Whether you are new to the dating world or hopping back into the dating pool for the…? time, the water is always cold and cloudy to start with. It takes a bit of time to find your feet but sure enough before long you’ll be off and running.
It doesn’t matter if the date is with someone you’ve met online that you have been chatting with for months or a blind date set up by a mutual friend. Going on dates can be a tad overwhelming. The whole premise of dating is to be vulnerable and let someone get close to you, this alone is enough to make someone apprehensive for whatever reason. On top of the emotional factors, there is always physical risks and I’m not just referring to a potential assault; but also transportation etc.
Over the years from personal experience as well as countless hours being a shoulder for “girl” friends, mates or the random drunk crying person at the end of a night out. Through all of these experience and conversations, I have compiled a few tips that I think can help to make the dating experience smarter and safer.
These tips are in no particular order and should be taken at face value. These have worked for me and for others, please use them as you will, change and adapt as you go. No two people go through the dating world on the same path. Find out what works for you and don’t be ashamed of it.
I hope you find some use in the tips below, just remember to date safe and smart!
1. There’s more to life and happiness than a relationship!
It’s great to want a relationship but obsession is not a good look on anyone.
2. You gotta like single you!
If you’re unhappy with yourself and your lifestyle, how is someone else supposed to want to spend time with you, little own make you feel better about yourself?
3. Date yourself a bit!
If the whole idea of planning a date seems overwhelming, take yourself out a few times before jumping into the dating pool. Find out what you like to do, know your limits.
4. Dating isn’t about proving your worth to someone! (You already are worth it!)
It’s about finding someone you can be comfortably yourself with. Someone you can spend ridiculous amounts of time with doing NOTHING!
5. Stop worrying about being “rejected” for being “too fat”, “too short” or whatever!
You may have had to reject them later on for having not seen Pretty Woman or the Latest DC movie. Everyone has their own “fit” of personality traits in a relationship they would like their lover to have.
6. When someone says “I’m too damaged” or “I have too much baggage”, believe them!
Forget low self-esteem and self-deprecation. This person does not need you to pick them up and put their pieces back together.
7. First dates are not interviews for marriage (Save that till you meet their mother)
While first impressions count for a lot, give these things time, that’s what getting to know someone is about.
8. Make the first few dates public and use separate transportation.
This reassures a sense of independence and safety for both parties.
9. Turn off your phone!
How do you expect to open up to someone or for someone to open up to you when there is a glowing screen between you?
10. Avoid the “ex” conversations.
An ex is in the past, leave it there.
11. Action dates are best to start with!
Most people already sit at a desk from 9-5, try planning dates that get you up and out. Move around and try different things. This is a sure way to instigate good conversation.
12. Don’t be afraid to google!
It’s 2017 almost 2018… if you’re about to go on a date with someone you’ve never met and share no mutual contacts… try giving them a google search, it might save yourself an awkward bombshell.
13. Limit the boozy beverages.
One before to calm the nerves, one to start the meal and get the conversation going… And see how you feel from there. You should always be in complete control of yourself.
14. Eye gazing tells you a lot.
Researchers have found that when someone is romantically “into” another person their gaze tends to land on and around the face. When the feelings are more sexual their eyes wander around the other person’s body.
15. $20
Always have $20 tucked away. $20 may not get you home, but it will get you $20 closer to home!
16. Say what you mean and mean what you say!
Don’t say you’re going to call unless you really intend to call!
17. Don’t be afraid of the second date!
Unless the first date was a nightmare give the second one a go, perhaps you’ll both be more like yourselves?
18. Consider pulling someone out of the “Friend Zone”.
Friends are friends, but perhaps there is a certain person you just haven’t looked at in the right light. I mean they’re in your life for a reason?
19. No guilt for moving on!
If you don’t feel any sort of something from date one 2 or even 12, know it’s ok to move on. Not everyone is going to be a fit.
20. No games!
Forget the 3 days or 48 hours no call rules or whatever you’ve heard. Be yourself, call or text when YOU feel appropriate. (Just remember obsession doesn’t look good on anyone!). Unless they are adult games you would like to play!
Author: Patrick Kriz- BA Psychology Human Sexuality
The wisdom of Patrick Kriz, a Psychology, Human Sexuality graduate. An articulate and educated expert, his writings enrich sexual wellness and lifestyle.