Safely Sounding!

We care about you and what you to feel at mind when buying our products and what you can expect when you use them. We also respect what you’re into so I’ve created this how to sound safely guide! This is merely a guide put together from information we’ve sourced from online sources. Please keep in mind that we are not medical doctors, always seek medical advice prior to sounding.

What is sounding you may ask?

Well, I am really glad you did! Sounding is the use of smooth rods, made metal or silicone. The rods are then pushed into the urethra for the purpose of pleasure, this is a pretty advance sexual kink play and falls under the medical play umbrella. This can be both men and women, but in my experience has been more common among the male clientele at Ohzone! Vagina sounding uses different equipment as vaginas are obviously shaped differently and have smaller urethras!  For the purpose of this article, I’ll be looking at sounding for men this time. I know this sounds (see what I did there) excruciatingly painful but done right it can be lots of fun for the recipient.  Some sounders calling the feeling intense and pleasurable, particularly as it hits their prostate.

However, sounding can be dangerous if you’re not careful. The urethra walls are very thin and can be easily damaged – this can lead to internal scarring. I don’t need to spell this out for you; this can cause ongoing medical issues so I am warning you…


Okay, the first thing you’ll need to do is buy a sounding set, you can find single sounding bars or sounding sets in your local Oh zone! I would recommend buying the set, you’ll save money in the long run by buying the set and they will last you practically forever. At this point your we are going to recommend that you also purchase surgical lube. Surgical lube is best for sound as it’s sterile, water lube is also suitable for sounding. We advise, like for most toys, against using silicone lube. Also, your saliva isn’t lube… it’s an awful idea, don’t even consider it.

Bear in mind that cleanliness matters and you have an increased chance of getting an infection from the germs from the outside world getting into your penis. Make sure you clean your bars with toy cleaner beforehand, just to be sure. Perhaps you should also have a shower before you start sounding. Please ensure you clean your sounding bars after use as well as before.  Cleanliness is next to godliness, right?

Now that you’re all clean, your toys are clean, you have a sounding set and sterile or water based lube it’s time to pick a bar. As a beginner you may be tempted to use the smallest bar, don’t. Smaller thin toys can slip in easy but can also cut you as they are difficult to control and cause damage to your urethra. This doesn’t mean you should use the biggest bar either, for obvious reasons. Your bladder is located inside this region of the body you can cause serious damage to your bladder if you are not careful. According to a quick google search you should be aiming for a bar that is a similar size to that of your urethra, with lube the bar should feel snug inside your penis. Beginners should aim to go slow, control the bar, acknowledge the feeling and do not push past the bend in your sounding bar. Keep the bend or the curve in your sounding bar facing your face.

Particularly for beginners it is suggested that you steer away from dual sexual activities during your sounding session. That means no sex with your sounding bar in, no butt plugs, no masturbators, NOTHING. Your focus should be on sounding and sounding only.

Overall, sounding can be an intense rush, but it has risks and only after a bit of research you should start sounding. Make sure you have all the information at hand, including what to do if something goes wrong. Like I said earlier, we are not medical staff and I would recommend speaking to your local doctor about it before commencing sounding. If you’re comfortable I would also suggest having your: wife, girlfriend, fuck buddy, friend (pending on how close you are) in the room with you, particularly on your first sounding session. This is one of those occasions where liquid courage definitely will not help you, avoid alcohol as it will thin your blood and if you do have a bleed it will be much worse.

Unsafe penis play

So, I hope I haven’t frightened you away, done correctly I am sure everyone will love sounding. Be safe and look after one another!

Adultsmart welcomes Guest Bloggers to submit 800 word articles with original content about topics relating to sexual lifestyle, health and wellness. If you would like to participate, send an email to with your ideas or an article that you wish to submit. If you publish multiple articles on Adultsmart’s Blog you will become an Adultsmart Expert.

VIP Interview With Mistress Couple – A Guide To Bondage!

The adultsmart community blog is honored to welcome Mistress Couple the Head Mistress of La Domaine Esemar the world’s oldest BDSM training facility.  Mistress couple is also the author of The Ultimate Guide Series and most recently released her book titled The Ultimate Guide to Bondage: Creating Intimacy Through The Art Of Restraint from Cleis Press.

Welcome Mistress Couple.  Let’s get straight into it – how did you first get involved in the BDSM scene?

When I was 24, I was involved in what I considered to be my first adult sexual relationship. My partner at the time was wonderful at communicating about his fantasies and boundaries, and our chemistry was the best I had experienced up until that point. For my 25th birthday, I got up the courage to ask him for an over-the-knee spanking — something that I had been fantasizing about for a long time. He agreed to the act, but after we got home from a lovely birthday dinner and I bent over his knee, he panicked. “I just can’t hit a woman,” he said. I was crushed!!! The next evening, I went out to a bar for a “Ladies’ Night” with some of my girlfriends. They all knew that we had this birthday spanking planned and asked how it went. When I told them that my partner was unable to follow through with it, many of them commiserated. At the end of the evening, my little sister’s best friend waited until everyone left, and walked me to my car. “You know,” she said, “if you’re serious about that spanking I know somewhere you can go.” That friend is now a world renowned dominatrix known as Mistress Blunt. At the time, she was secretly training at La Domaine Esemar. She brought me there for my first BDSM party, and by the end of the first night, I knew that La Domaine was to play a major part in my personal and sexual development.

You are now known as a world renowned Mistress – but that was not always the case.  You entered the scene as a slave.  How did you make the transition?

By my second day at La Domaine Esemar, I felt a deep connection and bond with Master R and Mistress Collette. I offered myself to them as a slave, and they accepted me. However, before they did, they told me that they saw that I had a great capacity for dominance and asked if I wanted to be a Mistress-in-Training. At the time, I was very naturally submissive and had a very hard time seeing myself as a Domme. It was because of the duality that they saw in me that they named me “Couple.” At the time, I was a professional ballroom dancer, and I was told that just as I learned the follower’s parts before the leader’s parts on the dance floor, I’d do the same in the dungeon. When ballroom dancers go into competition, we all wear numbers on our backs to identify us to the judges. My complete slave name was “Couple Number 69.” Through the course of exploring my submission, many misconceptions that I had about Dominance were dispelled (primarily that it was all about punishment or being mean). Eventually, I found myself attracted to a woman who was more submissive than I, and she was able to draw out my inner dominance. I soon realized that I was going to need a lot of help in growing into this role, and at that point I became a Mistress-in-Training at La Domaine.

Domme Couple

What is your definition of a slave and how they prepare for that role?

First of all, I think that it is imperative that people understand that a person should only be called “slave” if they choose the title or consent to it. In BDSM, a slave is someone who offers their autonomy to their Dominant. Each Dominant has different goals for their slaves, so preparation for the position varies depending on the couple. I require that all of my slaves strip naked upon entering my home, that they don’t wear perfume or deodorant that will cover up their natural scent, and that they practice a series of mantras and training positions so that they’re able to serve me efficiently. Many of them also have sexual assignments such as edging or chastity training.

How do you define your role as a Mistress?

I would define myself as a leader, healer, caregiver, and mentor. I like to call myself a shamanatrix , because I help my submissives to reach altered states of consciousness and learn about themselves through the exploration of BDSM. The most common comment that I get in response to people finding out that I am a dominatrix is “But you’re so nice!!!” I think that’s a common misconception that people have—that you cannot be nice and also be a good Dominant. Another common misconception is that Mistresses should always punish and never reward their slaves. People are always telling me that I’m too kind to my slaves. I think that’s ridiculous. If they were never rewarded for good behavior, why would they want to serve me? To me, without the appreciation, the rewards, and the positive reinforcement, BDSM just turns into abuse.

You are now the Head Mistress of the world famous La Domaine Esemar featured in press such as Cosmopolitan, Netfilx, The Huffington Post, People, and so many more.  An esteemed position – how did you manage to secure it?

I think that I was always meant for this position. Three years prior to becoming the Head Mistress of La Domaine, I had a premonition about it during a meditation session. At the time, I was still very submissive so I pushed it out of mind and dismissed it as merely a fantasy. I’m still not quite sure how the rest happened! Sometimes life takes you on unexpected adventures.

La Domaine Chateau

You are also a pretty good dancer and hold a degree in choreography.  Do you incorporate that in your role playing?

Oh yes! I absolutely love working dance into my training in as many ways as possible. Be it position training for submissives, a trampling tango CBT session, feminization or sissification ballet classes, learning to walk in heels, etc. My experience as a ballroom dance instructor has also proven to be incredibly useful in couples instruction or BDSM coaching sessions. It’s all about learning to communicate clearly and with ideal intent.

You have invented a ‘new form’ of dance called the ‘Tangle’.  What can you tell us about that?

Tangle is not exactly a new form of dance. It’s a class that teaches tango through the lense of power exchange and bondage. Early on in my professional ballroom dancing career, I noticed that the traditional gender roles for leaders and followers did not suit everyone. (Go figure!) This class gets rid of the gender binary and allows all folks who identify as Dominant to be leaders, and all folks who identify as submissive to be followers. Believe it or not, people learn to dance much more quickly when they’re in the role that they identify with! Some of the class activities involve learning non-verbal leading and following through leash training, practicing the tango rhythm by spanking each other, using blindfolds to establish trust, and binding the bodies together in order to reinforce connection. The class definitely makes a wonderful date night activity.

You have recently completed writing a book.  What inspired you undertake this task?

Honestly, a magical moment. I was on vacation in New Orleans, which is my spiritual/social second home. I was at breakfast with some friends and casually mentioned that perhaps now that I was 30 years old it was time for me to write a book. I didn’t think anything else of it, but at 3 PM that day, there was an email from Cleis Press in my inbox, asking if I would be interested in submitting a proposal for The Ultimate Guide to Bondage!I was flabbergasted. I saw it as a sign from the matriarchs of New Orleans, submitted my proposal,  and never looked back.

Available December 11, 2018

There are many BDSM and bondage guides and books available.  What sets yours apart from the rest?

This book really is the “Ultimate Guide.” In today’s BDSM community, there is a surplus of rope bondage and rope suspension images, instructors, workshops, etc. Unfortunately, what I have found is that knot tying can be incredibly intimidating to novice bondage practitioners. I’ve seen countless people have one frustrating experience with rope and decide that bondage isn’t for them. There are so many other forms of bondage, from mental bondage, which requires no equipment at all, to fashion bondage such as corsets and hobble skirts, mummification using bondage tape or even saran wrap… and many of them are covered in the book. I would say that only about 20% of the book is about rope bondage, the rest of the book contains information about safety, theory, the psychology behind why people are attracted to bondage activities, exploration of various types of bondage, and even some wonderful erotic essays that lend insight into participating in bondage activities.

Having looked through the book there were many pictures or images that really made it easy to follow.  Did you oversee the imagery?

I am so glad to hear that! Yes, I oversaw the imagery which was created by two of my very talented friends. Emily Dorr did the beautiful illustration, bringing some of the concepts of the book to life. I think that the first time I saw the images that she created was the first time that I thought “Wow—this is going to be a REAL book!” The photographs in the book were taken by my friend Kiki Vassilakis. That photoshoot might have been the most fun thing I have ever done! For 2 nights, we turned the La Domaine dungeon into a photo studio. I invited over about 25 of my friends, broke them up into teams, and assigned each team a few of the tutorials. We listened to music, ate great food, and created some amazing images! Creating these images together was incredibly inspiring, and having a variety of perspectives allowed us to think outside of the box and create some groundbreaking bondage images. After the photoshoot, I stopped calling The Ultimate Guide to Bondage “MY book,” and started calling it “a book that I created with the help of my community.” I am so grateful to all those who participated.

What are you most proud of in writing this guide?

Finishing it. This project was certainly the biggest undertaking of my life, and I was still running La Domaine Esemar, hosting, teaching, and sessioning while writing it! I am also very proud of some of the new ideas and perspectives on bondage that I presented. I hope that I’ve made some valuable contributions to the understanding and acceptance of bondage enthusiasts.

Is your book aimed at the newbies to give them insight into BDSM or the hardcore participants?

This book has a little something for everyone. The tutorials are simple enough for a beginner to complete, but unique enough that they might pique an expert practitioner’s interest (balloon encasement, predicament bondage, and even ice locks are covered). This book covers 10 different areas of bondage (Japanese Rope Bondage, Device Bondage, Objectification Bondage, Mental Bondage, Costume Bondage, Sensation Bondage, Sensory Deprivation, Fetish Bondage, Physically Stressful Bondage, and Self-Bondage). Even if someone is an expert in one or even a few of these areas, there are still a variety of new approaches and applications for them to explore.

What do you most enjoy about power play in BDSM role play?

To me, BDSM is not role play, it is my sexuality and an expression of my personality. The thing that I love most about power exchange is that by choosing to assume or relinquish control with a trusted partner, people can access the deepest, most secret and sacred parts of their sexualities. I have gotten to know myself much more than ever before through practicing BDSM.

When you get stressed or tired – what is the downtime activity that grounds you?

This depends on whether I want to be in a Dominant headspace or a submissive headspace while I am relaxing. If I want to be in a Dominant headspace, I cook. Cooking requires a lot of executive functions such as organization, problem solving, and multitasking, but it also gives me the opportunity to engage my senses. By smelling, tasting, feeling, seeing, and even listening to my food as it is cooking, I am honing the same skills that I use to read my submissives during a BDSM scene. I find it to be a relaxing, meditative, and incredibly sensual activity. If I am in a mood that precipitates a more submissive approach, I go out social dancing in the role of a follower. I just turn off my brain, and let the music and my dance partner guide my body around the room. It really is sweet surrender!

As well as offering [play] sessions at La Domaine, there are training sessions, too.  What does a training session incorporate?

Training sessions are for individuals, couples, and polycules up to 6 people. These sessions are instructional in nature and cover a variety of BDSM topics from relationship structuring to bondage to impact play, and beyond. They can be talk-based or technique-based.

There are many fetishes that fall under BDSM.  Are there any that you would not personally explore and what is your favorite?

There are plenty fetishes that I would not personally explore, but I’m not going to put them on blast because there is so much shame and stigma associated with fetishes and I do not want to contribute to that. As far as my favorite fetishes go, balloons, shoes, feathers, and leather are at the top of my list. To learn more about my balloon fetish, check out the erotic essay portion at the end of the book!

To purchase the Ultimate Guide to Bondage by Mistress Couple click on the book image above!!!

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

VIP Interview Tanya Simmonds – Erotic Author!

The adultsmart lifestyle community blog is proud to introduce Tanya Simmonds a renowned author of erotica, specializing in the FemDom genre. Tanya is a former criminal defence lawyer who in 2004 wrote her first erotic piece as a result of booking a male stripper. She went on to become a number one bestselling author on Amazon.

Welcome Tanya. So two occupations that are really polar opposites. First off what sparked your interest in criminal law? It was a brave decision to turn your back on a ‘stable’ and ‘lucrative’ career in law.

Put simply – I hated the job. It was originally driven by parental pressure, so I never really had the opportunity to discover my own identity. I was exposed to the most negative sides of life on a daily basis, and the environment thrived on rules and extremely narrow ideas about reality. It was stifling, but I was planning on my ‘jail break’ from day one. I lived very frugally, invested wisely, and after twenty-five years, I escaped with enough money to live off the interest, better than I even had. Freedom is priceless. Emoji

What was the catalyst for you to do this? You got right into it and wrote a novel a year. This would have required some dedication to your work. Where did you find the perseverance as writing can be exhausting and challenging?

I’d always had this dream of being a novelist, and now I had the time to pursue it. However, I needed a resume. I was completely unknown, and some time down the line, I learned that the easiest literary genre to get published was BDSM, specifically maledom. However, there was something about that which unsettled me. My experience had taught me that men dominating women was anything but a fantasy. Then I noticed the flipside of the coin – femdom. At face value, it was absurd and almost cartoon-like, and that made me feel more comfortable. The only problem was – I didn’t know anything about it.

Do you ever suffer from writer’s block?

Ironically, the reason I never suffered from writer’s block is because I didn’t know what I was doing (lol). After I posted my first erotic short story two years earlier, I was approached by members of the BDSM community who wanted me to write stories for them. They were more than happy to disclose their innermost fetish fantasies to me, and while it was all a bit jaw-dropping, they gave a template to work with. I also derived ideas from femdom artwork and imagery online. My task was to weave it into a story line with a common theme.

Your novels are quite unique in that they are BDSM FemDom dealing specifically with orgasm denial. I have read in your bio that this subject choice is somewhat inspired as a result of the masturbation prohibition of your partner at the hands of the Pentecostal cult. Can you tell us a bit more about this?

The more I looked into it, the more I became aware that this had to be the hook. Femdom is fantasy. Masturbation prohibition isn’t. With this concept on board, I felt more confident that I could inject elements of reality and believability into the narratives.

Masturbation prohibition can be found throughout history, up unto the present day, especially among certain religious communities and penal systems. From the church-ruled Middle Ages, to the governess culture of the Victorian era, to modern religious cults (especially Pentecostal, Mormon, and Jehovah’s Witness sects) and the US penal system; this demonstrably-lethal and sadistic monster is still alive and well in the 21st Century.

Tanya Simmonds Online

This seemed to be the theme of many of your books. What was it like to write erotica on a subject that you opposed?

Indeed, I am opposed to it. It’s an arbitrary form of torture that carries numerous identified health hazards, both mental and physical. It also demonstrates the most extreme examples of totalitarianism (the denial of an individual’s right to body and thought) for which there is no place in a supposedly-civilized democracy.

Whilst it is graphically illustrated in my novels, the personality types who enforce it are demonized with a wide variety of negative traits (hypocrisy, neurosis, sociopathy, and psychopathy.) The femdom enthusiast will lap up the scenes with eager passion, but between the lines, I am also having my say. One can’t destroy a monster without first showing it.

The following books of a series were written by you – The Paramount Rule – Book 1 The Gaol: The Paramount Rule – Book II Reformation: The Paramount Rule – Book III, Under the Paramount Rule: Tales of Oakpark Grange ending with the book ‘The Penitentiary’ Which was your favorite and why?

‘The Penitentiary’ is most definitely my favorite of the five novels. It was originally written and published in 2012, toward the end of my journey into BDSM literature. The first two, ‘The Paramount Rule – Book 1’ and ‘The Gaol: The Paramount Rule – Book II’ were very much ‘fan-driven’. By the time I got to ‘Reformation: The Paramount Rule – Book III’, I felt ready to put my own stamp on the series. Nothing like ‘Paramount Rule III’ exists anywhere else. The creativity is taken to the next level, along with numerous shock twists, and an array of diverse personality types that leads to the most controversial ending in femdom history.

With ‘The Penitentiary’, I was closer to writing the type of book I truly wanted to write than ever before. It’s very story-based, with elements you wouldn’t expect to find in a femdom novel. Set in the modern era, I used a more contemporary writing style than in the Paramount Rule series, and wrote it as an-almost mainstream novel. In addition to some extremely graphic sex scenes, it also includes strong character development, unremitting drama, action sequences, cliffhangers, and ends with two of the most jaw-dropping twists I ever wrote. It’s what I would describe as a ‘femdom thriller’, and plays out somewhat like a movie-of-the-week.

In many of your novels there is an integration of fact and fiction that has been twisted to fit the fictional femdom tyranny. Things like the penis guillotine, the nullifier, and incarcerated ban on masturbation. Did you do much research on these things?

Yes, I did, and it still horrifies me. Whilst I don’t know of any such thing as ‘penis guillotine’ to have actually existed, I did discover a few terrors that seemed to be heading in that direction. During the Victorian era, inner-spiked penis rings were fitted upon young boys to prevent night time erections. In places like Somalia today, young girls are routinely clitoradectomized by their own family members as a means of preventing sexual pleasure and ensuring chastity. Religious dogmas about sexual desire and masturbation continue to traumatize the young and impressionable in some sections of society. It has also led to documented teenage suicides. Fed on a diet of hellfire myths that make them terrified of their own sexuality, over which they have absolutely no control; it’s really not difficult to see how such tragedies can occur. And all in the name of totalitarian control.

The US penal system employs an anti-masturbation rule in most prisons today. The idea underpinning it is to prevent prisoners from ‘getting it out’ and masturbating in front of female officers as a means of intimidation. That’s fair enough. The problem is in the wording of the rule itself. It simply stipulates ‘masturbation’ and makes no reference to specific circumstance. A vindictive corrections officer can report an inmate if she catches him masturbating discreetly under the sheets with the lights out as a result of this lack of specification. This usually sends the inmate to solitary confinement for up to two months. When young, virile men are incarcerated with no access to any sexual outlet whatsoever, testosterone is going to be rife. This, in turn, will increase aggression and endanger the very lives of the officers who seek to enforce the regulation. In the UK and Europe, such a rule would be considered a serious human rights violation – as is solitary confinement. Both fall under directives which prohibit cruel and unusual punishment.

The paperback book business has taken a knock over the years with online and a couple of your publishers went bust. How has that impacted upon your career? It has been said recently that ‘The Penitentiary’ is going to be your last novel. Why?

After I wrote The Paramount Rule Trilogy, it was taken on by a publisher in the UK. Soon afterwards, they went bankrupt. It was then picked up by a publisher in the US, but they wanted me to re-edit the Trilogy into a series of stand-alones with no plot connection to one another. I reluctantly agreed, and after the release of the first one, I was head-hunted by several other publishers of erotica. These titles (The Paramount Rule, Prisoners of the Governess, Reformation, Reformation: Stronghold, Under the Paramount Rule, and The Penitentiary) were ultimately released through four publishers between the US and the UK. But, alas, it was not to last. The last publisher folded in early 2016, and the publishing rights returned to me.

In 2017, I decided to polish up my original, unpublished series, The Paramount Rule Trilogy, and release them myself. By November, 2017, I had self-published all five titles on Amazon and initiated a marketing campaign. That’s when I saw my publisher’s problems for myself. Virtually no book promotion companies will touch these titles. All of them stipulate ‘NO EROTICA’. In addition, Amazon suppresses them from public visibility so they are very difficult to discover by chance. Amazon have also recently started banning books of this nature outright. It’s only a matter of time before I receive an email from them, telling me my books have been removed from sale.

I have a plot in mind for ‘Penitentiary 2’ and I’ve had a few requests for it. But what could I possibly do with it? It would be an enormous amount of work, not to mention the expense of cover design and initial promotion (albeit with only four promotion companies that will touch them.) With so much against me, I cannot conceive of where I could go with it now.

What is next for Tanya Simmonds?

Other than being at a loose end, I do enjoy life. I travel a lot, so it’s a lot like a living vacation. Emoji

For anyone who might be interested, ‘The Paramount Rule – Book I’ is currently FREE on Amazon Kindle:

Paramount Rule Free

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

Miss J Domme VIP Interview

Hi there Mistress J – i’d like to thank you in advance for your time in looking through these questions. FemDomme is something that a lot of people are curious about and these questions will allow people to see a little bit more of you, as well as help our readers work through their curiosity and explore a unique fetish.

I have to start at the beginning and ask – how did you get into domming? Was it a natural process, or was there an a-ha moment?

At first, I got into being a professional Dominatrix because I needed the money and thought it would be easy money. I soon found out that it’s not easy money at all and it takes a lot of hard work. I walked out of my job in a psychiatric hospital in New Jersey in 2011. I was tired of working in a system where I would do double shifts all the time and still had to decide whether to put food in my fridge or play the light bill. Don’t get me wrong it can be feast or famine as a professional Domme and sometimes you are making a lot of money and sometimes you aren’t making any money at all. That’s why I also prefer to have my eggs in other baskets rather than just the pro-Domme thing but even those other baskets have to do with BDSM. In August of 2012, I started putting ads up on backpage and craigslist. Craigslist was always a pain in the ass and I got the majority of people from backpage anyway. My first session was with a man who liked his balls kicked and who like to worship feet. I enjoyed what I got to do with him and I enjoyed the money for something I actually enjoyed. I never had any formal training but I had the right attitude, always practiced safety, always got consent and negotiated a scene, always communicated and established a level of trust. To me, those things have always been common sense but some do not have common sense. I have also been pretty dominant throughout my life so this came naturally to me and things I didn’t know about I researched.

How large is the BDSM community in Denver, Colorado?

  In my opinion the BDSM scene in Denver Colorado wasn’t like the east coast scene for me. I am from the Lehigh Valley Pennsylvania and always had an easier time on the east coast getting clients and having people to play with. Denver was a little slow for me and I don’t think I was ready to slow it down so in July I moved back to Pennsylvania. I do think the spanking community is huge in Denver but I don’t always fit in with the spanko community and I think it is because they see that I am really big into the BDSM scene and maybe that makes them nervous that I might not respect their limits. I did meet some great people at some of the spanking parties I attended in Denver and had the pleasure of meeting Michael Masterson ( ) and got to watch him film some spanking videos at his studio in Denver. I did meet some excellent Dommes out there who are truly masters at what they do, Miss Victoria Marx and Domina Elle. I had a great time playing in their dungeon and got great vibes and great energy from them. I never worked out of their dungeon in a professional capacity but I did attend a party or two at their dungeon.

What’s one of your favorite things about taking control during erotic play?

Some of my favorite things about taking control in erotic scenes are of course the giving up control to me and the trust they put in me to do that. Basically, I get off on the power and trust and the connection I have with people while playing.

MIss J Lair

One of the things that i find most fascinating is that whilst you identify and play as a Domme – you are in a Ds relationship as a submissive to your Sir. How do you navigate through that difference in head space – between work and pleasure? Is there a difference at all?

When I moved to Denver it was to go live with my Sir who is a sadist. He and I communicated, negotiated, established trust, discussed limits many months before I moved out there but you never really know someone until you live with them. I actually wanted him to train me to become a heavy bottom but that didn’t happen. It didn’t happen because I realized he was full of shit and not a real dom. He was constantly yelling at me when I wasn’t in total agreement with him all of the time and he didn’t respect my limits many times. There were also a few times when he put his hands on me out of anger and the last time he did that I decided to move back to Pennsylvania. Believe me by that time I was very homesick for my lush green state and just needed to get away from him because I knew things were not ok. At first, we were in negotiation for him to move to Pennsylvania but I realized later why he didn’t want to, I have a heavy female influence out here kink wise and vanilla wise. Strong women who would have had my back when I told them about him. I also have men on my side out here who would have never let him get away with the abuse. So he basically pulled a cult move on me and got me away from everything I know and family and friends and what he wanted was to control me but I fought tooth and nail every day. I say that to say this, anyone thinking about getting into a D’s relationship needs to be careful because there are many who call themselves dominants but they are really domineering and it can turn into a very bad situation. The relationship I was supposed to have with him was supposed to be nurturing because that’s what a D’s relationship is supposed to be about and both of us getting what we really wanted and sex of course 😉 The professional Domming I do has nothing to do with sex though. Only when I am in a relationship with someone there might be sex involved but I definitely don’t get involved with clients sexually. It’s a total difference being in a D’s relationship compared to being a professional Dominatrix. I get pleasure from both but only one involves sex.

You state, ‘I am argumentative, bratty when I don’t get what I want, opinionated, headstrong, and independent and I have a problem following orders or any kind of chain of command’. How does your ‘sir’ handle that?

Yes I can be argumentative and bratty when I don’t get what I want but I am a Domme and used to getting what I want so that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it 😉 I do not think my sir was a good dom mainly because I know what a good Domme is and refuse to listen or submit to anything less than that. He couldn’t handle me being opinionated, headstrong and independent even though he stressed those things that he wanted in a woman during all of our months of communication but I soon found out that it wasn’t really what he wanted, He wanted someone weak and timid who he could step on and push around and become totally dependent on him. He soon found out that he couldn’t do that to me and it really created a volatile situation.

Have your friends, family, partners been supportive of you being a professional Domme?

My friends and family, most of them know what I do and have been supportive. As far as partners go I don’t think a man will ever truly trust what I do because it’s in the back of their head that I am having sex with clients and not being truthful. Just my opinion though and let’s be clear, I DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH CLIENTS!

 Have there been any challenges and how did you overcome them?

There are challenges in doing what I do. Early on I was worried that I might not look the part of or have the right clothing and too worried about other Dommes who might have better clothing and equipment. I realized later that equipment and clothing have nothing to do with it and it’s about your attitude and how well you can improvise without all of that equipment, your knowledge of BDSM and leave someone happy that they came to see you.

When I first started out I was using a hotel in a not so nice area so it was hard to establish trust just because of that but I always appreciated those who put on their big boy panties and came to that hotel to play. Some of those guys are still with me to this day and we sometimes talk and laugh about that cruddy hotel they came to and how nervous they were just to walk into the hotel. Another challenge is that vanilla friends and family don’t understand that I don’t work a 9-5 job and yes I might have more free time but when I want to work then I want to work and it can be at odd hours. I also have to shut my phone down at certain times or it turns into a 24/7 job and nobody wants to work 24/7. Lots of men have no care in the world when they contact you even when times are clearly posted so sometimes you have to shut shit down. Then you have the time wasters who want to send incessant emails and texts and who just want to get off but will never book a session with you. So I have learned to give these guys very little wiggle room to manipulate me or my time. I have also become very adept at distinguishing the real from the fakes when they make contact with me.

Miss J Leg Fetish

You say on your website: “I am really into quite a bit of mind-fuckery.” – Could you explain what that entails?

I am into a bit of mind fuckery. I like tying someone up and pull out my throwing knives. Of course, I am not going to throw them but the look in their eyes and how their breathing changes are priceless. Or have them tied and show them knives and then blindfold them and run cold knives across their flesh. I also enjoy knowing someone’s’ limits such as not getting hit in the balls and then pretending I am going to hit them in the balls just to watch how they react and jump. FYI I always respect people’s limits. Another favorite is a roleplay session where they try to dominate me and take control and I turn the tables on them and show them how a Lady really takes control.

What makes a good submissive to you?

My favorite submissives are alpha subs. They aren’t subs you can just step all over. They are secure, independent, intelligent and not necessarily what people think about when they think about submissives. Nobody wants a weak submissive and I have a sneaking suspicion that those who want a weak submissive might be quite predatory in nature and not necessarily good Doms. Again that is just my opinion because of some of my experiences in this lifestyle. I love submissives who truly want Mistress to be happy and do what she wants even if it isn’t something that is not a particular interest of the submissive’s.  They will do what they have to for Mistress and believe me not all of them are built like that. I find the older gentlemen to be a bit more like that than younger men. I don’t enjoy bratty submissives at all. I won’t tolerate it because most are being bratty to get what they want and I won’t give them what they want for being bratty.

What makes a good dom to you?

A good Domme is one who respects limits, negotiates a scene, has consent, safe and sane, respects privacy and establishes a trust level.  A good Domme should be able to read people very well and have the ability to call a scene right before the submissive calls it. A good Dome doesn’t really want to hear a safeword called because they want to remain in control the whole time and if a sub calls it first you gave a little bit of control back to them. A good Domme isn’t abusive and respects someone’s limits.

What’s your go to comfort food?

I can’t say that I have favorite comfort food but I do really love peanut butter and bananas together.

What’s one of your favourite activities to do when youre domming?

Some of my favorite activities are needle play, ballbusting, heavy impact play, humiliation, nipple torture, CBT, spanking and paddling, and roleplay.

If i may – What’s your favourite activity to do when you’re subbing/bottoming?

Some of my favorite activities while I bottomed were nipple torture although I cannot handle clamps on my nipples, my leather strap being put to my inner thighs, hit on my back with my bamboo loopy, being spanked and I liked to be bit. Of course, I needed build up for all of this and my sir at the time didn’t try to build me up first. He expected me just to take things without a warmup.

I love the idea that you explicitly state that you’ll listen to your subs interests – a lot of Domme’s don’t necessarily worry about that. What sets you apart as a domme, and what can people that sign up for your tribute services expect?

I do listen to my subs. I like someone to give me information on things they have done and would like to try and their limits. This lifestyle is about communication and these are things I need to know to be able to negotiate a scene with someone and to play safely.

Miss J Fetlife Profile

What sets you apart from other Dommes?

 I don’t know what sets me apart from other Dommes except that I am real, I don’t bullshit and pretend to be something I am not. I think many Dommes have something to bring to the table even though their whole style might be different than mine. So with that being said just be real and the clientele you are supposed to have will gravitate to you and ones who aren’t pulled to you will hopefully find a Domme that is better suited for them. Anyone who comes and sees me can expect someone who loves what they, have a fun session, and that I will always respect their limits and privacy.

If there was one thing that you could change with how people view FemDom and domination – what would it be?

There are a few things I would like to change, how people FemDommes and domination. First of all, some think being a Femdomme means that you also hate men which isn’t true at all and as a matter of fact I love men. I also think some think we just pull people off the street and beat and torture them which is definitely not true. We run off rules in BDSM, basic elements to practice our art safely. People also don’t realize that these relationships are supposed to be nurturing, not just a bunch of yelling, torturing and giving orders. It’s a lot more than that. I wish more people would research BDSM and get rid of their misconceptions about BDSM. I would also appreciate if newbies would do some research into their own submission before contacting me because I believe it is their responsibility to themselves and to me to do so.

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

VIP Interview Jay Moyes – Fetish Artist!

bdsm art

A warm welcome to Jay Moyes, active in the adult industry for the past 20 years.  Jay is an artist that started work for the AVN (Adult Video News) magazine originally to enter data and then progressing to managing the Production Art Department and writing and publishing his own column.  Now a graphic artist and webmaster Jay is a man that has been there and done that!


Welcome Jay, thanks for doing the interview.  To start off where are you based?

Porn Valley, California! It’s a group of suburbs Northwest of Downtown  Los Angeles. Also known as the San Fernando Valley.

How did you come to be in the adult industry?

As an artist, I’d already been working with adult content. I worked for QSM Books, Fantasy Makers, and Spectator Magazine in the San Francisco Bay Area. After living in Los Angeles for some time, my friend Chris at AVN needed help and knew I’d be a good fit. It was a really lucky break. Back then, the industry could be really tight, pun intended.

Your first job was with the industry Goliath AVN.  What was it like working there?

Thing is, while there’s huge presence, there’s a small core of people coordinating what happens. All this while a cyclone of chaos surrounds the place. The most important thing is to remain proactive and get as much done as possible. When my boss left, her replacement tried turning our department into a 9-5 operation. That manager didn’t last long.

It wasn’t uncommon for me to put in 12 hour days. Every Wednesday I’d do a full shift handling graphics, then write the BDSM events column.

It seems like you became a jack of all trades there.  Data entry, graphic design and columnist.  Which of these did you enjoy the most?

Hands down, the graphics. I knew just enough how to open Photoshop when I started, but Chris Lowden showed me quite a bit and lined me up with tutorials. When Tim Connelly came on board, he brought on Photoshop expert John Castro and a punk rock scientist named Ed Webb. While Webb knew nothing about Photoshop going in, his genius, combined with Castro’s skill were a huge source of inspiration for me. Webb exceeded our expectations in Photoshop and became one of our best cover artists. I learned volumes working with them. They’ve both gone on to much greater things than I could dream.

Six years is a fair amount of time to work in what must have been a pressure cooker environment.  How did you cope with the stress?

A joke I used to have, is you chant “I can’t believe they pay me to do this.” I took photos of naked people, joked with porn stars, got to work with stunning eye candy on the computer, and was paid quite reasonable for it.

What is the most interesting story you have from working at the AVN?

Bryn Pryor takes the blame for that one. He actually had the balls to make our own show that parodied the office. Paul Fishbein financed it, Bryn produced it, and a lot of our staff and friends were involved in it. It was called The Money Shot. We called in our porn star friends for cameo roles. My big part was as a performance artist in drag, drawing fetish art, then burning the pieces. This show was five years before YouTube started. We would have been a hit had it uploaded today.

From there you were headhunted by Eddie Van Halen to help with his porn company SLLAB.  Tell us a bit about that?

EVH wanted to start his own adult cable channel, with the best directors from the industry. His son Wolfie was still under 18, and we had to be quiet about it for custody issues. I was introduced through friends and EVH recruited me.

We started video production to get things underway. I was on board for The New Neighbors and Trophy Wives. I created the ads, helped with graphics and assisted with production.

Meanwhile I kept another iron in the fire as a consulting partner in the publicity firm, Black and Blue Media.

What he really wanted was Michael Ninn. I made the call to Red Light District and forwarded to Michael Eddie’s phone number.

The irony is the whole thing eventually fell through. Eddie married Janie Liszewski, Ninn’s publicist. Ninn asked us at Black and Blue Media to take over publicity for Ninnworx.

What was Eddie like?

He wasn’t at his best at the time. He was like the crazy friend with wild ideas. We’d talk in the middle of the night until daylight. EVH dreams big. But he didn’t know how the porn industry itself worked. We had some great marketing and talent. But we were on the tail end of the big features for porn. He had big money, but the network he wanted required an extra zero or two on the budget and a lot of patience.

Janie really did seem to be best for him. He changed his focus and went back on tour. He changed his look for her and intensified his approach on music. Janie could have suggested he keep the vision of owning an adult empire, but they seem happier this way.

Jay Moyes Art
Fetish Art

How do you find balance in life?

Is that what this is? There are two ways to look at this. The Navy Seals say when you can’t keep going, you’re only at 40 percent of what you can really do. On the short term that helps you push through some things. On the other hand, what happens when you are long past that and are honestly maxed out?

I have to acknowledge there are things I just can’t commit to, or everyone suffers. Last year, I had to step down from something. I wasn’t able to focus. The work on that project was falling apart. I recognized that and addressed it. They still want me to come back. If that time comes, I will have to put something aside to make things work.

Day by day, I prioritize specific things  If more gets done, that’s awesome.

One very important rule I have is regarding favors like work for exposure, work on the cheap, or stuff for friends. If I can’t enjoy it, get something out if it, or have fun, I’m absolutely not doing it for free, on credit or deferred.

If you don’t at least get something out of it emotionally, then doing work for “exposure” drains you.

Throughout you owned and operated your website  Tell us a bit about that?

I’ve usually had some kind of site going. Around the year 2000, I bought I used the domain as a portfolio for my work. What was funny was to find out there are at least five others with my name, but I did give them years to claim dibs.

The economic crash put that on the back burner until around 2012, when I could afford to get serious about art again. served as a blog and test bed for what new stuff we could do at Black and Blue Media.

I soon realized I had been out of the fetish scene too long. No one really cared who Jay Moyes was, if anyone cared to begin with. So I took what would be our own marketing advice and rebranded. I looked for an affordable domain, and created social media profiles to fit the brand.

That’s why you won’t find much from my site on LinkedIn and Facebook. Those are personal profiles that don’t fit the brand for

While Fetishartist is a good blog for my work, I also use it to spread love and respect for my peers in kinky artwork.

visit the fetish artist
fetish artist blog

How do you get your inspiration to create fetish art?

Most often, the scene is my studio. While I love anime and other artists, I’m inspired by the relationships and innovation I see at play parties and clubs.

As an artist, I have to acknowledge certain rules, yet push boundaries. Otherwise it is just cliché.

When I started there were only a few professional fetish artists in San Francisco, so it was easy to stand out. Los Angeles, and now the world is very different. Anyone can draw boots and a whip. Collectors want to see how far further you can take that.

What is your favorite piece?

Currently it’s a small piece called Red Bondage for Gallery 30 South in Pasadena. The piece is a painting of a male with a rope chest harness and clothespins on his nipples. The backside features CBT and military boot fetish. I’ve been improving my acrylic work and everything came together just right.

This could change tomorrow, each piece is a new set of goal posts and experiments. I’ve got a skateboard deck waiting for me to paint a Dominatrix and skate punk up ahead.

Whom else to do admire as an artist and why?

Artists tend to have long lists of people we admire. My firsts were Reji Matsumoto, Erte, and Ralph Steadman. Matsumoto is responsible for my latex fetish because as a teen I saw his women in colorful skin tight space suits.

As I grew, I learned a lot from the pen and ink work of Robert Williams. Now I’ve realized a lot of his inspiration came from sci-fi artist Virgin Finlay (also no stranger to erotica). Currently, I study the colors of work by Coop, who got some of his color work while collaborating with Frank Kozik to screen print posters.

Also a stint as a tattoo artist.  That must have been interesting?

In the 90’s, I did flash art for Kenny’s House of Pain in Santa Clara, and Rob’s Tattoo in Livermore. This was just as I was getting into Fetish. Martin Kenny may still have some of my kinky stuff on his walls.

Tattoo studios are like a compost heap of creativity. The scene may not look pretty, but it yields huge volume of good work.

Jay Moyes Art
Fetish For Life

What is the weirdest tattoo that you did?

The posters were the wildest. These were big, 11×14 jobs. Rob’s had a detailed dragon, with waves in the background. While I did a poster for Kenny’s called “Blazing Tattoo Guns of the Old West” with a Dominatrix riding a tat gun bursting out of a robot gunslinger’s chest. Man they were a lot of fun to do.

Martin Kenny asked me to do some sheets of flash art he could trade for other art. He wanted detailed, single needle, celtic knotwork that would challenge his rivals. It backfired though. He put it up on his walls and customers asked for it. The detailed, intricate pieces were a pain to tattoo, but they made him money, which was the important part.

You are a co-owner of black and blue media.  This is a business that describes itself as a marketing and publicity company that mixes adult tastes with mainstream entertainment.  How do you manage to pull that off and make the work unique?

There’s a huge difference between the adult industry press and mainstream journalism. Mainstream publicity relies on wire services, which distribute to major news outlets for a fee. Adult news sites don’t tend to follow those services. So you have to connect as directly with adult journalists as possible.

It’s not uncommon for Black and Blue Media to get contacted from a mainstream firm to reach the adult press. We even created an adult news wire service called, and our fees are quite reasonable.

A huge difference between Black and Blue Media and other firms is adult is a visually driven media. Most publicists come from a writing or journalistic background.

While at AVN, part of my job was hounding publicists for artwork. I’d get a press release about a new contract pornstar, with no photos of the star whatsoever. There’d be this huge pressure to publish the story, and we’d be sitting there going “With what? You sent us no photos of the chick!”

At Black and Blue Media, we know graphics are an integral part of a story in the press, even if we have to generate that art ourselves. That’s why it is such a pleasure working with people like Michael Ninn, who know how mandatory it is.

And my advice if you’re looking for more exposure, video is next on the list to sell your story to news media outlets. We’ve already collaborated with video editors in the past and done small scale video editing for projects.

Who do you most admire in the adult industry and why?

Michael Ninn, who has a very professional eye. Skye Blue, who set a high standard, yet gave us creative reign to do some of our best publicity work. Mistress Cyan, who has worked herself up from a small dungeon in Porn Valley to the large Sanctuary and DomCon franchises, while maintaining a dedicated leather family. Of course, Sherry Ziegelmeyer of Black and Blue Media, who did many things never conceived of in adult publicity, like starting the first viral alternative reality game to promote Michael Ninn’s The Four.

I also very much admire Peter Czernich of Marquis. He set the high water mark for fetish video and publishing before some in this business were even born. We got the rare honor to publish releases on when he covered fetish news. I love his latex photo work and always will.

What do you see yourself doing in another ten years’ time?


Kidding! But that should hit home the nature of how transient this business can be and how much changes virtually overnight.

Many are afraid of what could happen in the current administration, but you can’t have the delusion the adult business was ever invulnerable.

As an artist, no matter how liberal the authorities are, your job is to push boundaries. The difference between art and pornography isn’t the lighting. It’s the requirement to embrace the consequences and keep pushing ahead.

Personally, I’d like to see myself in some kind of retirement from work that requires offices and deadlines. So I can do things like finally tour, exhibit at art shows abroad, and meet more awesome kinky people who like high octane artwork.

Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.