How to Be a Better Submissive in Your Relationship

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From the sound of it, you’re already quite aware of what a submissive/dominant relationship is. You’ve probably been a submissive for some time, and have already found the kinks which turn you on. Now, you’re looking for ways to become better at it. Wanting to improve yourself and evolve as a sub is a step to improve the relationship with your dominant. The good thing is that the sub/dom relationship isn’t static; it’s a relationship that both bdsm partners can develop through time. If you’re looking for ways to improve your kinky relationship, you’ve come to the right spot. We’re going to talk about how to be a better submissive.

 

Exercise your safeword

All BDSM relationships have a safeword which lets each partner know where the line is. However, many people are still scared about using it; thinking it’ll disappoint their partner. But the thing is the safeword was created for a reason. A dominant cannot fully enjoy the experience if they have the feeling their submissive isn’t into what they’re doing.

 

Moreover, it builds distrust and insecurity. Instead of letting go and being in the moment, your dominant is trying to figure out if you’re enjoying it. You have a safe word both you and your dominant agreed upon beforehand; don’t be afraid to use it.

 

Incorporate your submissive behavior outside of the bedroom

No, this doesn’t mean you should let your dominant take control of everything outside of the bedroom. Rather, you can let your dominant exercise their power in small ways – only if you want to. For example, they can choose which restaurant you’ll go tonight or what movie to see. Of course, this should only be done healthily, and if you want it. This can create a stronger submissive/dominant dynamic.

 

Take a little control

Oh, you’re probably surprised by this one, but you shouldn’t be. The entire point of being a submissive is giving up control, but sometimes, you can take control. Being a dominant isn’t easy; it’s a lot of work. Now, you don’t need to become a dominant, but initiating sex or suggesting a fantasy is an excellent way to show your investment in the relationship. There’s nothing wrong with being active in the relationship; it’ll probably alleviate some of the pressure your dominant is feeling. They want you to enjoy the experience, so why not take the initiative from time to time?

 

Dominants need TLC too

Submissive aftercare usually happens in most BDSM relationships, but what about dominants? Well, dominant aftercare is rarely spoken about. However, being a dominant puts you in a different mindset. If you and your dominant’s shared experiences involve degradation or violence, aftercare is essential for both of you.

 

A dominant’s aftercare will be mental and emotional; you need to reassure them you understand they don’t want to hurt you, and that you care about them. It’s easy for a dominant to feel they crossed the line (this is why exercising a safeword is essential). If they did, you need to voice this, and also work on using your safeword. But, if they didn’t, then reassure them of that. A simple “thank you” works wonders as well. It shows them you enjoyed the experience which is what they need to know.

 

You can mix things up

Many people think a BDSM relationship is very serious and physical. Of course, there are many moments when it is. But, you’re also allowed to laugh and enjoy the experience. Naturally, timing does matter, but if the time is right, why not be funny or silly? Yes, your BDSM relationship can be sexy, violent, and degrading, but you can also mix things up and throw in some light moments.

 

Follow the rules

Ah yes, the rules. In the beginner’s BDSM guide, creating rules is usually in the top three things you need to do before even engaging in anything physical. Naturally, you don’t need to follow the rules strictly. There are some times where you both want to adjust the rules, and that’s fine. However, if you’re breaking the rules without your dominant knowing, it affects the relationship.

 

If you agreed not to masturbate when your dominant isn’t around, then don’t do it. Outside of a BDSM relationship, this rule may seem silly, but, for your relationship, it’s not. If you’ve broken a rule, tell your dominant right away; otherwise, it’s as though you’re cheating on the relationship.

 

Being in a BDSM relationship is a fun and adventurous experience for both you and your dominant. Of course, as an active partner, you want the relationship to continue to grow and evolve. Try out these tips to become a better submissive for your partner.

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6 Different Styles of Dominance in BDSM

bdsm dominance

If you’re new in the world of bdsm hookups, when you hear the word “dominant” you have a specific image in your mind of what it is. And this is entirely normal, considering popular culture focuses heavily on the dominant stereotype. But if you’re just starting to dip your toes into this world, you’ll realize that there are different ways for a dominant to express themselves with their submissive. This is the beauty of the BDSM world; you’re free to express and explore your dominant energy without judgment. Of course, you need to find a submissive who’s connected to the same pleasure as you, but that shouldn’t be too hard.

 

If you’re interested in exploring dominant energy, the good thing is there’s no “right” way to do it. We recommend taking the time to try out different roles, seeing which ones suits you best. So, let’s look at the different styles of dominance in BDSM.

 

The Mentor

A mentor is someone who sees themselves more than just a positive aspect in a submissive’s sexual life. They also find pleasure taking on the role of a teacher in and outside of the bedroom. Of course, mentors make sure they sexually dominate their submissive, but they also take the time to guide them through life. This includes teaching their submissive about exercise, financial management, nutrition, and self-care. The mentor can come in a variety of styles. Whether it’s teacher, Mommy/Daddy or ABDL (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover), they treat their submissive as someone who needs to be nurtured and guided through life.

 

The Sadist

Sadists are technically dominants who receive sexual pleasure from causing pain to their submissive. This pain can be either mental or physical. There are a couple of forms of sadism. For example, laughing sadists are dominants who crack jokes and laugh as they perform on their submissive,whereas sensual sadists are dominants who match pain with pleasure. You also have the classic sadist who doesn’t find pleasure in emotional domination. Instead, they’re focused on the physical actions.

 

The Owner

Some dominants just want it all, and this is where the Owner comes into play. They may feel they encapsulate more than one type of dominant or find that none of these types really suit them. Be that as it may, their main goal as a dominant is to have complete ownership over another individual. This level of control can extend to monitoring their submissive’s diet and exercise. This form of dominance isn’t usually something you start off with; rather, it’s a goal. It requires a lot of communication; if you’re a beginner, this isn’t something you should start off with.

 

The Royal

Well, the title of this dominant is probably a giveaway. To keep it gender inclusive, we named this dominant the Royal. Even though, it’s also commonly known as either “Gentlemen” or “Gentlewoman.” The Royal is a dominant who is well-kept, elegant, and self-controlled. The best example of a Royal would be Dr. Hannibal Lecter. Of course, minus the cannibalism. But if you simply focus on his behavior, the level of self-control and refinement he exudes, he’s a perfect example of a Royal. But, don’t be fooled. Yes, a Royal may be highly controlled and sophisticated, but they’re shockingly intense.

 

Controlled Dominant

A controlled dominant is someone who’s under the control of another dominant or mentor. This usually happens because the controlled dominant is learning a new technique or set of rules. But this only occurs during a scene. It’s not long-term. A junior top is a dominant who’s learning under the guidance of a mentor for a longer period. If you’re a beginner, you’ll most likely be a controlled dominant at one point in time.

 

The Leather Classic

The BDSM world is rich with history. This isn’t something that’s just been developed. Sure, it’s gaining mainstream popularity, but BDSM has been around for a long time. The leather classic dominants are those who are deeply involved in the culture of BDSM. They’re well educated on the rituals and the hanky code. Though this isn’t something you become overnight. In the beginning, if you choose to be a student of a leather classic, you’ll learn the codes of behavior and how traditions are kept. This role is a little more complex than the others as you’re more involved in the traditions and deep culture of BDSM.

 

The beauty of BDSM is there are no set limits as to what type of dominant you can be. There are many more styles of dominance, so if you don’t connect with one from this article, that’s okay. It’ll take some time to figure out what you enjoy, and that’s half of the fun in BDSM.

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Here’s How You Can Keep a Cougar Happy and Horny

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I’ve heard a thousand times that men are like wine – the older they are, the better they get. However, we live in a time when women are insanely gorgeous in their 40s and 50s, and it’s no wonder you’ve found yourself wondering how to seduce a cougar. Whether you’re just looking for a cougar sex date or have already fallen head over heels for someone, fear not because I’ve got you covered. Below I discuss my top 5 tips on how you can keep your cougar wanting you like you’re the sexiest beast that ever walked the earth.

#1: Shower Her with Attention and then Pull Away

You’ll keep a cougar always wanting more if you shower her with the right kind of attention, and then pull away every once in a while. Tease her with your words, whisper into her ear how much you want her, don’t spare her the details about the kind of pleasure you want to give her, and then disappear into the night like nothing ever happened. You’ll soon wake up to find your inbox full of messages from her wondering what happened to you, and where you’ve gone. This way you’ll keep her guessing, and she’ll never be certain about what your next movies going to be. Cougars love a challenge, and you could definitely be her new ‘project’ if you play your cards right. Mind you, chances are you’ll meet your match in a cougar, and if she happens to tame you before you make her purr in your arms, you’ll pretty much fall into your own trap and find yourself crazy about her.

#2: Be a Fireball in the Bedroom

It’s perfectly fine to play the hot and cold game during the day, but you have to step your game up and blow her mind in the bedroom at night. Remember that she’s got all the confidence in the world, so you better bring your A-game when you come over on Saturday night. You’ll be expected to make love to her as much as she wants, any way she wants it, and if you’re able to make her scream, she’ll be yours for as long as you want her. Pleasing a mature girl isn’t as easy as it sounds because she’s seen it all, which means you’ll need to take your time to explore her body and see what works and what doesn’t to give her pleasure. If you make it all about her, she’ll always keep coming back for more and will be more than willing to reciprocate in ways you’ve never thought possible.

#3: Never Lie to Her

Never lie to a cougar because she’ll find out anyway. Most cougars investigate better than the FBI. She may be out-of-this-world crazy about you, but if she catches you suggestively talking to another girl, sees steamy texts you’ve sent to someone else or suspects you may be stepping out on her, you’ll be history. Cougars don’t like to share their prey. You must not be available all the time if you want to keep her interested, but you have to be honest with her. If she expects you to be monogamous, you simply have two choices: either comply or walk away for good. Never will she feel the same passion with you if she sees you putting those same moves on other girls that you put on her.

#4: Buy Her Pricey Gifts

A cougar who’s feeling crazy chemistry with you doesn’t care if you fill up her gas tank (no pun intended) or if you pick up her groceries. That’s for a boyfriend of a 22-year-old to do, not you. She wants pricey lingerie, dinners at fine dining restaurants, and designer dresses. Not that she can’t afford them herself, but if you are the one to drop some big bucks on her you’ll become that much more important in her life. Remember, a cougar has probably been married, maybe even has children, and doesn’t need you to get her a diamond ring, give her a fancy wedding so she can wear the white dress or give her kids. She wants you to treat her like a queen, not an equal partner, and a queen only deserves the finest things in life.

#5: Let Her Take Control

Sure, a cougar wants you to take charge and sweep her off her feet with your smooth talking at the beginning, to see your ability to get a table at the most sought-after restaurant in town on short notice or give her back-aching, toe-curling, screaming orgasms. However, as your relationship progresses, she’ll want to take charge and show you what she’s capable of. By all means, let her sit in the driver’s seat for as long as she wants. Cougars are very self-sufficient and proud of it, and they don’t need men to take care of them. Don’t feel threatened by her ability to make money and spend it, give orders or doll up like a cover girl. She’ll probably dress up to stimulate you visually, expect some dirty role-playing from you, and will dominate you feather, fur, massage candles and all. You need to be able to keep up as effortlessly as possible and let her be in charge of every sphere of your relationship she pleases.

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The Ultimate Guide to Sensual Domination

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If you’re like most people with a profile on a BDSM dating site, you probably find domination both intimidating and exciting, but when you really think about it, domination doesn’t have to be scary at all. It can be pain-free and pleasurable in more ways than you can possibly imagine if you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to experimenting in the bedroom. If whips and chains don’t do it for you, there is still one form of domination that you can practice to give your man an orgasm to remember without leaving your comfort zone, and that is sensual domination.

Sensual Domination Uncovered

Sensual domination focuses on pleasure and sensation rather than pain and punishment, and you can practice it if you’re interested in introducing some BDSM into your sex life or to break up a more hardcore session with your partner. Although sensual domination is a form of power exchange, it focuses on all the senses for full-blown arousal that ends in toe-curling orgasms.

Keep the Props Simple

In sensual domination, you take charge over your partner by using blindfolds, light bondage gear, ice cubes, fur, lingerie, and costumes. You can use an actual blindfold or you can roll up a t-shirt and put it over your partner’s eyes so he has no idea which part of his body you’re about to touch next. Rolled-up t-shirts can also be used to tie him up to the bedpost or you can invest in fur-lined cuffs to make the scene just a touch more sensual. Put an ice cube in your mouth and rub it against his skin, especially focusing on his nipples and genitals as the most receptive areas. Use fur to create a super soft sensation, and stimulate your man visually by dressing up in the sexiest lingerie or costumes that you can find.

Plan your scene in advance, and have all the items handy. If you plan to use cuffs, have an extra set of keys at hand just to be safe. Speaking of safety, you and your partner should have a safe word in case one of you gets uncomfortable. Using traffic lights or green, yellow, and red to mean ‘go’, ‘caution’, and ‘stop’ is a good idea, even if you don’t think you’ll be stepping into the danger zone where a safe word is required. It’s better to have one and not use it than to need one but not have it.

Pleasing Your Partner Senseless

Essentially, your role as the dominant partner is to use sensual domination and give pleasure to your submissive. You need to figure out what your partner wants and provide that, and you’ll actually discover how powerful and arousing it is to hold someone’s pleasure in your hands. Sensual domination is far more romantic than other forms of BDSM, and it can strengthen the bond between two people. Like other BDSM activities, sensual domination requires you to communicate your desires openly and focus on your partner’s needs, which can lead to a more fulfilling relationship altogether.

If sensual domination alone turns out to be too vanilla for you, you can pair pain and pleasure, and see how your partner reacts. As your partner is nearing an orgasm you can bite or pinch him to up the ante as he’ll have a much higher tolerance to pain. Also, keep in mind you should do some aftercare to remain grounded and check up on your partner to make sure you didn’t misinterpret some of his signals. He may not look physically or emotionally tired but a gentle hug or merely asking him what he thought is a good idea.

Switching Your Roles

When it comes to kink, some people like to stick to their role and always be either on the dominant side of things or on the submissive. Others don’t mind switching their roles and sometimes letting their partners dominate them while at other times they take full control over the situation. Such people are called switches and they know the perks of either side of the sensual domination coin. Switching up your roles can be incredibly exciting if you let your partner surprise you with what he’s come up or if you sneak up on him with a scene you’ve spent weeks planning.

Sensual domination can be a mind-blowing activity if you want to impress your new crush, get into dominance and submission with your long-term partner by using something less intense than full-blown BDSM, or it can be used as a striking power exchange between two people looking to have some fun. Whatever your personal reasons to try it, if you do it right chances are you’ll get your partner addicted to you sexually, plus you’ll never go back to having regular sex again!

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7 Best Spanking Toys for Absolute Beginners

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If you went on the street and asked people about their sex lives, you’ll get probably get the same answer. Whether their sex lives are good or not, everyone either wants to have better sex, a more passionate relationship or a stronger orgasm. Then you start asking yourself why aren’t people improving their sex lives. Well, many of them are too scared to open up about their desires and fantasies. Sure, some would love to join spanking dating online or take part in an orgy, but they’re either scared or embarrassed to take that step.

 

But now, the idea of sex is changing. Through social media and online communities, people are connecting with like-minded individuals, and are understanding their sexual desires are nothing to be ashamed about. If you’re interested in spanking but are entirely new to this, well, you’ve come to the right place. We’re going to help you out and show you the best spanking toys for absolute beginners.

 

Hand

If you’re an absolute beginner, this will be the most controlled spanking device you can use. Hands are not only the most commonly used tool for spanking, but they’re the least painful tool. As a beginner, of course, you could go all out, but why would you? If you want this to be an enjoyable experience, start with the dominant using their hands, having them work their way up. Plus, when using hands, it’s unlikely they’ll produce bruising or welts.

 

Paddle

As a beginner, the paddle is the next step up from using hands. The rule of thumb is the bigger the paddle, the less pain. Anytime you’re using a tool with a large surface area; it decreases the pain. But don’t be fooled by the paddle. Yes, it may not produce as much of a sting, but you can still get a bruised bum. It’s important when using the paddle that you’re not excessive. You don’t want to damage precious muscle tissue. With a paddle, it needs to be aimed at the meatiest part of the bum, avoiding any boney areas.

 

Strap

If you’re looking for a spanking device that’s easy to control, then a strapper is an excellent choice. A strapper is a thick piece of leather with a grip handle that gives the dominant more control. For beginners, it’s a great device to use. But don’t assume that because it’s easy to control, it won’t hurt. A strap can produce a severe sting and will leave a mark.

 

Crop

If you want to take it easy before using a whip, then a crop is probably your best bet. The crop is a stepping stone between a paddle and whip. It’s not as intense as a whip, since a crop has more surface area, meaning it’ll hurt less. But remember, the measuring of pain is pretty subjective. You need to also take into consideration the strength of the dominant. That said, if you want to go slow, the dominant needs to use a light hand.

 

Whip

If you’ve watched any movies featuring BDSM, then the whip is possibly the most famous spanking tool out there. This is undoubtedly one device which will leave a mark. Whips are long and thin; when using one, it’ll leave any bum with a mark. But if a dominant is a beginner, we suggest refraining from using a whip right away. There are specific whipping techniques a dominant needs to know. This is why we recommend using a crop first and then working your way to a whip. There are a variety of whips to choose from, but for beginners, a quirt whip will let both the dominant and submissive get accustomed to the feeling of one.

 

Flogger

A flogger is a whip with tails at one end. It’s used on various parts of the body, but usually for the bum, back, or thighs. The beauty of the flogger is it delivers a range of sensations, from mild pain to stinging. But not all floggers are meant for beginners. Ideally, we recommend you opt for a flogger that has thick and rounded tails. Take some time to get used to it, and once you’re comfortable, transition into a more heavy duty flogger.

 

Cane

As a beginner, you want a spanking device that the dominant can easily control. Though canes are easy to use and lightweight, they can give a sharp, stingy pain that will definitely leave some marks on the skin. When caning a submissive, use the lower end of the cane, avoiding the tip. It’ll give a sharp sting but won’t damage the skin.

 

The beauty of spanking is that you have so many different devices to choose from. With time, whether you’re submissive or dominant, you’ll find the right spanking device for you and your partner’s needs.