I started thinking about this topic when talking about why people like BDSM recently. Even now I still can’t fully answer the question, what is sex. The thing is people define sex differently and the definition of sex changes as we age, as we experience and it changes as we become more sexually aware.
To a teenager sex might mean an explicit stimulation of genitals. As we get older and our genitals don’t work the same way that they used to we might define sex as an intimate activity between individuals.
Sex is meant to invoke feelings of pleasure. But if we limit the definition to that, then one could argue that they derive pleasure from eating cake, whilst pleasurable, it’s not sexual pleasure.
Which sounds simple so far, yeah?
Until you add the sexual fetish, sitophilia, which refers to food play or people that derive erotic and sexual pleasure from situations involving food.
So the Question Remains, What Is Sex?
The complexity of What Is Sex and the complexity of the definition of sex is something that most of us take for granted.
We, as individuals, define sex as per our own desires and sexual ‘fetishes’ and we negatively dismiss desires outside our way of thinking as perverse and gross. Therefore we assume, based on a negative reaction, that our definition of sex is ultimately significant to our way of thinking as a sexually active individual.
On the same token, the instant dismissal of anything outside our way of thinking also means that we seldom think about the origins of that definition. And are reluctant to expand upon it unless we are curious about it.
I searched for Resources on What is Sex.
When searching for various resources on What Is Sex topic, I was overwhelmed by the amount of articles that couldn’t define sex. But would then go on to state the risks of sex and how to have safe sex.
Admittedly the majority of these resources were geared towards teenagers experiencing puberty. But the fact remains that whilst they’re exploring ‘what is sex’ they’re bombarded with how to do it safely.
Do what safely?
It was one website that stood out with their introduction to sex page. And it stood out because I felt narrowed it down the best and they defined sex.
‘Sex means different things to different people. Above all it, is a healthy and natural activity. It is something most people enjoy and find meaningful even if they create meaning in different ways.’
Definition of Sex
A definition here is that it is not limited to traditional ways of sex such as genital stimulation, or penetrative sex. Creation of meaning in different ways is the key point in defining what is sex. And that creation of meaning is why the definition fluctuates so wildly both across society, and within ourselves.
Its definition is not a constant, it is within a state of fluctuation. In our exploration of sexual activities we have spoken previously on topics such as cosplay, puppy and furry play, BDSM and Power play, Electro play and how people engage in that particular type of play.
What we often neglected to discuss was how that created meaning for individuals.
It is that individual understanding of ‘meaning’ with which they defined it as sex, and ultimately engaged in sexual pleasure. So then, it is clear that in order to understand what sex is, we have to examine sexual pleasure.
Yet again, we are presented with the same issue. The definition of sexual pleasure is derived from individual thinking and context and is demonstrably undefinable.
Let’s examine BDSM as a case study
Since BDSM is so broad lets specifically examine the notion of power play and power exchanges.
For many years the health profession has labelled BDSM play as pathological and perverted. And that individuals that obtain pleasure from BDSM are either compensating for a damaged childhood, sexual difficulties or were abused.
Research that has been conducted in examining this has suggested that these assumptions have no basis. In fact those that practice BDSM are often more balanced in life than those that do not practice BDSM.
What does the research say?
Research has looked at that those whom are dominant in life often prefer to be submissive during sex in order to balance themselves out as an individual. BDSM is a prime example of where sexual pleasure can be obtained with the absence of traditional views of sex. Namely stimulation of genitals and penetrative sex.
Sexual pleasure in BDSM, with a specific focus on power exchange, is derived from a mental state of being from either being dominant or submissive.
Sub & Dom
Much has been written on both the Sub(missive) Space, and Dom(inant) space, and the mental state of those two spaces. A rush of hormones and chemicals released during the brain and its natural position to flight or fight, can create a trance like state within both partners.
It is within this ‘endorphin high‘ that the individual achieves sexual pleasure. Individuals here are creating meaning within their sexual play that is as individual as the roles that they are partaking in. With this in mind, the idea of a mental state as sexual arousal, it becomes slightly easier to understand what is sexual desire and what is sex.
By reading What Is Sex, you may not be able to fully understand the question, what is sex. But you’ll certainly be able to better understand the complexities of what sex is to the individual.
From Passionate to Compassionate: The Evolution of Love Styles
Love has been a part of the human experience for as long as we have existed as a species so what is the Evolution of Love.
From the earliest days of humanity, people have experienced the emotions of love, longing, and desire. But the way we understand and express our love has evolved dramatically over time.
In this article, we’ll explore the fascinating history of love styles and how they have changed through the ages.
Passionate Love Style
One of the most famous love styles from history is the passionate love style of the ancient Greeks. In Greek mythology, love was often portrayed as a powerful and uncontrollable force that could cause people to do irrational things. Greek gods were known to take many lovers and to engage in passionate love affairs that often ended in tragedy.
The ancient Greeks believed that passion was the most important aspect of love, and that it was something that could not be controlled or tamed. This love style was characterized by intense emotions, physical attraction, and a desire for immediate gratification.
Couples who experienced this type of love
Were often consumed by their passion for each other and would do anything to be together.
However, as time went on, people began to realize that passion alone was not enough to sustain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Passionate love style was seen as volatile and unpredictable. Couples who relied solely on passion often found themselves in tumultuous relationships that were marked by jealousy and conflict.
Compassionate Love Style
As society evolved, so too did our understanding of love.
In the 20th century, a new love style emerged that placed a greater emphasis on compassion, empathy, and understanding. This compassionate love style was characterized by a deeper emotional connection between partners. A willingness to listen and support each other, and a desire to build a lasting and fulfilling relationship.
Unlike the passionate love style, which was focused on immediate gratification and physical attraction, the compassionate love style was more focused on building a strong emotional bond between partners.
Couples who experienced this type of love
Were more likely to work through their problems together, rather than letting their emotions get the better of them.
A compassionate love style has become increasingly popular in modern times. People have come to realize that a strong emotional connection is essential for a healthy and long-lasting relationship. This love style is characterized by a deep sense of empathy and compassion.
Couples who experience it are often more supportive and understanding of each other’s needs and desires.
Evolution of Love
A fascinating subject that has been studied by psychologists, anthropologists, and historians for centuries. Over time, different cultures and societies have developed their own unique love styles, reflecting the values and beliefs of their time.
In ancient times, love was often seen as a divine force that could not be controlled or tamed. Greeks believed that love was a powerful and all-consuming emotion. That it was something that could not be resisted.
As society evolved, people began to realize that love was something that could be cultivated and nurtured over time.
Romantic Love
In the 20th century, the concept of romantic love became increasingly popular. People began to place a greater emphasis on finding a soulmate who could provide them with emotional fulfillment and companionship. This shift in attitudes towards love was reflected in popular culture. With movies, songs, and literature all celebrating the power of love and the importance of finding a compatible partner.
Today, love styles continue to evolve, as people embrace new attitudes and beliefs about gender, sexuality, and relationships. Rise of online dating and social media has also had a significant impact on love styles.
Making it easier than ever to connect with potential partners from all over the world.
Impact of Culture on Love Styles
One of the most significant factors that influence love styles is culture. Different cultures have their own unique attitudes towards love, dating, and relationships. These attitudes can have a profound impact on the way people experience love.
For example, in some cultures, arranged marriages are still common. Love is seen as something that develops over time, rather than as an immediate and intense emotion. In other cultures, love is seen as a more private and personal experience. Couples are expected to keep their emotions to themselves.
Cultural impact on love styles can also be seen in the way people express their love. In some cultures, public displays of affection are common and even encouraged, while in others, they are seen as inappropriate or disrespectful.
Biological factors that influence Love Styles
While culture plays a significant role in shaping love styles, there are also biological factors that can influence the way people experience love. For example, studies have shown that certain hormones, such as oxytocin, can play a role in promoting feelings of love and attachment.
Other studies have shown that genetics can also play a role in shaping love styles. People who are more genetically predisposed to experience positive emotions, for example, may be more likely to experience romantic love.
How to Identify your Love Style
Identifying your love style can be a challenging but rewarding process.
One way to do this is to examine your past relationships and look for patterns or common themes. For example, do you tend to fall for people quickly and intensely, or do you prefer to take things slow and get to know someone over time?
Another way to identify your love style is to take a personality test that focuses on relationships and love. These tests can provide valuable insights into your personality traits and preferences, which can help you better understand your own love style.
Benefits of Understanding Love Styles
Understanding your own love style can have many benefits. It can help you to identify patterns in your past relationships and learn from your mistakes. Help you to communicate more effectively with your partner, as you will have a better understanding of your own needs and desires.
Understanding your love style can help you to identify potential partners who are more compatible with your personality and preferences. This can increase your chances of finding love in long term relationships.
Transitioning from a passionate to a compassionate love style
If you find that you are more drawn to the passionate love style but would like to transition to a more compassionate love style, there are several strategies that can help.
- Focus on building a strong emotional connection with your partner, rather than solely relying on physical attraction.
- Practice empathy and compassion in your daily life, which can help you to develop these qualities in your relationships. This can include actively listening to your partner, expressing gratitude and appreciation, and being supportive and understanding.
Love styles have evolved dramatically over time
Reflecting changes in culture, society, and our understanding of human emotions. From the passionate love style of the ancient Greeks to the more compassionate love style of modern times, the evolution of love styles is a fascinating journey that tells us a great deal about the human experience.
By understanding our own love styles, we can better understand ourselves and our relationships. Increase our chances of finding a fulfilling and long-lasting love that is built on a strong emotional connection and deep sense of empathy and compassion.
Meet Stephen, a bold and opinionated cis-gendered gay advocate for gender equality and sexual education. Join him on the Adultsmart blog for fearless insights.