Words from The Chaste Cyclist!

I’d like to thank you for going through these questions and letting us in to your world of chastity. You started a blog in 2015 called thechastecyclist. We’ve read through your ups and downs, your kink lifestyle, the events of your family and kids, your sex life and various goings on in your life over the previous three years. We’d like to thank you for the chance to ask you a series of questions.

Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate everyone who takes time out of their day to read my ramblings.

Chaste Cyclist Blog

In your first post in 2015 – you say that you started this blog as your exploration into the world of chastity. Why a blog, and not a diary? What drove you to putting this online for others to read?

I was talking to another person who writes a blog, The Drew Duality about his life and it included chastity. I also had read through Denying Thumper, another guy talking about and living a life of chastity. Both of their blogs were of such an interest and coupled with my love to write, I decided to give it a go. I honestly didn’t care if anyone ever read a single post. I considered this blog my personal diary.

You had had an interest in male chastity for many years – what was so interesting about it for you and when did you start taking note of it?

Honestly, it started in the late 1980’s. I have always been interested in BDSM and Female Domination. As a college sophomore I started reading those Penthouse “stories” magazines. One edition had a story about two women seducing a man at a bar, taking him home, then tying him up and doing what they wanted to him all night. I chased BDSM and FemDom ever since. It spoke to me. Fast forward to the early 2000’s. One day while cruising the web I stumbled across the Men in Pain website and saw my first photo/video of a guy with metal locked on his cock. I was hooked from there. The entire idea of someone taking control of my cock and controlling my orgasms quickly became a passion…dare I say…an addiction.

You mentioned that you didn’t always take chastity seriously, and you likened it to a game. What made you change your outlook towards chastity and start to take it seriously?

Initially, it was a game. The first time I convinced my Wife to try it and ordered our first cheap device it truly was a game that neither one of us enjoyed playing. The device was ill fitted. It pinched and grabbed at every movement. Truth be told, I didn’t last more than 18 hours before throwing in the towel. My Wife could not have been more pleased. She just wasn’t kinky at all and didn’t understand. After that initial experience, and I have written about this extensively, I started drifting mentally away from my Wife. I resorted to masturbation for my true sexual pleasure and that feeling took over my side of the relationship. After our 25th anniversary, I realized I was missing something and started searching for an answer. Chastity was that answer.

I have to ask this question as when we’re talking about kinks – not everyone is receptive. You say that it was difficult in getting your wife (MrsL) to take chastity as a serious kind of activity. What do you think changed, have you spoken about that and what was her initial hesitation in chastity?

MrsL was raised a devout Catholic and truly believed I was having an affair…well I was…only with myself and online porn. To this day, she still has a hard time with kink but it isn’t as bad as it once was. Her initial reaction to chastity, before I confessed my masturbation issue, was one of truly not understanding. However, after our anniversary trip I took the time to find some “non kinky” e-books for her to read and once she read them we discussed the concept of chastity more seriously.

What advice do you have for people looking to introduce chastity or kink into their lives?

Do your research. Determine if it is just a kink you want to explore or if you want it to be a regular part of your life. There is an adjustment.

What’s your go to comfort food?

Nice, I like how you throw this in here to bring some levity. My go to comfort food has to be…vanilla ice cream! Imagine that, I am a kinky being but my comfort food is vanilla ice cream!

In one of your posts in early October – you talk about whether or not to keep the blog going. What effort and determination is required when running a blog, and what does it take out of you – for those looking to start their own blog?

Even though I initially didn’t care if anyone read my blog, I quickly realized I had regular readers. With regular readers comes an expectation of new/fresh content. In October, I realized I wasn’t holding up my end of the bargain with new/fresh content. I was feeling guilty. I quickly got over that feeling. If your starting a blog, make sure you know why you are starting a blog. Decide if you are writing for you or for your readers. If the answer is the latter, then take steps to keep your blog updated daily. If it is the former, write when, where, and what you want to write.

You and MrsL use a journal to talk about things; kink lifestyle, what’s going on – This seems like a fantastic idea as it let’s couples work through things at their own pace. Where did this idea come from and how have you both found it useful?

It came from another blog I read with the only difference is this couple uses their blog to talk about “stuff”. We only use it for our kinky stuff.

Orgasm Denial

You’ve spoken recently about changing the type of chastity that you and Mrs L engage in, and i’d love to explore that. What does the difference between enforced chastity and devotional chastity mean to you – and what was the decision making process in that?

Enforced chastity is exactly what it says…enforced. When MrsL finally told me that she was in charge of when and how long I wore her Steelheart, I realized I truly had gotten what I had been wishing for all those years. Alas, I travel on airplanes and the plastic Bon4 device and the “custom” EvotionWearables device (3D printed surgical nylon) device caused issues…all chronicled on the blog. One of the many websites I visited and introduced to MrsL was Devotional Sex. We both read through it, individually, had a journal, and face to face conversation about the entire concept. Absent spending the money needed, and we are still planning on doing this someday, on a custom TITANIUM device that is airplane travel safe we agreed that we would live the Devotional Sex lifestyle in between stints in the Steelheart. For me, it personifies my renewed commitment to MrsL.

She is still 100% in charge of IF, WHEN, and HOW I receive an orgasm. In exchange, I still focus all of my sexual energy on her! I will admit that the feeling isn’t the same. There is something about the absolutely instant POSITIVE feedback received when locked in chastity that is electric. When you cock wants to get hard and that desire is blocked by some type of device that energy is looped back through your body. With Devotional Sex, the feedback loop is more subtle but it does build with time. For example, within an hour or two of being locked in the Steelheart, the slightest touch from MrsL sends chills coursing through my body. However, when we are practicing Devotional Sex it sometimes takes days. When I am on a known extended travel break for work the Steelheart is more present. Other times, like now, Devotional Sex is more prevalent. Of course, either way has its advantages and disadvantages for MrsL. She is very coy about which way she prefers but I think it is having unfettered access to tease me.

Kink and Couples Cuckold Play with Sir James

Today we’d like to continue our exploration of kink and fetish, and we’re proud to present Sir James from Fetish House in Melbourne. Without giving too much away he has been describes as massive, strong and rugged with piercing brown eyes. Sir James speciality interests include dominance, bondage, manhandling, heavy impact play and BDSM couples coaching.

Sir James At Fetish House

Hi Sir James, thanks for looking at this interview – I have to start at the beginning.

How did your kink journey start for you?

Well Stephen, for me I don’t know exactly what was my first kinky thought, or even that I consider myself kinky. I just love exploring sex and giving catharsis to those who also enjoy trying new sexual or intimate pleasures. If I had to pick a moment that kicked it all off I would say it was reading erotic literature as a teen, imagining what could be done with rope and handcuffs. Luckily for me the stories I read were quite inspired and included healthy consensual BDSM which lead me here.

You work at Fetish House in Melbourne (Australia). Melbourne is one of the few places around with several Kink and Fetish establishments – With Fetish House being on the Melbourne scene for a while now – what makes it different?

Fetish House has a ‘Learning First’ mentality, which I think comes through in the quality of our Service Providers. We have many years of experience to draw on, and many house slaves willing to be used as consenting teaching tools. That sort of atmosphere can only create excellence. I love knowing that if I want to improve my knowledge of needle play or extreme suspension I will be able to watch some masters at work, and if anyone wants to learn from my years of wrestling experience to improve their physical confidence and manhandling I will gladly take them under my wing.

 

Sir James preparing for an impact play scene
The Profile Photo of Sir James

Working at Fetish House – what goes into the preparation for a clients scene?

More often than not there is a short email exchange, to allow us to get a broad understanding of our clients desires and mentally prepare for what is to come. Often if a client wants ball busting, or extreme bondage there is a process of mental preparation where we have to find the right mind set to engage.

After that of course the rooms are cleaned and prepared, stocked with all the gear and more so there is no hesitation. Lastly comes an in person interview before the session, obviously we like to ensure everyone knows their safe words, the expected protocol, safety practices and hard limits and this talk is best done in person.

One of the things that you specialise in is couples coaching – in your experience what’s some of the common things that couples are most interested in when they come to you?

Often couples need to learn how to balance making a scene last so that a bottom can reach a heightened sexual, physical or mental arousal. This means the question couples really end up asking is “how do I take these few tools and sculpt a scene that lasts two hours but felt like ten minutes?” What I end up teaching them is how to build up anticipation, how to correctly bind someone so they can be in place for extended lengths of time, how to edge (delay orgasm), how to spank/paddle/cane for longer. Secretly that’s what every one wants to know.

As a fetish couples coach – what do people frequently get wrong when it comes to kink and fetish play, and how can they correct it?

Most Tops go to quickly for the end goal, they go too hard too early or they don’t tease enough. Inversely most Bottoms have preconceived ideas about what should happen, rather than enjoying themselves. Both of these can be fixed the same way which is to slow down, always taking an extra moment before speaking or acting. All BDSM practitioners either Tops or Bottoms should take their time and think twice before acting.

What’s your go to comfort food?

I personally love a good protein shake with berries at the end of the day. I engage very physically with my visitors and that coupled with my regular training can leave me very drained.

Fetish House is a place where you’ll sometimes work with other staff to create a session such as Cuckolding and Sissy Play Tag Team Scenes. For those that don’t know, what are these two styles of play and what do they mean to you?

These are very different sessions from my perspective. Cuckolding is more intimate, which makes it more thrilling for the client. That savage eye contact which a Mistress can make directed towards a cuckold as I’m entering her is what often will make their fantasy real. It’s important that when we as Bull and Mistress are talking to (or ignoring) the client it is with the express purpose of making sure they feel a certain way. For some it is happy that the Mistress is getting what she wants in the form of greater sexual pleasure, for others it’s the feeling of betrayal (in a controlled setting) which brings out a primal urge which can be very potent.

Sissy Play is more an emasculation. The taboo of being proven to be a lesser man, especially in front of a larger and stronger male, is a massive turn on for many men. Similar to how many clients enjoy being bound because it frees them, I feel ‘sissy boy’ play is similar because you can revel in being controlled by a personification of what you are leaving behind. This means when we talk or act around those clients it is more expressly about taking away pride and forcing them to do what they wont, or can’t, do by themselves.

These types of play often leave clients in a near hypnotic and hyper-sensual state, and the smiles I see on these types of people afterwards is wonderful.

Sir James Engaging with Kink and Rope Bondage
Sir James with Rope Bondage

What’s some of the elements of cuckolding that you enjoy?

Well obviously I enjoy being able to use my strength and power to bring pleasure to people. I enjoy being a person who you do not need to pretend or roleplay with, since often (at a clients request before a session) I will wrestle them into a submissive position and then bind them with rope or chains. This aspect of using my gifts of strength and size to make people feel even more engaged in their fantasy makes me feel very satisfied as a service provider.

On top of this I love seeing people happy. Being involved as a fetish provider is not about your own specific Fetish desires, but instead you have to be able to enjoy seeing others happy enjoying their specific taboo. Luckily for me that is my pleasure, and getting happy emails after every session talking about how much they love what I did to them just makes it all worthwhile.

What’s the most difficult thing when it comes to doing cuckholding scenes?

Watching everything is the hardest part. When you are a Dominant or a Top you must always be keenly aware of the entire room. The safety and the mental state of your bottom is your responsibility and obviously if you are engaged in sex with another provider you must keep yourself pleasuring them and keeping your bottom under observation. Luckily this is no problem for me with my experience, but for those at home I suggest always making sure you are cognisant of everything, which becomes easier over time.

For those interested in exploring cuckoldry – what are three tips they need to know?

1:Go slow, there is always time for going further in the future, and it never hurts to have more places to explore. This applies to all BDSM; from the size of your new buttplug to the difficulty of the rope binds you are using.

2:Talk about expectations and limits before and after. Unless your kink is being cruel and your partner is ok with that, then you should know what your partner finds arousing and what your mutual goals are. Do they want to watch? do they want to listen? do they want to be involved? If you don’t know you are missing out on opportunities.

3: Be safe. Always use protection, find a neutral place to play like a hotel, use fake names. Things rarely go wrong but it does not hurt to be safe, and it can make it more fun and exciting.

Sir James at Scarlet Blue

What’s the best bit about the work that you do that you just couldn’t give up?

The people and their reactions. I am the luckiest guy in the world because people who come to me want something, and I can give them exactly what they want. That is rare, and the grateful nature people have after we are done is perfect.

That said, I can’t lie, when people come to see me I tell them what I expect them to wear and how I expect them to act. This expectation means they put on a show for you. Seeing people in their best make up and clothes, then getting the strip them down and see them naked and aroused as they wait for your touch is the best feeling in the world.

 

Thanks Sir James, i’d like to thank you so much for your time and patience in helping us navigate through this.

 

Education of Sexual Health for Young Gay Men!

Sexual Health Gay

I’ve spoken before on the failures of the current sexual health education system when it comes to the sexual education of young people. The current system is failing young people that identify as straight, let alone individuals that identify as any other sexual orientation or sexuality. The current system is flawed in that it assumes that the people digesting the content are straight. It assumes that they have sexual relations for biological purposes, and it doesn’t mention or acknowledge the idea of sex for pleasure. This quick guide is not meant to replace that information – but it’s created to facilitate the sexual education of young non-heterosexual men.

Consent

Consent is the most important thing to remember when it comes to being intimate and you should get consent before any type of sexual encounter with everyone involved. Yes, that includes group sex and making sure each individual that will be involved understands what’s about to happen. Consent is more than just yes, or no and it’s extremely important to understand that just because they didn’t say no, doesn’t mean consent was given.

STIs

An STI is a sexually transmitted infection that is passed on from one sexual partner to the other through sexual activity and sexual contact. If you’ve had/have an STI, you’re not dirty – contracting an STI is actually extremely common. The important thing is that you get tested regularly so that it may be treated. STI’s can be shared by:
Skin to skin contact
Vaginal Sex
Anal Sex
Oral Sex
Needles
Contact with body fluids such as blood and semen
While many STI’s have visible symptoms, there are a lot of STI’s that don’t have any symptoms and you may not even be aware that you are carrying it. As such, getting tested is a simple and extremely effective way to make sure that you are STI Free.
What kind of sex is there, and how can you do this safely?
STD
Sexually Transmitted Infections

Oral and Penetrative Sex

You should not engage, or have oral sex if you or your partner has cuts, bumps, or sores around their genitals or their mouth. This could be a sign of infection and can increase the risk of transmitting an STI. When it comes to penetrative sex – defined as the insertion of a body part or toy – inside someone’s vagina, anus, or hole it’s important to note that whilst all involved share some risk, typically, the greater risk applies to the person being inserted – known as the bottom. With the introduction of PrEP, a daily pill taken to prevent HIV there has been a marked increase of other STI’s including chlamydia. It’s important to consider the risk – Yes, PrEP will prevent you from contracting HIV, but it will not prevent the transmission of other STI’s and for a complete spectrum of protection a range of preventative measures can be considered which include the use of Prep and the use of a barrier such as a condom.

Male Condoms (Also outside condoms)

Many young men will be surprised to find that there are a range of diferent sized condoms. That’s certainly not something that they discuss at school. So many young men experience their first condom and they’ll find that it might simply fall off, or be so tight that they can’t feel anything. We have other guides here that will tell you how to correctly fit a condom, but suffice to say if it doesn’t fit right – rest assured that they will make a condom for you. On that note – only wear a single condom at a time, and change it with each sexual activity. If you’re wearing it from oral, to insertion and back to oral – you’ll be wanting to change the condom. You can even use condoms over toys! Say for example you’re both into bottoming and you have the perfect dildo – wrap the dildo shaft in a condom, and then before you use it in someone else, change the condom! Simple. It should be noted that in an ideal situation – you’ll want to be cleaning it as well, just in case.
An important thing to note – it doesn’t matter whether your straight, gay, bisexual (or any other sexuality) nor does it matter if you are male, female, transgender (or any other gender) – there is no sexuality or gender that places you more at risk for STI and other infections. It is the activities that you do, and how risky the sexual behaviour is. There is a very big difference betwen giving someone a handjob, to having regular sex with a monogamous sexual partner, to engaging with bareback sex in the park with recently met men. At the end of the day, you are in control of your body and you choose how much risk to place yourself in. The best preventative care that you can take is understanding your self and your body and to make sure that you and your sexual partners are getting tested. But how do you check in with your sexual partners current health status?
You’re hot, you’re horny and you’ve got a dick as hard as a rock – do you realy need to ask them about their tests? Ideally yes. It can be a quick check in before you meet up with them where you say along the lines of – i was tested two weeks and i came back negative for STI’s, when was your last check? If it’s a regular partner and you’d like to check in with them it can be a little trickier to bring up without making it awkward, but you could approach it like this. Hey, i noticed it’s been a while since i was tested – was wondering if you’d like to come down with me and get tested together? This enforces the idea that you are being responsible and allows them to reveal they were recently tested, or that they’d love to go get tested together.

Every person regardless of sexual identity or orientation deserves the best information that they can get and whilst this doesn’t cover everything it certainly gives you the tool set to begin practicing self-care and taking responsibility for your body.

Sensory Play -Getting The Most Of YOUR Orgasmic Experience!

Erotic Sensory Play

What I’m about to tell you is going to blow your mind. It’s going to redefine your understanding of sex and pleasure and it’s going to completely change your bedroom routine. I had a mind-blowing orgasm. And my orgasm was that fucking good that I’m absolutely compelled to tell you about it.

Working in the sex industry both in a retail porn store, as a sexual consultant, and as a sex education teacher to young gay men – I’ve heard it all. But one thing that keeps coming up is just how much importance we place on our cocks and the idea of penetrative sexual activity. When you’re young, horny and driven by hormones you have an insatiable need to stick your dick in whatever kind of hole you can find, or have your hole filled with whatever hard thing you can get your ass cheeks on. Your body, your mind, and your dick (or hole) demand that sexual release. And why should you think anything else? Both pornography and popular culture are continually driven to two points – the moment when there is penetration and the moment of ejaculation. Penetration seemingly always provides him/her with a climax within minutes, and from there we wait for his money shot. Real sex doesn’t work like that, and when it doesn’t, many young people feel that they’re not good enough in bed, that they’re doing something wrong or that there’s something wrong with them. So often this begins a cycle of sexual performance issues and other concerns.
We need to change that. Sex isn’t about putting pressure on ourselves, or sexual partners. It’s about pleasure, enjoyment and fun. Mutual pleasure, mutual enjoyment and mutual fun (unless you’re going solo in which case be as selfish as you need to be!!) But what if we took the focus away from the cock and subsequently away from penetration, what if we focused on the body? What if we slowed the whole twelve and a half minutes of furious thrusting (with alternating sensuality and gentleness) to an afternoon of sexual enjoyment and pleasure? Yes, there’s a place for quickie sex, and it’s a fantastic way to while away a few minutes in the car when you’ve turned up early, but let’s hold that thought and picture the following.
His hands tied to the bedpost, his ankles connected to a spreader bar. He’s wearing a blindfold and he can’t see you. He can hear you, he can smell you – but he just can’t see you as you approach with your bdsm crop. This – is sensory play. The idea that the ENTIRE body is a play toy for your amusement. A tickle here, a soft tongue there, a toy somewhere else. Bringing him to close to climax but never quite allowing for that release.  Sensory play breaks the routine of foreplay kissing, oral sex, hand job, sticking it in, moaning and then climaxing. Sensory play has the potential to turn routine sex into something exciting and unexpected. Put simply, sensory play is about the involvement of the body’s five senses; smell, touch, hear, see and taste.
BDSM Wartenberg
Wartenberg Sensory Wheel
One of the most sensual aspects of sensory play involves sight. We all like sex in the dark. It’s kind of comforting (they can’t see whatever flaws that you might think that you have), and it generally fits into our routines well. However, there’s another thing about sex in the dark that we don’t often consider. Due to the lack of light, our body has to make sense of what’s happening through the other senses. It automatically increases the sense of touch, taste, smell, and hearing to make up for the loss of sight and by knowing this you can take full advantage of the body’s responses. Sensory play can be as simple as using a blindfold, or it can be as complex as wearing a blindfold,having them tied up and using a variety of toys (Waternberg wheels, ice, body wands, forks, spoons, feathers, a dressing gown belt, a leather belt, a shoelace – the total bdsm package) to provide stimulation from the tips of their ears, to the bottom of their feet.
So how do you do sensory play? Sensory play can be as much or as little as you want it to be. Sight play is often the easiest sense to play with because it only involves a blindfold. But consider how various scenes and situations can place emphasis, or highlight the body’s other senses. For sight play, you can use things around the house such as the utensils mentioned above that you can get from the kitchen. Or you can use a variety of implements and tools that create a range of sensations from pleasurable to painful. Once they’re blindfolded, once they’re restrained, they are yours to do with what you will (with consent!).

In this way, by taking the pressure of intercourse, and focusing on the body together you’re not only increasing the level of intimacy between the people involved (can be more than two), but you’re also allowing the body to use its senses to heighten the level of enjoyment and pleasure. Combine this with some edging play and a couple of sensual hours and I guarantee that you’ll be soon experiencing an orgasm like you never have before. So think about this, think about allowing your entire body to be used as a play toy – and simply relax and let go. Focus on the next touch, where it’s going to come from, what it’s going to be. And you’ll quickly discover just how in the moment your body, and mind, can be. I don’t need to go in the specific details of what you can and can’t do – that’s entirely up to your own imaginations. But what I will tell you, ladies and gentlemen is that by following some of these little points is you’ll be well on your way to having the best damn orgasm that you can remember.

VIP Interview With Empress Mika Dominatrix!

Dom Mika

Adultsmart community lifestyle blog is proud to have Mika a world famous dominatrix with us for a VIP interview today.  She is a half Korean/American FemDom that we are lucky enough to have explain the in’s and out’s of being a dominatrix.

 

​​I have to ask the obvious question – how did FemDom start for you? 

​That is usually a good starting place, haha. I actually got started in this industry as a non-nude, tease cam model.​ It was here that My natural personality and tease-y cam style attracted a lot of submissive men who then told Me about FemDom and what it was. I knew it was perfect for Me and got started immediately and never looked back.

​​You’re proudly half-Korean. Does your cultural background influence the work that you do, and how do you go about bringing awareness and acceptance of your culture?

​I am, yes. Fortunately, as a clip producer and cam model, I have a large audience with which to spread awareness and proper education. However, ​unfortunately, there are many negative stereotypes that surround Asian culture especially within a fetish environment​ that I do stand up against.​​​​

First and foremost, I do have to clarify that I am, in fact, a Dominant Woman for real and not just “acting” like one. I am not sure if this comes from the stereotype that most Asian women are submissive or if this is something Dommes of all backgrounds deal with, but it is a very common question for Me.

I also use My content to combat negative stereotypes. For example, I have several Coersed Bi clips that feature Asian males with large dick sizes. This shows My subs that there are plenty of Asian males with great dick sizes that are even bigger than them! This point, especially, is very fun to tap into.

​Additionally, one fetish, in particular, I refuse to engage in is Racial Humiliation. ​I truly believe that by not participating in this fetish, can help contribute to these negative stereotypes going away (or, at the very least, not keeping them alive) – not just for Asian culture but for all cultures.

I do have a Twitter thread for fun, to feature Korean-pop songs I enjoy entitled, “Playlist of an Empress”. Although not insanely popular, it is something I have fun updating from time to time to share this aspect of My culture. You can check it out here:

Dominatrix Twitter
Twitter Account Mika

​​I absolutely love how you mention elements of consent and negotiation on your FAQ, you acknowledge that it’s important to find exactly what works for the relationship between you and your sub. What kind of things erode that relationship, and how do you go about handling that?

​Yes, absolutely. I think the #1 erosion to a Domme/sub relationship, at least in My experience, is when a submissive comes to the Domme only interested in serving his own fetishes as oppose to actually wanting to serve.

The other common misconception that I find erodes a relationship are those subs that ask Me what it is really like to be My slave, implying that there is a one-size-fits-all. And, there’s not. The relationship I have with each one of My slaves is unique and certainly not an over night process.

For these reasons, in order to handle these issues, I did create a slave school that acts as online slave training for those interested in being My slave. It can be found at SayYestoEmpress.com

​​Reading through various interviews – the word authenticity and honesty keep coming up. You also mention how it comes naturally to you and that you enjoy it. Do you feel that it’s these qualities that make you respected and successful in what you do, and what other qualities are important in this? 

Haha, I suppose that’s true. I think, in this industry, most of the Dommes really create distance and separation between themselves and their subs. I certainly understand this, as there are truly some bad apples out there.

​However, I agree that one thing that makes Me stand out is that I do offer a genuine, honest, real and authentic relationship to those submissives that want to take their submission beyond simply a fantasy via being My slave.

I don’t necessary think My way is better than others, of course. Each Woman and Domme is unique with Her own style and She should do what works best for Her and Her well being and enjoyment. This could be different for each Domme so it’s tough to pin-point a magical formula that guarantees success for every Domme. If I had to try to put a magic formula into words though, it would be for each Domme to just do what is fun for Her.

​​You mention the distinction between ​Domming for fun and pleasure as opposed to sexual enjoyment. How do you negotiate that within yourself and balance what you find pleasurable/arousing to the work that you do? Are they two completely separate things?

For Me, they are totally separate. I am not turned on at all by submissive men nor with any of the Domination that I do. Rather, My Domination and what submissive men do for Me I find very fun, amusing and entertaining.

As well, I enjoy the sexual separation. I think it ensures I remain completely in control of My subs 100% of the time.

​​What’s one of the misconceptions about FemDomme that you’d like people to be aware of?

One misconception that I personally struggle with is that many submissives view Dommes as some kind of bad, evil person. I hear over and over how bad some of their experiences are interacting with Dommes (and vice versa, really) have furthered this belief. This gets further complicated with those submissives that have fetishes they feel they’d rather not have in the first place.

S​o, I suppose I’d like people to be aware that not all Dommes are horrible just like not all subs are horrible. You are responsible for your own interactions. In other words, your experience with FemDom can completely change depending on who you serve and interact with.

​​What’s a moment in your FemDomme career that has really shaped and influenced who you are, and how you do it?

​It was the moment I changed My name from “Princess” to “Empress”. This was a direct reflection of My evolution as a Domme, from someone new to FemDom, to who I am today in FemDom.

​This was sparked by the close relationships I had developed with My slaves. Their relationship really inspired and encouraged Me to simply be Myself fully as oppose to trying to figure out what other subs would like or buy. It made a huge impact on Me, My FemDom style and success.

​​What’s one mistake/learning experience that you keep with you?

I once created a custom FemDom clip that I wasn’t too thrilled about… but I agreed to it because I had never tried it before and it paid well. I also put this clip up for re-sale in My clip store but I told Myself that I wouldn’t do anything like this again. Sure enough, it wasn’t something I enjoyed.

​A few months later, I was on interacting with a trial slave that I just felt really strange about and, for Me, there was a clear disconnect. Somewhere in the conversation, I had asked him what his favorite clip was that I created. Turns out, his favorite was that custom clip I didn’t care for. LOL!

It was here that I learned that I have to only put out content that I enjoy to attract the right submissives to Me.

​​W​hat is your favorite fetish?

​I enjoy most FemDom fetishes and believe I can find a way to make almost anything fun for Me. However, if I had to pick a favorite, it would certainly be Mind Fuck. It is here I can truly challenge submissives to be more of service as well as get extremely creative in My clips.

​I highly recommend My clip entitled Good Boy Reward to dive right in! It can be found here:

Mika Dominatrix
Mika Good Boy Reward

​​You’ve mentioned that FemDomming for you is not a performance, which allows you to better handle yourself. Are there any draining aspects to being a FemDomme and how do you cope with that?

N​o. This job is pretty much 24/7 and not something, at least for Me, that I can turn easily on and off. Therefore, I feel that it would actually be extremely draining if all of this was an act, haha.

​​Financial Domming. I really want to understand it. I get dominating, ​I​ get submission and ​I understand what people get out of that. I also get the idea that Financial Domming is NOT necessarily about taking all of their money and that it is about control. Can you explain this fetish to me, and what a sub and Domme get out of this?

​For My style of Financial Domination with My slaves, I use it an important foundation of submission to Me.

They are using something (money) that could have benefited themselves and instead chose for it to benefit Me. There is hardly a greater form of submission in My opinion.

​With My slaves, W/we go over budgeting together (which is also apart of the SayYesToEmpress.com e-course) to ensure their money is used most effectively to sustain themselves and their life goals as well as their servitude to Me. ​

​​You offer a dick rating service – what can people expect from submitting their dick to you?

​I do, haha, almost by necessity as there are so many submissives interested in My thoughts about their “package”. ​I offer 2 dick ratings, a basic one or a premium one. The basic one is My rating and a few comments. The premium one includes My rating with a more in-depth explanation.

The ratings, along with many other items, are available on My store: EmpressMika.com/store

You also run DommeSource.com. What is this and how does this benefit the FemDom community? 

I do, yes.

Back when I started in FemDom, there weren’t really any resources to turn to so that inspired Me to create DommeSource. It is the ultimate resource site for both online Dommes and subs.

It’s my hope that it helps newer Dommes get started as well as newer subs to have a better idea of what submission is. I also hope it helps bridge the gap between Dommes and subs so that the right subs can find the right Domme.

Mika Talks
VIP Interview Mika

​​Final words and thoughts on FemDomme that you’d like people to know?

​FemDom is getting more and more popular! 🙂 ​I’m happy to see more and more people trying it out and invite you to do the same if you haven’t already.

Thanks for having Me!

If you want more details about Mika why not check her out at her website –

Mika dominatrix site
Mika Online
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