Submissive One Night Stand
Being relatively new to the BDSM lifestyle, I don’t know if this phenomenon is a recent development in light of the popularity of the 50 Shades series, or if it has been around since the beginning. But it seems as though more and more women are engaging in submissive scene one night stands. Using them to tick things off their kinky ‘to-do’ lists.
For those who have read some of my previous posts relating to my submissive escapades, then you will be familiar with Mr. K, my Zurich based Dom friend who has been a major inspiration and guiding hand in my exploration of the BDSM lifestyle.
Lately, our conversations have been centered around his immersion back into the lifestyle after taking a bit of a break. It seems as though whatever platform he is searching on – Fetlife, Tinder or Whiplr, the majority of women that want to connect are bored housewives who fantasize about having a 50 Shades-esque fling. Using it to cross things off their kink bucket lists.
Now, I’m all for female empowerment and our right to choose to do what we want with our bodies, but I do wonder if this is a safe way to explore a new found interest in the world of BDSM. Since staying safe in the BDSM world revolves around trust and risk awareness, does one night of play really allow for complete trust? Or does this simply leave both parties open to getting hurt?
Take for example Mr. K’s latest sub play session. A young lady who, in his words, was ‘bucket listing’. Their evening read like what’s what of BDSM must-tries: begging, humiliation, bondage, spanking, face-fucking, anal and golden showers. Having played with Mr. K, I know that he has great intuition and self-control, and would never step over the boundaries that had been agreed upon prior to a session. But even I would not have trusted him enough in a first session to let him do to me what this young lady wanted him to do to her.
Why? Because how much trust can you have in someone that you have just met on the internet? How do you know for sure that this person isn’t some crazy sexual sadist whose main goal in life is to lure unsuspecting women into dangerous, life-threatening situations that they can’t escape from?
Just imagine this scenario:
You’ve just arrived at the home of a man that you met on Tinder barely a week ago and have only had a few brief exchanges about what you would like to do on the first night of play. You put that nagging feeling that something isn’t quite right down to nerves and try and ignore it. Mr. Tinder answers the door and invites you in. He is charming and attentive. He offers you a drink, you accept and engage in idle chatter. Before long he asks if you’re ready to begin. He seems to be in a hurry all of a sudden.
He leads you towards the back of the house, places you in the waiting restraints that are attached to a bed in one of the bedrooms. Once strapped in, you see the facade of the man who seemed so charming and open when you arrived has gone and his hungry eyes light up as he places the gag in your mouth. He turns his back to you and you watch as he picks something up off of the dresser. It’s a syringe that he has in his hand as he turns back to you…
Sounds like the plot of a Hollywood psychological thriller or a case study about sexual sadists in a psych textbook doesn’t it? That would never happen to me. The 3 women who fell victim to QLD sexual sadist turned murderer, Francis Michael Fahey, would disagree.
Pushing it too far
How do you know how far someone is willing to push you, or more importantly, how does the person pushing the limits know where to start or how to far to push? Remember, you don’t know each other beyond a few messenger exchanges.
I know from conversations with Mr. K, that one of his concerns when it comes to new play partners is, are they strong and self-aware enough to tap out if it becomes too overwhelming or to even know where their limits are. Remember, that without consent, most of these practices are considered abuse and the aftermath of which can cause long-term emotional issues for both the sub and Dom.
But, if you must…
The ‘just for one night’ style of submissive not my cup of tea, but if you are going to delve into a bucket list one night stand involving the D/s side of BDSM, protect yourself by taking the time to research the things that you want to try, set clear limits and boundaries, don’t be afraid to use the safe word/s agreed upon ahead of time, let someone know where you’re going and when you’ll check back in with them afterwards and most importantly, listen to your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, leave.
Have fun and be safe!
Love Morgan
Meet Morgan, a young designer advocating equality and speaking out against violence. Her journey in the adult industry has been transformative.