The BIG Deal With Bodily Fluids?!

Cameron Diaz With Mens Ejaculation

Does anybody remember the Sex & the City episode where Samantha is sleeping with a man who has, as she so eloquently puts it, “the funkiest tasting spunk?” Or the scene in There’s Something About Mary where Ben Stiller’s character has his semen dangling from his ear when met to go on a date with Cameron Diaz – who then uses it as hair gel? I also recall a scene in Superbad where one of the characters is dancing with a girl who is menstruating and is completely disgusted when he gets her blood on his pants. There seems to be a bit of a fascination present in popular culture with bodily fluids, and it’s mostly portrayed in a comedic way that sees semen, blood or vaginal fluids as something to be repulsed by.

Without trying to sound too dramatic or serious, I feel that showing bodily fluids as something unnatural to be avoided doesn’t do much good for people when it comes to their sex lives. I feel this because, quite simply, there’s no avoiding some form of bodily fluids in one way or another when being sexual with someone. If having sex is accompanied with something that we have been taught to be grossed out by then whether we are conscious of it or not, there’s a part of us that is grossed out during sex. The same thing can be said for smell as this is something that many people go to extreme measures to attempt to cover up and conceal.

Many of us carry so much shame when it comes to the way we smell and taste. We are sold products that promise to eradicate all our smells and keep us “clean”. From deodorants and perfumes to scented feminine hygiene products & genital cleansers, we are constantly inundated with the message that something about our bodily functions is wrong and to be avoided.

Woman With Bodily Fluids And Sweat
Photo: Woman Who Is Sweating

Talking with lots of people over the years all from a range of different backgrounds, I have come to see that many people carry some very negative feelings when it comes to their own or another’s fluids and smells. Many women are disgusted to kiss their partner after he goes down on them, many men claim to avoid kissing their partner if she has taken his cum in her mouth, and almost no one enjoys performing cunnilingus on a menstruating woman. I understand that this aversion may be for legitimate reasons when risk is involved (i.e. sexual health reasons) however with our most intimate partners when safety is guaranteed, I believe that it can be healthy to overcome this aversion.

When it comes down to it, we humans are animals and have instinctual primal tendencies that dictate our sexual behaviours and attractions. Pheromones are chemical messengers that are emitted into the environment from the body where they can then activate specific physiological or behavioural responses in other individuals. Whether we are aware of it or not, these pheromones can be what innately attracts us to our partner so for this reason, I say enjoy the tastes & smells as it can be an incredibly sexy bonding experience.

Just like I would encourage people to become familiar with solo self-pleasuring to get to know their own body before being intimate with someone else, I suggest that people give their own bodily fluids a try. Tasting your cum does not make you “gay” gentlemen (as I have heard many times from many men) and you are not going to be harmed from kissing your partner after he performs cunnilingus on you ladies.

It is an interesting thing to notice how people are often ok for their partners to swallow their cum or lick their pussies yet are not ok with the taste themselves. I recommend looking deeper into these aversions and questioning whether it may be something you wish to overcome because nothing compares to having a partner who loves the way you taste & smell!

Funny Sex Meme
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I would not be a responsible sexual health educator, sexologist and sex blogger if I didn’t discuss safety & sexual health in the same article as discussing getting comfortable with bodily fluids so here goes. Sexual health screening is vital to ensure effective treatment and/or reduced rates of transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) & blood borne viruses (BBV’s). Certain contact with bodily fluids such as semen, vaginal secretions and blood can lead to transmission of some STI’s and BBV’s. Fluid bonding (i.e. sharing bodily fluids) in relationships between people who are known to be STI & BBV free means risks are significantly reduced however it is important to remember that exchanging bodily fluids with someone who’s sexual health status is not known carries risks. Exercise caution and use safe sex prevention such as dams and condoms when sexual health status is unknown. (See below for link to sexual health services).

It is so interesting to see how conditioned us humans have become believing that something about our natural state is dirty.  When safety and health are prioritised above all else, I say abandon the belief that our bodily fluids are something to be ashamed of and embrace the magnificence of all that our body does!

Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing

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Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph's writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Master Slowing Things Down With Roaring Hot Tantra

Couple Kissing Intimately With Tantra

Recently whilst completing an intensive for my studies in sexology, I heard an elaborate sexual dysfunction called an Idiosyncratic Masturbatory Response which instantly grabbed my attention.

An idiosyncratic masturbatory response refers to an individual having a particular way of masturbating and reaching orgasm that cannot be replicated during intimate experiences with a partner. This has the potential to cause difficulties in a relationship or when being intimate with others as many people enjoy the experience of reaching orgasmic states with another person.

After doing a bit of research, I came across countless articles describing “the death grip” where men become so conditioned to receive hard and strong self-penile stimulation (usually whilst watching pornography) that they find it difficult to feel aroused when having penetrative or oral sex with a partner.

I know that it’s not just men that experience this need for strong stimulation. As a woman, I used to approach self-pleasuring in a way that did not honour my body. It was an experience that was often filled with shame & guilt that I just wanted it over with as quick as possible (I believe this has a lot to do with the fact that masturbation is seldom spoken of in mainstream sex education but that’s another article of itself!!) This hard and fast approach can result in difficulties reaching orgasm with a partner which can cause feelings of frustration and decreased desire for sex with your partner.

There is such a strong culture of seeking heightened orgasmic states in our society that the subtleties of being intimate with another human being go unnoticed. People become so fixated on the peak-the orgasm-the grand finale- that everything that happens beforehand is not fully experienced in its totality.

The beauty and pleasure from the softest touch, the sensations in our body when your lover looks at you, the fullness from feeling them in complete stillness inside us as we make love is all lost when we approach being intimate with them full of expectations of “achieving” orgasm. This is where Tantra comes in…

Many people are curious of what Tantra is and what Tantric sex looks like. Tantra is a complex philosophy however when I speak of Tantric sex, I mean a sexual experience where each moment and sensation is experienced in its totality with no expectations of getting anywhere or reaching anything. Tantra teaches us that a world of pleasure is accessible to us in the smallest of intimate experiences if we so choose to become attuned to the subtleties.

There are many ways to slow down and bring greater pleasure and presence into your sex life, with one’s own self-loving practice a perfect place to start. Bringing a level of conscious intention into your self-pleasuring and dedicating time to yourself with no intent other than to love yourself up can be a beautifully healing and pleasurable experience. Lighting some candles, having a relaxing hot bath and massaging your whole body with some gorgeous oils prior to any genital stimulation can really help eradicate that orgasm goal and teach you to slow down with your own body so that you can access more sensation and pleasure (A sexual health product available from Wildfire is All Over Pleasure Oil which is my personal favourite).

Wildfire Pleasure Oil Black Photo
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When men and women are used to hard and fast stimulation, having slow and gentle sex can bring up a lot of intense emotion. Frustration, anger, sadness, numbness and boredom can all arise when we begin to slow down and fully feel. It is not usual to be in touch with slight sensations and it can take some time for our bodies and minds to drop in and notice them. It is perfectly normal to feel the full spectrum of emotions when doing something that we are not used and often many of us have never tried slowing it down in the bedroom so be kind to yourself and your partner.

Naked Couple Having Public SexPhoto: Couple Having Tantric Sex

I highly encourage people to step away, if only on special occasions, from a hard and fast approach to sex, into an experience of love and connection with their partner. This could include eye gazing, breathing together, cuddling, kissing or extended foreplay-the key being that this will bring you into complete presence with your partner. Just remember, it is easy to get caught up in our minds when slowing it down so if this happens, practice mindfulness and come back to feeling sensation in your body.

Slowing down can take a personal and relational commitment, with open communication between partners extremely important to navigate any changes you both desire to make with your sex lives. It takes patience and being gentle with ourselves and our partner to make the transition from goal oriented sex to completely present intimacy however the magic that can be experienced when we do is completely worth it.

About the author: Stephanie is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph's writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Wonderful Wet And Messy Sploshing

Strawberries That Are Sexual

Whilst preparing a fruit salad the other day, I was totally mesmerized cutting up the fruit, noticing how beautifully vibrant it was, with the many colours and textures so delightful to my eyes.  I posted a photo to social media of some vulva-reminiscent strawberries asking if I was the only person to find fruit sexy. I got a heap of comments from friends agreeing that there is nothing sexier than a piece of nature’s sweet juicy goodness. As well as feeling grateful for knowing (really strange) people who see fruit the same way I do, it was obvious that there is something erotic about food if we choose to notice. It really is a pleasurable experience to eat a delicious meal, a delight for our senses if you will, and it got me thinking about the role of food in sexual play.

Woman Who Is Splooshing
Photo: A Person Who Loves The Splooshing Fetish

A while back a friend showed me a sex documentary series exploring a range of different sexual quirks and fetishes happening behind closed doors. I recall my absolute joy watching a couple who were involved in an activity called sploshing, a fetish I would sum up as erotic food fighting (Or trifle preparation gone wrong!).

What Is Sploshing?

Sploshing, also known as Wet and Messy fetish, is a form of sexual fetishism whereby a person becomes aroused when copious amounts of a substance are applied to the naked skin, face, or to clothing. Sploshing can involve playing with a range of different ingredients, with many foods such as custard, cream, chocolate sauce and ice cream commonly used. As well as food, sploshing can also involve substances such as lubricant, mud, paint, oil and lotion.

Sensation play is a large appeal with sploshing, with the textures of the food or substances used throughout creating a unique sensory experience. The visual aspect of this fetish is also a source of turn on for a lot of people involved, especially when substances of different colours and consistencies are applied to one’s body.

A Person Sitting On A Cake
Photo: Sitting On A Cake

Why Do People Love Sploshing

The couple in the documentary used only food during their sploshing experience, with a smorgasbord full of delectable desserts laid out on a large table ready to be used. They then took to pouring the food over each other in between kissing and rubbing up against each other, with a playfulness that was so infectious I could not stop laughing.

Here are some of my favourite quotes;

“Vanilla pudding feels like sugary silk in my hand”

“When she hits me with the cherries, it feels cool and I get excited”

“Where am I going to put the chocolate sauce? Am I going to put it on her head, is it going to drizzle down her breast? I don’t know…”

I love how inventive people can be with sex and I really admire those who claim their fetishes proudly. In a world of comparison and judgemental projections for being anything other than “normal” it is amazing to see people who show the world what turns them on. Despite it being so unusual, I found it so entertaining to watch and really honoured their willingness to reveal their quirky fetish.

I find it so beautiful to see people like this couple expressing themselves and sharing an experience with each other where they both totally accept and adore one another because of their mutual desires. I think there really needs to be more of this curiosity and willingness to experiment with sex. There’s a whole world of sexual possibilities if we dare to step into it and open our minds – Just come into an Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre and see for yourself!

Body Chocolate On Woman
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Bringing Food Into Sexual Play

Bringing food into sexual play doesn’t have to mean you go all out with a table full of food like the couple in the documentary. Starting small with foods like whipped cream, strawberries or Heavenly Nights Chocolate Body Paint is an approachable taste test to this unique fetish. Turn it into a fun and playful time with a partner and enjoy eating dessert off their body!

Alternatively, flavoured lubricants can be a simple and fun introduction to Sex+Food play, minus the mess that food sploshing can cause. System JO have an incredible range of personal lubricants that are flavoured, with The Gelato Range consisting of the most delicious flavours including Hazelnut Espresso and Salted Caramel. These can be great for people who are not so fond on the idea of food in the bedroom but nonetheless want to enjoy something tasty.

When playing with food and different substances during sploshing, it is important to use certain safety precautions to avoid any nasty accidents from occurring. Make sure that if applying any substances to the genital area, a condom is worn by men so as not to get food in the urethra. Women should be careful of this also, as well as certain foods disrupting the p.H balance of the vagina. Wearing underwear can create a barrier for food reaching these intimate areas.

As for fruit in the bedroom, I will leave you with this very exciting video of how you can use grapefruit to spice things up with a male lover!!

Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing

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Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph's writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

To Tie Or Be Tied, That Is The Question

Shibari Model With Bunny Ears

If you’re like me, you may have noticed in recent times a growing prevalence of rope tying and bondage in the media, with classes, shows and exhibits occurring all around the world. It wasn’t so long ago that I discovered the beautiful art of Shibari – otherwise known as Kinbaku or Japanese Rope bondage – and already I have experienced some beautiful moments of connection, pleasure and healing in my explorations.

There exist multiple ways to approach rope bondage, with some people using it for sexual play, others in performance art and even as a tool for healing (Check out the incredible video below). My desire to be tied up and bound confuses some so I thought I would share what it is about rope bondage that has me so hooked.

Why I Am Hooked To Rope Bondage

During an experience of being tied and bound, I feel a deep sense of surrender which allows me to let go of the stressors in my mind and be completely present in my body. We live in a world that encourages us to be in our minds thinking constantly, so much so that we forget to feel (Read more on this at Revolutionize Sex With Your Primal Instinct). Getting out of our heads and into our bodies is important for our wellbeing and rope allows me to enter this space of embodied presence. The sensations of the rope tickling and pulling at my skin, my partners’ breath on my neck as he wraps the rope tightly around my chest and the incredible relief once it has been taken off all makes for an exquisite sensory experience. Also combining rope bondage with impact play from whips, spankers and ticklers is an added delight for your senses.

Shibari is a beautiful way to connect with my partner. Choosing to take time to be completely present with each other is particularly important to remain passionately in love, with a session of rope tying more than enough to bring us back to a place of deep connectedness. Being tied up and bound for me is all about surrender and trust. If I do not trust my partner, I remain in a hypervigilant & anxious state which is not enjoyable and prevents me from gaining pleasure out of the experience. As my partner ties me making me physically powerless, I am consciously trusting that he will take care of me throughout the experience which allows me to feel a sense of freedom like nothing else.

Fully Nude Shibari Models
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Rope bondage can be an amazing outlet for exploring dominant and submissive roles within a partnership. The person tying is often referred to as a top, dom or rigger and embodies a very important role throughout the experience. Presence, safety and solidity are important qualities for the top to possess in order for the person being tied (known as the bottom, sub or rope bunny) to feel well supported throughout the experience. It is wonderful to play in this power dynamic and can make for some very juicy fun!

A combination of being held and connected with my partner and feeling present in my body often means intense emotions arise during a rope tying experience. I can go from being in a relaxed, meditative state to bursting into tears in a split second, never knowing what is going to arise throughout the experience. Despite what we may have been conditioned to believe, feeling and expressing emotions is a beautiful part of what it is to be a human being and should be encouraged. Suppressed emotions can cause a host of physical and mental health issues so better out than in I say! Shibari can allow us to access feelings we may have pushed down in the past, freeing us from our own s**t and making way for more pleasure, love and joy in our lives!!

Last but certainly not least, being tied up is so much fun!! I have recently begun suspension classes which involve rope harnesses tied around my chest & legs or hips and hung up on the ceiling. I see it as the next best thing to flying! As children, we are so good at playing yet when we grow into adulthood, we tend to neglect our innate desire to have fun in life. As well as been an intense and connected experience, being tied up makes me feel so much joy and excitement.

What I Recommend To Get Into Shibari

Now if you are thinking that Shibari is something that you would like to try, I would strongly recommend attending classes taught by experts in the field or visiting an experienced practitioner for a session. There are many safety precautions to take into consideration when tying or being tied. It can be a risky thing for all involved to be tying without professional instruction so I discourage you from picking up some rope from Bunnings and trying it on your own.

Happy tying everyone!!

Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing

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Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph's writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.

Revolutionize Sex With Your Primal Instinct

Horny Couple Pashing

Through my studies in sexology and explorations in the world of Tantra and finding out what is spiritual sexuality, I have come to view and understand many diverse aspects of human sexuality. Sex is a powerful outlet to connect with different parts of ourselves and allows us to share those parts with others in a beautiful and pleasurable way. From having our need to feel emotionally connected to another human being met to a blissfully ecstatic & orgasmic release, sex allows us to be our most authentic and trues selves if we so desire.

Recently whilst completing an intense training diving into sex and spirituality, I experienced a connection to a part of myself which was incredibly healing and empowering- I refer to this part as my inner animal!!  This primal part of myself is so amazing to connect with and allows me a chance to be completely in tune with my senses and my body.

Today, we human beings spend much of our lives in our minds. We think too much, spend an excessive amount of time being occupied with technology and feel this constant need to experience the world in a logical way. I recall a time not so long ago when I became aware of how disconnected I was from my body. When I tuned in to myself, I realised that I was only really in touch with the feelings in my head, completely switched off from the sensations in the rest of my body. Throughout my life, as with so many people, I was encouraged to think, to analyse and to speak. Apart from incidental times like completing sport and when being in pain, I spent most my life in my head.

Being In Touch With Your Body

It is so clear to me now the need for people to experience more of this life in their body, to feel the subtle sensations that are accessible in every single moment throughout the day. Animals are a great example of this, completely in touch with their bodies, using their senses to guide them in the world. They are present to what is, not worrying about the past and stressing about the future, just living in complete presence of what is.

Couple In Bed Engaging In Foreplay
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How To Embody Your Inner Animal

One of the most exhilarating places to embody your inner animal is when connecting sexually with another. When all your senses are turned on and alive it makes for an extremely fun, pleasurable and energising sexual experience. The most enticing part of sex is how good it feels-what could be better than tuning in and amplifying your senses to increase the pleasure during sexual play? Being out of our minds and completely in our body making love with another is one of the most incredible experiences to have if we dare to step into it.

Approaching sex in an animalistic way can look and feel unique for each person. From roaring, purring or growling in your partner’s ear to crawling on all fours, wrestling or being wild like an animal during foreplay, the possibilities are endless.

Doing this with a partner who you trust and can express yourself freely with is crucial for you to really access that wild animal living inside you. It may feel a bit awkward to start with-not unlike a lion cub finding its roar- but if you really take the time and be courageously vulnerable, you’ll eventually access a primal side of yourself that loves to come out and play!!

One of my favourite ways to connect with my inner animal and my man simultaneously is to wrestle. I highly recommend you trying this one out with a partner if you are both up for an adventure!

Find yourselves a soft floor or mattress with enough space to avoid banging up against anything and ensure any breakables are out of reach. Get on all fours as if you were a lion or tiger (or magical unicorn if that is your thing!) and face your partner. Now depending on how easy it is for you to connect with your wild side, you may or may not want to take some time to close your eyes and connect to yourself. Breathe deeply, notice your heart beating, the energy moving through your body and any sensations that grab your attention. Opening your eyes and bringing a sense of playfulness to the experience, look your partner in the eyes and stare them down as if you are a wolf and they are your prey-ready to devour. Find your growl, express whatever noises want to come out and move around on your hands and knees as if you are stalking them and wanting to catch them. Go wild (with some mindfulness to avoid hurting them of course!) and have fun playing!

Whatever comes next is up to the two of you-sometimes for me it has turned into a hilarious and comical bit of fun where we’re both in hysterics, other times a wild, animalistic lead into amazing sex!! Avoid expectations, enjoy yourselves and use it as an amazing chance to see a different side of yourself and your partner.

Getting in touch with this side of myself has meant I feel more throughout my day to day life and experience more pleasure in my body during sex- purely because I am out of my head and in it. I cannot recommend exploring your inner animal enough-there may be a raging Jaguar roaring inside ready to pounce (or a cute purring kitty cat…only one way to find out!). I also apply these 6 Sure Fire Tantra Methods to my sexual lifestyle to make the experience even better!

Author: Stephanie Curtis- BA Nursing

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Meet the newest member to our team of experts. Stephanie Curtis is a sexologist with a huge capacity to care. Involved in spirituality and tantra her articles are professional, articulate and interesting. Enjoy Steph's writings at the adultsmart sexual wellness and health blog.