Bing defines bondage
as the “sexual practice that involves the tying up or restraining of one partner”. There’s a certain beauty in restraints, and to be permitted to either wear or put them on a playmate is an enthralling honor. Many people misconstrue what BDSM is and believe that restraints are hand cuffs, ankle cuffs and ropes. This is profoundly incorrect to anyone that knows the art of restraints. Restraints are considered to be anything that keeps a playmate under control. It could be stretched to include that restraints can be found in the word of the master as well, in comparison to something physical. Indeed, restraints can therefore cover anything from cuffs and rope, to ball gags, hoods, bondage hooks, bondage mitts, chastity devices, collars and gags etc. The list can go on.
The art of restraints require a lot of trust between playmates, as you’re not just mentally submitting to ones whims and desires, but physically as well. It is considered a great honour to be trusted enough to wear/give someone restraints so it’s important to make sure that you respect the negotiations as to their limits, respect their desire to say no or stop, as well as to respect them in general. Restraints, in some way or another, restrict your ability to move, escape and you are no longer in control, it is a physical transference of power.
When introducing restraints to your partner, it might be a good idea to go down to your local Adult Store to check out what’s on offer. It might not be a fantastic idea to get the latest leather cuffs with lockable buckles and a unique key. It can scare your partner, and if they’re uncomfortable during a scene, then the moment can be irrevocably ruined. Some of the sets such as Mistress Bondage, Sportsheets, Manbound, Fetish Fantasy and Sex & Mischief will offer some delightfully comfortable restraint sets whilst still paying attention to comfort and durability. I prefer the sets such as the under the bed restraint kits, due to the versatility that can be offered during use. With detachable cuffs and D-Rings that with a bit of ingenuity can be attached to pretty much anything, the versatility and simplicity of some of these sets can be astounding.
Alternatively you could look at something like bondage tape. Bondage tape is a unique material which only sticks to itself, so you can be assured that you’re not going to get an unexpected waxing. The flexibility of the tape means that you can attach it to wherever you want. Maybe on a dining table, a chair, against a fridge or a cupboard. The beauty about bondage tape is the variety of colours and that you can attach other things to the body as well. Think strapping down a body wand on your playmates thigh.
You could do the same with rope. Rope is an item that I love to sell to people who might be just starting out in bondage or someone with advanced skills. I personally think it is one of the most versatile items we sell in our BDSM sex toy section, with endless ways to tie and restrict an individual. Rope in itself can be an extremely sexy material to play with and can completely transform someone’s body by accentuating certain features. The art of Japanese Rope Bondage has been practiced for centuries and is an accepted art from just like paper folding called origami. The official term is called Shibari Style Rope Bondage. The rope is soft and comfortable. This is extremely important during a struggle scenario. But I’ll be honest, rope takes time to learn. To learn Shibari you need an artistic eye and an art of perfection and my talents lie in other areas. Dedicated Rope masters will hand create their rope as well, measuring to create the perfect lengths needed to envelop the body in such a particular way. Rope however, when done correctly is perhaps the most aesthetically pleasing of restraints of this nature.
People enjoy bondage because it involves the physical transference of power, sex within a BDSM scene isn’t necessarily of a physical nature, but you’re mentally stimulating them as well. Regardless of the scene, punishment, domination, simulated rape – the primary discourse centres around the ideology of power and to a lesser extent, the appearance of control. I say appearance due to the ideal that the sub is actually in ‘control’. For some people, it’s the rush or thrill from the feeling of having restricted movement or in contrast, the beauty of putting someone in that situation. Be sure to check out some Bondage role play ideas for some more fun!
Some safety tips for restraints is that if you’re using a lockable restrain set, keep a spare key. The amount of times I’ve heard stories about someone dropping a key is astounding. It’s not necessarily about dropping the key, it’s the fact that you’ve left your sub in a potentially dangerous situation whilst your fumble around for a key. By all means, keep a key on you for aesthetic purposes (your sub knows whose in charge) but keep one within arms reach for emergencies in case you drop it, lose it or whatever.
There is no right or wrong way for restraints, it comes down to aesthetic value and what you prefer. I prefer cuffs myself but I know of many people, and have witnessed many sessions, that have focused on rope or tape. It is important to consider how you’re going to use the restraints as well in both a context and a setting thought. For outdoor bondage, cuffs aren’t really going to do it, tape will struggle thereby leaving only rope as a logical option. However, your tastes will develop as you go along. Next post we will look at other forms of restraints including gags, humblers, chastity devices and safety concerning these items.
Author: Stephen Smith – BA Of Social Sciences, M.Ed
Andrew is right into the Fet Lifestyle and enjoys BDSM. He has written about these subjects in many arena’s and is an expert at Shibari. He shares his knowledge by working with Adultsmart a sex toy store. Enjoy the descriptive and educational articles he has written.
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