Deciding To Touch – A Personal Story

Sexual Assault Teal Ribbon

*Disclaimer- assault may trigger some readers please be advised*

Here we go, my personal story of how the me of today came to light. Not all of us come into this world of sexual excitement and enticement with a “bang”. A one in which magical arousing confetti erupts into the air as the “to be” most enchanted moment arrives. Some start off with fear, caution, and betrayal, that “thing” that everyone says won’t happen to them happens.

You don’t have to be drunk at a party or be put in a dodgy situation for this to happen, sometimes just walking your dog in a friendly neighbourhood can become a crime scene. We all utter the words “I won’t put myself in that situation for that to happen” but it’s not always our choice.

Choice is my most used word in my vocabulary, choice is the motto of my life. My choices are what got me to where I am today, although that road was a rough ride with many mistakes I am proud to say they were all because I chose.

Not all those who are assaulted go out into the big bad wide world and to put it bluntly “sleep with everything that moves” to fill that void and numb the pain. Don’t get me wrong it works for some but for me, this wasn’t an option I was willing to take. I chose to choose my emotions over my body, and it’s a choice I’ll never regret. The body never forgets and it’s the fault of the mind, simple touches that should be arousing and intimate become triggers for pain and emotion. Flinching is normal, flinching at the most normal touches almost become unbearable. Hugging is a huge one for me, a simple hug is not easy because you are allowing someone into your personal space and your body.

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Image: Good Sex Starts With Good Conversation

The body recalls a touch that was once sensual and arousing and turns it into a trigger to shut off and become numb. I chose to handle myself the best way I knew possible, I chose to choose. My first time was taken with scares as a memory every single day. I had to teach myself to feel again, I had to learn to not block out my emotions and to become myself again. I had to learn not to shower five times a day because I constantly felt “dirty” and I had to choose to stop getting embarrassed about a huge scar that runs up an intimate part of my body and warning people to stop them from being shocked by it.

For me, this was a long journey in which I have lost and found myself many many times, but finally, sex became meaningful, intense and powerful. For me, I became more open and willing to try things that before this happened I would have never even considered. I explored myself first, I learnt what I liked about myself and how my body reacted, I learnt to love myself first not in the sense that I liked the way I looked but in the sense that I listened to my body and emotions. My self-discovery is where I learnt to trust my gut feeling and to never let what I went through dictate the rest of my life. I chose to not hate all men but to trust my own instincts, which might I add didn’t have a 100% strike rate! But I learnt and that’s the main thing!

Trust exercises, goals, boundaries these are all the things in therapy you are told to write down and think about. These don’t mean just with a partner these also relate to yourself, and how you build your journey into intimacy. Sexual healing takes patience and don’t ever do something until you are ready for it emotionally and physically. For a very long time my mind and my body were disconnected, every time I chose to have sex I did not enjoy it because my body and mind would constantly disassociate. This was my greatest hurdle because feeling meant triggering “that feeling” and I can’t tell you how many times I burst into tears during and after sex. But each time I did I grew and I evolved and I became stronger!

Loving Couple Hugging
Photo: Couple Touching Each Other Passionately

There are plenty of supportive, understanding partners out there, but there are also people who are going to make you feel like their sexual needs are more important than your safety needs. Being able to address your history on your own timeline, without having to even consider anyone else, is a wonderful benefit. It may take you some time to fully process this experience, and it may continue to surface in surprising and frustrating ways. But don’t let this person steal your chance for joy and intimacy. If you have the desire to learn how to enjoy sex (and again, you don’t have to), you can get there.

My most favourite quote which I tattooed onto my body is “you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”.

Learn, grow, feel, and most importantly discover yourself first!

About the author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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Sexpert is our resident full time sex blogger. Having successfully owned and managed a number of blogs relating to women's lifestyle, she easily blended into her role as chief blogger of the Adultsmart Blog. She is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend. She also runs Good Girl Guide, a sexual lifestyle blog.

Going Commando Changed My Life

Actor Jon Hamm With Visible Penis

Tossing off your underwear can be a really liberating feeling; your “man bits” can finally breathe, they have absolute freedom. It’s easy to see why so many guys want to feel that freedom all the time. (I always picture a man doing the helicopter motion with his penis. I know every lady reading this knows exactly the motion I’m talking about, the one he does when he gets out of the shower.)  No one wants to feel restricted and confined.  There isn’t any medical reason that states you need underwear for support, allowing your testicles and penis bounce around is as natural as anything.

So Why Not Go Ahead And Strip Off Those Undergarments?

Release yourself from the confines of your cotton poly blends!—But you might want to first read the following and consider all the information:

Without that soft layer of underwear, you are left without any protection between the outer layer of your soft skin, the delicacy that is your manhood and the harsh raw fabrics of your outerwear. This raw and rough material can cause some real uncomfortable skin irritations and even rashes. Not to mention if you have just done some “man-scaping”, the chafing can be a real pain with rough scratchy materials rubbing against it!

If going commando is a must for you, a few simple suggestions would be, try applying a thin layer of baby powder or petroleum jelly to your groin area. An even better choice is SuperSlyde which is a Silicone-based Personal Lubricant that’s available from an Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre near you! It’ll help to minimise the friction from the outer layer of clothes on your most delicate body parts.

Skinny Jeans and tapered pants like the ones from Calvin Klein, particularly those made from heavier fabrics like denim, may cut into your crotch when you sit down. To make matters worse (or better, depending on how you like it), if your fabric isn’t thick enough or if you’re wearing too light a colour, you will be giving everyone an eyeful of VPL (Visible Penis Lines). To mask these outlines or bulges, wearing wool or heavier cotton pants will mask these visible outlines or VPL.

Famous Actor Jon Hamm Photo
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If you are like most people who normally wear your pants a few or more times between washing them, going commando will mean a wash is almost necessary after each wear. When fabric sits directly next to your skin it makes your pants dirtier obviously, they also get smellier, faster. All the skin cells and body fluids attach themselves to the material they touch. You could wear dry-clean-only fabrics like wool. Pants that are made from heavier, thicker fabrics can usually last longer between washes than lighter, thinner pants due to the make and construction. This, however, will get very pricey!

When you don’t have that extra layer of fabric to absorb moisture around your crotch as underwear does, you will end up with nasty sweat stains; these stains are more visible on lighter fabrics and colours. Trust, you don’t want to be walking down the street with these stains, no matter how much you like attention, not this kind.

Jock itch

I personally think this would be the worst of the outcomes from not wearing underwear. Jock Itch can be a very real and serious skin condition that presents as an itchy, red, ring-shaped rash. This is a rash that occurs when you’re exposed to the fungus. The particular fungi that cause “Jock Itch” live in warm, humid environments just like the inside of your pants after your testicles have been sweating all over them. To fight off this fungus, try to keep your boys dry with just a sprinkle of baby powder or talc in the morning and regularly wash your pants with a chafing or jock itch prevention, you’ll want to sprinkle a dash of baby powder or straight talc on your privates. This will absorb moisture so stains won’t form.

If you do see a stain begin to form on your pants, a great trick to take it out is to, rub a teaspoon of dish detergent mixed with two teaspoons of hydrogen peroxide into the stained area; then wash the garment as you normally do in cool water with your regular detergent.

So this might be obvious, perhaps not? Don’t try on new pants while you are going commando. Some of the faecal bacteria or even the fungi that we have just mentioned you could be carrying can transfer onto the fabrics. In turn, you would be passing these onto anyone else trying on these pants.

So What’s My Advice?

Go Commando at home in comfy soft breathable materials and enjoy, come home in the evening and put your favourite jogging pants on and relax. When it comes to going out during everyday life, throw on a pair of your favourite underwear and remember safety first. I just can’t see any real benefits to going commando, even though I might enjoy the sight of those who do. There are just too many situations that can be avoided by wearing a pair of underwear.

About The Author: Patrick Kriz- BA, Psych (HON)- Human Sexuality

Patrick Kriz has a Bachelor Degree (Honours) in Psychology - Human Sexuality. Patrick is a wonderful man that has a wealth of knowledge and is happy to share this with those around him. He is articulate, educated and the provider or interesting and educational writings. Having been a regular contributor to this blog for the past couple of months he has consented to add his profile to our ever expanding list of bloggers that provide us with the great content provided to you. We thank all our contributors and authors and a special thanks to Patrick whom we deem to be an expert on all things relating to sexual wellness and adult lifestyle with quality writings. Be sure to follow Patrick on Instagram.

Reddit’s Pregnancy Test For Men

3 Men Covering Their Genitals In An Office

I’m sure like everyone who’s on the internet these days has, at one point or another, seen the article floating about. “Man took a pregnancy test as a joke” or something like that. This was a Reddit article that began making its rounds in 2012 if I remember correctly? The point of the article was that after taking a pregnancy test and the results being positive, this bloke went to his Dr to find out he had testicular cancer! I remember talking about it with a professor of mine from Uni when the article came out, surprisingly he had experimented with this theory himself. This particular professor had just found out he had Germ Cell Tumors, so already knowing he had cancer, he was curious if the test results would also indicate pregnancy. After peeing on a test stick, he also had positive results.

I saw the article floating around one of my social media platforms last night and got to thinking what others might be thinking of this article? If it worked for this guy, why not for everyone? This story seems very straight forward, but giving it a deeper look, a vast number of variables come into play with what cancers can be found through these pregnancy tests.

Funny Meme Of Man's Pregnancy Test
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So What Is It That Causes This Positive Result On Pregnancy Tests?

First, you have to identify what chemical marker the pregnancy test is looking for. The answer Beta Human Chronic Gonadotrophin or HCG for short. HCG is a hormone that is rarely present in the body man or woman. HCG makes its appearance as rapidly growing cells begin to attach themselves somewhere they weren’t before. (Generally when an Embryo attaches itself to a uterus.)

These same rapidly growing cells are present in a number of cancers, but certainly not all or even the majority of cancers. The Cancers that produce identifiable HCG markers are all part of a grouping called Gestational Trophoblastic Disease or GTD. This cancer grouping is a type of cancer identified by its Tumor groupings and is most commonly found on Germ Cells. Germ Cells are the primary building block cells and are primarily found in the Ovaries and Testicles, but not limited to. Interestingly these same cells are found in cancers in the chest. Not all ovarian and testicular cancers fit into the GTD grouping either. Meaning some cancers in the ovaries and testicles may not produce any HCG or very low levels of HCG, and would not register on a urine pregnancy test.

There are specific blood tests that examine HCG levels and can identify these much easier through blood samples rather than urine. There are many many things that can affect the detectability of HCG in urine such as, prescription medications. There have also been a number of studies done where certain people (no identifiable marker for these people) whose Hepatic or liver systems produce antibodies that cover up the HCG markers making them undetectable through urine and make it harder to identify even through blood tests. So many variables have an effect on these specific tests, hard to rely on just one system.

It’s Probably Best Not To Rely On These Home Pregnancy Tests

With so many types and varying cancers out there, I think it’s probably best not to rely on these home pregnancy tests to rule out your fear of having cancer. There’s nothing wrong with trying to detect cancer at home with a pregnancy test kit, but please do not rely on this test alone. Even women can get false alarms with positive pregnancy test results. Even if these pregnancy tests could successfully test for Cancer every time it is only testing for a very small number of potential cancers. It would be like correctly answering the first page of a test and just not answering the rest.

The best strategy is to see a specialist. Have yourself examined for Testicular/Ovarian cancer or any kind of cancer, especially if it runs in your genes. It is also important to note that, prostate cancer can cause erection problems.

About the author: KrizPatrick BA(Hon) Psychology Human Sexuality

Patrick Kriz has a Bachelor Degree (Honours) in Psychology - Human Sexuality. Patrick is a wonderful man that has a wealth of knowledge and is happy to share this with those around him. He is articulate, educated and the provider or interesting and educational writings. Having been a regular contributor to this blog for the past couple of months he has consented to add his profile to our ever expanding list of bloggers that provide us with the great content provided to you. We thank all our contributors and authors and a special thanks to Patrick whom we deem to be an expert on all things relating to sexual wellness and adult lifestyle with quality writings. Be sure to follow Patrick on Instagram.

HELP! My Boyfriend Hates My Sex Toys.

Red Head On Bed

Did your lover want to use a vibrator to experience the ultimate climax? Are you worried that she will end up spending too much time with it at your expense? Research has shown that sales of vibrators for women have skyrocketed with even some celebrities like Rihanna spending thousands of dollars on them. With such soaring sales, it seems that women are depending more on toys to satisfy their sexual desires. As a man, this makes me worried and I can understand why most men are intimidated by these devices.

If you are a man and feel that vibrators for women are a threat to you, it is time you embarked in a completely new direction. If you are using a sex toy on her, you can stimulate her clit with your other hand or mouth so that you are involved in the action. You can also make a point of investing in toys that are designed for use by couples and take control while having sex. Have you ever thought about using a Cock Ring? It will send both of you to the heavens. A Cock Ring is used to increase the blood flow in the penis which will make your erection feel stronger and help you to last longer.

Sex toys are an excellent gift to give your girl for special occasions such as on Valentine’s Day or on a Wedding Anniversary. But it can prove to be quite trickier than you anticipate getting the right sex toy that will please her. It is very easy to choose something that she won’t like and if you are not careful, you might even end up offending her or upsetting her and this is the last thing you want to. So before you order a sex toy for her from an adult store, you must have an idea of exactly what she wants and then shop for it.

In any relationship, communication is vital, it is the only way to know exactly what she likes. If you manage to identify a sex toy that she wants, this will instantly jump start your sex life. First, you will need to be very attentive when having sex with your girl. Take your time to understand what gives her fast and wild orgasms. She may like clitoral stimulation, g-spot stimulation or she may like you to stimulate her g-spot and clitoris at the same time. Once you have decoded her desires and needs, you will know which sex toys to give her.

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Buying a cheaply made sex toy that is of poor quality will disappoint her and she will hate you for it. These toys not only fail to get the job done appropriately but they may easily break which means you will have to replace them. They can also cause allergic reactions while others might expose her body to toxic materials.

When giving your girl a gift, it is essential that you go for a high end or luxury sex toy that will surely impress her. A gift must be special and be a symbol that you really love her. These sex toys are made with higher quality features, functions and materials. Some of these sex toys may be whisper quiet, waterproof, having multiple vibrations modes and are often made with body safe materials that are phthalate free. They may be priced higher but you will never regret your purchase as you will definitely get the value for the money you spend.

I personally recommend buying a luxury sex toy made by the adult lifestyle brand LELO. My favourite vibrator from their range is the LELO Mona Wave which moves back and forth in a come hither motion. It is ergonomically designed to fit comfortably in the palm of your hand and is made using body safe materials. It has a travel locking feature so you are able to take it with you anywhere without the fear of accidently turning on. Within a few minutes of using the LELO Mona Wave, she will experience a mind blowing G-Spot orgasm.

Sex toys for adults have really transformed a lot over the past couple of years, you no longer have to buy products made from toxic materials. These days you are able to buy a powerful sex toy made with high quality materials and functions which will pleasure you. I recommend shopping at Adultsmart which is an online trusted sex toy shop which stocks a wide range of these wonderful products to ensure that your healthy sex life doesn’t start spiraling downhill. You will always find something that is perfect for the two of you. There are so many toys available that can make your sex life extremely pleasurable.

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Richard runs the marketing and social profiles of adultsmart and adultsmart blog. He has been in the industry just over 10 years and enjoys his role both in an administrative capacity as well keeping abreast of issues relating to sexual health and lifestyles.

P-Spot Beyond Pleasure!

Man Wearing Underwear

I don’t need to explain to the homosexual readers of this blog the pleasures that come from the prostates involvement in your sexual activities. This article is for the hetero-curious men and couples out there reading. It is about opening up to find pleasure and equality through the prostate.

From the beginning of our sexual explorations and curiosities we learn from what we see, and as the prostate is unseen it is rarely spoken about. Not to mention the “Taboo” associated with anal play. The stigma that men who participate in anal play must be gay.. is too long outdated and is in serious need of a new outlook. The act of a man participating in a prostate orgasm allows for a man to step outside of the societal gender roles and hand the power over to his female partner. Too rarely does a man ever get to experience the receptive part or sex, all too often they take the common role of “Pitching” and leave the “Catching” or receptive aspect of sex to their female partners. This ideology is what I believe to be a huge factor in why the notion of gender roles are as they are currently.

A mutual knowledge of the vulnerability/ the expected role of a woman starts from experiencing two sides of the same coin. In this particular topic, penetration is the coin. For a man who has never experienced penetration on himself, he might intellectually understand the need for the “warm-up” before penetration, however, nothing can demonstrate its importance as well as experiencing it first hand. There’s always a clearer perspective that comes from personal experience.

What Is A Prostate You Ask?

The prostate is a small gland made up of mostly muscle tissue that sits around the base of the bladder. Its main function is to secrete fluids that are mixed with the Semen from the Vas Deference during orgasm. This is the most important piece of information for this article. A man’s prostate is most active at the moment leading to orgasm when pressure is added to the already pulsing Prostate gland creates an even more powerful ejaculate which heightens the feeling of orgasm. This reason alone should be enough to intrigue any man!

Through prostate orgasm, a man is able to reach multiple orgasms… Yes, I said it! A man can have multiple orgasms too! It is not just for the ladies.

Image Of The P-Spot
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Benefits Beyond Pleasure

When you engage the prostate with massage/added pressure, as I previously said allows for larger ejaculation orgasms. This helps to empty and refresh the prostate. It also encourages blood flow to the pelvic area, this helps to fight impotence. Yes playing with this little gland can help ensure you have healthy erections well into agedness. There is also a ton of research being done currently as to how having a regularly refreshed prostate lowers the potential risk of prostate cancer found so commonly in men.There are many other benefits of prostate massage.

How To Engage In Prostate Stimulation?

The prostate can be stimulated by adding pressure to the anatomy of the perineum (the space between the testicles and the anus. However direct contact from inside is always more intimate with greater effects. The prostate can be reached by inserting one finger into the anus approximately 1.5-2 inches tip of the finger pointing to the naval and rolling your finger in a come hither motion. You should feel a Squishy marble as you do this, that’s the prostate. Very easy to find. Keep in mind the skin around the anal opening is very sensitive and can tear very easily. EXTRA Lube is necessary. Start with a warm up; caress the outside of the anus (the anus has as many nerve ending as any other erogenous zone). Try stroking the penis, as the penis gets erect the blood flow around the prostate will also increase created a heightened pleasure sense.

Effects On The Relationship

For hetero-normative couples, it is understandable how “flipping” the roles could potentially have some uncharted territory. But that’s no reason to avoid or judge something. Especially something that has so much potential. Communication is key! You are in this together! Sex is more than just procreation. Sex is also about pleasure and as discussed has countless health benefits. What this will allow or aid in with couples in establishing compassion, empathy and understanding towards each other. It may not eliminate gender based unfairness or sexism, it does have the ability to open equal understanding and dialogue.

If you’re open enough to try a new world of pleasure, just remember to relax, have fun. It’s VERY NORMAL. Millions of men and women worldwide have already found the amazing pleasure to be had from this great pleasure zone. Everyone should want to be on the same page as their partner

About the author: KrizPatrick BA(Hon) Psychology- Human SexualitySave

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Patrick Kriz has a Bachelor Degree (Honours) in Psychology - Human Sexuality. Patrick is a wonderful man that has a wealth of knowledge and is happy to share this with those around him. He is articulate, educated and the provider or interesting and educational writings. Having been a regular contributor to this blog for the past couple of months he has consented to add his profile to our ever expanding list of bloggers that provide us with the great content provided to you. We thank all our contributors and authors and a special thanks to Patrick whom we deem to be an expert on all things relating to sexual wellness and adult lifestyle with quality writings. Be sure to follow Patrick on Instagram.
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