VIP Interview With Mistress Kashiko Black The Founder Of Keeping It Kinky

This is a VIP interview with Mistress Kashiko Black the founder of Keeping It Kinky, her website offers complete guides to BDSM and alternative sexual lifestyle.  It was created with the inspiration to provide knowledge, information and educational resources that can be used to explore their sexuality with safety and consent in mind. Keeping It Kinky goes in great detail about all topics ranging from kink basics, how to use bondage and fetish gear and it goes into depth about different types of fetishes. Mistress Kashiko also reviews BDSM or sexual lifestyle related movies and books, so you know which ones to watch and read!

Mistress Kashiko has been a member of the Vancouver BDSM scene where she is able to take her natural ability to be a leader and use it in a space where it is celebrated.

Keeping It Kinky Website Image
Image: Keeping It Kinky

What is it like being a mistress?

Being a Mistress is a wonderful experience. It feels empowering. It’s also just a part of who I am. I am naturally dominant and that expresses itself in a number of ways. When I’m participating in a scene, I have the opportunity to embrace that part of myself to the fullest. It’s like having something that you’re really good at and enjoy doing and getting the chance to show it off and have other people appreciate it.

What is your favourite part of being a mistress?

After establishing a strong BDSM relationship with someone, you come to know the smaller nuances of their personality and reactions to things. My favourite part of a scene is when I am able to really reach my sub on a deep level and every little expression and feeling that they are experiencing is because that is what I want them to, that was my design. They are finding fulfilment and delight or absolute anticipatory frustration at my fingertips.

Have you always known that you wanted to be a mistress?

I would say yes. I haven’t always known what a Mistress was but I’ve always naturally been dominant and enjoyed exerting that upon the willing. I suppose the time when it became more of an active thought or desire was in my early 20s when I began to participate in the world of BDSM through my local scene.

Kink Basics Website Page For Keeping It Kinky
Image: Kink Basics

Do mistresses follow any rules? Why are rules important?

Of course! Every good BDSM player follows the rules that separate abuse from BDSM. At its most fundamental level, it could be summed up by a single word: Consent. In the community, we talk about it in terms of Safe, Sane, and Consensual or Risk Aware Consensual Kink (R.A.C.K). These terms define what most BDSM players consider consent encompassing. There are some other rules that are observed, but those are usually around specific kinks. It all comes down to safety. Is everyone having a good time? Is everyone in a situation where no one will be harmed? Harm is different from hurt. Pain is a sensation and not always a bad one. Harm, regardless of what kind, is what we try very hard to avoid. BDSM is about creating a safe place to explore new experiences and sensations in a safe and caring manner. Without that, you’re looking at something entirely different.

What did you find frustrating about the BDSM community? How do you feel this problems can be fixed?

New people to the community. You can always tell when someone is inexperienced or new because they always say, “I have no boundaries, you can do whatever you want”. That is a dangerous phrase and just downright reckless. Everyone has boundaries and that is healthy. Saying you have no boundaries and that ANYTHING is game is something a predator wants to hear. The only people who will take you up on that offer are people who are not healthy BDSM practitioners but those who seek to harm for their own gratification. If someone doesn’t know what their limits are because they haven’t experienced enough, that’s fine but say that. Saying that you are so hard core that you can take anything just makes you sound like an idiot…. or someone who is dangerous to play with. It’s a horrible misconception that the ultimate BDSM player is up for anything. It’s not true. As much as this notion frustrates me, the remedy is reasonably simple: Education. Most people once you explain it seem to get it and wise up. “Oh I have no limits, you can do anything!” “Oh really? So it’s ok if I shoot you full of tranquilizer so you resemble a corpse and then do a bunch of stuff to your body?”….. Most people’s eyes going totally wide and then they get it. If someone is saying yes to that out of the gates with someone they barely know, there are so many issues with that I can’t even begin to describe, it would take way too long. Let’s just say DANGER DANGER!!!

What are the important aspects of the BDSM community which must be maintained?

The culture of consent. Most kinks involve a degree of danger and some of them are riskier than others. Informed consent is extremely important. Just as important as doing the research for safely carrying out a scene. If everyone is up for and informed about what’s happening, then it can be a mind blowing and positive experience. Without those things, it will just be trauma.

What places would you recommend to go to become a member of the BDSM community?

Most cities with a BDSM scene will have club nights and these are the easiest events to find but they are not always the best. The clubs can be loud and more focused on outfits and dancing than community and kink. It can be a good way to assess comfort level but not a good place to connect or learn. Many communities will host munch events. This is a meetup, usually at a coffee shop or restaurant where people can meet others into the lifestyle. Many communities will also host play parties which are events specifically focused on dungeon kink. A number of these communities will also host educational events that teach. These are all good places to connect with your local scene.

What did you learn from studying psychology that has impacted how you see people’s fetishes, kinks and desires?

Psychology, historically, has not seen kinks and fetishes favorably. That has changed over the years and continues to do so but I feel that this is still somewhat scewed. When I first started Keeping it Kinky in 2011, there was not a lot of academic research being done on the subject. I’m glad to say that this has changed. But if I was to pinpoint one particular thing, I’d have to say that it was during my education on biological growth and how that impacts our minds at different ages. There was a study done on attraction and what we attribute it to. People were asked to walk across a bridge and then speak to someone at the other side, they were later asked to rate the attractiveness of the person they spoke to. In the control group, the bridge was a small bridge over a creek that was very low to the ground. The other participants were asked to walk across a suspension bridge. The people who walked across the suspension bridge rated the same person as significantly more attractive than those in the control group. The idea that we don’t always attribute our responses accurately stuck with me. The power of perception is a strong and powerful thing.

Kink Basics Website Page For All Book Reviews
Image: All Book Reviews

What books would you recommend to read?

There are many excellent books on the topic of BDSM out there. Lots of good information. That being said, I am particularly fond of the works of Raven Kaldera. They have a number of books available and I find the writing to be education, entertaining, and extremely well done.

Kink Basics Website Page For All Movies Reviews
Image: All Movies Reviews

What movies would you recommend to watch?

There are not many movies that come to mind that I feel are a good representation of BDSM. “Secretary” is an excellent film but does have a few issues in how it portrays BDSM. Most films don’t paint Dominants in a very good light sadly. Although I suppose that would not make a very good film if they did. One movie I would highly recommend, although it doesn’t focus exclusively on BDSM, is “My Awkward Sexual Adventure“. The beginning is a bit painful the watch as the actors are a bit terrible but hang in there because by the end of the film you realize it’s kind of intentional to show the fakeness of his relationship at the beginning. Kind of a contrast thing. Anyways, really good film about sex and exploring different aspects.

What services does your websites provide?

Keeping it Kinky focuses mostly on education. The site currently hosts over 200 articles on BDSM, sexual health, communication, and more. And this is an ongoing project, more articles to come. We also do book and movie reviews. It is primarily a non-profit site so everyone involved in the project donates their time and energy. The site also offers a small store, which we hope to grow. We also offer listings to any business, service, or community member that identifies as BDSM/Kink/LGBTQ friendly. Sadly this section doesn’t have too many listings yet.

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Sexpert is our resident full time sex blogger. Having successfully owned and managed a number of blogs relating to women’s lifestyle, she easily blended into her role as chief blogger of the Adultsmart Blog. She is in a long term relationship with her boyfriend. She also runs Good Girl Guide, a sexual lifestyle blog.
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