Fetishes vs Fantasies.

fetishes and fantasies

Words are occasionally my favorite tool to use both in the bedroom and out. But today we aren’t talking about dirty talk, though we could. No today dear readers, we are talking semantics and comparing two of my favourite words and words that are often confused, confuddled and mixed up in many scenes, scenarios and interchanges between people when discussing kinks.

 

Fetish vs Fantasy.

 

Fetishes

 

A fetish can best be described as a strong desire or need for something be it an object or a person, an act or kink. There are those who can argue that a fetish could be categorized as an uncontrollable desire, the very opposite a phobia, in which a person has an uncontrollable fear, sometimes even irrational. Fetishes can sometimes be categorised as lust worthy, uncontrollable desires, perhaps even irrational to the rational part of a person’s mentality. But it still gives them sexual or pleasureable gratification.

 

Fetishes can be primal in nature and in some aspects some people have felt much shame in them. Finding safe and welcoming communities where they can find acceptance as well as safe spaces to safely explore, discuss and explore these fetishes is becoming more mainstream and is a joy to see as our society opens up and #breaksthestigma. Fetishes can be many and varied. To date there are over 239 fetishes but here are 12 of some of the most common sexual ones you may have come across

 

  1. Role-Playing – or dress ups. Just because we’re adults doesn’t mean we can’t play make believe sometimes. It can be fun to slip into a different person from time to time, try on a fun costume and pretend to be a different character.

 

  1. Anal sex – this one is a little bit of a grey area, some people enjoy anal sex as a sexul act while others visualise it as a fetish. As long as everyone is consensually enjoying it, who are we to label labels?

 

  1. Lingerie – being aroused by a certain type of lingerie is definitely a fetish and more common than people give it credit. Stockings. Lace. satin. Latex. These pieces of adorning lingerie can be wholeheartedly turn ons for people.

 

  1. Impact Play- spanking, flogging, paddling and other forms of consensual striking.

 

  1. Foot Fetish – the worship of feet through acts such as kissing, massage, smelling, licking, touching or just watching.

 

  1. Bondage – Being tied up or restrained. Bondage can range from very mild to very intense and is usually found in BDSM but has also been known to be one of the first things to try when spicing up things in the bedroom. Restaurants can be made from cuffs, rope, a tie, cable ties,…..many things.

 

  1. Group sex – threesomes and foursomes are the most common but group sex also extends to orgies involving multiple people and gang-bangs including one person of one gender and mutliples of the other gender.

 

  1. Sensory play- When we think sensory play we often immediately think of hot and cold, ice and fire, or in this case wax play. Sensation play also includes blindfolds, feathers and for the more experienced, electrostim play.

 

  1. Dirty Talk – I say Dirty talk but well, it’s not really more things like humiliation and degradation, being called names, talking down and dirty.

 

  1. Orgasm control – or denial. This is edging into BDSM and is a subsection of submission and dominance, bringing the submissive to the brink of orgasm and forced to stop. And doing so repeatedly. or , withholding sex or orgasms over a period of time as a form of teasing.

 

  1. Voyuerism and exhibitionism- watching people having sex, or having sex out in public ith the risk of being caught having sex is very common. WHo among us has not had sex in a car or sneakily in the cinema?

 

  1. Pornography – Watching, looking at pornographic material, before or during sexual intercourse or play

 

So

 

Fantasies.

 

I will admit. Fantasies and Fetishes are not all that different. But the difference is a big one. Fantasies are our respective, imagined scenarios that get us all hot and heavy. They are the screenplay in our minds that we make up, that may involve various fetishes, or wants or desires, but they do not necessarily control us.

 

AND

 

This is the big one

 

We may not want to play them out in real life.

 

Fetishes drive us. We want them. Some people need them.

 

Fantasies are exactly that. They are imaginary.

 

Staging a scene in real life to mirror your fantasy, while nice, will be hard, especially if it is a fantasy you have lived and re-lived in your imagination for years. You have built it up with such exquisite and erotic detail that that is a hard act to nail in real life to the exactness of the fantasy. The fetishes, sure thing, those can be met. But the fantasy is a construct of the amalgamation of the fetishes and how you have controlled them in your imaginatorium.

 

Another example is a real life example of a couple who divulged their fantasies that they masturbated to, to one another, and the husband thought it would be nice to organise his wife’s fantasy, not realising, that while she fantasised about it, when faced with it she had zero interest in fulfilling it with him.

 

I think an important takeaway is that fantasies are amazing, and that everyone should have them, talk about them if you’re open enough and confident to do so, but make it clear when you do, if your fantasy is something you want to try, or something personal you enjoy having a good solo session to when you’re alone.

 

At Your Service

Tiffany

Caringbah Oh Zone Sales Assistant, Educator and Linguist

Nude Taking For The Self Conscious

Nude Pics

Not always being able to love your body is a hard thing to go through, sometimes seeing photos and having to take a minute to think “is that really what I look like?” before being sad for however long it lasts, not understanding how people look at you and think you’re not hideous. It can really take a toll on your mental health, your self worth, even your social life if it’s really consuming.

Taking nudes and feeling sexy with this kind of mindset can be a really tiring and depressing experience, if the attempts don’t work the way you want it can throw you into an even deeper pit… This is where I’m coming into help, running an OnlyFans has actually helped me to see how sexy and desired my body is, even when I think it’s undeserving of such attention (and I’m quite good at hiding my flaws now, or embracing them, depends on the day!).

 

Know Your Angles

What works for my body won’t work for yours, the same way what works for most insta models won’t work for me. You need to know what flatters your shape, whether that’s squatting down and taking photos of your butt to bring out those curves, or contorting in a way only you can to have that waist absolutely snatched.

My angle is anything whether I’m twisting and turning to show a more defined waist and butt, but some days even that doesn’t work and I need to go back to the drawing bored.

 

Don’t be afraid of your flaws

I remember thinking I needed to have every roll, stretch mark and wrinkle covered when I was younger… WRONG. Your flaws make you sexy, they make you YOU. Believe it or not people really do love all those kinds of “imperfections” it’s such a natural thing to happen to the body and no one is as out of love with them as you are. Chances are whoever is looking won’t even notice, and if they do they will love them.

 

But if you are, hide them!

You don’t need to be in love with those things to still take good nudes. Personally I still have days where I hate my stomach (almost everyday, but I’m working on it lol), but that’s nothing a strategically placed hand/blanket/scarf/ribbon/rope can’t fix.

Draping over your body between your hips and ribs will cover any roundness, rolls, or (in my case) flab that you don’t want seen while still showing a gorgeous silhouette of your figure, rotating your hips jus slightly while standing will create amazing lines through your posing, uncomfortable with your stomach? Take photos from behind, no one needs to know!

Whatever works for you and makes YOU feel best, because while you might be taking these photos for other people it is about how you feel about them first and foremost, you need to feel sexy for that to come through in the shot.

 

If all else fails, dim the lights.

I recently bought strip LEDs and let me tell you, nothing hides flaws better than red lighting on a low setting, you can’t see a single issue, these are a god send.

I usually flip between all the colours just to keep it fresh, but if you find a colour that works for you stick to it, no one’s gonna care that your nudes are all blue/green/red, they’re just going to be excited that you’re nakey on their screens.

 

Get some new outfits and accessories

Buy some new lingerie, get some new toys.

I recently bought the Honey Bunny set from the Play by Fantasy Lingerie line (which comes complete with bunny ears, a tail, cuffs, and a collar with a bowtie, which is ADORABLE), this added to red lights is a stunning combination, swap out the collar that came with the outfit for a Scandal Collar with Leash or The Scandal Wide Tip Crop and you have a range of fun things you can do.

Whatever makes you feel sexy, pull out all the stops, you don’t even have to show full nudity for the pictures to be stunning.

 

Don’t be too hard on yourself

I know I can be the toughest critic for my own photos and in the moment will beat myself to a pulp with criticism, but try to avoid it. Try a few different poses, don’t check the photos in between, just go as many as you can, be positive, feel sexy. If you check them after and don’t like them, do not dwell on it, do not delete them. Give it 5 or 10 minutes, try again, take some more.

If you don’t like them still leave them for a while, sometimes it takes calming down and being out of the moment to really appreciate what you’ve taken, I know if I leave them for an hour and come back I can usually find a few that I like. Probably because the expectation of looking like a bloody model is gone, so I can see myself through regular eyes and actually take in me for me.

 

End on a high note

As long as you have one photo you’re really happy with, you’ve succeeded, sometimes I stop a shoot when I’ve only got one good photo, but it’s strategic.

I know that if I keep going and none of the other photos turn out well I’ll end up finding a reason to hate that one too, making all that work go to waste, sometimes you decide to quit while you’re ahead and that’s completely fine! If you know you’re having a day where you can’t handle too many bad photos, stop the second you find a good one, however, if you really like that photo and think you can snap a couple more similar and be happy with them keep going.

 

Learning to love your body for all of it’s features is a hard journey, it can be draining, tiring, and down right heart breaking some days, but we can get there in the end… Even if it’s just 5 out of 7 days (or 3 out of 300 photos) it’s better than 0 and it gets easier over time. Remember that you are a magnificent creation to be loved and adored, by others, but most importantly by yourself.

 

Now get out there and take some nakey photos.

What Does a Hookup Mean and How Do You Go About It?

online dating

In recent years, online dating has changed how people view sex and even how it is enjoyed. Casual dating has become very popular, and now it has evolved into hookups particularly among college students and young people alike.

However, many still do not know exactly what a hookup is and how they can go about it. The insights below will help you understand what a hookup is and how you should enjoy having one.

What Does a Hookup Mean?

Having a hookup is considered ambiguous by many young people. Some think it is casual sex, while others say that it has a deeper meaning than that. Well, a hookup is defined as having casual sex with someone you are not dating. It is usually a one-time sexual encounter, and the adventure is not limited to what you do. It could be any type of sex with a person you prefer.

How Do You Go About Having a Hookup?

According to many young adults and through studies conducted by universities and colleges across the world, there are many ways to hook up successfully. You can consider the following ways.

  •       Hookup apps and websites – As mentioned in the beginning, the internet has changed the way people date and communicate. Today, there are many apps and websites that help young adults to hook up and have sex with people they like. With a hookup app or website, you can see people who are interested in hookups around you, chat, and make arrangements to meet later at a place of your choice. It is highly recommended that you take the necessary precautions such as using legit apps and websites.
  •       Parties – Quite a number of hookups among young adults happen at parties. They like to have house parties where they invite friends, schoolmates, workmates, and even random acquaintances on social media. Such parties have a lot of alcohol and sometimes marijuana. From here, people can have hookups with partners they meet and get along with. In such a case, one should protect themselves.
  •       Clubs – unlike organized parties, clubs have all sorts of people. But you can still have a hookup with people you meet and share a drink with. These are more common over the weekend when people have time to drink, chat, and enjoy exclusive hookups. Hooking up in a club is riskier since you probably meet total strangers who might invite you to their place. So, you should be quick to identify red flags and make a smart decision.

Why Hookups Are Popular in Schools

According to research, most college and university students have reported having a hookup at least once during their time in school. Many claim that it is adventurous and fun. But researchers have a different view; they think that young adults are curious to try new and wild things especially when they have used alcohol or marijuana. Also, peer pressure plays a big role.

Top Benefits of Hookups

Apart from peer pressure and being curious about adventure, college students and young adults prefer hookups since they have many advantages as compared to traditional relationships.

  •       No commitment – Well, many students are not ready for any commitments even though they want to experiment on sexual matters. That is why they prefer hookups which gives them instant partners to adventure in sex whenever they want. For hookup, you just need to attend a party and pick a partner or hookup with models from an online dating app.
  •       It is full of fun – The young people, especially those in school consider fun and adventure as a good thing. In such a case, hookups are full of fun and adventure as you explore sex with new people at parties or random dating sites and apps. What makes it even better is that you get to choose who you want to hook up with depending on what you want to experience in bed.
  •       No relationship challenges – Serious relationships might be full of challenges that are overwhelming. Sometimes it is financial disagreements, lack of support for your goals, or any other. But with hookups, there are no strings attached between the two of you, which means, no relationship stress at all. That is actually why hookups are becoming popular by the day.
  •       You can have multiple partners – Hookups are part of casual sex relationships where one can as many partners as they want. If you are sexually active, you can hook up with a person of your choice any day without limitation. Once you have a good time with someone, you can hook up with another almost immediately (if you like).

Even with all these benefits of hookups, this kind of relationship can have its downside unless you take precautions. Experts say that it can be addictive to young people and this can affect them in maintaining a serious relationship later in life. So, have a limitation on how you do it.

Final Word

By now, you have more than enough insights on what a hookup is and how to go about one. You know where it all starts and even what to do to be safe. Just so you know, hookups are becoming more common by the day, but it is up to you to decide whether you will participate or not.

5 Best Sex Positions to Try with Your partner

Missionary Position

Sex is not only about experiencing pleasure with your partner, it’s about getting healthier together. Yes, sex can improve your health when both of you are climaxing with heavenly orgasms.

According to studies, people who have sex more than twice a week are less likely to have heart problems. Your body boosts up several antibodies while you are enjoying it with your partner.

Sex improves bladder control in women and hormonal activities lower the blood pressure. Sex is not just something you do on your bed; it’s an art capable of racing your heart. If you do it right with different sex positions, you and your partner will experience a blissful pleasure.

Missionary is the most common sex position. But don’t you want to try other adventurous sex positions?

Don’t miss on fun and try these best sex positions homepage with your partner.

Here are a few Sex Positions to Try for good health – 

Sex positions were invented when humans on earth were trying new things to live a life. Reaching the climax with your partner is an amazing form of love.

Cowgirl

Let her ride you like a cowgirl rides a bull. Lie down on the bed and allow her to mount on you. A woman experiences a better orgasm when she is on top. This position is about giving her control while you can lie down and lose your mind.

Men enjoy this position with a woman riding, playing with herself giving a better view of her body. Men can support her by arms and stroke her for immense pleasure.

Doggy Style

This position is sort of like men going wild on her. Ask her to bend down at the edge of the bed and slide into her from the rear side. Men love this position as they control the pace by stroking her body back and forth into them.

If you do it right, you might hit her G-spot blowing her mind. She would go breathless as you reach the climax.

Butterfly

The more she rises her hips up, the higher both of you will fly. In this position, the woman lies on her back wrapping her legs around the man’s waist or his neck lifting her hips. A man can get a view of her curves while penetrating and stroking her. She can play with her breasts and let you reach her G-Spot.

To achieve comfort, rest her back or hips on a pillow while you get on knees on a softer mattress.

Spooning

Be her big spoon and let her settle in your arms like a little spoon. Cuddling and sliding inside her while you both face in the same direction could rock both of your worlds. Kiss her neck gently while stroking her. She has the freedom to play with her clitoris to maximize orgasmic pleasure.

Both the partners can feel each other’s warmth in this romantic form of lovemaking. Gently play with her breasts, body curves to make her feel valued in your arms.

The Lotus

Bloom your pleasure by feeling the closeness of her body. Let her sit on you and ride you. Face each other while you stroke her. Wrap your arms around her as she wraps her legs around your waist.

This sex position is a form of affectionate lovemaking. Her eye contact and heavier breathing will blossom your mind.

How To Have Satisfying Sex

satisfied sex

For many people out there, there’s probably no activity more satisfying than to have sexual intercourse with their significant others or even someone they just met a while ago. In fact, we enjoy sex because our brains had been pre-programmed that way and even produce chemicals that encourage us to have lots of sexual activities, which leads to a more intense desire for carnal pleasures once you get your first taste of it. However, just like with any other activities, there will come a time when sex can no longer give you that initial amount of pleasure that it once gave you. At that point, you might even think that sex is not giving you enough satisfaction anymore, leading you to do it lesser than usual. Hence, in this article, we will be exploring why satisfying sex becomes rarer as well as some of the ways you can do to improve you and your partner’s sex drive.

Why do we tire of sex?

First of all, it is completely normal for your sex drive to tone down and wane as you grow older, which is also true for any biological functions within our body. Aging sucks and could even affect your performance as a male in the form of erectile dysfunction. Women, on the other hand, according to a national survey conducted on Britain, are more prone to losing interest with sex more than twice as likely as their male counterparts. However, there is no clear evidence that it is due to menopause and actually leans more towards emotional reasons.

It is also possible that you are not tired of sex as a whole but bored with your sexual partner instead due to their inability to realise your desires and fantasies which could be attributed to your porn-watching habits, making you display a behavior that is known as the Coolidge Effect. You might have also suffered a traumatic experience that had to do with sexual activities, leading to the activation of a defense mechanism preventing you from feeling the pleasure of having sex. Either which, you need to find the root cause or get help from a professional in order to know what your next actions should be.

How to have satisfying sex?

We have listed general tips that may help in your quest to have a satisfying sex life. However, these are just general ideas and should not be treated as a substitute for professional advice.

1. Aim for equity

As stated in the Equity Theory, relational partners should aim to have a fair distribution of resources. This not only applies to the workplace but to your sex life as well. If your partner starts to feel that you are the only one enjoying your sexual activities, inequity starts to happen and the more your partner feels the said inequity, the more they will lose interest in having sex with you or having sex as a whole. Hence, it is very important to be sensitive to you and your partner’s sexual needs. Once the both of you figure this one out and finally reached compromise, equity will be re-established and sex will become rewarding instead of demanding.

2. Strengthen your relationship

If your relationship with your partner is already shaky, to begin with, it is only natural that both of your desire for sex would be minimized a lot. That’s why both of you need to sit down and have a serious talk about whether you still want your relationship to continue or not. Talk about your grievances with each other and discuss what the two of you need to do in order to overcome them. Once you solidifying your shaky foundations, intimacy in the form of sexual activities will obviously follow.

3. Stop having unrealistic expectations

The fulfillment of expectations greatly correlates with your satisfaction but once it gets out of hand, you’ll end up no longer enjoying the things you used to enjoy, which brings us again to sex. Pornography is quite notorious in unconsciously altering your expectations, making the line between fantasy and reality blurry to a certain extent which often puts a heavy burden to your partner mentally since they might feel inadequate once they could not perform those acts you see in movies and pornographic material. Pornography could also distort your image of yourself when you compare your body parts to those of porn actors, leading to a lesser sex drive. If this is the case, it might be better to call a professional therapist to help you as compared to dealing with it yourself.

4. Just say what you both want

Unfortunately, we have yet to discover a way to directly communicate our thoughts to one another using telepathy. Hence, a direct approach in communication is oftentimes the most effective and that is to just ask your partner, in a way that will not offend them as well as stating what you want without sounding demanding. Once you and your partner reach an understanding of your wants and desires, you could make it into your goal once you start doing the deed. This will lead to an increase in the production of pleasure hormones in your brain since it will feel like it was rewarded, and the more you do what both of you like, the more you will have much more satisfying sex.