A Thank You Letter To My Ex

I didn’t think I’d be the first person to say thank you, I honestly thought I’d get a sorry first but here I am being thankful for your deplorable behaviour and treatment towards me during our relationship.

I stayed because I don’t give up. I guess I am stubborn when it comes to things like that, I tend to flog a dead horse until it’s completely dead. But now I know all the warning signs and I know all the red flags, now I know certain looks to watch out for and certain words. I now know how I should be treated and what I deserve.

I deserve someone who will listen to me and respect me. I deserve someone who doesn’t pick at all my flaws just for his amusement. I deserve someone who will be there for me, I deserve someone who will kiss my tears away- not make me cry. I deserve someone who will put me first and who makes me their priority, someone who will be proud to call me theirs.

Thank you for cheating on me, the multiple times you did, the texts and the attention given elsewhere. Not being enough for you was never my fault, and I know that now.

The thing I am most thankful for is for leaving me for one of them, whoever the lucky one was, it saved my life. Cheating on me saved my life.

Thank you for not loving me, even though you said you did, because what you did to me wasn’t love and I now know that. I have had time to learn to love myself and truly know what love is. I now love my voice, I love my laugh, I love my body and I love my scars, I hate how I felt in the moment those scars were created but seeing them now I know I am a warrior and I am a better person. Everything you put me through has made me into a better stronger more loving version of myself.

I felt torn every day, torn between loving you and trusting you, torn between hating you and wanting to leave. I wanted that happy ending I wanted that happily ever after and I was torn between believing in happy endings and my reality with you. I was so naïve, and I ended up myself being torn into pieces.

I will never stop believing in happy endings, you will just no longer be a part of them.

Thank you for not being there for me when I thought I needed you the most, in those moments I thought I wouldn’t be able to get through it without you. Truth is I could, and I did. I realise what hurt more was trying to understand why you weren’t there for me. It taught me how to take care of myself, it taught me how to be strong for myself and how to handle myself. Thank you for teaching me what a toxic relationship looks like. Thank you for showing me how an abusive relationship affects me, thank you for shattering me into a million pieces and leaving me within an inch of death constantly. Thank you for telling me to kill myself.

I picked up every single broken part of me and I am the one who put me back together.

Image: Empowered woman

I never understood why you were always there for others when they needed someone, but you were never there for me. When I needed you, you were no-where to be seen, but when you needed me, I had to give you 100% of my attention. I drowned in your sadness, negativity and failures for so long until I learned how to swim again. Now I am a creature from the ocean you should fear, and I am thankful for that. I thought I needed you to comfort me, but I learnt that the only reason why I needed comfort was because of the hurt you were putting me through. The tears that rolled down my face were all because of you, my heart being shattered was because of you, the bruises on my body were because of you, and the doubts in my mind were because of you.

For so long I was ashamed about everything that happened to me and everything you did to me, I would hide from my family and friends and I would just go through the motions of life trying to stay under the radar. I am only ashamed about how long it took me to understand why I stayed so long, I am not ashamed for staying and I am not ashamed for loving you with all my heart.

Thank you for breaking me, because I would not be here if it wasn’t for you.

I believe everything happens for a reason, and I wouldn’t be the person I am right in this moment if it wasn’t for all the events that led up to this. I am a hopeless romantic and I’d probably be still stuck waiting for you to choose me, I’d still be believing every word you were saying, I’d be waiting for your approval on everything I did, and most of all I would be waiting for the day you showed me comfort love and support.

But I’m not anymore, and that is a blessing in itself.

Being pushed to my limits was the best thing that could happen to me, not really loving me was the best thing I could experience, being beaten, bruised and damaged was the best gift you could have given me. Because you doubted me I stepped up my game, and I thank you for that, just look at me now!

I thought I needed you to love me, I now understand that love isn’t about needing someone, love is about wanting to be there for someone. I now have my own strength and support and I can say without a doubt that I am stronger then I have ever been before, and I am able to love and support myself on a level I never thought was possible.

You took away everything that made me, me. My smile was gone, the light in my eyes was gone, my passion for life for love and for future was gone. I was nothing but an empty shell that you filled with all your controlling bullshit, and it took me months to fill myself back up. Now I am bursting at the seams with love, passion and support, I now have so much strength and resilience that it will take more than an atomic bomb to crush me again, my badass level is off the scales.

I will never ever be afraid of life, and living it to the fullest, I am no longer afraid of love or someone loving me, I have learnt to let down my walls to those who deserve it and not to just let anyone in. now because of you I know better, and because of you I am no longer afraid, and thank you the most because now I love myself. It is time for me to find crazy mad love after pain.

Morgan x

Author: Morgan is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres

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