Attending a Munch (Kinky social gathering in a Vanilla setting)

Your first munch – Attending A Munch

 

For those who have ever wondered or wanted to know more about the Sydney scene, but were a little nervous to start off, I get it. It can be a little daunting and overwhelming. You have flirted with the idea, seen the pictures, heard the stories, browsed the aisles and sections at OhZone or on Adultsmart and talked shop with our lovely sales assistants. You may even have an account on Fetlife.

 

So perhaps the next step is attending a Munch. Whether you go with a friend or go on your own is up to you. If you have never been before, click attending on Fetlife or Facebook and maybe shoot the organiser a quick message, introducing yourself and saying that this is your first munch.

 

So what is a munch?

 

A munch is a gathering of kinky people in a very open, very vanilla setting without the pressure of play, or BDSM. It usually takes place in bars, pubs or venues such as restaurants. People dress in everyday attire that they feel comfortable and can attend for the whole event, for a couple of hours, or for a small amount of time just to see what it’s like.

 

The organisers usually post rules for the events on the event pages but will adhere to the basics of; consent is key, any untoward behaviour will be asked to leave, this is a safe space, this is an open and diverse space where everyone is welcome.

 

Some Munches will be more specific, Gamer Munches (for kinksters who also enjoy tabletop games), Under 35 munches (for kinksters who are 35 years and under), Newbie Munches (for Kinkster who are generally new to the scene etc.)

 

Though it has been a while since I regularly used to attend. I still know of Munches to be a wondrous space for those starting out, and those who have been around the scene for a bit longer.

 

What to expect:

 

After letting the organiser know that you will be attending, they will probably let you know that you are most welcome and if you have any questions to let them know. They are wonderful and friendly humans, that’s why they have taken it upon themselves to organise these events. Many of them will also have the option that if you are new and have never been to a munch before and are nervous about coming in by yourself that you can message them and they will walk you in and make some introductions. This can be quite wonderful for those who are easily overwhelmed by the idea of going in alone but would really like to attend.

 

Most of the time, munches are located somewhere where there is a bar, so fix yourself a drink, whether it is made of liquid courage or sparkling water and take in your surroundings. There are bound to be many faces there. If you don’t feel like talking, you are within your rights to say, I’m not ready to talk yet. Or I’m just easing in. It will help to tell people that this is your first munch.

 

If you feel more comfortable sitting in one spot, do so. People will probably come up to you and ask if they can sit with you and say hi. Or you might try saying hi to a few new faces yourself. Ask people if they have been to munches before. You don’t need to talk about your kinks or preferences, you can talk about what you do for work, or if you do want, you can talk about how you or the people you are chatting with got into kink. If someone says, I’m not comfortable, respect that, if someone asks you something and you aren’t comfortable, say so. This is a safe space.

 

These are not hunting grounds. They are definitely not intended to be so. Occasionally some people may attend with the notion that that’s what they are, or that it will be easier to find a partner, a one night stand or a hookup. But these are not what these events are intended as. They are to make friends, to network, to find like minded people and to give you the ability to feel included and feel like you are accepted in all your wondrous preferences, shapes, forms. A place for you to feel like you belong, for you to feel that you can become who you are.

 

Judgment free.

 

Ask our Wonderful Sales Staff if they know of any munches in the nearby areas or in Sydney that you can explore.

 

At your Service,

 

Tiffany,

Oh Zone Sales Consultant, Educator, Friend of Munches.

The Beginner’s Guide To DDLG Role Play

daddy dom

If you’re thinking about spicing up your sex life, it may be time to level up your role playing games and dive into DDLG role play. DDLG, which stands for Daddy Dom/Little Girl, is a kinky role play between two consenting adults during which one assumes a dominant, older person, while the other takes on a submissive and younger role. It’s a lot similar to BDSM, yet there are many ways that DDLG can be adapted to suit your comfort level, making it an enjoyable, sexy, and romantic role play for both parties involved. If your partner likes it when you call him daddy in bed, here is your guide to get started on DDLG role play.

Set some DDLG rules

Before getting started, it’s important to understand that DDLG doesn’t have anything to do with incestuous relationships. It’s a sexy role play, which can range from vanilla to hardcore, and since there are so many variations of DDLG, it’s important to set some ground rules before heading to the bedroom. Talk about your age-play, and define the little girl role. What age would you be when you’re doing a scene? Some women prefer to act like an innocent teenager, since it’s easier for them to enter this headspace rather than, say, role playing as a 10-year-old girl, so you may consider acting like a teen if it’s your first time to do DDLG. You should also decide what you’ll address each other during scenes to help you slip easily into DDLG. You can refer to your daddy dom as Daddy, Sir, Papi, or Master, while he can call you Baby, Baby Girl, Angel, Princess, Bunny, or Darling.

Talk about what you’d like your daddy to do to you before, during and after sex. For instance, do you like a bit of pain play before sex, and would you like some cuddles and more affection during aftercare? You should also discuss the kinky clothes and unusual accessories that you’ll wear while role playing, since donning the right outfit is the easiest way to slip into DDLG. The schoolgirl uniform is a classic, but you can also wear a cute onesie or a crop top and frilly panties with some over the knee socks. Finish off the look with a collar to heighten your daddy’s dom instincts.

Getting started

Set the scene to get started. Decorate your room with plushies and lots of throw pillows, then dress up for your daddy. If you want to rile him up a bit before having sex, act a little bratty so he can take you over his knee and give you a good spanking. Once you’ve taken your punishment, always say thank you when your daddy praises you for being a good girl. You don’t have to have sex right away. You can take a bath together and let your daddy dom take care of you, or you can do your “homework” together. All this affection and nurturing will naturally put both of you in the mood for sex, and sex can be hardcore by using sex toys or bondage, or it can be vanilla with lots of sweet talk and kisses, depending on your mood.

If you choose to have hardcore sex, remember to agree on a safe word right before you start. You can have a special safe word, but the color system works fine for this too. Remember that green means that you’re feeling good and that your daddy should keep going. Yellow means that you’re on the edge of your limits but it’s still okay to continue, while red means to stop altogether. Your daddy should always check in during pain play, bondage, or intense sex, and checking in can be as simple as asking, “Baby, what’s your color?” Respond honestly, and don’t be afraid to say red if something feels too intense or uncomfortable. Remember that DDLG should be enjoyable, so your daddy dom should be responsible and check in with you always so you can feel safe and happy while role playing.

Staying inside the DDLG mind space

One of the challenges of role playing is being able to stay inside a specific mind space. When you role play as a little girl, you’ll need to get in touch with your inner child and be sweet, cuddly, playful, indecisive, and a little bratty sometimes. Distractions, certain words, or actions can pull you out of your little girl space, so it’s important to dive deep into your role to fully enjoy DDLG. For instance, to really get into the young mindset needed for this age-play, you can have your daddy make all the decisions for you, such as what you’ll eat, wear, or do in the bedroom. Let him take care of you and spoil you with hugs, kisses, and loving touches, and remember to be sweet and obedient, no matter what he asks of you.

Playing some music can also help to get you in the mood for DDLG. Play Disney songs if you’re role-playing as a little girl, or pop songs if you prefer being in a teen mind space. You can also use a diffuser to add some ambiance and set the mood. Choose sweet scents such as vanilla or cinnamon, or any scent that you associate with comfort so you can relax. Use these sounds and scents whenever you’re role playing and soon, you’ll easily slip into a childlike demeanor once you hear a particular song or smell a sweet scent.

Don’t forget aftercare

Aftercare is essential to slowly usher both of you back into the real world and get you out of the DDLG mind space. It’s highly important, especially if you’ve had rough sex. During aftercare, your daddy can lavish attention, praise, and affection on you while tending to your needs. He can draw you a warm bath, make you a cup of tea, or feed you some snacks, all while cuddling and talking to you in gentle, loving tones. Talk about what you liked during the experience, and what you’re willing to explore the next time you engage in this type of role play. You may also want to praise your daddy, so don’t forget to let him know that he made you feel good while role playing.

Vampire Bites: Love At First Sight

It was a love at first sight sort of thing. Years ago. In the back corner of an adult store in Newtown amongst the leather and the fetish gear there were these leather gloves that called me. My heart leapt into my throat when I touched them, and realised the little barbs that dotted the surface of the palm and fingers. My hair stood on the back of my neck and momentarily I forgot to breathe.

 

Back then, impact play was not an intentional bloodletting sport but rather a happy happenstance when a well timed strike with a dragons tail cut flesh or a cane ran a little deep. But somehow These gloves called to me. Vampire gloves they were called.

 

I was so afraid though, so I left them. But that was then. This is now.

 

Fast forward to when I was staring with anticipation at the newly arrived Vampire Mittens by Pain, the serrated teeth puckering amidst the leather as I ran my hands over them. The only problem was –

I didn’t want mittens.

 

It was a coincidence, fate even that I stumbled upon the matching Paddle in our other store. Slick and glorious leather, stiff and reinforced measuring a total of 43cm in length and 14cm across, I held my breath and inspected the barbs.

 

Tiny rings of metal teeth lined one side of the elegant leather. 48 rings in total. I could practically hear my heart beating in my ears as I swooped in to purchase it. Home time could not come fast enough.

 

I gleefully gave it to my Sir, presenting it like a regal sword. He studied it, tested the little flex the large surface area had, as well as the heft of the handle before running his hand across the teeth. He looked at me. “This is going to destroy you.”

 

I wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement, a warning or what but I could only smile.

 

“A test then” he declared.

 

The first strike came with such restraint I barely felt the teeth at all. Though the contact of the size of the paddle itself was incredible. Utilising numbers out of 10, we tested the paddle, increasing each impact from what started as a 2 up to a 6.

 

The 6 bit into skin, tiny pinpricks whisking into tender flesh as gleefully anticipated. I checked the marks, tiny little circles already dotting my skin where the blood flow had been stimulated. Nothing had broken the skin still smooth but the distribution of the teeth and the placement of the blows and steady impact had vitalized the flow of blood beneath the skin, raising it to the surface where the teeth had, at these gentle thwacks, pressed into flesh.

 

Turning the paddle over, We navigated the feel of the wide surface unencumbered by teeth. Not holding back anywhere near as much. Sometimes larger surfaces have a tendency of distributing too much of the impact and therefore shirking most of the painful pleasure sensation that is craved.

 

Not the Vampire Paddle.

 

Air whooshed out of me almost immediately. The first hit a solid 7 the second a teetering 8 out of 10.

 

The tiny spheres of pin pricks, my very own vampire bites continued to develop over the next thirty minutes. Deeping in colour and tenderness. As did my smile. Worry not dear reader, a paddle such as this is not anywhere near as scary as you might think. The teeth of the Vampire caress the skin like little love bites, and if you so choose it, is a delicate scratch and kiss whispered up and down the skin. Though this would be better suited to the mittens or the crop. The teeth tease sounds and elicits reactions like none other. The increase in blood flow to precise focal points stimulates and releases endorphins and adrenaline which build on top of arousal. Then if you choose it, the intricate mixture of pain and pleasure with each bite of the Vampire is enough for you to wear the marks with pride for a time afterwards.

 

Bonded:

With impact toys such as these, with teeth and use of bloodletting it is important that they are bonded to that person and that person alone. Blood play is more sacred than fluid bonding. Toys that are blood bound can only belong to that person for safety and hygiene. A good hygiene practice with blood toys is to also sterilise the equipment using alcohol spray or medical grade sanitiser such as Viraclean.

 

Cleaning:

Because Leather is a porous substance, it is important not to saturate the leather with disinfectant chemicals or you risk damaging the leather goods. Instead, if there has been bloodletting, using a clean microfibre cloth soaked in the medical grade cleaner and tweezers, dab the spikes and air dry. Alternatively use a soft toothbrush dipped in the cleaner to gently wash the teeth.

 

The leather may need conditioning over time. Simply use a leather conditioner on the reverse side as per normal. On the teeth side, proceed with caution, using a non toxic leather conditioner either as a spray or with a soft toothbrush.

 

Storage:

Vampire accessories do not really need any special storage with the exception of placing them independently so that they don’t rub, nick, scratch or degrade other toys. It may also serve you to store them in a space that is well labelled or seen so that no one accidentally puts their hand in a box, or bag, or drawer (whichever means you are storing your implements) and get an unsuspecting bite from a Vampire. Mine will be hung with pride in my wardrobe.

 

Aftercare:

As we are potentially playing with blood and may be breaking skin, a different level of aftercare must be observed. Simple first aid must be strictly adhered to. Never push a bottom/submissive past a point that they or their body cannot handle. Reassure the bottom that they have done well and reward them with care, whether it is cuddles, pats, blankets or affection. Treat the wounds. Clean up any exposed cuts and disinfect. Most of the time the wounds will be surface level and will not continue to bleed or require further pressure or bandaging. In this instance as long as the skin is clean it is safe to leave uncovered to heal, especially if in privacy. If at a party it is advised that wounds should be covered to protect the bottom as well as others at the party from cross bodily contact. Carrying ElastoPlast Spray Plaster (better known as a bandage in a can) is a good tool to have on hand for covering large areas of numerous tiny wounds on parts of the body such as bottoms after using Vampire implements.

 

Now all that’s left is to try out the Crop! 😈

 

At your Service,

Tiffany

OhZone Sales Assistant, Educator and Vampire Bitten.

10 years after Fifty Shades

shades of grey

Ten years ago the adult industry was changed in a very real and very mainstream way through the novel; you guessed it: Fifty Shades of Grey. That’s right. 10 years ago in May E.L James took to publishing her novel Fifty SHades of Grey which was originally a Twilight Fanfiction on her website (now obsolete) fiftyshades.com. Her first novels were published as requested by an Australian publisher in 2011. The series began to spread in notoriety in book clubs and small circles as  must read “have you read that book?” It wsn’t the first erotic novel that tackled or used BDSM and yet it began to spread like wild fire. A year later Random House Publishing bought the rights to the trilogy and sold over 45 million copies of the book.

The trilogy was so popular that the UK ran out of silver ink at one point from printing the seductive covers. During its first week of sales, word of mouth had done such a successful job in promoting the novel that it hit the New York Time’s best seller list. At its peak, two copies were sold per second of the seductive story; within four months, it had sold 4 million copies.

The fifty shades of grey saga has certainly been an interesting one. Not only do we have the novels and ebooks but we have the cinematic immersive experience which plays nom de plume E.L Jame’s piece into real life and then we have LoveHoney’s own line of deviant adult toys to bring the debauchery alive. All of this has created an existing enterprise worth over $1.3 Billion.

It cannot be denied that Fifty Shades of Grey brought BDSM mainstream to a lot of people who had never considered it before and allowed BDSM to be privy to many new parts of conversations within friendship circles and relationships where it would not have been before. Insights from Nielson stated that previous to having such a mainstream book like fifty shades of Grey people found discussing BDSM or adult toys difficult to discuss with friends, however having a book to use as an ice breaker or an “in” made it much easier to casually throw it into conversation and start a discussion.

Many of the following of fifty shades of Grey came from women in the 30s, 40s and 50s and most read and reread it again and again giving it positive and amazing reviews and praise, adding to its notoriety. But then there was the flip side.

Not everyone loved fifty shades of Grey, in fact some loathed it. Many critics bemoaned its prose and badly written sequence calling it nothing more than a Harlequin paperback and crappy writing. And perhaps this only added to the demand of people “having” to read and experience it. But on top of this, many experts, novices, kinksters and BDSM practitioners read, watched or listened to others describe the saga with concern because while E.L James may have briefly looked into this world that some of us live in- it is not correctly portrayed in either the books or the movies or the franchise.

And boy was there backlash.

If you were to type into google what Fifty Shades of Grey got wrong you would be inundated with articles, blogs and rantings of various levels from fans to psychologists debating over the extent in which the storyline portrays the use of BDSM, communication and general healthy relationships throughout the three novels.

The main and crucial part of the dynamic that is often found to be missing between Anastasia and Christian is consent. I have often discussed consent in some of my earlier articles how it is used in everyday life, how it is imperative in any relationship and how it is more than just yes and no. What is demonstrated in the early stages of Ana and Christian’s relationship is not only against the carefully constructed “safety” of the contract that Christian supposedly uses to ensure the safety of his submissives but also the blatant manipulation of Ana’s feelings and coercion into saying yes to situations within their relationship that she did not want and was not ready for because she was afraid that by saying no she would lose Christian and therefore their relationship.

Neither of these instances highlight a healthy relationship nor do they portray Dominance/submission. Let me use  the spanking scene from the first book as is often discussed as an example

“Oh, Anastasia Steele, did you just roll your eyes at me?”

Crap.

“No,” I squeak.

“I think you did. What did I say I’d do to you if you rolled your eyes at me again?”

Shit.

“I haven’t signed,” I whisper.

“I told you what I’d do. I’m a man of my word. I’m going to spank you, and then I’m going to fuck you very quick and very hard.”

Tentatively, I uncurl my legs. Should I run? This is it; our relationship hangs in the balance, right here, right now. Do I let him do this or do I say no, and then that’s it?

He hits me again … this is getting harder to take. My face hurts, it’s screwed up so tight. He strokes me gently and then the blow comes. I cry out again.

“No one to hear you, baby, just me.”

And he hits me again and again. From somewhere deep inside, I want to beg him to stop. But I don’t. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction.

 

Out of context

and out of the book, this paragraph may even read as an abuser bargaining with an emotionally inexperienced person who isn’t sure how else to keep a relationship that has only just begun. This is not what the definition of consent is whether as part of a D/s relationship or not. While the act of contracts is something that many dynamics use, it is not for every D/s or M/s dynamic and should never be imposed without both parties fully understanding the responsibilities of the document and being able to feel safe and heard should they have any sections that they would like to change.

 

We note here that in the Fifty Shades Series, Anastasia does not eventually sign the contract even after the review of terms. This does not mean that it was all talk, in fact it would seem a reasonable assumption that the relationship that Christian and Anatasia took on, developed outside the means and the rigid boundaries that the contract had provided Christian; highlighting again that it was more a story of deeper communication and psychological dysfunctionality rather than the perversion of BDSM.

 

What is also absent from the stories is the continuity in Christian’s role as a Dominant. Anastasia, who has zero sexual experience is left to “research” the roles, terms and nuances of the contract and kink. Any prospective Dom should be helpful and willing to explain these to any potential submissive to help ease their mind but also to ensure that they are on the same page. There is a lot of misinformation on the internet. Anastasia proves this by typing a few things into a search engine, taking one look and going “nope-nice knowing you”. To which, later, Christian gets upset that she could so easily dismiss him. Gee, I wonder if there was a way he could have prevented that from happening?

 

For all of its misgivings regarding kink, consent and BDSM, if you took away the prospect of Christian falsely promoting himself as a well seasoned dominant there is something we can agree on. He did enjoy Kinky fuckery. The start of Anastasia’s journey into kink is not the most consensual, however we do learn that she does also delight in aspects of kinky fuckery.

 

This, along with the serendipitous timing of Fifty Shades is what opened many a conversation up to toys, bondage and spicing things up in relationships and sexual exploration. In Fact in the wake of the books and then the movies, adult toy sales rose over 30% in total. 400% increase in weighted love balls (or rather Kegel balls), 60% in whips, 35% in bondage and 150% in anal plugs.

 

Whether or not Fifty Shades of Grey contributed to the awareness or staggering interest that many people found in their own sexuality and escapades (or should I say Sex-capades), there is no denying that it came at a time where people began to feel more readily accepted to discuss kink, sex and using toys.

 

10 years on from Fifty Shades of Grey and people are still talking about it, it is still referenced and many have reported it to be a segway into having that “I saw/read about this in Fifty Shades, can we try that?” Because of its popularity it makes fifty shades a point of common ground for people to refer to that is not as lucrative as some others.

Fifty Shades made sex toys mainstream

We can agree that Fifty Shades helped make using toys and bondage more mainstream for some, we can also agree that Fifty Shades is not the compendium that should be used for Dominance, Submission or perhaps even relationships in general. But it is a starting point.

 

If you enjoyed Fifty Shades of Grey and wanted to learn more about kink try reading

Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns by Philip Miller and Molly Devon

The Ultimate Guide to Kink by Tristan Taomorino

 

If you loved the fictional kinky BDSM aspect of fifty shades and want some more try

The Crossfire series by Sylvia Day or

The Original Sinners Series by Tiffany Reisz

 

As always

At your Service

Tiffany,

OhZone Sales Consultant, Avid Reader and Kinkster.

It’s All About The BDSM Collars

bdsm collar

With the rise in popularity in BDSM and wearable kink gear let’s talk about collars.

 

Collars are used for a variety of reasons in BDSM and play and it’s important to know the different meanings surrounding them. It is not unusual to pass a coworker who is wearing a subtle and discreet collar everyday and you might never know.

 

Collars aren’t exclusively used as a form of restraint, punishment or degradation.

 

Collars of consideration:

 

Often used for new relationships, a form of ownership, think of it like a stepping stone to a permanent collar between a dom/sub, master/slave etc. The training collar is as much for both parties to decide if this is the dynamic that they would each like to pursue.

 

Training Collar:

 

These collars are worn when in a dynamic when a sub or slave is being trained in the dynamic, whilst still a form and a sign of ownership and is up to the Dom/Master when the training is complete.

 

Protection Collar

 

A collar in any variant is a form of protection. A collared person is under protection of someone and etiquette should be followed accordingly. This affords the wearer the ability to be left alone by single dominants unless they have the permission of the collar’s owner to approach. This is a responsibility of the dominant or whoever is in charge of the collar is significant and should also not be taken lightly. We will go into this further down.

 

Play Collars

 

There are two ways that a play collar can be used.In terms of dynamic, this is the most relaxed form of dynamic collars, but still not simply a collar for being restrained. Play collars are collars where dynamics are enforced and utilised during kinky scenes as soon as the collar is placed around the submissive’s neck.They are helpful to prepare the mindset for the scene that is about to come. When the collar is on, the wearer is the submissive, they are in the space of a submissive and respond to the person who placed it on them as such and respect them accordingly. At the end of the play session, which doesn’t necessarily need to be sexual, and the collar comes off, this is the sign that the dynamic has finished and the rules that applied for while the collar was on, are now complete. This form of training, or boundaries can be good for people who need that added guidance, comfort, or security. Lt me circle back for a second in case anyone was confused when I said play didn’t need to be sexual. Play with a collar could be anything from sex, to impact, or or service such as waiting on a person, bringing them food or acts of service. But even, play could be going out on a date and following certain protocols and rules. The limits are endless. It is whatever you and your play partner design, but they are your rules.

 

Other play collars are actual “play” collars. The type that are used during play for playful reasons, for restraint, for tying up and leading around, for degradation and submission or pet play. These can cross over into any of the other types of collar wearing and sometimes also be a stand alone. You can like being choked or led around on a collar without being a submissive.

 

24/7 collars

 

This brings me to our permanent collars. Our 24/7 collars that are worn all of the time. These are special collars indeed and can carry many different meanings to individual dynamics. For some, a permanent collar is the equivalent of an engagement ring or a wedding ring. For some, it is ownership. What it boils down to, is that it is a promise between two people that they take each other to be trusting of each other as a Dominant and a submissive and to respect each other as thus and to follow the rules of their relationship. Again, whatever that entails depending on their unique relationship.

Some dynamics might have contracts written up. Some may have collaring ceremonies and invite friends and family to witness placing the collar around the submissive’s neck. A permanent collar cannot be placed without both parties deciding and agreeing to it.

Because these collars are permanent, and never come off there are many different alternatives that people can pick these days. Nowadays many people choose to wear collars that appear closer to necklaces so that they are able to wear them to the office or out in public daily without being noticed. Some opt for the eternity collars that are fastened with an allen key. Others can get subtle BDSM collars custom fit to enjoy the best of both worlds.

 

Collar etiquette.

 

A few things to know about someone’s collar.

It is very disrespectful to touch a person’s collar without first gaining permission, and even then only if necessary.

If a person is collared it is always wise to speak to their “Dominant first” as a show of respect.

A person wearing a collar should not remove their collar without asking their “Dominant” first.

Wearing collars can also be very fashionable, so we understand that it may be hard to know if someone is wearing one as a fashion choice or a protocol, if in doubt, ask them, or someone at the event. If the person who is wearing it doesn’t answer, that’s ok, they might not be allowed to answer. Please do not think they are being rude and press them. Move on. If their Dominant approaches, apologise and explain. But we always suggest, asking the organiser of the event first when in doubt. They will be able to vet the situation better for you.

 

Collars are a beautiful and fun way to share connections and feelings within the BDSM scene. Collared individuals feel quite proud to be owned/collared by their dominants and see it as praise and an honour to be asked about their collars.

 

At Your Service,

 

Tiffany

OhZone  Adult Shop Sales Assistant, Educator and Proudly Collared.