5 Ways to U-Haul a Lesbian Death Bed

Lesbian Relationships Photo

​​Packing all of your belonging’s into a U-Haul to move in together after just 3 months is possibly the greatest tradition in lesbian civilization. Alas, it is not just a great joke followed by a wink and a nudge after a first same-sex date – I too am guilty of adhering to the ‘stereotype’ and packed up all of my belongings to move in with my partner after just a few short months.

 

U-Hail Lesbian Relationships Photo
Photo: U-Hail Lesbian Relationships

 

The beginning of the relationship is fiery, thrilling, impromptu. You find yourself having sex anywhere you can –  you need it.
But what happens when the ‘newness’ of the relationship wears off? If you’re unlucky, calamity is certain *Dun dun dunnnnnn* –  Lesbian Bed Death. It’s a real thing. Sure, not something that is exclusive to lesbian relationships; though, studies show that long-term lesbian relationships are most at ‘risk’ of having less sex than other couples, and can experience lower levels of intimacy. And as a self-obsessed female in a lesbian relationship, I’m going to explain why you may be feeling this way and give you some tips to help you out of it.
It’s important that you know that I’m not saying it’s the end of the world and I’m certainly not saying that you’re never going to have fiery, thrilling, impromptu sex again, believe me! Though I do know that once you start going down that rabbit hole, it can seem like the pressure of having great sex feels endless and paradoxically, whilst wanting to fix the issue, the pressure of doing so can lead to even less sex or no sex.
Old Lady Photo
Photo: Elderly Lady

 

Usually by this time you’re both aware of your ‘issues’, though if you feel as though your partner doesn’t fully understand, or isn’t struggling as much as you are – you should definitely begin by talking about what’s happening.
Below are a few other things you could try to kick start that fire:
1. Talk about it. Does your partner feel the same?
No: Tell them how you’re feeling. Explain that you’re feeling distant from them. Assess their reaction and progress to ‘yes’.
Yes: Discuss what might be causing a lack of desire. Exhaustion? Stress? A schedule clash?
The good news is that all of the above you can fix. You most likely need to take some time out for yourselves and then take some time to be with each other. It is common when feeling exhausted or stressed to feel as though you have no time for yourself. Then adding in someone else who feels as though you have no time for them, it can become incredibly frustrating.
Take a bit of time for yourself. Go on a walk, have a bath, get your hair done, wax your legs; whatever makes you feel good, you know? If you’ve been neglecting yourself you need to build you back up first. Now you can focus on mending those holes. Schedule clash? Plan your weeks together. Get out your diaries and make sure you have a couple of free evenings together and maybe a full day (or ideally all weekend) to spend together.
2. If you’ve tried making yourselves have sex for the sake of it, and it hasn’t sparked that fire, try to not have sex for 30 days. I know, I know. You’re trying to get it on, but sometimes giving yourselves a break from ‘forcing’ the deed can reset that desire and build up some sexual tension. This means no touching of anything that’s usually covered by your bra or underwear, okay!
You’ll need to mutually agree to this but it is a great way to build up some ‘organic’ sexual tension.
Try other intimate practices. Back/shoulder massages, a candle lit bath together or even a candle lit w/vino dinner. The idea of no sex for a month isn’t to drive you away from each other, it’s to still get your intimacy fix, whilst sub-consciously building back up that desire.
3. Whilst on that 30 day rest, try to not discuss sex either. Lesbians love to overthink and can over talk just about anything to demise. Leave the topic off of the list. If you’re both already experiencing a stint in your sex drives, you’ve probably already given each other shit about it, especially if you’re a psycho lesbian like me anyway. Because you know, it’s never your fault!
Put the topic away. Don’t even think about it. Why create more stress than you’re already experiencing?
4. BRING BACK DATE NIGHT. So frequently at the beginning of a relationship, we surprise each other or set a night which is your night. Bring that back. Don’t invite anyone else. Do an activity, or ideally something which you can really enjoy each other’s company doing. For example, bowling, dinner at a restaurant or try learning a new skill together like a cooking class, or a sculpting class.
If you’re on a low budget, clear the house of any house mates and do an activity together at home or have a games night. Trust me, it’s a great, inexpensive way to re-connect with each other.
5. During your month of no sex, adopt a ‘no criticism policy’. Just stop! It’s so easy to snap at your partner when you’re feeling stressed or tired, and say something hurtful or critical that is unnecessary. That negativity boils over and that could be the reason you’re in this situation. I’m the worst, if I’m having a bad day or I’m feeling down, I’ve been known (slight understatement) to pick at my partner at the little things and just being a generally bitter bitch. Stop that!
Compliment each other. Thank them for things. “Hey thanks for cleaning the kitchen” or “thanks or doing some washing”. Negativity breeds negativity and naturally if you flip that positivity is only going to breed positivity.
Lesbian bed death isn’t the end of your relationship and there are SO many more things you can try to get back into the swing of things. All it takes is a little romancin’, a date night and being less critical of each other, to get you back to those early passionate days.
Happy re-connecting!

 

About the author: Chloe is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Richard runs the marketing and social profiles of adultsmart and adultsmart blog. He has been in the industry just over 10 years and enjoys his role both in an administrative capacity as well keeping abreast of issues relating to sexual health and lifestyles.

A True Polyamorist Does Not Cheat!

Man Being Kissed by Four Women

For those who do not know what polyamory is, it is the practice and desire of intimate relationships with more than one person. It comes from the Greek word poly which means “many” and the Latin word amor which means “love”. It literally translates to “many love”. It is an unconventional form of love because the monogamous-centered society dictates that love should be monogamous and your heart should only be reserved to that one special person.

This conventional notion of monogamous love is so prevalent that companies and even media capitalizes on it through dating websites, mobile applications, dating shows and romance novels. Which is why, for most people, polyamory is viewed as taboo and sexual promiscuous. They even equate it to infidelity and cheating.

Honesty and Commitment are Cornerstones of Polyamory

In conservative societies, except for Islamic societies, polyamory is frowned upon. But one important characteristic of polyamory that people tend to not understand is commitment and honesty. Polyamorists have consensual non-monogamous relationships and that is the basic characteristic of polyamory. This is opposed to cheating wherein a committed person steps out of the relationship boundaries without the permission of the other person which is characterized by dishonesty, cheating, infidelity and disloyalty. In this light, a polyamorist can never be called a cheater. Polyamory is about having multiple committed relationships with the consent of everyone involved.

Another common misconception when it comes to the idea of polyamory is that it is the same as open relationships. Open relationships, by definition, are committed couples who have casual partners on the side. In this scenario of open relationships, the two couples remain loyal and committed to each other, though a “side fling” is consensual. The other committed partner agrees that the other partner can engage in nothing more then having sexual relationships with other people. Although open relationships are also classified as consensual non-monogamy, open marriages and open relationships are not classified as polyamorous relationships. This is because a polyamorist’s commitment is to all partners, although there may be cases where the degree of commitment is not equal. In the case of polyamorous relationships, psychologists have found out that polyamorous relationships are centered on trust and communication.

Polyamory is also misconstrued as “swinging” which is a more common term. While polyamory involves sexual activity in the group, it emphasizes no emotional or romantic connection as opposed to swinging which involves open and consensual activity among people of a group. Truth be told, there is a cultural rift among polyamorists and the swinger communities because of these major differences. Although swinging is a form of consensual non-monogamy, it does not usually involve commitment and it emphasizes only on physical contact. However, there are cases where the two concepts may intertwine when a swinger falls in love with different partners and decides to start a polyamorist relationship.

Polyamory Is About Loyalty

When a polyamorist decides to ‘swing’ with secret partners, by definition they are not a polyamorist anymore. Secret relationships not known to their polyamorist partners are seen as a violation of their relationship agreement. It is seen as being disloyal and engaging in infidelity which is frowned upon in the polyamory community. Fidelity is seen as not only being limited to romantic and sexual exclusivity but faithfulness to agreements and communication that partners make. Polyamory is about the values that the individuals hold and the respect that they have for each other. Commitment is honesty and loyalty to one’s own words.

In a scientific research, studies have found out that people have strong stigma against polyamorist’s. Society sees monogamous relationships as having stronger commitments and more stability. In a monogamous-driven world, this is not surprising. But in all honesty, polyamorist’s also help each other. Since there is emotional investment, polygamists want what is best for their partners. They can help pay the bill, fix the house, do domestic activities and help out at work, in the same way that monogamous couples function.

The social stigma stems out from prejudice and ignorance in the understanding of why and how polyamorists love. As a matter of fact, non-monogamous participants in this very same experiment ranked their monogamous partners higher than themselves when it came to the definition of being committed. This makes polyamorist’s a sexual minority, the same way that there are still discriminations against the LGBT community and in other countries, the struggle for women’s equal rights.

Social stigma affects family members and children of polyamorists. A different study was conducted to analyze the effects of polyamory to children and it shows that other people think that these children are troubled and can be negatively affected by the negative behaviour of their parents. But in all honestly, research also points out that children in polyamorist families are happier because children generally love to be around as many adults as they can. Children are happy if they know that more people love them.

 

Two Women on Bed with Man Photo
Photo: Happy Polygamous Relationship

Polyamory Is About Openness and Acceptance

When people are seriously in love, they tend to want to control how their partners should think and what their partners should do. In a polyamorous relationship, you should not control your partners on who they should love or have relationships with. It is typical for most human beings to feel the need to control and be jealous, this is part of the human evolutionary code. It is normal for people to think they are not enough or if they have done something wrong for their partners to look for other relationships. The same as with monogamous relationships, this thought process also occurs and it is perfectly normal, to begin with. However, with constant communication, this feeling of inadequacy will be quelled and properly dealt with. It is also important, especially in polyamorous relationships to keep an open mind and be open to suggestions. This starts by developing respect for your partners to make them feel that their emotions and opinions matter to you as well.

Polyamorist’s are open to negotiating boundaries and agreements where they consult with their partners. For example, if they have new relationship prospects they work together to develop a decision.

There has been much debate to classify polyamory as a sexual orientation and identity though most would say that it is a form of practice within a relationship. Because of its complexity and emotional subjectivity, polygamous relationships gender identity rules are not an issue. For example, a monogamous couple may decide to engage in heterosexual polyamorous relationships. They then can decide to engage in consensual homosexual relationships. The members of these groups accept and love each other regardless of their sexual orientation and gender identity.

Polyamorist’s have Compersion

A relatively new concept compersion is widespread among polyamorists. When a person has compersion, it means that they are empathetic, joyful and happy to know that their partner is happy within their other polygamous relationship’s sexual and romantic activities.

It is the same feeling when your own child gets awards in school or when your best friend finally gets married. It is taking joy in the joy of others. The exact opposite feeling of jealousy which is what monogamous couples become when they are cheated on. When people cheat on, they feel anger, fear, betrayal, sadness, and some even go through depression. Polyamorist’s do not feel these emotions when their partners find and enjoy other relationships.

Polyamorous Relationships Are Healthy

In the United States alone, 5% of the total population is open to the idea of polyamory and about 500,000 engage in polyamorous relationships. With the growing popularity, scientific and sociological studies are being conducted to assess polyamorous behavior. These studies found polyamorous relationships to be healthy. They found that communication is key to happy and successful relationships. Another study shows that polyamorists are usually people with high degrees of openness, confidence, intelligence, self-worth, education and are focused on experiences in life.

When it comes to sex, research shows that polyamorist’s are less likely to contract sexually-transmitted diseases (STD) than their monogamous counterparts. This is because polyamorist’s communicate with their partners it is alright to have sex with other people sa long as they practice safe sex and stay loyal to their other agreements. The study also states that when people cheat they are most likely to be drunk or under the influence of drugs which is their justification for not wearing protection.

 

Two Couples in Hot Tub Photo
Photo: Happy Couples in Sauna

The Four Types of Polyamory

Believe it or not, there are four types of polyamory. There is no ideal type of polyamory, the one chosen depends on the group’s agreements.

Polygamy

Polygamy is the most familiar term which involves marrying many people and having many legal spouses. In some societies, mostly in Islamic societies, this is accepted because it is a part of their culture. Some modern Islamic societies have passed laws that requires having hierarchical polygamy, meaning there is a first wife, a second wife, a third wife and so on.

Even if it is legal for some countries to allow citizens to engage in three or more partners sharing sexual relationships, there are no countries that give polyamorous relationships any legal protection or the right to marry. The countries which permits polygamous marriages, only ones between a man and a women are allowed.

Mono/Poly Relationships

In Mono/Poly Relationships one partner may have a monogamous relationship while the other partner may be allowed to have polygamous relationships. This depends upon the agreement between the couples as to how they should proceed with their relationship.

Polyfidelity

Polyfidelity involves polyamorist’s who have romantic relationships where sexual contact is restricted and limited to certain people in the group. The members of the group are considered as equal partners.

Geometric Configurations

Geometric configurations are described by the interconnectedness and the number of people involved in a polyamorous relationship. For example a V (vee) relationship involves three people while an N relationship involves four people. Some additional examples are quads and triads.

In Conclusion

To those who think that polyamorists are cheaters, that statement is incorrect. Polyamorists are honest and communicate with their partners, as cheaters are just plain liars. Polyamory is more than being a form of relationship or an identity, but an advocacy. The conservative stigma still exists, there is the still the struggle for legal recognition and protection of polyamorist’s. It is an important struggle that needs to be won for people who want nothing but love. No one has the monopoly of love nor does anyone have the right to dictate who or how a person should love. Love is an irrational human behavior and is subjective to a person’s preferences and personal identity. To love and to be loved in return are basic human needs as people need affection.

So if you know someone who has a polyamorous relationships, do not judge them. Try to understand how they think and what they feel, then maybe you will relate with them. Polyamorists are not perfect. These people also face the same problems as monogamous people. They also fight just like any human being, they also have the capacity to fall out of love. But what is important in relationships is that there should be communication, honesty and respect for your partner’s decisions and opinions. This after all, is what relationships are about.

 

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Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

Things You Need To Prepare Before Swinging For The First Time!

Swingers Drinking Event Photo

Do you have dreams about having sex with two pretty girls at once? Do you feel ready to experience the exciting lifestyle of sexual swinging? Do you secretly crave to see your girlfriend having a steamy sexual encounter with another hot woman or being banged by a group of men? Or maybe you want to see her being possessed by another man while you join in?

If you really want to transform all these exciting dreams into reality, you first need to prepare both your partner and yourself to ensure the swinging lifestyle is for you.  If you do not prepare you risk ruining your relationship for these dreams. Ask yourself if your relationship is solid enough and will accept the lifestyle? After this carnal experiment of sexual swinging, even long-term relationships have failed. This tends to happen because couples did not prepare themselves first before entering this adult lifestyle choice.

These days, swinging (otherwise known as wife swapping or “the lifestyle”) has become more socially acceptable. However, due to fears of instability or jealousy, there are many singles or couples who have yet to try it out or in fact choose never to. In fact, the reality is that swinging is actually the easy part. What can really get tricky is dealing with the issues that can arise afterwards.   This is why preparation and understanding are paramount to ensure that it an enjoyable experience that will not conflict with your long-term relationship.

You can be certain that swinging is no light matter and it will definitely change your relationship for good. In these circumstances, it is clear enough that this is not the kind of decision you can make lightly. There are some vital aspects to consider before entering the swinging lifestyle. If you already have made your mind and finally choose to go with it, we will discuss here several things to prepare before starting in order to experience a successful swinging lifestyle.

‘You may compare swinging with losing your virginity’

Before jumping into the swinging lifestyle, you need to be aware of the fact that this is a pretty heavy and lifestyle changing decision. You may compare swinging with losing your virginity. For both, once you experience them there is no way to go back. However, swinging is even a more serious matter because, while most of us go through losing our virginity at one point or another, swinging is reserved for a very exclusive community. Choosing this lifestyle is most likely to have some unforeseen consequences and unknown ramifications. But, at the same time, the benefits are so tempting and can be rewarding. There are certain clear advantages to it, of course.

Do not fall for the propaganda of the church going, most conservative types who want to convince you that it’s all bad news. If you try to talk to any swinging couple with experience in the lifestyle you will see how happy they can be. They are usually always touching and holding hands. If you take a look back at those church going, conservative couples, you will see that they are barely noticing each other. However, jumping into the swinging lifestyle comes with no certain positive results. You can greatly enhance your relationship and your sex life or you can destroy it. There is no in-between with swinging and things tend to go to the extreme within this lifestyle. Knowing ahead of time how to deal with potential issues can make the transition a lot easier for you. This can possibly make all the difference between breaking and strengthening your relationship. There is usually no middle ground with swinging. This lifestyle can either help a relationship or ruin it. You can find swinging to be all you have been dreaming about and searching for or you can obliterate and decimate your happy relationship. As always, the choice stays with you and your lover.

‘Discuss the limits you are both comfortable with.’

COMMUNICATION

Become good at interpersonal communication before starting swinging. For any couple involved in a swinging relationship, being able to communicate well is a must. You need to be able to openly express fears, thoughts, emotions and feelings, before and after involving in any sexual swinging activities. Sexual swinging, once it has happened, there is no way for going back. For this reason, the ability of planning ahead is of vital importance. Well before taking that first step, you should express both your ideas, dreams, needs, fears, thoughts etc.  Rather than just trying to talk about it at the spur of the moment, you are better off being prepared. Your intentions need to be clear well in advance. Are you both fine with experiencing sexual swinging? Are you both looking to take your sexual life to a whole new level? You should discuss first things like the limits that you are both comfortable with. After making the limits clear you should with them and respect them. For instance, are you ready to experience a “full swap”, in other words to “play” with different partners separate from each other? In case that you are a couple and you want to involve in a swinging experience with a single female, would you be also comfortable getting involved with a single male? You must first try to imagine every possible swinging scenario in the lifestyle, talk about and get prepared for it. As a couple, the future of your relationship is one of the key aspects you need to talk with each other.

‘The swinging lifestyle is not a patch aid for an unstable relationship.’

REASONS

You need to figure out what are the reasons that make you want to swing. This is also connected with the previous aspect of communication. Once you make it clear for yourself why you dream about this exciting lifestyle, the next step is to open up and share your kinky desires with your partner. Both partners should openly communicate their feelings first when a couple decided to try the swinging lifestyle. This will help create trust, intimacy and a more comfortable atmosphere that will make the transition easier. The reasons for jumping into a swinging lifestyle are various. You both may want to spice up your sex life with new exciting adventures or you may simple want to experience the novelty and pleasure of an open and shared relationship. However, if you’re main reason to enter the swinging lifestyle is the fact that you’re looking for ways to mend the flaws in your intimate life and relationship, then you may be left disappointed. This lifestyle is not a patch aid for an unstable relationships, but rather designed only for the most stable and healthy couples that are looking for sheer pleasure.

‘To experience some of your kinky fantasies and dreams.’

HOW TO SWING

You also need to figure out how you want to swing. Exploring swinging lifestyle comes with plenty of options. You can start by joining an online swinging community, try luxury swinging cruises or just begin with a locally organized swinger party. The choice is totally up to you and it mostly depends on your kink preferences, your budget, and the degree of excitement you’re looking for. You may be looking forward to experience some of your kinky fantasies and dreams that you never had the chance to explore before. However, no matter how you decide to experience swinging, it is recommended to set some realistic expectations. Never go to a swingers club with unrealistic expectations even if you agree with your partner to go for a “full swap”. Nobody can guarantee you an orgy. You have to be aware of the fact that sometimes you may not find any couples you like. Also, don’t get bored and leave early, because all that hot action may start much later in the evening. If you both have decided you are ready to start a swinging lifestyle and your couple is secure enough to try it, there is one last challenge to overcome. Especially at the beginning, most couples have fears of being “discovered” by friends, family or coworkers. For this reason, they try to stay more discreet. However, this can make it difficult for a new swinging couple to find other people. It is not recommended to try sites like Craigslist, because they are not a safe and appropriate place to meet people. Also, it might be a good idea to stay away from swingers dating sites because you’ll mostly meet on them some paid “actors” with fake profiles. It might be better to try a swinger’s social network that has real people. You can also look out for swinger events in your area and attend a club or a party.

‘You must not pressure anyone into doing something they do not like.’

WHO WILL LEAD

When you are ready to have your first swinging experience, it is always better to let your woman lead the way. As a man, you have already won big if your woman is even considering getting involved in a sexual activity that lets you have sex with another woman. This having been said, it’s always wise to not over push the issue. You must not pressure your lady by any means into getting involved in something she doesn’t like or doing anything she doesn’t want to do. Just let her decide what are the limits, as well as what you will get to do.  Discuss this before entering your swinging venue.  Also, it might be a good idea to let her make all and any introductions. The ones who give the green light in the swinging world are the women, so allow her to call the shots and just be patient. She might be afraid of running into someone she knows and avoid attending a swinger club or party. If your woman is timid about going to a swinger party, you may propose her to attend an “off premise” party. On these occasions sexual exploits are not allowed on site and they must be taken somewhere else. The atmosphere at an “off premise” party will be somewhat similar to a nightclub, but just with much more sexual tension in the air. Again, let your woman decide what happens “after” the party. The build up to an event is very exciting and you will likely have butterflies in your stomach. The emotion can get almost as intense as an orgasm. Of course, besides being in agreement with your woman you should also speak with the other couple beforehand in order to check their boundaries and limits as well. Then, you can proceed to the hot encounter, but it’s always better to start small. Maybe at first you can start with just some touching and kissing.

‘Declaring your love for each other that you end up in each other’s arms.’

 

Swingers Photo
Photo: Swingers

INTIMACY

It is a good idea to make it a rule that you and your partner always have sex afterwards, by yourselves. If you will, this can be seen as a kind of a closing ceremony and declaring your love for each other that you end up in each other’s arms. Also make a rule that the next day you talk about it. For the couple new to the swinging lifestyle, this can be a more in depth conversation. Once you get accustomed with swinging and become familiar with this exciting lifestyle it will become just a common place. But it will still be fun sometimes to talk about some special moment that you liked both.

‘It is not appropriate to tell your husband about how “big” the other man is.’

AFFIRMATION

Be aware of the fact that is not the best idea to talk up the other person/s you have had sex about, especially in case your partner is self-conscious. For instance, obviously it is not appropriate to tell your husband about how “big” the other man was or your wife how tight the other woman was. Even if you and your partner are not the jealous type, always coat the truth a bit and affirm how much you love them and how glad you are to be with them.

‘People prefer to pick or approach others who have a confident look.’

SELF CONFIDENCE

When it comes to being self-conscious, it is recommended to work on building up your confidence. If you really want to become a part of this exciting lifestyle, you must start working on your personality. As you may already know, people prefer to pick or approach others who have a confident look and exhibit a great personality. In order to attract the most people, ensure you display the best of your persona, whether you’re looking for a swinging partner at a club or online. In the swinging world it is perfectly acceptable to use fake names as an identity, so if you feel timid and self-conscious, you better realize quickly that it will not work in the swinging lifestyle.

‘Try being selfless and think more about your partner.’

ALWAYS SWING TOGETHER

Even if you and your partner are apart, the swinging experience should be something you do together. It’s recommended to learn some new tricks to show each other. Your rules will loosen up over time when you’ll get more comfortable with various things. You may realize then that you are both okay with the swinging activities and encourage each other. However, try being selfless and think more about your partner rather than yourself. Forget the thoughts like I cannot please my partner or he liked her better. Instead think more constructively. For instance, think that you need to learn how to please your partner that way or think that they liked your partner so much because he is so good looking. This way to see things will help you, make you more confident and feel better about yourself. You must prepare before swinging and realize that in the moment it is a pretty erotic and intense setting. Your partner may become much more excited than ever before. Don’t become jealous and take this as something against yourself, but rather understand the fact that is the experience.

‘Both people must be on the same page with what’s allowed and what is not.’

GROUND RULES

Before involving yourself in swinging activities for the first time, set some ground rules. In case you are just new to the swinging lifestyle, it is vital to set some rules for each other. For instance, before indulging in sexual swinging activities, agree about what is going to happen if you are both at a swinging event and one of you wants to leave early. It may be perfectly fine for the other person to stay behind, or you may beforehand decide that kind of situation is not allowed. Other rules may include your partner being intimate with the same sex. Make sure to talk up front about all these things. Also ensure that you are both on the same page with what’s allowed and what is not. Would be kind of awkward to attend a swinger club or party and have a fight about getting oral sex from a stranger or leaving the party early. Set your rules in advance, but make them flexible enough and know that they can still change. As you evolve into the swinging lifestyle and accumulate more experience you may become more tolerant to various situations that made you feel uncomfortable at first.

‘Become familiar with the lingo.’

LEARN THE LANGUAGE

Learn the language of the swinging lifestyle. Before your first swinging activity it might be wise to prepare in advance and become familiar with the lingo. It would be embarrassing, after all, if you get confused once on the site. For instance, when you hear the words “full swap” or “hard swap”, you need to know with certainty what they mean. These are the terms used in the swinging lifestyle to make it clear that a certain couple is ready for full-on sex with another couple. Other useful terms to learn would be “soft swap”, meaning couples who won’t “go all the way”, and “the unicorn”, a woman who attends swingers events alone.

So there you have it.  Some simple preparation’s for you to go through and discuss before you go to your first swinger’s party or event. Swinging is not for everyone but there are many millions of people worldwide that practice it and actually enhances their relationship or marriage.

 

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Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

New Dating App Matches People Over What They Hate

Hater Dating App Photo

There is a new dating application in town named “Hater”, their slogan is:

“Meet someone who hates the same stuff”

It is a first of its kind that matches people on the things they hate and dislike. The app was released for Android operating systems in February in celebration for one of the world’s most romantic celebrations, Valentine’s Day. It has just been two months since its release, the app has now gathered over 350,000 users mostly located in Latin America and Europe. The users have continued to grow every single week and is now a popular dating app used worldwide.

So far there is a whirlwind of over 3000 different topics to choose from which either can be of wicked, innocent, light hearted or of a philosophical value. Whether you hate cilantro, types of sexual play, slow drivers, mosquitos, harambe, President Trump, bullies or even if you have a strong dislike for cargo shorts, Haters got your back. Their application is operated by swiping down to hate, swipe up to love, swipe left to dislike, and swipe right to like. When you’re done answering the questions, your profile will be full of your interests and disinterests. You will be matched up with other users with a percentage of how compatible you are. Sometimes it can be difficult to express personal opinions but this application puts everything out on the table that you wish people knew about you.

Since its release, Hater found the answers to some of the harder to ask topics that were related to sex. They found that 88 percent of men were happy to participate with anal play whereas 48 percent of women were in favour of it. 91 percent of men were on board for threesomes whereas 43 percent of women were in favour of it. 64 percent of men were happy to participate in a one night stand compared to the 33 percent of women were in favour of it. 80 percent of man were happy to engage in public sex whereas 50 percent of women were in favour of it. Some mutual positive areas of interest included sex toy usage, kinky sex, quickies, dirty talking, showering together, marijuana use during sex and playing music during sex. These statistics are a surprising way of seeing how sex has become a less taboo topic within our society.

Although the idea to hating things can appear to be unkind this app brings it together by creating an enjoyable dating experience. So how does hate bring people together in a positive manner? Brendan Alper CEO of Hater has said:

“What we hate is an important part of who we are, but it’s often swept under the rug in our public persona. We want people to express themselves more honestly. Plus, it’s easy to start a conversation with someone if you know you both hate pickles.”

 

Hater Dating App Photo
Photo: Hater Dating App

So apart from offering topics for a great conversational ice-breaker you are able to bond with other’s through a mutual understanding with a sense of trust and familiarity. It also proves the possibility of connecting people with compatible personalities together. Brendan Alper said:

“It started off as a joke, a wouldn’t-it-be-funny-if and then we kept playing around with it and it seemed like it could work as an actual idea. People seemed to come together around things they hate. It surprisingly brings people together. And then I did some research on it and there are actual studies”

A 2006 study published named “Interpersonal Chemistry Through Negativity” by the University of Oklahoma and the University of Texas found that two close friends could have a mutual dislike for a third person as well as a mutual like for a third person which could provide a foundation of a friendship. The study said:

“Although shared positive attitudes are indeed important in promoting friendship, there seems to be something especially delicious about the process of sharing our grievances about other people.”

A 2011 study named “I Feel Like I Know You” followed up the idea and found that although you could establish friendships based upon common negativity, it also made the friendship stronger.

Can you imagine the situation of meeting someone who loves dogs just as much as you do but excessively hates cargo shorts and the Beauty and the Beast. You could spend your time talking for hours, about the things you love to hate and watch as your relationship and sexual lifestyle spiral into a joyful moment of complete synchronicity of matching opinions. People often spend years getting to know each other’s personals dislikes or interests, but within one dating application you are able to learn all you need to know by swiping up, down, left and right. After I spoke to Sam, Hater’s Public Relations Representative on how Hater has brought people together he recalled two great anecdotal stories:

“One couple matched because they both had “online dating” listed as their number one hate. They bonded over the irony. They also both hated expensive cocktails and loved tacos, so they spent their first date at Mexican restaurant where they drank a lot of $1 Coronas. Another couple bonded over the fact they both hated the Super Bowl but loved queso dip (a requisite item of every good Super Bowl Party). So on Super Bowl Sunday, they actively avoided the game, but made their own queso dip and watched a movie.”

Saying that you found love through hate is quite an interesting tale for someone who may be the love of your life or even to connect with people who may just become one of your closest friends.

 

Sexpert is our resident full time sex blogger. Having successfully owned and managed a number of blogs relating to women's lifestyle, she easily blended into her role as chief blogger of the Adultsmart Blog. She is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend. She also runs Good Girl Guide, a sexual lifestyle blog.

Why is Good Flirting Important?

Couple at Cafe for Lunch Photo

Flirting can be seen throughout the animal kingdom. From the fluttering of a birds whimsical feathers to the bottlenose dolphins displaying highly efficient swimming skills paired with the affectionate rubbing of pectoral fins. For a lot of us, flirting doesn’t come as naturally as an animal instinct and can unfortunately feel extremely awkward. It takes careful thought and consideration before we are able to step into the world of flirting. Most people who flirt are motivated for a variety of reasons including:

  1. To gauge someone’s interest: Flirting can be used to understand whether someone else is romantically interested in them by gauging their reaction; Whether they happily engage in flirting or whether they ignore it.
  2. To change a relationship: People often flirt to gain a closer, romantic and passionate relationship with someone they desire. Flirting can be seen as the initial step before dating.
  3. Flirting can lead to sex: Flirting can help create a mental desire to arouse someone to have intimate relationships with the person.
  4. For personal gain:  People flirt to motivate someone to perform a task whether it is a household chore, asking for a holiday or asking for a present.
  5. For fun: Some people flirt to develop joyful interactions with people they may not be physical or mentally attracted to. This can be seen when friends flirt with each other.
  6. To let people know they are desired: Flirting is a good way to let people know they are attractive. It does not necessarily mean they would like a sexual relationship but encourages a person to understand they are desired. It is a good way to help build another person’s confidence level and self-esteem with sincerity. The School of Life define this type of flirting in more detail:

“Good flirting is in essence an attempt dreamed by kindness and imaginative excitement to inspire another person to believe more firmly in their own likeability, psychology as much as physical. It is a gift offered not in order to manipulate but out of the pleasure of perceiving what is most attractive in another. Flirting matters because how rarely we get to experience ourselves as desirable. “

 

Flirting at a Bar Photo
Photo: Why is Flirting Important? – Two People Flirting at a Bar

Just like the odd behaviours within the animal kingdom, people also engage in an enormous amount of flirting rituals some of which are more subtle than others. Some subtle gestures include brief glances with a friendly smile, the opening up of body language, moving closer to a person they like, brief physical touches to show interest and playing with hair. Whilst there are more noticeable flirting techniques that include long glances across a room, the flexing of muscles to make a man’s body appear bigger, people who purposefully talk with more of a masculine or seductive tone and body language that takes up a protective amount of space.

The most obvious form a flirting is when people use pickup lines. We have all either received, given or heard an opening line be served to someone. They are a great method to break the ice by either arousing someone, creating a joke that can be laughed at or gives people something to talk about. There is a large variety of topic based pickup lines to choose from including foodie, nerdy, sweet, sexual, knock knock jokes and much more. Below I have listed a couple of my favourites:

  • Take me to Papa John’s because this is love at 425 degrees!
  • Damn girl, I must be reading a book because you are fine print!
  • Do you have a Band-Aid? Because I scrapped my knee falling for you.
  • I’ll kiss you in the rain so you will get twice as wet!
  • Knock Knock! Who’s there? Honeydew! Honeydew who? Honeydew you know how fine you look right now?

Flirting can be exceptionally enjoyable, exhilarating and adventurous. Particularly if you are engaging in flirting with someone you barely know as you don’t have to be worried about whether you will see them again. It can only become terrifying if you attempt to flirt with someone you actually care about. If this is the case, it is a good idea to use flirting as a way to gauge their interest in whether they would like to date you.

If you are planning on flirting, don’t talk heavily about problems within your personal life and don’t drink too much as you can get sloppy. Some people are also very oblivious to whether they are being flirted with, if this is the case you may need think of making your flirting more obvious. Like everything else, the more you flirt the better you will become at it. It is recommended to continue to flirt within a romantic long-term relationship so your partner is given the confidence to understand how you feel about them.

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Sexpert is our resident full time sex blogger. Having successfully owned and managed a number of blogs relating to women's lifestyle, she easily blended into her role as chief blogger of the Adultsmart Blog. She is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend. She also runs Good Girl Guide, a sexual lifestyle blog.
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