Being A REAL Red-Head – Ginger Baby!

The things people say and do when you have red hair!

I spent many years of my life changing my hair colour often weekly, much to the horror of my hairdresser. As a self-confessed commitmentphobe, I never allowed myself the chance to really love a colour before moving onto the next colour on the chart, I’ve literally have been every colour possible. However, I have had vibrant red hair for about 4 years now, I will agree this colour choice is not for the faint of heart.

Vibrant red hair will inevitably attract the crazies,

the questions and unfortunately a horde of creeps. There are plenty fallacies surrounding redheads and trust me strangers are happy to discuss them with you given the chance.

People will ask you if the carpets match the drapes, seriously. You’re out enjoying a bevvy with your friends, minding your own business and next thing you know some dude is in your face asking about the shade of your pubes – something that never happened to me as any other colour. Which leads me to my next point: ‘What carpet’ is not a good response – ever! Seriously, trust me, ever.

You will be touched and as a person who does not liked to be touched this bothers me highly.

Dude at bar: “Can I touch it?”

Me: “No.”

Me: “Dude, no… and you’re touching me anyway.”

The touching is followed by several stupid questions: Is it real? What? My hair? Yes. The colour? No. Can you touch it? No. Can you call me Red? No. (Despite your response, your new nickname is forever Red) Oh, you always wanted to fuck a redhead? That’s nice. Please go away.

At this point you’re annoyed and people will just assume you’re feisty and fiery, even if you’re not. And if you are feisty, people will assume it’s your hair making you feisty. Yes, the dye magically seeps into my skull and makes me perpetually angry, it’s not your bullshit questions.

People assume you’re a freak in bed and will ask about your sexuality, I might be a freak in the sheets, I might be a dud root… You’ll never know.   Dude, walk the fuck away.

Red Hair Sex
Red Sexual Desire

Did you know that in medieval times red hair was associated with moral degradation and intense sexual desire?

If you see a natural redhead out and about, just know they now automatically hate you, particularly if you’re at bar fending off creeps. You see because natural redheads are seeing you getting positive attention from men for a hair colour they’ve had since birth and were mocked for relentlessly throughout puberty so natural redheads everywhere now hate you – don’t even bother trying.

                Being a fake redhead you will also never be mocked like a natural redhead, names like ‘ginger’ and ‘ranga’ never will be bestowed upon you, you also get to keep your soul, winning!

The Red hair accompanied with my blue eyes is like the rarest combination in the world – I am a walking anomaly, which every dude wants to get on top of apparently. #WERK!

People will compare you to Ariel from the little mermaid. Yep, and I am totally okay with this. You can touch my hair. What carpet? Didn’t you just say you wanted to fuck a redhead? God, I am such a Merslut.

So basically, to sum up, if you chose to come to the red side. Prepare to be touched a lot, be prepared for lots of people to tell you they’ve always wanted to fuck a redhead – seriously, I was not prepared for this. It’s a lot of people.

So if you’re thinking of being a red head – do it, be the object of everyone’s desire!

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