How To Approach BDSM

Read and Study BDSM

Studying and preparing yourself before trying anything related to BDSM. Do not forget that you have a big advantage: Many things have already been tested by others, and many are eager to share their experiences. Although not everyone has the same opinion, these “explorers” went through some tough experiences in which they learned about many things and reached the same conclusions but different paths. There are some pretty good books you should read them to you form an opinion about what it means BDSM.

What you need to prepare before the test on your skin is something to have in case of emergencies. For example, there are some people who even made first aid courses, others take their HIV tests before involving someone with experience that can transmit HIV, or have made hepatitis A vaccine.

By the way: you know what “safe word” is? A “Silent Alarm”? Or a “Safe Call”? For instance, a safe word is that word which cuts down all the play immediately and signals danger. There are some variations of it, such as the silent alarm which is a certain gesture that is set up for those times when you are duct-taped and you cannot say the safe word out loud. Screaming and saying “No, no, no !” generally doesn’t help in bondage and it’s considered as arousal for the dom/mistress and permission to continue tormenting the slave.

Find Out What You Want To Do

There is no reliable source to which people turn for information when making their first steps in BDSM. Everyone must realize what is good for them and what is not good. The good thing is that most people who have passed through many strange experiences are willing to share them with others in order to prevent such situations in the future. It is a good idea to talk to such people, to seek them out, learn from them to shun some situations; Some of them which can even be life threatening.

It would be very foolish to depend on a single source of information no matter how “persuasive” or “experienced” seems to be said.Try to read at least 3 books written by different authors on the subject that you want to document. Read various sites. Go to several BDSM meetings of the local community members.

Take Your Time Learning

A rush to experiment something you do not understand is nonsense. It turns into a big risk. Do things at your own pace. Talk to as many people from the local community. Observe their behavior. By the way: many of the people that usually looks “scary”. Do not be fooled by appearances. Bondage safety is a must.

And another tip: do not get involved too quickly, “exclusively” with someone from the local community. Do not allow anyone to isolate you. It is recommended to be careful of people who have been outlawed by the core of the local BDSM community. The outlaws they know they are not wanted, they are expelled and they are not welcome there. These people will prowl on the outskirts of the community, will target people without experience, usually submissive women rookie, whose level of knowledge and without a correct view on the BDSM community makes them vulnerable.

 

Woman in Rope Bondage
Photo: Shibari Rope Bondage

 

Be Careful Of The Type of Attention You Attract

When joining a BDSM community it is normal to find both men and women, but here is the thing that many of these men want a woman with whom to experiment. In “BDSM vocabulary” that only means to “play” with someone in a similar manner … somewhat like playing tennis. So, you will get huge offers, some of them more harsh and rude, and only few of them polite. There is nothing wrong to receive such requests, but …. do not rush. Do not get involved very quickly with someone, especially on an exclusive manner. (Whether it’s a man, a woman or a couple). Try to find out personal information about those who you talk with but be more reticent in disclosing too much personal information about yourself (such as your phone number, where you work, personal e-mail, etc.).

Because the competition is very high for a woman it is not a good idea to approach or to get involved with the more aggressive male who approaches you. Why? Because truly interesting people will be those that will respect your limitations and will not keep talking about their skills and experience. On the other hand, ferocious males will use their so-called “skills” and “experience” as a marketing tool, they will throw them right upfront. They will blind you with them. It is important to not let a single person control you exclusively. Not yet. Not so fast. Do not allow anyone to monopolize you.

You are not forced by anyone or anything at all, and you should not behave in a submissive manner to someone until you have negotiated it. If an idiot tries to ask you to address him with “Sir”, “Master”, give you orders, touch you, to reproach you’re not submissive enough because you refuse to do what you order it, even though you have not talked / have not negotiated anything about something you should immediately go off “alarm bitch” and yell from the bottom of your heart and run.

Be more open. Try to meet and have conversations with various people. After you start forming your own opinion, getting to know someone as potential partner is a good idea. The more known in the local community, the safer it is. Someone who is a member of several communities for 1 year is much safer to meet with him than with someone who is fresh-beaf.

By the way: a relaxed approach from a man, friendly, polite, courteous is a good sign. A Dom “quality” has a careful and relaxed approach. But of course, this depends what you prefer. If you prefer a controlling dom which greatly restricts you, then go for it. Remember: the more reserved people are usually the more interesting ones, have more to offer and you will have more to benefit from discussing with them.

BDSM Can Be Participated in By Beginners

Some men like to impress you will try to make you think you are part of a small group of elite people kind of BDSM community, as a sort of “secret organization”. The fact that there is such exclusive clubs.Be skeptical when it comes to such specimens without independent who need a “certification” from anyone to prove the quality of their information.

Remember that self-praise is a tactic of hanging a woman. Let him boast, listen to it carefully, pay attention to what he says and says. How long he was involved in this style of life. How many meetings, parties, workshops was? How many books to read relevant? He held a presentation at any meeting ever MS? What most people in the community think about it? What he thinks about others in the community and the opinions of others about him? Bondage safety should never be forgotten.

Dominant males usually have a personality and behavior which are evident from their reactions. It’s normal to have a low opinion of some in the community … but just about everyone? Please notice how much is packed when it comes to expressing an unfavorable view of someone from the community, how easy it goes. It is normal to be some people in the community that like your dom/mistress and some who don’t. Try to figure if those who attack him/her do it for a reason or not. How many friends does he/she have? Does he truly seem dominant in everyday life?

When you go out on a date with him, do the waitress test: Be careful how he/she treats the waitress as he will treat you the same way. Does he behave politely in the face of a stranger? Or behaves brutally, showing a lack of education? Any complains against the waitress? At the first meeting with you, it will behave toward you, because he wants to impress you. But the restaurant waitress will reveal his true colors. In those moments he focuses only to do you a good impression. Not thinking at all about the waitress.

Conclusions

The first year spent in the world BDSM is a period where you learn many, a period of growth and development. Especially personal. You will experience many new experiences, You’ll meet new people and you’ll discover new things.You may find:

  • Many women are not 100% submissive, many will switch between roles.
  • You will discover a lot about bi-sexuality and polygamy.
  • You will have the opportunity to explore many of the BDSM: bondage, shibari, spanking, whipping, wax, etc.
  • It is normal to discover that actually you like a lot about who you knew from the start and some of the things that attracted you so much now you find that you like a lot.
  • “Never say never”.
  • Follow your intuition. If instinct tells you that something seems interesting, then putting it into practice will certainly be something pleasant. But if instinct warns you about something …. Please keep in mind your instincts. That thing will not put into practice brings so much pleasure.
  • Do not rush to do anything. Everything will normally come at the right time.
  • Perhaps it will seem interesting to explore BDSM having multiple partners.

As always, do not rush, knowing the other person and negotiating. Bondage safety should be considered first.

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Andrew is right into the Fet Lifestyle and enjoys BDSM. He has written about these subjects in many arena's and is an expert at Shibari. He shares his knowledge by working with Adultsmart a sex toy store. Enjoy the descriptive and educational articles he has written.

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