Most men, if not all, are always keen on discovering amazing sex secrets so as to better pleasure their partners in bed. As men, we are always under some sort of pressure regarding our sexual prowess in bed.
Even if the moment was as romantic as a Hollywood screenplay, we will still have our doubts. It is in our nature as men to be confused about what great/good sex is and if at all we have ever experienced it.
But the main question is what is great sex?
Look in the eyes of the Be-holder, OR Be-hander
Dr. Patti Britton, a clinical sexologist and the author of the book, ‘The Art of Sex Coaching’ and a clinical sexologist, perceives great sex as being in the eyes of the beholder or rather, the be-hander.
She says that to some men, great sex lies in the ability to make your partner orgasm multiple times. While to others, it is the ability to last three minutes before climaxing.
But she says that to be a great lover to your partner, you should be willing to do only one thing, express yourself.
We will look at several amazing sex secrets that will help you better pleasure, not only yourself, but also your partner.
Amazing Sex Secrets
#1 – Express your Needs and Emotions
This is the most important of all sex secrets. You should start by telling her what makes you tick. This may not be easy, but you should shoot for gaining trust from each other.
Trust can only work both ways, you should also know all about her fantasies.
According to Joy Davidson, a psychologist, sexologist and the author of the book, ‘Fearless sex’, knowing what arouses both you and your partner sexually, will make your relationship much more erotic and explosive.
#2 – Sex Life
When men talk, they usually exaggerate their abilities an you will usually hear your friends say how long they can last in bed.
You should realize that what your friends always say may not always be the truth. Unlike women, men usually paint distorted pictures of their sex lives to each other and hide their insecurities.
This will lead you into thinking that your friend is having a much more active or rather, a wilder sex life as compared to yours.
In Davidson’s perception, you will feel like the ‘pleasure ship’ just sailed and left you behind.
Michael Castleman, the author of ‘Great Sex: A Man’s Guide to the Secret Principles of Total Body Sex’ revealed sex secrets. Like the average number of times that people in committed relationships have sex is approximately once in every 10 days.
#3 Be Realistic
The real world is different from the world of pornography. Not everything that you do in the bedroom came from porn. But most of it does.
The problem comes from the assertion that you should be as good as the porn stars. Castleman explained that, most men feel that they are physically less endowed after watching porn.
To him, this should not be the reality because porn stars are selected basing on size. This means that, the people you see in the porn films are on the extreme end of the scale.
Porn will also create the assumption that your partner will always be primed. That the same moves work on everyone or that great sex secrets will always end with orgasm. These may not always work in the real world.
Porn does has its positives.
For example, it may make you desire to explore greater sexual fantasies. Castleman claims that, porn is not bad as long as you keep it in mind that it is different from the real world.
#4 – Focus on the Moment
Stress or anxiety will always impede your sexual performance. When you minimize these issues, you will better pleasure your partner.
According to Dr. Patti Britton, if you focus more on your pleasurable sensations (FOPS), you will surely experience a better sexual encounter with these loving sex secrets.
She claims that, techniques such as, synchronized breathing, eye gazing and massage, will help you better experience the moment. Dr Britton also believes that great sex is in the moment and not in the future.
You should stop focusing on issues such as and how fast you are going to come: you should just enjoy the moment.
#5 – Concentrate on your Partner and Not Size
Though size matters to some people, it should not be your center of concern.
Davidson believes that, if you concentrate on the idea of the perfect fit, it will be more helpful. Being compatible with your lover is quite important.
For example, some women prefer men who have modest sizes as opposed to the extreme end. It usually is a matter of preference and talking about it will save both of you a lot of time.
But this is not always the main point of concern. Focusing on issues such as foreplay may lead you into an entirely different world of pleasure giving and receiving.
#6 – Schedule your Sex
Michael Castleman claims that this will help your sex life grow as you treat them as our sex secrets. Contrary to popular belief, scheduling your sexual activities will actually make your sex life more relaxing.
Developing sensual rituals, making romantic gestures at each other prior to your encounter, taking a shower together or massaging each other will certainly give your sex life a better appeal.
According to Castleman, scheduling sex will also reduce the desire differences that any of you may have at one particular time.
You will greatly reduce the ‘I am not in the mood’ comments.
Castleman claims that when couples in a relationship schedule their sex activities, they usually tend to enjoy it.
As discussed above, no conventional sex tips will make you ‘last longer’ or make your partner produce multiple orgasms. Not unless you decide to go for the not very advisable unconventional methods.
Many sex experts believe that, the greatest sex in the world can only be experienced when you decide to overcome your fears and anxieties and enjoy the moment.
There are, however, some amazing sex secrets that will surely make your sex life and your partner’s more pleasurable.
11 Ways Doctors Agree That Sex Benefits You!
I’ve had the chance to talk to lots of patients while consulting and making predictions.
They’ve shared with me the struggles of their illnesses and how it affects their daily lives. Even though I can’t share their stories or identities, I still make it a point to stay ethical and professional.
I believe that everyone has the power to solve their problems and help others in the process. I’m not one to blame the victim, though. Instead, I like to educate my patients on a topic that can be pretty controversial – healthy sex.
Sex is good for your health as opined by many medical practitioners, therapists and counselors like myself.
Here is how…
Mood Boosting
I have on uncountable occasions refused to give medicine to married patients who have complained about low moods. This is because I know there are plenty of natural ways to boost your mood and self-esteem.
You don’t always need medicine, you know?
A good diet, regular exercise, and some healthy lovin’ can do wonders for your mental health. In fact, I’m a big believer in the power of sex to make people feel happier and more relaxed.
I know it’s controversial, but there’s plenty of research to back me up. Did you know that the vagina and anus are super-absorbent? And that semen contains all kinds of hormones that can make you feel great?
During sex, you release all kinds of natural mood-boosters like adrenaline, serotonin, and oxytocin.
So it’s no surprise that after a steamy session, you’re likely to feel on top of the world.
Trust me, it’s science!
Lots of folks talk about that post-orgasm buzz and I think it’s all thanks to this. A study by Michigan State University even found that people who went without protection during sex tended to feel happier than those who used it.
Honestly, sex is a great way to boost your mood! Plus, there are certain positions that not only make you feel good but also count as exercise.
Immune System Booster
Wilkes University in Pennsylvania conducted a research on the effects of sex on the immune system. The research found that people who practiced sex often had three times more of the antibody called Immunoglobulin compared to those that either had seldom sex or had no sex at all.
Immunoglobulin in individual’s blood streams helps the body to produce antibodies that protects it from diseases. Given that it does not last for long, adding it through constant healthy sex is something I highly recommend.
Sex is good for your immune system. It is good for your health and general well-being.
Healthy Skin
In the medical world we all know that during sex, there is increased blood circulation in the body. This explains why after having healthy sex, participants enjoy moments of a glowing skin.
Bu this is just a short term benefit. Scientifically speaking, orgasms are known to trigger release of endorphins and other hormones like Dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA).
DHEA is known to heal the side effects of sunburns and accumulation of cortisol, a substance that causes the skin to become thinner. If an orgasm can improve my skin texture and look, why can’t I have more of it?
Stress Relief
During sexual intercourse we all know that all our concentration goes into the act. Especially when there are mutual feelings between the two parties.
We stop thinking of all other things that bring stresses in our lives. I fully agree with the findings of a German research colleague who suggests that people who have good sex lives are less likely to suffer from low blood pressure.
This is because during sex, the blood is highly oxygenated and this increases the metabolic activity and there a steady supply of the blood throughout the body. So, sex is good for our hearts and the overall functioning of the body.
Helps With Insomnia
Most medical practitioners can agree with me that the oxytocin hormone that is released during sex has the capacity to give relaxation in the whole body.
The higher the level of oxytocin one releases the higher the level of relaxation. This explains why we quickly fall asleep after the act – especially men.
I often recommend that for us to always keep the levels of oxytocin high, we should have sex more often. Quality sleep is also known to assist in having a healthy skin not forgetting the health benefits that comes with quality rest at night.
Self Esteem
I have had sessions with patients that suffered from low self-esteem. Many of them feel that the world does not appreciate them. They feel unwanted. This causes them to lose or gain appetite and it follows that their health is often put in jeopardy.
At times, I have always asked them about their sexual history in the previous weeks or even months. Many of them disclose that they have had problems in their relationships that are the cause of them not having sex regularly.
Sex Makes us Feel Desired
In psychology, it is agreed that when we have good healthy sex, we tend to feel desired, attractive, confident and productive in everything that we do. Including away from the bedroom.
This is because stresses that come with low self-esteem are dealt with amicably. When our partners approve and appreciate us sexually, we tend to think that the whole world thinks about us the same way our partners do.
Positive compliments from our sexual partners make us feel generous. Stress affects our health and healthy sex relieves stress.
Stronger Relationships
I believe that when we have quality of healthy sex, we always end up having stronger emotional intimacy, bonding and connection. We are therefore able share our frustrations in life without fearing each other.
It follows that we release less hormones that cause us to have emotional or physical stresses.
When we are stressed sometimes we transfer our stresses to our significant others.
When mothers have stresses, there are high possibilities that they their eating habits are affected. This means that if they are lactating, the health of the mother as well as that of the baby is affected.
We can therefore say that if the mother is happy in the bedroom, the whole family becomes irrefutably healthy.
Aches and pain relief
The oxytocin rush that happens during orgasm triggers the release of endorphins. High levels of endorphins have been proven to have the same effect as that of many opiums.
This means that when you have sex regularly, you are less likely to suffer from aches and pains and in case you have any, it will go away quickly. Many back pains can be cured through sex.
As you are exercising during healthy sex you are working, moving your body increasing mobility and muscle strength. This goes a long way in repairing and maintaining your bodies muscle mass and definition.
Increases Testosterone in Men
After a male ejaculates sperm and testosterone is released from the body. This release causes the male body to reproduce sperm and replace testosterone at a higher rate than when the body remains sexually idle.
The more frequent sexual activity the quicker these invaluable natural steroids and male seed that promote strength and growth.
Weight Loss
Increased sexual activity like any exercise will burn off calories and increase your natural metabolic rate. Daily sexual activity will also increase stamina. It therefore goes hand in hand that having active healthy sex will improve your fitness and decrease your weight.
May Reduce Risk of Cancer in Women
It is a well-known fact backed by research and statistics that a woman that has not given birth to a child is more susceptible to breast cancers. It is this that caused the plague amongst Catholic Nuns and other women that abstained from healthy sexual activity.
So, if a couple wants to avoid the risk of breast cancer in women, they should have healthy sex. Except for female same-sex couples using artificial insemination or couples with an infertile male who opt for surrogacy, not having sex can increase the chances of breast cancer.
My recommendation for people to become sexual athletes has a lot of scientific basis.
When you’re getting busy in the right place, healthy sex can do wonders for you – both directly and indirectly. It’s way better than having to visit the doc for every little thing.
Plus, a sexually healthy person is typically happier, healthier, and more balanced overall.
Roulla was a contributor on the adultsmart blog in 2014. She has since returned to her homeland in Greece where she has taken up a career in hairdressing. We wish her well.