A-Z List Of The Quirkiest Fetishes

Anime zoophilia

When did sex become so serious!? Has it always been this way or have we been taught somewhere along our life journey that to have enjoyable sex means we must be done with our playful and innocent spirit?

When we were young, play came so naturally to us. We approached the world with fresh eyes, bringing our curiosity of the unfamiliar into every aspect of our lives. Whether we received good sex education or not, over time many of us were taught that there was a right way of being sexual and anything that did not fit into this narrow framework was to be shamed. This often meant that the adventurous approach we had to other areas of our life did not translate to our sexual explorations.

To think that there are so many people out there who feel ashamed of the things that turn them on saddens me. Human sexuality is vast, with each person unique in what they desire sexually and how they choose to express their sexuality.

Wouldn’t it be so incredibly beautiful to approach our sexuality with a sense of playfulness and willingness to get messy? Exploring our sensuality and sexuality solo or with others is a wildly free, fun and sexy adventure if we choose to make it so. I’ve compiled an alphabetical list of some potentially quirky, kinky or unusual paraphilias and ways that different people can explore their sexuality.

Anal Rimming

I understand for some individuals, licking someone’s bottom is not something they think twice about yet some people could never imagine giving or receiving a tongue in between their ass cheeks.

Bondage

Whether it is with rope, cuffs or tape, being constrained can be extremely sexy and fun.

Cuckolding

Seeing your wife or girlfriend getting fucked by another man turns many men on. Cuckolding is surprisingly one of the most popular porn searches on the internet!

Dogging

Unless you count being bent over the bonnet of a car whilst someone fucks you doggie style, this has less to do with canines and more to do with being watched in a public space having sex.

Electrostimulation

For many people, being zapped by electricity sounds like a nightmare yet for a select few, electrostimulation proves to be an exhilarating and enjoyable sexual kink

Foot Fetish

There are some people that find the look, smell, touch and taste of feet incredibly arousing. Whatever floats your boat I say!!

Gerontophilia

This describes the primary sexual attraction to elderly people. I stress primary because those with this paraphilia can only be turned on from being with an elderly person.

Humiliation

Some people become extremely aroused by being humiliated in a sexual context. This could include things such as name calling and ordering them to complete degrading tasks.

Impact Play

Getting spanked, whipped or flogged sounds like a punishment for most but if you fit into the masochistic category you may in fact love it. The tools for impact play are extensive to say the least, with paddles, floggers and crops made from a range of materials such as leather, silicone and plastic available.

Juggling

So this one is a little puzzle to keep you on your toes. Think juggling multiple partners at once… group sex! Threesomes, foursomes and moresomes are a great way of exploring your sexuality with others.

Klismaphilia

Enemas involve body temperature water inserted into the anus. They are often completed in a medical setting or in preparation for anal play. It may stump you knowing that there exists a paraphilia where individuals become sexually aroused giving or receiving enemas.

Lactophilia

The name is quite suggestive though in case you were still wondering, lactophilia describes a paraphilia where sexual arousal is gained from breast milk.

Masochism

Having someone inflict pain on you is a dream come true for a masochist. With full consent, power play can be incredibly sexy to explore for these people.

Needle Play

Needles are the source of many people’s phobias so it may be difficult to comprehend that some people will willingly play with needles.

Olfactophilia

Stinky body parts especially the genital areas turn on those with this paraphilia. If you despise taking showers, you may find yourself a keeper in this minority.

Pony Play

Play pretending to be a noble stead is a very popular trend in the BDSM and kink world. I love horse riding but definitely prefer to be the rider in charge. Perhaps there’s still a place for me in this kink…

Queefing Fetish

A less discreet description of queefing is fanny farts (I cringe at this terminology) which are a turn on for some people.

Rape Fantasy

This one is an edgy kink that’s for sure and more common than you would think. Done with full consent, it can be a thrilling role play for a couple to explore (I cannot stress FULL CONSENT enough). Be sure to read up a guide on risk aware consensual kink!

Sadism

Inflicting pain on others is a thrill for a sadist and can be just as enjoyable for consenting partners.

Teratophilia

Sexual attraction to deformed or monstrous people. There’s certainly someone out there for everyone.

Under Arm Fetish

Pretty self-explanatory don’t you think? Most people with this fetish are aroused by the smell – different strokes for different folks I believe!

Underarm fetish
Image: Man licking underarm

Voyuerism

Watching people have sex, often done without their knowledge. Again, a great fantasy to explore with full consent!

Watersports

Remove any images you may have of jet skis, boats or Marco-Polo. Instead, think of being urinated on for sexual gratification.

X-ray

Ok so not a kink or fetish but I’m way too excited to share this somehow. A video on Youtube exists of an MRI of people having sex. Too fun!!!

Yoni Gazing

Yoni is the Sanskrit word for vagina, with yoni gazing a very popular thing to explore in some circles.

Zoophilia

This one is a paraphilia not to explore for real although pretending to be animals with consenting adults can be playful and exciting!

Author: Stephanie Curtis, sexologist

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Adventures With The 82 Year Old Gaping Granny!

Gaping Granny

Continued from my 82 Year Old Pole Dancing Granny…

Now for those of you unfamiliar with an equine speculum, it is a speculum used on horses and cows to open up the vagina or anus of the animal.  It was huge and made of shiny surgical steel.  As I lifted it the weight was considerable and I was thinking how the hell it was going to fit into dear old Genie.

As if reading my thoughts dear 83 year old Genie said, ‘C’mon Jim.  You don’t want me dying of old age here waiting for you.  My cunt cannot sit her gaping wide open all day for you.”

I looked over to Genie whose legs were wide apart held in the gyno stirrups.  The aged sagging skin were a victim of gravity and hung from and the deep blue raised varicose veins ran from her open hole to her ankles.  As I approached I dipped the prongs of the speculum into the bucket of J-Lube.  Bringing the now dripping medical device up I could not help but wonder how or why I had come to service these grannies in the name of community service.

Gazing at her I saw that her vulva was spread and inflamed typical of the aged estrogen deficiencies and her cervix still open giving me a clear view into her cervix.  I could see that the upper wall of the cervix was still a healthy pink and moist but sagged which appeared to me to be the early signs of getting a prolapsed cervix.

Massive Speculum
Big Speculum

As I approached she slid her bony skin sagged ass down and brought her knees up further in anticipation of allowing me to insert those massive prongs on the steel device, which I did, and my pelvic examination of her began.  Slowly centimeter by centimeter until the entire 40 or so centimetres were inside her.  The equine speculum features three prongs one fixed and two that can be widened that were inserted, a handle to hold and control the device.  At the bottom there was a wingnut and threaded bolt that controlled the movable prongs widening them or closing them up.

Slowly I began to tighten the wingnuts that caused the prongs to widen and Genies cunt to gape further. The vagina was wide open and I could see the entrance to the cervix open in time with the widening of the speculum.  As the cervix opened up I could see into her aged uterus.  This woman had the biggest pussy I had ever seen.

She began to chuckle, ‘Like what you see?  Then why don’t you get your lovely hand and start fingering me inside my uterus?”

Willing to aid and help the elderly I slipped by fist into her vagina and then opened my hand and began by inserting a couple of fingers inside her uterus.

I heard her gurgle as she said, “That’s right Jim dear.  That’s it!  Push those fingers in until you reach the end of it dear.”

I continued to put my fingers deep inside her womb until they I felt a small opening that must have been the fallopian tube.  This seemed to drive her crazy so I rimmed the tube opening from her long infertile ovary entrance.  Looking down from her vagina I noticed that her rosebud was convulsing and the ass was rhythmically opening and closing up.

I heard her chuckle as she said, “That’s right Jim.  Granny likes a bit of anal too!  Why don’t you play around with my ass?”

Leaving the speculum inside her with her vagina and and uterus open for me to see I removed my hand from inside her and dipped it in the bucket of J-Lube.  I then began to rim her puckering anus with my fingers.  The more I did this the more relaxed and open her ass became.

She said, “Stick your fingers in Jim.”

I did as she requested, first with one finger, then two, then four.  I could feel the hard steel of the speculum on my fingers with the slight lining of the rectum wall to the vaginal wall.  This granny was getting off but I could fit no more than four fingers in her ass because of the extent the speculum was widened.  I would not have in any event in case I tore her open when doing so.

She said, “Have you seen enough Jim.”

I replied, “I’ve seen what you’ve had for breakfast Genie.  Surely there can be no more?”

She said, “Okay Jim.  Let’s clean up and then I have one more thing to show you and we can be done.”

I then removed the speculum from her pussy and even after removal it gapes with her huge pussy lips hanging.  I then went over to the sink and began to wash up.  

Genie walked behind me and said, “When you finish cleaning up just take a seat at the bar over there. Pour yourself a drink.  I will be back in a few minutes.

After I finished washing up I walked over to the bar quadrant of the garage and poured myself a stiff JD and Coke and then sat on the bar stool.  The bar stool was facing a small makeshift stage that had a stainless steel pole installed like a professional pole dancing set up.  Above and below were some colored lights and it was exactly how I envisioned a seedy low class strip club to look like.

A few minutes later, after I had checked out the bar Genie walked out and she was wearing a short bright red dress with a low cut top.  It was obvious that she was not wearing a bra as her drooping breasts hung under wear the bra cup was and her wrinkled chest full of swirls that reminded me of an aged tree but that were the skin she had worn for so many years now.  As I gazed downwards I saw the deep blue varicose veins on her wrists and her fingers that were slightly arthritic curved.  

Gazing further down I noticed that she was wearing garters that were holding up her red fishnet stockings.  I could see the folds of skin hanging from her knees were obviously the elasticity had been lost until I reached her feet and saw that she was wearing high heeled shoes.  Her arthritic toes were shrivelled and curled at the front opening.  She also wore a satin choker with an amulet on it.  She had excessive amounts of makeup on.

Skin From Naked Granny
Naked 82 Year Old Granny

She said, “Jim, be a dear and switch that stereo on there behind you.  The music is pre-programmed.”

I complied and when I turned it on some loud stripper music came on.  Genie flicked on a power switch at the base of the stage and the lights came on.  She then climbed the stair and with her hunched over disposition began to move jerkily to the music.  The fluid erotic dance expected from a high class stripper were lost in this geriatrics aged body whose muscles where atrophied.  The whole thing was wrong on so many levels but in some artistic way it was right.  I could not help but become aroused and this elderly granny began to take off her dress releasing her dehydrated boobs.  Allowing the dress to fall to the ground displaying her aged marked belly and a white G-String.

As I looked closer at the G-String she was wearing I could not help but notice that neither of her labia were covered by it and they were left hanging at least two inches down either side.  This served only to turn me on even more.

A sparkle appeared in Genie’s eyes as she said ,”You naughty boy Jimmy.  Getting turned on by a geriatric stripper.  I am just going to have to go down there and give you a lap dance.”

She then descended the stairs and began to do her lap dance.  Putting here sagging bony ass in my face and then turning around and hitting my face with those humongous labia.  After a few minutes she stopped smiled at me and then to my amazement put her hand in her mouth and removed both her bottom and top teeth.  She had false teeth in and now she had none.

She dropped to her knees and undid my fly with her gnarly hands and then took my erect penis inside her mouth.  Her lips were not soft but rough and aged and her tongue although wet felt like a cat’s tongue – rough and abrasive as she sucked and licked my cock.  I began to fuck her mouth the more I got turned on the harder I thrust and the deeper I went.  With no teeth the sensation was totally different.

I got carried away and stood up, grabbing the back of her elderly head and began to fuck her throat deeply and with abandon.  I grabbed her hair to go deeper still and to my shock it came off in my hands.  Left before me was Genie with a few strands of long hair, with tears in her eyes due to my deep-throating her.  The good church boy that I was should have made me stop and check up on her health and safety but the sight of her vulnerable, a few strands on her head with tears in her eyes only fuelled my fire.

I grabbed the back of her now hairless head and thrust my rock hard cock in her mouth until it hit the back of her throat.  Not being satisfied with that I thrust it deeper so it went down her throat tunnel.  She bit down on the base of my cock but having no teeth this did not stop me but only served to further arouse me and my dick seemed to grow to the largest erection I ever had.

Fucking her furiously now in the throat I could feel her gag reflex spasming and her mouth clamped down on the base of my cock constricted it so much that I began to powerfully ejaculate deep inside her throat over and over again until I was finally spent.  It was only then that I realised that the pressure on the base of my cock had subsided and as I released Genie she fell to the floor.

Fuck Me!  I thought I had killed her but then I heard her laboured and frantic breath and after a few minutes she spluttered up my jizm coughling it out.

As I nudger her I said, “Oh God Genie, Are you Okay?  I am so sorry.  I didn’t mean it.  I don’t know what came over me.”

She looked up coming too from her near death by asphyxiation, coughed some more and said in a croaky voice, “It’s okay Jim.  I got what I deserved.  It is the devil coming out of me and you.”  She coughed and sputtered some more and finally rose to her feet and said, “Jim, if you can go over there (indicating the bathroom area) clean yourself up and let yourself out that would be fine.”

I said, “Genie, really I am sorry.”

She looked back as she was leaving the room and I could see a slight twinkle in her eye again as she said, ‘Jim, will I see you next month to help me prune the bushes.”

I said, “Sure Genie, anything to help.”

Anal Spreading Fetish
The Goatse Fetish

This became a regular tryst for me and Genie until she passed when she was 84 years old.  However by the time she drew her last breath my father had introduced me to a large number of sexy grannies that needed our community assistance like Prudence who had an extreme fetish with Goatse.  Perhaps you may want to learn more about her?

Andrew is right into the Fet Lifestyle and enjoys BDSM. He has written about these subjects in many arena’s and is an expert at Shibari. He shares his knowledge by working with Adultsmart a sex toy store. Enjoy the descriptive and educational articles he has written.

Dr. Stacy, Help Me! I’m A Sexless Cuckold Wanting Sex

Man in a chastity device

This month Adultsmart’s clinical sexologist and certified sex coach Dr. Stacy Friedman has answered three questions which were anonymously sent in to askasexologist@gmail.com. Be sure to read them, who knows she may have answered on of yours!

Question

So for the last few years, my wife and I have been in a cuckold relationship that started with my chastity fetish and she escalated it.  A year and a half ago, she decided that I would be sex free besides using my tongue.  I was upset at first but she convinced me it was for the best.  My problem now is that I don’t think I can handle never having sex with her again as I ache for it constantly.  My question is after all this time of being pussy free and her fucking whoever she wants, how can I talk her into letting me have sex again?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

For those not aware, a cuckold relationship is one where a man encourages his wife to have sex with other men because it brings him pleasure. The husband’s “victim” role is definitely a major element of the kink. Communication is very important in any relationship, so if something bothers you about your sexual practice it would benefit you to bring it up in a conversation about your needs with your partner.  If she isn’t willing to listen or respect your concerns then you aren’t in a balanced relationship and someone will be settling or continue to feel unsatisfied. When in a cuckold relationship, the person who is the cuckold (meaning you) can feel pleasure by being humiliated and submissive but only if both parties consent to this agreement.  This fetish fantasy doesn’t work when the cuckold is being humiliated against their will and their own needs are not being met.  If your marriage will continue to work without resentment or frustration, your concerns need to be discussed and a compromise found.  If you still want to be in a cuckold relationship then discussing some changes that can help both of you be satisfied can be imperative or unfortunately your marriage may not end well.

Question

I cannot satisfy my wife, as my penis is too small.  I have tried penis pumps but the result did not last.  I tried stretcher too but it was painful and nothing was different after a month.  Is there a way to get a bigger penis?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

Unfortunately, you have the size that you were born with unless you try a few things such as what you have mentioned.  The penis pump is not meant to have a lasting effect, it just offers enough help for the time you are being intimate.  If the stretcher is painful then obviously you shouldn’t continue to use it but even if you do use it, you probably won’t get much larger than another inch or so.  Most women appreciate the girth more than the length so it is more filling in their vaginal canal.  You can use a cock ring on your penis which can help keep the blood blow in which can help with some thickness.  Make sure to use lube prior to putting the ring on so you don’t pull your skin.  Also, it isn’t all about the size that makes a woman happy or pleased.  You can learn different techniques that will help increase her satisfaction such as working on oral, using your fingers more by touching in a soft and slow way.  While you are having intercourse you can also help with pleasure by using a toy to stimulate the clit at the same time so it isn’t as focused on the penis size.  There are some adult products such as penis sleeves that are made with silicone or jelly material that can increase some length or girth during intercourse so maybe try some of those.  Make sure to try and communicate with your partner as to what they like and need to feel satisfied and you may be surprised that it doesn’t have as much to do with a larger penis but the way you take your time and focus on foreplay and allowing your partner to enjoy the connection and touch between the two of you.

Cock ring with a remote control
Image: NU Sensuelle Remote Control Rechargeable Cock Ring

Question

During oral sex, can sperm be swallowed?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

Yes, it is safe to swallow sperm (also called semen). The choice to spit or swallow is a very personal one and there is nothing wrong with either answer. Before you do decide to swallow semen, you should make sure your partner is safe from any sexually transmitted infections so you aren’t taking the chance to transmit any infection to yourself. Semen is mostly water and also contains some amino acids, protein, zinc, calcium, sugars such as glucose and fructose as well as Vitamin C and a few other nutrients. The different diet that someone has will determine the taste or lack of taste that it can have.  The more fruits and vegetables you have, the better or more mild the semen will taste, such as pineapple or fruit juices. Some studies have even shown that semen, when entered through the vagina into the bloodstream is actually considered an anti-depressant so swallow away if you want to feel happier! I don’t know how true that really is but it doesn’t hurt to try.

If you would like to ask Dr. Stacy Friedman anything about sexual lifestyle, health and wellness, be sure to send in your question to askasexologist@gmail.com and she may answer one of your questions in a full length article that will be published anonymously on Adultsmart’s blog.

Would you like free professional advice from a Clinical Sexologist & Certified Sex Coach? Dr. Stacy Friedman may answer your question for FREE in a featured article on Adultsmart’s Blog! If you would like to send in a question please email askasexologist@gmail.com.

Why Men Really LOVE Being Called ‘Daddy’

Sugar daddy

Babe, darling, love, honey, sweetie, boo, diamond, sweetheart, beloved, god/goddess – the list of pet names in relationships goes on and on. Names such as these are often said in an affectionate way, with most of them a little corny and cute if nothing else. Some names however can cause a bit more of a stir, with no pet name more controversial than a woman calling her male partner “daddy”.

Terms of endearment joke
Image: Nickname Cartoon Pun

I can already tell that some of you are cringing just from reading that. It is a term that causes a big reaction in many people, with numerous debates as to whether it is “normal” or healthy for this to be used in and out of the bedroom. I decided to do some research and find out other’s experiences of this seemingly bizarre name-calling.

Is it ok to be called daddy by your partner? Is there something wrong with people who use this term? And why do people do it in the first place?

An internet search attempting to find peer-reviewed academic literature on this topic proved to be a difficult task as you can imagine, with the only sources of information on blogs and news websites. It would seem that the academics of the world have not caught up with the popularity of this name calling because it is EVERYWHERE on the internet. Internet forums with questions such as “Is it weird to call my boyfriend daddy?” and “I want to start calling my boyfriend daddy. Should I ask him first or just do it?” provided me with an insight into the reasoning behind women’s “daddy” desires.

Sigmund Freud’s theory behind opposite-sex parent attraction, known as the Oedipal complex, would suggest that in early stages of normal childhood development a child has a sexual desire for the parent of the opposite sex and feelings of jealousy and competition with the same sex parent. Despite sounding extremely bizarre, there is definitely proof of complex underlying psychological motivations for the daddy name calling phenomenon, however, I am choosing to stick with exploring the more conscious reasonings behind women’s choices.

Sigmund Freud about daddy
Image: Sigmund Freud statement

One thing that is made very clear in all the articles I came across was that people using this term are not doing so from an incestuous frame of mind-in fact most are extremely insulted when queries around incest come up. The term “daddy” is used not as “father” but in the context of power differentiation between a couple during roleplay or sex.

In the BDSM world, the term daddy represents a dominant masculine figure with a loving, nurturing side. Dominant/submissive relationships between a “daddy” and his “little girl” are less to do with “daddy issues” or incest and more to do with power play. A daddy may discipline his submissive when she does something wrong however has her best interests in mind when doing so. This is much different when compared to a master/slave relationship dynamic where the power play is more sadomasochistic in nature and sees the slave degraded and much less than the master.

Couples intimate kissing
Image: Man kissing woman

Something that I found interesting to see amongst the forums was the term “daddy issues”, with numerous women attempting to justify calling their partner daddy by saying that they don’t have them. First off, whether you were raised by a man or not, everyone carries some kind of baggage associated with their father. Now the severity of that is unique to each individual, with some people holding onto small experiences such as their father missing a soccer match, while others more devastatingly significant experiences such as childhood abuse, abandonment and betrayal. So to say you don’t have “daddy issues” ultimately means that you are unlike almost every other being on this planet, male and female, who has been affected in some way by the presence (or lack thereof) a father figure.

Secondly, I don’t see how “daddy issues” even come into the equation if incest has nothing to do with the reason behind calling your partner daddy. “Daddy issues” seems dis-empowering to me with negative connotations attached to the women who are labelled as having them. I feel that the patriarchal concept that women are doomed because of their fathers needs to be eradicated in order for women to take back power over their own lives.

BDSM collar for daddy
Buy Now | Adult store with collars and leads

In my opinion, I believe that women who call their partner daddy are not needing psychological intervention for this reason. As long as it’s consensual between both people involved and no one is being harmed, what’s the big deal? The use of daddy seems to be an affectionate name to signify a power differentiation in a sexual context. For the majority of people who use this term, it is not associated with any desire to be sexual with ones father like some people may think.

If a woman desires to call her partner daddy and she is interested to explore it, I would suggest communicating with her partner prior to using it to ascertain his thoughts and boundaries around it. It can be extremely edgy for some people to explore so honouring ones limits is paramount. Sexual desires are so complex and unique for each individual. If women find they are being met by a partner who shares their desire, I believe it should be celebrated not condemned.

Author: Stephanie Curtis, BA Nursing. Grad Dip Sexology

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Dr. Stacy, I Have Sexual Fantasies About My Wife Cheating!

Cuckold cheating fetish

This week Dr. Stacy Friedman a clinical sexologist and certified sex coach has partnered up with Adultsmart to answer two anonymous questions which were emailed in to askasexologist@gmail.com.

Question

I’m a married man and married my first love.  We broke up 7 months ago when I went away. We have grown children now and a great life but during our time apart she was with others. I found out years ago but she won’t talk about it at all.  I’ve masturbated about it for years and went from jealousy to anger to now one of the only ways I get erect.  She doesn’t know that I feel this way but knows some and says she doesn’t remember any of the details from years ago and doesn’t trust that I won’t be mad if she says more now.  I know I was to blame for my reaction years ago but how do I get her to open up more and incorporate it into our lives now?

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

It is very common for men to get turned on thinking of their wife having sex with another man.  Not all men want to explore it in real life but if it is something that turns you on, then you may want to find out why and what about that thought is hot for you. You need to ask yourself some questions such as, what about her being with others is a turn on? What do you hope to get out of incorporating it into your life? Also, how much do you want her to open up about the experience?  Do you want her to be involved with other men while you watch, while you join, or just talk dirty about it?

Maybe she doesn’t want to be with others now that your marriage is at the stage it’s at so she prefers to not discuss it. Bringing someone into the relationship, especially into a long-term marriage can be tricky.  It isn’t something to take lightly and there needs to be a lot of trust, communication and boundaries set.  You need to know that you are always taking a risk. It can be done successfully if there is open communication but the fact that she doesn’t want to discuss it now may mean that it isn’t something that she is interested in.

At the end, if she doesn’t want to incorporate more into your relationship then you need to use your own personal thoughts and keep fantasizing about it.  If you want to try and get erect in other ways, spice up your current situation by having sex in different positions, different places, roleplaying, adding toys, discussing your fantasies together or anything that brings something new to your relationship.  This will hopefully allow you to express your desires and find other ways to be stimulated and erect so it isn’t all about you fantasizing about her with other men. Good luck!

Question

My partner and I have been together for about 15 years now.  After we had hit the 10 year mark our bedroom antics started to get a little dull and I wasn’t really enjoying sex with him as much and would often not orgasm.  We started experimenting with sex toys and that livened things up however it has got to the stage that I do not orgasm having sex with him unless I use a toy to stimulate my clitoris at the same time.  He has asked me a couple of times to have straight sex without any aids but it just doesn’t do it for me and he seems to get that.  I still love him and have not entertained the thought of going elsewhere.  Is there something wrong with me? Why do I not get off on just straight sex anymore?

Womens orgasm difficulty
Image: Couple Kissing

Dr. Stacy Friedman’s Answer

First of all, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you!  Statistics show that at least 75% of women can NOT have an orgasm through intercourse without some form of clitoral stimulation so the fact that you are able to achieve an orgasm with toys on your clitoris is a very common way for women to enjoy.

As you get older, your body changes, desires change as does the way you feel towards your partner.  You may not get stimulated the same ways you did earlier in the relationship and you may need to try different things in order to keep your desire up.   The fact that you started experimenting when you realized things were getting dull is a testament to your ability to communicate about sex and how you are feeling with your partner so it is very important to continue to do so in order to keep things working for you and your husband.

I don’t know if you have had children over the last 5-10 years but if so, that can also change the position of your uterus and potentially the G-spot inside which can affect how you orgasm while having intercourse.  Just because someone needs extra stimulation with a toy in order to have an orgasm doesn’t mean their partner is doing something wrong, if anything, it can take the pressure off of him to not have to worry about performance and focus on the pleasure of his wife enjoying sex even if toys are involved.  As long as you are spending time having foreplay and not just going right to intercourse with your toys, your husband can still feel like he is connecting with you on an emotional and physical level to be able to enjoy each other.

Would you like free professional advice from a Clinical Sexologist & Certified Sex Coach? Dr. Stacy Friedman may answer your question for FREE in a featured article on Adultsmart’s Blog! If you would like to send in a question please email askasexologist@gmail.com.