5 Things To Let Go Before Entering A Relationship

There are many unhealthy habits that people cling on to in an effort to protect themselves from sadness and pain. Some of these habits and negative thought processes have been formed as a natural response to hurtful actions, behaviours and experiences from relationships that have previously ended. This type of emotional baggage may be sabotaging any chance of building meaningful and long lasting relationships.

Many people live their lives without confronting their emotional baggage with detriment to their personal health and well-being. Without addressing and letting go of these feelings, mistrust, ill judgement and hurt can be carried through from relationship to relationship not allowing one to fully give themselves to their partner or to themselves.

Finding the will-power to cease and desist, can be incredibly difficult as change unfortunately rarely happens within a day or two. This can be seen when people attempt to quit smoking or stop having that glass of wine before dinner. People often fall into the temptation and end up kicking themselves quietly asking themselves why they made the promise and secondly, why they were we not strong enough to keep it. What has actually happened is that people have set themselves an unrealistic expectation as changing negative thinking patterns can take months and years to successfully implement.

Everyone deserves the opportunity of a fresh start this is why breaking old habits is important. Letting go of emotional baggage will give each new relationship the chance to flourish into a romantic endeavour that may be the one that lasts the distance. Here are five negative habits that are often caused by emotional baggage:

Psychological Projection

When a person has participated in a negative action or have done mistrust worthy deeds they are more likely to suspect that others will do so too. The fact that the person had deemed it ok to do to others and identified the worst in themselves will mean they are more likely to consider that others will find this action acceptable for them to do. This will lead to them making false assumptions and even accuse their partner of doing things that they would normally never consider. These false accusations may be done defensively or negatively but either way they will cause their partner to question why. People must ditch projecting as it will lead to no good.  A partner will not tolerate psychological projection for an extended period of time and nor should they.

Comparing A Current Partner To An Ex

Never compare a current partner with an ex. Whether the comparison is in a positive or negative light it should not be said! An ex may have been abusive but this is not something that a current partner will want to deal with – especially if he or she treats you right. On the flip-side your memory may have created a diamond and you can see no wrong in your ex, and subconsciously you are still stinging over the break-up.  No new partner will want to compete with your ‘perfect partner’ nor will they want to pick up the pieces from your ‘abusive relationship’.

The remedy here is so simple.   Judge your new partner by how they treat you and the way you treat them.  It is a two-way street – love each other for each other, not because of some tainted memory or what Mr and Mrs Jones appear like down the road.

Fear Of Commitment

One of the most common forms of emotional baggage carried through into a new relationship is the fear of commitment.  If you are not prepared to commit to a relationship you are giving it no chance of success.  Stay single if you are not ready to commit – it is a cruel, cruel thing to lead your new partner on when there is no intention of falling in love.

Open up your heart, if your heart is damaged from previous relationships see a therapist BEFORE you enter a new relationship.  It is the only way that you may find your soul-mate and live the proverbial ‘happily ever after’.

Nelson mandela quote
Image: Fear of commitment

Holding On To Secrets

In life there are secrets that should be kept and secrets that must be released.  If a secret is a method of holding back dealing with painful past events or hiding something that will impact on your new partner like health issues, issues about faith, criminality etc then these should be shared in the appropriate forum.  It is better to share them at the beginning of a relationship and allow your partner to understand and accept than later be confronted with a demon that will not allow them to fully trust you ever again.  As the saying goes ‘let the truth set you free’.

If you do not open that chest of secrets you will tend to put more and more into it as time goes on. Many times keeping secrets will lead to you telling lies and that is not the foundation that you would wish to build a long-term relationship on.

The Fear Of Being Cheated On

Unfortunately, most of us have either been cheated by or cheated on someone.  Being cheated on can be one of the most debilitating things that will affect your future relationships.  How do you trust your new partner when you put all your faith and trust in a person who previously crushed your heart and soul by being with someone behind your back?  It is not just about the physical factor but that they shared time together, talked as a couple whilst you waited for them patiently and lovingly at home.  How can you open your heart and trust your new partner fully without having some guard up?  When they are out at the office party will they betray you too?

Keep your suspicions in check!  The ex was an ass, but there is no reason to believe that your new partner is and should they not be given the benefit of the doubt?  If you are having trouble keeping your paranoia in check see a therapist to deal with these trust issues.

The different forms of emotional baggage that people hold are boundless and can be caused by a part of your upbringing, being bullied at school, church restrictions and more.  If you are preparing to enter a new relationship it is time to let go of these hindrances and accept your partner with open arms for who they are.  This, and only this, will allow you to take it to the next level.

Working on these issues and problems will help empower people to build stable loving and sexual relationships.

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Rick is the owner of the Adultsmart, an online sex toy shop that stocks over 13,000 products. He has been involved in the adult lifestyle industry for more than 25 years. Rick is an active sex blogger who provides a wealth of information and experience. He is an advocate of equality for gender and sexuality.

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