Secrets My Ex-Lover Asked Me Never to Tell!

A person’s love life can be a roller coaster indeed! While some people go from one partner to the next, others are dead set on finding the love of their life via a transgender dating website, for instance.

Then, there’s me!  I’m somewhere in the middle. My love life isn’t exactly what you’d call turbulent. Moreover, sharing intimate details from an old relationship isn’t something I’d normally do. However, I do believe I had some experiences that some of you might find useful.

With that in mind, here are some things that I learned from a girl I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. I’ve decided not to disclose our names because I want to protect her identity, but I’m still going to share with you guys some of the most interesting stuff I learned from her that she asked me never to tell anyone!


The Lesbian Experience

At one point in the relationship, my ex told me about the time in college when she had sex – not like making out or petting, but full-blown coitus – with another girl! The story revolved around her and her then-roommate who she was close with at the time.

Allegedly, the two college chicks went to a party, became super horny while dancing and making out with some random guys, but had to leave and go back to their dorm once the party ended abruptly. Intoxicated and still craving for sex, the two roommates allowed the situation to escalate and wound up in bed together, having what my ex described as one the best sexual experiences she ever had.

Although she claimed that this little field trip didn’t change the fact that she was completely straight, I couldn’t help but wonder: aren’t we all a bit bisexual?


The Forbidden Crush

Another interesting thing that I learned about my ex while I was with her is that she used to have a crush on her dad’s buddy from work while she was in her late teens. This guy was like 45 or something at the time, but that didn’t stop her from blushing every time she saw the man.

She admitted that deep down she knew nothing could ever happen between them. However, she had this notion of him being the perfect example of what a man should look and behave like. In her words, the ‘purely platonic’ crush revolved around his dad bod, his perfect chin and hairline and the way he addressed the people around him with respect.

In my opinion, this was probably a part of the “getting to know yourself” process that we all go through. She just had a particular person she used as an example of the guy she would want to marry in the future.


Clitoris vs. Vagina

People will tell you different things when it comes to clitoral and vaginal orgasms. Some will claim that the clitoris is the way to go while others will argue that the only real orgasm is the vaginal one. But in the end, it all comes down to personal preference.

For instance, I tried a multitude of different methods to bring my ex to a climax and all of them worked, but it wasn’t until a couple of years in the relationship that she admitted she always preferred the clitoris over the vagina in terms of reaching an orgasm.

In her words, it’s much easier to stimulate the clitoris and the orgasm comes faster.


How About Anal?

It’s no wonder that the question of anal sex surfaced at some point while I was with my ex. After all, we were together for five years. However, it wasn’t one of those situations where I was begging her to do it with me. No, I simply asked her what did she think about it, had she tried it before and if yes, how did it make her feel.

Turned out that she wasn’t a virgin in that sense. However, she confessed to me she tried it only once ever since becoming sexually active because it proved to be a weird experience for her. Namely, the whole idea of some guy putting his tool into her butt was not that appealing to her, but she wanted to try it with her then-boyfriend since he was really insisting and she was curious.

Now, here’s the most interesting part: although she didn’t find the concept attractive and went through some pain while doing it, she did manage to have an orgasm while having anal sex. She broke up with the guy shortly after for unrelated reason but swore never to have anal sex again despite having a somewhat pleasurable experience with it.

Sexual Secrets


I bet that you’re wondering what’s the message I’m trying to send by letting everyone know about my ex-lover’s personal secrets. For one thing, it’s because I want to help you learn that all women are different.

This applies to people in general, I know, but when it comes to women, there’s really no telling what preferences they have, what they’re brave enough to try and what crazy thoughts they might have at certain points in their life.

Having a platonic crush on a 45-year-old dude is pretty much the same as refusing to have anal sex despite the fact that you find it satisfying – the only difference is that there are various things a girl might like or dislike.

Adultsmart welcomes Guest Bloggers to submit 800 word articles with original content about topics relating to sexual lifestyle, health and wellness. If you would like to participate, send an email to with your ideas or an article that you wish to submit. If you publish multiple articles on Adultsmart’s Blog you will become an Adultsmart Expert.

Celebrity Nudes – Sexting Propaganda – Sexting Pedagogy!

Celebrity Nude

It’s all too familiar to wake up one morning and see the headlines about another celebrity involved with a nude photo scandal, so much so that it has lost all its scandalous shock value. This normalisation of celebrity nude images that is perpetuated by society, is arguably making an impression upon pre-teen and teenagers which is potentially detrimental to their self-image and self-worth. In our contemporary world it is near impossible to find someone without a smartphone or access to media through online platforms. The effect of this increasingly digitalised world is demonstrated though news outlets, celebrity news dominates over any other subject, leading us into an era of celebrity worship which is almost cult like.

These destructive social normative behaviours are illustrated through social media platforms, young people have access to leaked images of their idols often engaging in illicit activities and nude selfies. Youth have more than enough exposure to sexually explicit images which has led to a sexually desensitised generation, leading to lower sexual ethics than previous generations. Jennifer Lawrence is a prime example of a star caught up in a nude photo scandal when her iCloud was hacked, and her private images were released to the general public. Jennifer Lawrence is a well-known Oscar winning actress but despite her large fan base she did received a hefty amount of negative backlash for the images.

Kim Kardashian also was a victim of the iCloud hacking, unlike Jennifer Lawrence, Kim Kardashian rose to fame for her dating life and appearing in a homemade sex tape. Kim Kardashian who has appeared nude in magazines has monopolised on her physical attributes and is now a well-known brand. The difference between Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lawrence is that Kim Kardashian has capitalised on the sexual exposure of her body whilst Jennifer Lawrence capitalised on her acting. However, through this the younger demographic is being taught that you can get famous for working on your talent and skills and be rewarded with fame and fortune, or you can allow yourself to be sexually exploited through promiscuity and be rewarded with the same fame.

Kim Kardashian has since married notorious musician Kanye West who is well-known for his misogynistic lyrics which devalues women “…We got this bitch shaking like Parkinson’s… Black dick all in your spouse again…” The use of misogyny through music as medium is and has been an issue for a long time, glorifying men’s sexual wants and desires to dominate women often with grotesque videos to match. Men are then able to ‘slut shame’ women and create victims out of them, ultimately gaining control and this is perpetuated in all aspects of media and society. This creates a vicious cycle of low sex ethics seen in celebrity-culture and is then manipulated and imitated in our own micro societies particularly seen in schools and workplaces. The effects of the normalisation of sexting has a greater impact on people who are not living pseudo-celebrity life as they are still being caught up in sexting scandals. Youth who see their favourite celebrities take nude images then allow themselves to partake in this behaviour and thus we are seeing the sexting movement.

These scandals have left impressionable youth surrounded by poor sexual ethics displayed by their idols, of course the youth of today is going to be affected socially, mentally and physically by this ongoing issue. The sexting propaganda perpetuates a false sense of security to our younger generations that the internet is a safe place for sexual communication, however in actuality once the internet has your images it is impossible to retract them. The discourse of sexting is reproducing the ideology that this is the new moral norm; the new sexual ethic is that sexting is the new form of courtship. While this issue of self-sexualising oneself through sexting impacts both sexes we are seeing females be placed at a higher risk of moral exploitation and social harm. Males also partake in the sexting culture but society does not teach men to be ashamed of their bodies, men are not devalued as harshly as their female counterparts. This results in a form of victim-blaming much like when a female is held responsible for sexual assault.

naked celebrity
paparazzi nude images

If anything is to be learnt from the celebrity hacking scandal, it is that now is the time to re-evaluate our current sexual ethics. As we try to counter the sexting movement through safe-sexting campaigns we are seeing strict moral boundaries being addressed for females and but not typically males. A sexual double standard being demonstrated here with sexting being gendered, as the media too often dramatizes a motif of females caught in sexting scandals. Victim-blaming females will not stop this imminent threat of exploitation, our society must stop the continuous humiliation and scrutiny of the female form. Both sexes must educate themselves in safe-sexting practises, teaching both sexes age-appropriate sexual pedagogy and sexual expression to prevent unsafe sexting issues.

Adultsmart welcomes Guest Bloggers to submit 800 word articles with original content about topics relating to sexual lifestyle, health and wellness. If you would like to participate, send an email to with your ideas or an article that you wish to submit. If you publish multiple articles on Adultsmart’s Blog you will become an Adultsmart Expert.

Education of Sexual Health for Young Gay Men!

Sexual Health Gay

I’ve spoken before on the failures of the current sexual health education system when it comes to the sexual education of young people. The current system is failing young people that identify as straight, let alone individuals that identify as any other sexual orientation or sexuality. The current system is flawed in that it assumes that the people digesting the content are straight. It assumes that they have sexual relations for biological purposes, and it doesn’t mention or acknowledge the idea of sex for pleasure. This quick guide is not meant to replace that information – but it’s created to facilitate the sexual education of young non-heterosexual men.


Consent is the most important thing to remember when it comes to being intimate and you should get consent before any type of sexual encounter with everyone involved. Yes, that includes group sex and making sure each individual that will be involved understands what’s about to happen. Consent is more than just yes, or no and it’s extremely important to understand that just because they didn’t say no, doesn’t mean consent was given.


An STI is a sexually transmitted infection that is passed on from one sexual partner to the other through sexual activity and sexual contact. If you’ve had/have an STI, you’re not dirty – contracting an STI is actually extremely common. The important thing is that you get tested regularly so that it may be treated. STI’s can be shared by:
Skin to skin contact
Vaginal Sex
Anal Sex
Oral Sex
Contact with body fluids such as blood and semen
While many STI’s have visible symptoms, there are a lot of STI’s that don’t have any symptoms and you may not even be aware that you are carrying it. As such, getting tested is a simple and extremely effective way to make sure that you are STI Free.
What kind of sex is there, and how can you do this safely?
Sexually Transmitted Infections

Oral and Penetrative Sex

You should not engage, or have oral sex if you or your partner has cuts, bumps, or sores around their genitals or their mouth. This could be a sign of infection and can increase the risk of transmitting an STI. When it comes to penetrative sex – defined as the insertion of a body part or toy – inside someone’s vagina, anus, or hole it’s important to note that whilst all involved share some risk, typically, the greater risk applies to the person being inserted – known as the bottom. With the introduction of PrEP, a daily pill taken to prevent HIV there has been a marked increase of other STI’s including chlamydia. It’s important to consider the risk – Yes, PrEP will prevent you from contracting HIV, but it will not prevent the transmission of other STI’s and for a complete spectrum of protection a range of preventative measures can be considered which include the use of Prep and the use of a barrier such as a condom.

Male Condoms (Also outside condoms)

Many young men will be surprised to find that there are a range of diferent sized condoms. That’s certainly not something that they discuss at school. So many young men experience their first condom and they’ll find that it might simply fall off, or be so tight that they can’t feel anything. We have other guides here that will tell you how to correctly fit a condom, but suffice to say if it doesn’t fit right – rest assured that they will make a condom for you. On that note – only wear a single condom at a time, and change it with each sexual activity. If you’re wearing it from oral, to insertion and back to oral – you’ll be wanting to change the condom. You can even use condoms over toys! Say for example you’re both into bottoming and you have the perfect dildo – wrap the dildo shaft in a condom, and then before you use it in someone else, change the condom! Simple. It should be noted that in an ideal situation – you’ll want to be cleaning it as well, just in case.
An important thing to note – it doesn’t matter whether your straight, gay, bisexual (or any other sexuality) nor does it matter if you are male, female, transgender (or any other gender) – there is no sexuality or gender that places you more at risk for STI and other infections. It is the activities that you do, and how risky the sexual behaviour is. There is a very big difference betwen giving someone a handjob, to having regular sex with a monogamous sexual partner, to engaging with bareback sex in the park with recently met men. At the end of the day, you are in control of your body and you choose how much risk to place yourself in. The best preventative care that you can take is understanding your self and your body and to make sure that you and your sexual partners are getting tested. But how do you check in with your sexual partners current health status?
You’re hot, you’re horny and you’ve got a dick as hard as a rock – do you realy need to ask them about their tests? Ideally yes. It can be a quick check in before you meet up with them where you say along the lines of – i was tested two weeks and i came back negative for STI’s, when was your last check? If it’s a regular partner and you’d like to check in with them it can be a little trickier to bring up without making it awkward, but you could approach it like this. Hey, i noticed it’s been a while since i was tested – was wondering if you’d like to come down with me and get tested together? This enforces the idea that you are being responsible and allows them to reveal they were recently tested, or that they’d love to go get tested together.

Every person regardless of sexual identity or orientation deserves the best information that they can get and whilst this doesn’t cover everything it certainly gives you the tool set to begin practicing self-care and taking responsibility for your body.

Stephen is a cis-gendered gay male who spends far too much time with his two cats and eating tim tams. A self-identified sex-positive advocate he cares deeply about gender equality, disabilities, sexual education and social issues. Opinionated and bold he isn’t afraid to speak his mind and say what others won’t. With a yearning for knowledge and experience in all things relating to sex, he is a prolific writer that has developed the content for a myriad of informative Sexual Health and Wellness websites.

Stephen’s articles and writings tends to focus on social issues, sexual education, queer issues and all things fetish and absurd. He comes qualified with the completion of a double Bachelor degree in Social Sciences and literature, and a Masters in Education.

Secrets of Sexual History!

erotic partners

People have sex… such is life and the illusive “Virgin” isn’t something that is common in this day of age although they are still not extinct. Depending on their age some have had sex with 1 person and some have had sex with a 100+ people, truth is you just never know unless they tell you.

Although we are becoming a more sex positive world where genders are becoming equal, we still have a long way to go, and to put it frank men get away with a lot more than women when it comes to sexual history, but this blog isn’t about equal rights or beating down your throat how men and women should be equal in every sense of the word equal. This is about putting aside gender and equality and talking about how to get over your partner sexual past.

Jealously can be horrible and you might envy or even hate your partners previous sexual encounters, but how can you get over it? It’s never going to be easy to accept that before you your partner learnt and experienced most of their moves with someone else, or multiple someone else’s.

When the green monster of jealously decides to rear its ugly head here are some things to think about.

If your partner told you about their sexual past that is saying something! If they are telling you it means they care enough about you to be upfront and honest, no hidden agendas or secrets just being straight up and honest with you. Honesty breeds trust and that is the epitome of all relationships, it also allows you to be honest with your partner as well without the fear of bringing it up first.


Historical Sex
Sex History

With history comes experience and that means all those moves they mastered were at one point a failure with someone else, this means less awkward moments and more passion.


The past is the past and unless they experienced these encounters while still with you there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t change the past that is that no one has invented a time machine and even if they had would you really want them to change it? If something about their past upsets you let them know, but don’t punish them for something they did before they met you.

To put it bluntly, you weren’t around! So it doesn’t matter who or how many there was before you, it’s just you now, and that’s all that matters.

The past made them who they are today, and would you want to change that? You fell in love with who they are, and their experiences are what made them that way, at the end of the day life experiences are what make people and if that means they had a past then so be it.

There is more to life then blaming someone else, you may have insecurities I mean who doesn’t and your partner should be sensitive towards those insecurities, but they also can’t walk around on egg shells in the relationship. Jealously is your own responsibility, if you’re that caught up on their past maybe you need to bring the relationship to a halt and go sleep with multiple people if not get over it, speak to your best friend about it instead, don’t stew that’s the worst thing you can do.

Sex is just sex until passion is involved, be the best they have ever had by just being yourself. The best sex will never be with the hottest person, or the most experienced, it will be with the person that understands you the most, the person who is most turned on by you. Always pay attention to your partner, be open and amazing and be yourself!

There is always the “what if”, what if they want to be with that person again, what if they are more turned on by them, what if the fluids that come out of them are encrusted with diamonds and gems.

At the end of the day communication and respect are key, don’t over share to the point where you make your partner feel inadequate unless that turns them on and they are asking for that. Remember there is a time and place for this conversation, and most of the time your fantasies about the partners past are amped big time due to the powers of imagination.

What you are in control of now is how you choose to proceed with your relationship, don’t ruin a good thing just because you don’t like who they slept with 10 years ago, or the amount of ex’s they have had.

The future is yours to hold onto and if you want to be a first with your partner spend the time making memories and new moves instead of dwelling on the past which you cannot change.

Morgan x

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Sex And Gender Distinctions!

Gender assignment

Let’s talk gender. I know there has been a lot of discussions recently in the media regarding: sex, gender, gender-fluid, transgender and it has left a lot of people feeling confused. It’s okay to be confused let’s break down this busy term. What makes terminology so problematic is that sometimes the context or meaning changes. As culture shifts and changes, this changes our language, both the denotation and connotation meanings of words.

Basic Sex Ed

Just a quick biology lesson on human genetics, men and women both possess a total of 46 chromosomes, as well as 2 sex chromosomes. Men have 1 X and 1 Y chromosome whereas women have 2 X chromosomes. This slight difference causes massive changes within the body’s development and the primary sex characteristics which then develop. This matter still isn’t black and white, some people are born with extra chromosomes, for example, intersex people have sexual characteristics of both sexes.

Gender and Sex Are Different Things

If you think of the people who struggle with understanding of: gender-fluid, non-binary and transgender people – it’s almost always older people. Ah, baby boomers, blaming everyone else except themselves for the worlds problems. This belief stems from a time when gender was once synonymous with a person’s biological sex; which was a binary distinction to define whether someone was male or female. This has since been disputed with sex being your biological sex or genital assignment at birth. Okay, so is everyone with me? Sex is biological when you’re born with either male sex organs or female sex organs will define your sex.

Biological Genders
Sexual Distinctions

Here Comes the Complex Part

Now, gender refers to a socially constructed systems or characteristics between femininity and masculinity, these classifications are subjective and vary depending on cultural aspects. I know that was a lot of fancy words, but bear with me. To put it simply, when you imagine an Australian man, you probably picture football shorts, beer, work boots etc. These things are associated with our version of masculinity because our society states that these features are masculine things. However, what defines sex and gender does depend on cultural aspects, what defines a man in one culture will not be universal to all cultures. What defines being a man in Australia is vastly different to what defines a man in Peru.

We Teach Gender to Children

As sex and gender are too often lumped together, many people believing that your birth sex determines your gender and the characteristics associated with that particular gender. This is not hard-wired into men and women but rather taught to us from birth, baby girls receive pink clothes and baby dolls whilst boys are given blue outfits and monster trucks. From a young age boys are taught that expressing emotions, playing with girls’ toys or playing dress ups is a feminine quality and the male child is shamed out of this behaviour.

People NEED Labels

Experts have stated that “Gender is now one of the busiest, most restless terms in the English language, a word that crops up everywhere, yet whose uses seem to be forever changing, always on the move, producing new and often surprising inflections of meaning.” Humans have long feared the unknown, too often people are more comfortable with ideologies that we can label and categorise. A woman who dresses in masculine clothes and has masculine behaviours but still presents as a woman leaves people feeling confused because she breaks her normative alignment of her assumed gender or rather what is expected of her in society that person must make a choice to fall back into their gender alignment for people to accept them or continuously break this alignment and be treated differently by society. Basically, this is when people would question her gender and her sexuality, calling her a dyke would justify this behaviour and allow others to feel more comfortable because there is a reason for her behaviour.

Does Gender Really Matter

The term gender is problematic because it is hard to draw distinctions between the various genders. A researcher by the name Bradley stated that “…gender is more than a fixed label for individuals…”

Glover and Kaplan also assert that society is fixated on gender roles, gender gaps and gender bias agendas but not so much on what gender is to the individual. The truth is that the term is so subjective and ambiguous, it is able to morph to fit anyone’s desire, beliefs, sexual preferences [or lack thereof] and this is what causes the term to be busy. There is a reason many people struggle to understand gender as a concept because it a complex one at that. To study, gender is fascinating – however, it’s when people who disagree with the various genders concepts use this as a reason to bully and harass someone. At the end of the day everyone should be less concerned with what sex organs someone has and rather the person that they are on the inside.

Adultsmart welcomes Guest Bloggers to submit 800 word articles with original content about topics relating to sexual lifestyle, health and wellness. If you would like to participate, send an email to with your ideas or an article that you wish to submit. If you publish multiple articles on Adultsmart’s Blog you will become an Adultsmart Expert.