the first time, as you have to be ready to experience some humiliation, and, generally, you will have to get used to acting submissively like a puppy in scenes and conversations.

6. Look up to your dominant and listen to his advice and directions

In any situations you don’t know how to act, you need to listen to the indications of your dominant. Since the dominant is more experienced, he will guide you through the first meetings with the community members and help you get accustomed to the dungeon’s rules and not screw up.

7. Pay attention only to your partner when playing

When you start playing the scene you need to literally forget that there is someone else around you. Imagine that you are alone with your partner in the performance room and focus only on his or her actions. Whether you are a handler or a puppy, avoid listening to audience’s advice and directions which are considered highly inappropriate by the protocols of many dungeons, and are generally expressed by novices that are not familiar yet well with the rules.

If you are viewing a scene, keep yourself from commenting, speaking loudly, and shout indications to the performers as you risk to be punished by the party host.

The Psychology Behind Human Puppy Play

human puppy play

Puppy play is a sexual practice where human participants take on the role of dogs. Generally, this activity seeks the achievement of sexual satisfaction through submissive/dominant interactions, where an adult adopts the behavior and appearance of a pup and the second adult takes on the persona of a dominant master. While the activity is most specifically referred to a type of a sex game within a couple, there are also group activities with the participation of more pups and a handler, a single pup and multiple handlers, or just a pack of dogs. The practice evolved over the time from an intimate role play between two people to a community phenomenon that is said to foster social interaction and help people relax by escaping the daily responsibility of adult life. In some cases, puppy play does not involve any sexual activity.

What motivates people to engage in puppy play?

People engage in puppy play for several reasons. Studies conducted on puppy play enthusiasts revealed 5 aspects that motivate humans to participate in such an activity. These aspects include:

1. Sexual pleasure

Many people engage in puppy play for receiving sexual pleasure. While some participants associate puppy play with a prelude before physical intercourse, other consider it a direct source of sexual pleasure. The sexual pleasure is generated by the dominant or submissive role that the participant takes on during the scene. For pups, being physically and emotionally obedient to a powerful handler can stimulate their sexual desire and make them feel wanted.

From the handler’s point of view, the fact of gaining full control over the body of the submissive element can be a determinant source of sexual arousal. Being on four legs, the pup exposes intimate parts that facilitate the development of a dominant sexuality for the handler. It can be the exposure of genitals that works as an invitation to the master to begin penetration. To increase the submissive sexuality and make the handler more aroused, many participants use plug-ins and other insertion devices along with straps around the waist and neck.

2. Relaxation

For many participants, puppy play is a source of relaxation. They deem this practice an efficient way to escape the daily responsibilities of adult life. By taking the role of a pup, people escape the adult inside them that comes along with stress and strains at work and personal life, and adopt instead a sort of childish exuberance where they are not burdened with duties and are free to do anything they want without being judged for doing something inappropriate for adults.

3. Playful physicality

Puppy play is not only a psychological element, but it also has to do with fighting your body inhibitions. The participants can engage in puppy-like activities that help them escape their own body and get a better sense of their physical appearance. Running on four legs around the house, rolling the ball with the nose, jumping for joy, spinning crazily in circles and playing rough with other pups as well as other playful activities allow you escape to another setting where, you do not have to behave in a way that it is socially acceptable for an adult.

4. Expressing self-hood

Another factor that motivates people to engage in puppy play is getting a better understanding of who they are and working on developing new personality traits. By playing dumb as a dog, people can see how far they can reach while escaping the boundaries of socially acceptable behavior, testing, in a way, their ability to do crazy stuff. For shy and reserved participants, this practice gives them the chance to learn being more confident and bold in their actions.

Those that take on the role of handler can develop their ability of taking care of others and being responsible for someone’s safety, as they have to keep an eye out for the pups, feed them, rub them and so on. This is especially recommended for selfish people who want to stop being so self-centered.

5. Promoting social interaction

Puppy play helps also create a sense of community, by providing positive interactions between participants. Joyful group activities with the ball and other toys as well as rough-and-tumble play with other dogs allow create strong friendship ties that will be later applied in real life after the scene is over.