VIP Interview With Zoe Stone Resident Blogger Of IMTOY’s

Sex blogger Zoe Stone

IMTOY is a luxury sex toy and sexual health product manufacturer that was established in 2012 between the cities of Las Vegas, USA and Shenzhen, China. Their products promote personal well-being, fun and pleasurable stimulation that will entice you to unbelievable measures. Their carefully crafted products take into account the hardware, user friendly designs, application compatibility and above all a high attention to quality.

IMTOY’s product ranges include Zoo, Forbidden Fruit, Luxeluv, Piu and Candy. You should keep an eye out as their product ranges continue to grow! So much so they have been featured in the media in Cosmopolitan, Marie Claire, Elite Daily and many more. This is a VIP interview with IMTOY’s resident blogger Zoe Stone which looks into her inspirations and what makes their products go above and beyond.

Tell me about yourself

I’m Zoe Stone and I’m in charge of filling IMTOY’s blog full of sexy, fun, and useful content! I like introducing myself by saying I’m not what people usually expect from a sex writer (or at least, I’m not what I would expect from a sex writer)! Right or wrong, I always thought that to write about sex you had to be a wild, experienced unicorn, who’s sexually fulfilled on a cosmic level. But hey! Now I’m a sex writer too and I’m here to disprove the myth!

The way I see it, we’re all on our own individual journeys through pleasure, and what I’m interested in writing about is the bliss and the struggles, the out-of-body experiences and the epic fails, and all from a sex positive and body positive point of view.

Raunchy, relatable and empowering – that’s what I’m going for!

What inspired the creation of IMTOY?

IMTOY sits at the confluence of sex toys and tech. Our vision was to focus on designing intelligent sex toys and sexual health products that promote intimate well-being and provide life-giving pleasure! Our tagline is:

“Engineered for Ecstasy”

That says it all really!

What inspires you?

As a writer, books are my jam! I’m always looking for those magical moments when an author captures and communicates something deeply real. They tend to access those moments of universal truth by really focusing in on the details.

It takes guts to get up close and detailed when writing about sex – it’s such an intimate topic. We’re really vulnerable in that space. But I’m a big one for taboo-breaking, and there’s been such silence around sex for so many of us. Only good things can come from opening up and being real.

That’s why I really admire outspoken women. Some of my favs are active in the sexual space, like Elena from The Yoni Empire, or journalists Mona Chalabi and Mae Ryan who made The Vagina Dispatches. I’m a fan of anyone who’s out there, speaking up about issues that affect women, sharing information, and empowering others.

Tell me about IMTOY’s product range?

IMTOY has got so many goodies on offer. Our pride and joy is The Zoo Collection. Each of its six silky soft silicone toys was inspired by and named after an animal. Did I mention that they’re all millennial pink with rose gold accents? They really do deserve a proper introduction:

DOLPHIN

Couples sex toy IMTOY DOLPHIN
Image: IMTOY DOLPHIN

The Dolphin was engineered with innovative partners play in mind. It’s a C-shaped vibrator that targets the G-spot and the clit. The insertable part of the vibe is designed specifically to leave enough room for a penis to slide in behind the toy. Dolphin fits snugly in place for hands-free fun during penetration.

RHINO

Rabbit vibrator IMTOY RHINO
Image: IMTOY RHINO

Yowza! The Rhino is a powerful little number! This toy gives you everything you need – inside and out. It has two rumbling motors. The G-spot seeking curved tip ensures internal pleasure, while the toy’s horn (a classy reimagining of the traditional rabbit) delivers intense, direct clitoral stimulation.

I’ve heard the Rhino has popped a few internal orgasm cherries!

MANTA RAY

Personal massager IMTOY MANTA RAY
Image: IMTOY MANTA RAY

The Manta Ray is our wild card. When people first look at it they’re like, “WTF?” but it’s simple once you realise what to do with it:

  • For people with a penis, all you need to do is wrap the super flexible silicone around your erection, or sit on it to externally pleasure your P-spot.
  • For people with a vagina, Manta Ray’s textured and extremely pliable design makes for an incredible lay-on vibe.

GAZELLE

Body wand IMTOY GAZELLE
Image: IMTOY GAZELLE

Wands tend to be pretty hefty toys. We wanted to design a wand that’s smaller and more slender than most, but still packs a punch. Enter the Gazelle! The tantalizing tips of its horns are an absolute treat for the clit, and thanks to its adaptable head, you can swap between horns or a smooth head. A major upside to its slender design is that it can be used on the clit during penetration without getting in the way.

GIRAFFE

G-spot vibrator IMTOY GIRAFFE
Image: IMTOY GIRAFFE

Ah! The Giraffe! My first love! The Giraffe is a really thoughtful take on a classic shape. It’s simple, it’s ergonomic, and boy does it deliver! It really is the perfect toy for a beginner who’s looking to try a penetrative toy for the first time and doesn’t want anything too girthy. It also makes for an amazing clit vibe too!

WHALE

Massager IMTOY WHALE
Image: IMTOY WHALE

The Whale is our other C-shaped vibrator, targeting both the G-spot and clit, but unlike the Dolphin, this toy’s curvaceous head is designed to fill you all up. We like to think of the Whale as your silent, sneaky sidekick – designed to be taken (or worn) anywhere. Hand over the app to a partner and you’ll be sure to have yourselves some cheeky fun!

As for the rest of what IMTOY has to offer, there’s…

PIU

Men's masturbator IMTOY PIU
Image: IMTOY PIU

This is our high tech male masturbator. Using its very own app it synchronizes your pleasure with erotic movies. The vibrations actually interact with scenes and motion!

CANDY

Personal massager IMTOY CANDY
Image: IMTOY CANDY

Candy is a super soft, body-safe kegel ball. It connects to your smart device so you can follow a professional training course. Candy’s app lets you track your progress, reach new milestones, and stay motivated.

Recently IMTOY started housing other brands too like:

LUXELUV

Sex toy range banner LUXELUV
Image: LUXELUV

Luxeluv has a tempting collection of cosmopolitan toys that goes by the name of The Destination Range. Each toy in the collection is named after a different city. Why not find out where desire will take you next? There’s Vegas – a versatile vibrating cock-ring, Havana – a rabbit-style vibrator with a twist (its shaft can curl in a “come hither” gesture), and the Santiago – an ultra-discreet finger vibrator with a powerful kick.

Men's stroker IMTOY Memphis
Image: Luxeluv Memphis

The craziest toy in the collection has got to be the Memphis. It’s a masturbation sleeve that doubles as ac Bluetooth speaker! You can even set it to vibrate to the beat of your favourite song!

What are IMTOY’s best sellers?

The Dolphin, Whale and Rhino are our star products!

What materials are the sex toys made with?

Let me break it down:

THE ZOO COLLECTION, PIU & CANDY

These toys are made with high quality silicone, durable tungsten alloy motors, and lithium batteries. Piu’s outer shell is made from ABS plastic, making all these toys entirely non-porous and super easy to clean. Candy even comes with its own UV light sterilisation storage unit. They charge using a magnetic USB charger, so they’re 100% waterproof, and the special silicone we’ve made them with is dust-proof too, making them as ready to dive into the bath as they are into bed!

HAVANA, SANTIAGO & VEGAS

These vibrators from Luxeluv’s Destination Range are made with silicone. They’re also waterproof, using a simple but effective design that protects the jack where the charger plugs in, but they’re not completely sealed like The Zoo Collection, so these toys require some caution when cleaning around the jack.

MEMPHIS

This masturbation sleeve also doubles as a high quality Bluetooth speaker (super sneaky, right?). The outer shell is made from ABS plastic with a squeezable silicone grip in the centre. The skin-soft inner sleeve is made from TPE and has a vibrating bullet fitted into it that can be popped out when you need to wash the sleeve.

What is silken silicone? How would you describe the feeling of the silken silicone?

The silicone we’ve used for The Zoo Collection, Piu and Candy is our secret weapon. We worked hard to find the perfect balance between pleasure and durability and the end result is toe-curlingly soft to the touch! When Wetlandia reviewed the Gazelle she said:

“I want to hold (it), and run my fingers over it, and touch it all day long. I want to live in a magical kingdom where everything is made of this silicone.”

It’s pretty dreamy stuff, but to really know what I’m talking about you’ll just have to try it for yourself! ;P

How would you describe the feeling of the vibrations delivered through The Zoo Collection?

The six toys in The Zoo Collection have 16 vibration patterns, which range from rich and rumbly to OMFG-this-is-AH-MAAAZING!

What is the Zoo app? Are all of IMTOY’s products compatible with the app?

No, the Zoo app was developed specifically for the six toys in The Zoo Collection. Once you power up your toy it can be paired via Bluetooth with your smartphone. Once it’s connected, the toy can be controlled by the app, which unlocks extra vibration modes and fun features like voice, video, music and kinetic interaction, randomized vibration, and an option to draw your own vibration.

What do the shake, bomb and rocket functions feel like?

The shake function works like this: When your Zoo toy is connected via Bluetooth to its app, you can turn on a function that makes your toy vibrate in response to any movement of your smartphone. If you shake your phone, the toy gives off powerful vibrations. If you move it gently, then the toy rumbles and shudders. It’s a really fun feature for tempting, teasing power play.

The bomb function makes your toy produce randomized vibration patterns. You never know what’s coming next! It’s a great way to start slowly and build yourself up until you’re ready to explode.

If you can’t take the edging any longer, that’s when you hit the rocket button which takes you straight to the highest vibration strength, blasting you off into orgasmic outer space!

What are the best ways to use the music and speaking feature of IMTOY’s products?

We sent the Rhino over to Cosmo to try out, and this is what they had to say about the the music feature on the Zoo app:

“Our favourite feature, however, is the ability to sync the app (and the Rhino) to your iTunes library, giving a whole new meaning to the term ‘beating off’. Ha ha. But seriously, if you’ve never experienced a vibrator pulsing in time to the dulcet tones of Bad And Boujee, then you simply haven’t lived, my friend.”

Our advice is find your favourite boudoir beats and sync your toy up for the experience of a lifetime.

As for the speaking feature, the more you make noise, the harder the toy vibrates. If you’re a little shy, but you want to learn how to be more vocal in the sheets, then this is a really fun reward system for living your pleasure out loud!

Sexpert is our resident full time sex blogger. Having successfully owned and managed a number of blogs relating to women’s lifestyle, she easily blended into her role as chief blogger of the Adultsmart Blog. She is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend. She also runs Good Girl Guide, a sexual lifestyle blog.

Fear Of The Word: Sex And Censorship

Uncomfortable sex talk

Why does everyone have an opinion on what you should and shouldn’t do when you’re growing a tiny human? Bombarding you with unsolicited advice and horror stories. Constantly reminding you that you’re brutally ill-equipped to deal with the said tiny human. In one of these conversations where one of my mum friends was talking about the gender of my baby, who coincidentally is a boy, told me emphatically that I should not call his penis a penis and that I needed to call it pee pee or his little thingy… but why?

Thinking about the conversation later in the day when I was absentmindedly playing games on my phone, I kind of wondered why I needed to use soft fluffy names for my child’s genitals instead of just calling them what they are?

Is it potentially damaging to my child, knowing what genitals are actually called? Will it turn them into a psychologically damaged young adult? Will it cause them to be more promiscuous as they enter puberty? Or will it simply just be another word in their vocabulary?

The more that I think and read about it, the consensus seems to be that in this age of sexual (and sexual abuse) awareness, a child who knows what their genitals are called and can be more specific and less ashamed about discussing such things, seems to be the best way to go.

Just an observation…

In retrospect, what I have found while working for the Oh! Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre, is that the majority of my customers, some of whom are in their 30’s and 40’s are still not sure what to call their or their partner’s genitals when asked questions about what type of product that they’re interested in. What follows is usually a great game of charades where it seems like I’m participating in a Harry Potter skit where ‘he who must not be named’ is code for a penis.

Look, I grew up in a very conservative middle class household where I didn’t get the ‘birds and the bees’ talk until I was 20 and WAY past needing it. I also went to a Catholic high school where in year 8 or 9, they taught us sexual education by proclaiming that abstinence was the best way to stop diseases or getting pregnant, not to mention, my PDHPE teacher was also my uncle… Funny, I know.

But what I remember most was how awkward my mother was when talking about sex and genitals during our ‘chat’. Now imagine how uncomfortable she got when I told her that my new career path was in the adult product industry. I’m literally laugh crying at the thought.

All those stories…

So, that mum friend that I mentioned earlier regaled her story of how she discovered that her son was now old enough to masturbate. I’m paraphrasing, but the story (after a few wines) went a little like this:

‘OMG! I have to tell you something! It’s soooo embarrassing! I can’t even say it out loud…’

‘Ok what is it?’

‘It’s, oh my gosh I… it’s like the worst thing I’ve ever had to see. It’s so embarrassing’

‘What is it?!’

‘Well, the other night I went in to kiss the boys goodnight. So I opened the door and Mr. 13 was lying in bed with his butt in the air and I could her the sheets rustling. So I turned on the light and I saw him… I saw him playing with his… his, you know, his thing’

‘And? …’

‘I didn’t know what to do, so I grabbed the covers and pulled them off the bed. OMG! He started yelling and I screamed and started crying and ran out of the room slamming the door on my way out!’

‘So… you’re telling me that you caught him wanking?’

‘YES! Oh my god! It was so bad! I didn’t think that we’d have to have THAT talk with him for another few years. I’m scarred for life now!’

‘Did you sit him down and have the talk?’

‘NO! I said to [hubby] that there is no way that I can talk to him about that! He would have to do that. I can’t even look him in the eyes right now and it’s been like, 2 weeks’

I’m no psychologist, but I would think that having your mum not only walk in on you masturbating, but to have her react the way she did, would cause more emotional and psychological damage.

Parent sex talk cartoon
Image: Sex talk cartoon

Why should we project our denial about sexuality and what we are too embarrassed to say out loud on to our children?

And that is my argument. Obviously, there is a need to censor some content or conversations, but overall isn’t it a healthy thing that kids know and understand bodily functions?

What happens if, heaven forbid, your child was inappropriately touched by another person and they needed to explain to you, a medical professional or a law enforcement officer what happened and all they had in their vocabulary was ‘down there’ or ‘that part’? The embarrassment and shame about their genitals that you have taught them is normal now becomes a detriment to their well-being and psychological development.

Like I said, I’m not a medical professional, but in my opinion it is better for kids to be raised with a healthy knowledge of their bodies so that, as adolescents and adults they can make informed decision about their sexuality without shame or embarrassment.

Author: Mia is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Jennifer works marketing at Adultsmart an online sex toy shop. She has a non-judgemental approach to sex, sex toys and sexuality. Her favorite saying is if it feels good and right and is not illegal then why not!

Is Tradition Dead? Courtship In The 21st Century

Old school dating

Sometimes on your journey through life being single for a period of times helps to restart your life. When you are ready to enter into a new relationship the dating world can be quite scary, dating isn’t for everyone and may not always be full of healthy and happy memories.

So if you are tired of dating have you ever tried courtship? Courtship isn’t the easiest to define but the main difference between courting and dating is essentially its purpose. People date for various reasons, but courting has a purpose and that is an underlying assumption that they will marry.

Guidelines to courtship

Despite the fact that it seems to be a very old-fashioned approach to a style of dating it is actually widely accepted and practiced. Here are some guidelines to courtship:

  • Only court one person at a time, this means no “shopping around” the reason for this is so that it gives one another the freedom to fully commit to each other without the worry that the other one will start to look around. This doesn’t mean that all courtship will lead to marriage it just means that the people who enter into this kind of relationship have a purpose of a serious future. The best way to be is open and direct about what your intentions are, make everything clear and be honest especially with yourself.
  • The man pursues the women, this is a more traditional approach to dating a wooing, and you let the man initiate the contact. By doing this you are allowing the man to lead, you are allowing him the control of the relationship and ultimately the future of the relationship, and thus giving you the option to follow or not. Some see this as the man having the upper hand or all the power, this is incorrect, secretly you always have the upper hand because you are allowing him to lead you and it’s your choice ultimately if you follow or not.
  • Courtship is always conducted publicly, with most of the time approval of both party’s parents and often the man will ask the woman’s father for his approval. This is mainly for the family to provide support to the relationship and able to counsel if they see something going the wrong way. This way the man and the woman are accountable for their actions and level of commitment to each other, relationships haven’t change overly much and whether we want to believe it or not our parents sometimes do know better.
  • These days one on one-date nights are normal but with courting group activities are encouraged.  The goal with group dates is for the couple to get to know each other on a friendship level first before becoming romantic with each other. Starting a relationship doesn’t always mean you have to be intimate and loving straight away by gazing into each other eyes. The initial dating should be fun and light in order to get to know each other first before going deeper; slow and steady wins the race.
  • Courting couples usually wait until their wedding night to have sex, although the idea is that courting precedes intimacy, the modern dating age and culture upholds the importance of discovering sexual compatibility prior to marriage. Couples who take courting very seriously believe true commitment means learning to be sexuality compatible after marriage even if it’s not something that happens straight away. Without going as far as this to starve yourself of sexual relations you can benefit from prolonging your first intimate time together and focus on getting to know each other first. By removing this sexual distraction you can truly find out if the relationship is a keeper or not.

To those who believe in courting it is more about selflessness, friendship and commitment rather than the use of romantic partners for sexual indulgence.

Differences between dating and courting

Courting and dating both have a “catch me if you can” phase, the thrill of the chase allows for accepting or declining of ones advances, it also keeps things interesting.

Dating is about catching prey, and there is no gender roles regarding who is the hunter and who is the prey. The volume of the prey and the time period in which they are court has no limit and it all comes down to who declines and who accepts the advancements.

Courtship is more about the hunt but with more of an emphasis on the prize at the end, being marriage and commitment. From the start interest is shown, grand gestures are often shown but with more resistance given from the prey, which means more effort is shown from the hunter as long as some interest is also reciprocated from the start.

The pace of the relationship, love can happen in a moment or over a long period of time.

Dating focuses more on making fast choices and maximising the time, while experiencing a high volume of partners, not just to keep options open but starting off as casual and seeing where things go. This usually gives both parties the options to keep something going and cutting off alternative suitors or to break it off and move to the next option.

With courting there is a joint decision to take it slow or slower than usual, they both take time to really get to know one another through logic, love and respect for one another. There is a great deal of emphasis on compatibility, attraction and interaction with each other, and each other’s family and friends. Although opposites do attract courting is about finding common ground as a basis to build a strong foundation to begin upon.

Date meets the family
Image: Boyfriend meets family

Modern-day vs old school love, by the means of traditions, customs, values, the forming of romantic bonds and how that relates to today’s love.

Dating usually involves breaking away from tradition, the use of communication, the roles of each gender, and there is a greater focus on individual needs. Although romance still exists more emphasis is on instant attraction and seeking pleasure in all forms.

Courting focuses on chivalry and romantic gestures that demonstrate affection and admiration. First dates tend to be more traditional in order to get to know each other and often involve going out to dinner, long walks and sightseeing. Courting is about tradition and the masculine energy pursing and showing the female energy that he can protect and provide.

Intimacy is a huge part of a relationship, but it depends when both parties are ready to engage on a more intimate and personal level, the hope is that there is a sense of respect.

Dating getting hot and heavy in the bedroom really has no time limit, and tends to happen sooner rather than later. There is a greater urgency and desire to discovering sexual attraction sooner rather than later. Focus is more on sexual compatibility rather than emotional or intellectual, the downside to this is it tends to be more about physical connection and outside that compatibility can be lost.

With courting this involves restraint, but both have the choice to become sexual with each other once a mutual agreement has taken place. This is once a level of trust and exclusiveness has taken place this doesn’t always take place after marriage but once a couple decides on their future commitment to each other.  Sexual compatibility is just one part of the relationship that is important.

Commitment is the end goal, most humans like to be loved, this means giving and receiving. We have the desire to feel safe in the presence of others with one another; relationships reveal to us our level of self-awareness and selflessness.

During dating this isn’t for the faint hearted or hopeless romantic although some people do get married from a one-night stand; there is always an exception to every rule. Most of the time one person wants further commitment while the other still wants to discover and play the field, emotions, thoughts and care are not often handled with respect or considered overly important at the time, and then there are some couples who have marathon relationship that either end committed or agree to disagree and break apart.

Courting is a relationship with true intentions of commitment and getting to know each other on a deeper and profound level. Each outing together is to create lifelong memories and determining factors that ultimately find out the true possibility if marriage is the start to a new life together. There are never any guarantees but there are clear intentions and open communication to this ultimate decision, and if the relationship does advance there is a strong foundation from the very beginning.

Happy courting!

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Although relatively young Morgan has lived a life filled with experiences that have made her grow as a person. She has completed and is a product and interior designer who is a strong believer in equality between sexes and speaks out against violence. Working in the adult industry has allowed her to grow as a person and come out of her emotional and sexual shell.

Needy Women Blinded By Love

Needy woman in a relationship

I recently came to witness a young couple in the “blinded by love” phase of their relationship. I watched them for a while, noticing that they only had eyes for each other. You know the couple I speak of, don’t you? You can’t miss them. The ones who can’t go more than 5 seconds without touching regardless of passing pedestrians or telegraph poles that would usually rip them apart. The couple that spends every waking moment together when possible, consumed by everything about their partner. The couple that will look at each other like they have discovered the most incredible being in the entire universe and nothing could ever be more blissful than the fact that you get to spend your life with them by your side. The woman gazed into her man’s eyes with such adoration and love, it was a joy for me to watch.

As well as being an uplifting start to my morning, I also found it to be such a strong reflection of how I am when I’m in love with someone. I’m that “needy” woman in relationship who loves to have my hands all over her man no matter where we find ourselves. I am the “too much” woman who gazes into his eyes for almost creepily amounts of time, completely absorbed by the beauty and magnificence that exudes through him. I am the over the top, obsessive, crazy woman who is so unbelievably in love with the person she gets to spend her life with and I wouldn’t want it to be any different.

Woman crazy in love
Image: Crazy in love

So many people hold back in their relationship believing that if they fully showed how much their partner meant to them they would run away. I have heard so many women who speak of not wanting to come across as too much, not wanting to be too attached, not wanting their partner to see how much they really love them. Fuck that!! If I had to suppress all that I feel for my partner then I’m absolutely sure I’d implode!!

I believe the issues with this “too much” women come from societal and media messages that strive to supress a woman’s natural expression. “Don’t ask for what you want because you’ll come across as needy”, “don’t cry or get mad at your partner because you’ll be labelled as the crazy girlfriend.” I watched a movie the other day that highlighted how strong this stereotype is, with a man leaving his partner for the “cool” chick because his girlfriend was crazy (i.e. emotional). Movies and television often shows teach young people that a woman who is emotional is unstable and erratic. Come on people, are we really back in the 1950’s where we’re expected to be obedient housewives who rely on a Valium prescription to supress their natural urges?

Valium for mood swings
Image: Valium suppresses mood swings

So many women carry the belief that if they were to express themselves authentically, then they will be un-loveable. They are in relationships where they withhold their truth from the person that they are with for fear of being abandoned or rejected.

My question to these women is: do you really want to be in a relationship where you are constantly holding back your love, affection and authentic expression?

Or would you rather be in a relationship where you can breathe into all that you are, expressing yourself whole heartedly however that looks for you? Afterall, honest communication in a long-term relationship is vital.

You see, a relationship is supposed to be a place for you to share the totality of who you are with another. To think that so many people feel they can’t be their authentic self saddens me. I’ve been there before, holding back from saying I love you, suppressing how much I want to touch the person (Touch is my love language FYI) and it really is so debilitating. There comes a time though when pretending to be any different gets way too exhausting that you decide enough is enough. No more supressing and no more holding back from being anything other than what you are.

I know it sounds a bit corny but if I know anything it is that the love I feel for my partner is a divine reflection of the love that I am. If I am to suppress my love for him, I am suppressing the parts of me that make me whole and complete, loving and loved. Nothing on this planet compares to loving another human being whole heartedly and having them love and accept you right back just for being you.

I really encourage those women who believe they cannot express themselves fully in their relationship to really explore the truth behind the beliefs. Because If I know anything it is that a person worth being with wants you to be your most empowered, authentic and truthful self.

Author: Stephanie Curtis, Sexologist

Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph’s writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Why It’s OK To Be A Bad Bitch

Independent bad gal

I find myself questioning this notion a lot lately for various reasons, why or if I should change my wicked ways.

Having recently entered a new relationship there are so many bad bitch traits I am yet to break, and almost like a rebellious teenager when relationship rules are imposed on me I push, kick and fight back. I forget that there are two people, two sets of feelings, two hearts. I’m too independent, self-reliant and a whole year prior of singledom has well set me back and completely impaired me as far as having the skills to be in a relationship.

Woman smoking
Image: I am a bad girl

You see in twenty eighteen your modern day women are no longer solely dependent on our male counterpart for survival, sexual gratification, or really even general validation. In fact, over the last decade, we have seen the rise of a more self-sufficient, equipped and unapologetically bad ass women who have decided to take life by the proverbial balls and not only do everything a man can do (aside from pee standing up) but also to a degree excel above our fellow man in many areas at the same time.

Bad girl with a gun
Image: Bad girl

WHEN IT’S DEEP WITHIN YOU

Now putting all of that aside for some of us being bad is inevitable. For example, I was always a smart student at school, excelled academically and for the most part had a fairly normal well-rounded childhood. My mother was a solo parent, she was and still continues to be a prime example of the middle class working superhero who did everything in her power to provide the most stable and sound upbringing for myself and my sibling. She is my best friend, confidant, and someone I’m proud to say I can truly depend on, however as unbreakable as our bond and love for one another is our differences in personality and overall preferences are undeniable.

In fact, the chosen path I have taken is a gigantic contrast from her life at the very same age.

Not to say that either of us is right or wrong, but I myself have always been drawn to an element of danger, while my mother thrived on routine and a certain amount of predictability.

To say I suffered from the curse of being impulsive would be an understatement.

When faced with the wrong side of the tracks, particularly with men you could almost describe me as a moth to a flame. What makes it all the more fascinating is the fact that I didn’t grow up with a rough upbringing, nor did I have a parent who wasn’t diligent or caring.

Nevertheless, I could still never successfully curb my bad bitch ways.

Mae West bad bitch quote
Image: Bad bitch

REFLECTION

Let me take you to my teenagehood. Yes, those wonderful profound years of ”innocence” being tainted and boundaries being tested.

My teenage years were what could only be described as the first chapter of a remarkably colorful broken down novel filled with dark and sometimes beautiful pages. The not so desirable moments were for the most part self-inflicted, but at the time they also set a precedent for the person I am today.

You see I never blended with kids my own age, nor did I connect mentally or feel like I belonged with a white picket fence society. To say I made a conscious choice to be bad would be in my opinion wrong, I truly believe no matter the circumstance or situation there is a part of my core that would go against conforming to normality. Yes, I made my share of bad decisions and plenty of them don’t get me wrong. Sure, they helped shape me to the women I am today. But at some point I also decided to stop fighting who I am too.

Albeit I had a pretty incredible childhood/teenagehood you could at the same time call it unconventional or perhaps dysfunctional. Being a straight A student could never prevent me from dropping out at 15, and having a perfect role model mother couldn’t stop me from choosing the total wrong side of the tracks. At high school and the tender age of 14 I watched my peers talk about boys and bottles with no experience on both subjects but a hell of a lot of curiosity to try. Meanwhile I was already well on my way to being a seasoned binge drinker and surrounded myself with boys (I say boys because even though they were considerably older than me they still had a childlike mentality.) In life I’m a firm believer you design your happiness or even the latter.

With that I became the pioneer of my own destruction in many ways. I took teenage angst to a whole other level, and despite having a wonderful family dynamic I completely pushed back.

At age fifteen my mommy, my role model, my rock decided she had enough and kicked me out of home. Now you may think fifteen is too young to fend for one’s self. Bare in mind at that age I had already dropped out of high school and was fulltime doing a hairdressing apprenticeship at a local salon (I wasn’t exaggerating when I said I was not your average teen).

By sixteen I was running my own household, living alone and working fulltime still hairdressing. I had adopted a whole host of other bad girl ways, and at the same time began to harbour a resentment for men which helped lead me to the art of not only manipulating the opposite sex but using my beauty as a weapon. Your probably wondering how on earth a 16 year old can know how to wield there appearance as a weapon and looking back I cannot pin point a particular moment I realised the power of the female form but I do know that when I found it I held onto it for dear life and have struggled with relinquishing it ever since.

Devil woman with horns
Image: Devil woman

THE CORE OF IT ALL

Now we’ve got to the root of all my wicked ways (no pun intended guys). At the risk of sounding like an ultra-feminist I can honestly say I detest double standards. Yes, this world is riddled with them especially as a women. I’ve always had the attitude that if a man can do it why can’t a women.

As naive as this may sound vie sat at the end of many heated discussions (Lets just call them that) with the opposite sex including my partner, And there is not a single person on this planet that could ever persuade me that women don’t have the right to the same rights as men in every single way. I’ve sat at tables where it was frowned upon to have a female in the same room let alone in the same presence of certain people. I stood up to then helped shed light on equality with some of the most chauvinistic sexist men on this planet. You see when it comes to gender inequality I almost revel in showing a man how much I can show him up. Whether it be in a game of chess of just a general game of wit. I think this has served as a fuel for my badness in all reality.

Throughout my life I’ve most definitely had moments of self-doubt. Am I a bad person for being bad? Am I wrong for not suppressing my general urges and attempting a life of wholesomeness? Why can’t I just switch off the games I’ve become so good at and leave behind the fuck girl tendencies? But even if I could would I really want to? They may have cost me some casualties along the way, at the same time being true to myself is more precious than putting on a front and lord knows I’ve never been the type of person to fake happy very well.

BE YOU

Now I’m not promoting promiscuity nor am I saying I condone manipulating or extorting men for self-pleasure, what I will say is: Anybody with integrity and a good heart has the right to wear their true colours on their sleeve for the world to see and experience without shame that they will be judged or that there doing the immoral thing, whether you’re a bad bitch or marsha brady with a picket fence. We are all equals. All one. I’ve attempted the road of purity and flopped big time. Tried to be the super happy over-optimistic human being who ended up all but butchering everyone around me from suppressing natural feelings of anger when actually feeling them.

Pretending to be what someone else deems as good or correct will not change your character or truly make you any better than them or yourself.

After years of fighting myself on and off, using metaphoric band-aids and having mental anguish because I just can’t put on a good front so believable that others believe it, or trick myself into believing it too. I’ve finally realized it’s okay to be me, flaws and all. It’s okay to fuck up and sometimes be what others perceive as selfish. It’s okay to choose aspirations and dreams over people who are short-term, it’s okay to have a fight or flight view on life and hurt when you’re hurt.

None of this makes me any less than you, or you any less than me.

As long as I have integrity behind my actions and no ill feelings behind my words it doesn’t make me a bad human If anything you could say I’m just a bad bitch with good intentions.  It is important to take into consideration that some of these traits can sabotage a relationship.

Channelle xo

Author: Channelle is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

Jennifer works marketing at Adultsmart an online sex toy shop. She has a non-judgemental approach to sex, sex toys and sexuality. Her favorite saying is if it feels good and right and is not illegal then why not!