What is the appropriate way to approach the subject of parents kink – especially when you have an active sex life as a submissive while being a parent?
I’m a wife and a Mum of two incredible young girls aged 7 and 11. I’m a submissive/slave in my kink world, I home-school my two children and I work part time. Since I work in an adult store, my children can’t see where I work.
They certainly don’t know that their Mummy, who comforts them when they’re sick, scared or sad, is into being flogged with, slapped with Vampire Gloves, caned, hurt and choked! So lots of questions arose when I started working with the wonderful family that is Oh Zone.
Questions like:
“Why can’t we visit you at work? What do you do at work that we’re not allowed to see?”
“You can’t come to my work because you must be over 18 to enter the store. I don’t do anything at work that you’re not allowed to see but you know how there’s a Toys “R” Us for children? Well there’s a Toys “R” Us for adults too and that’s where I work.”
Surprisingly, they smiled and giggled, but they were happy with the response. I found that quite funny. Their curiosity. The way they won’t stop until they got answers.
Being Open With My Children – To A Point
My husband has always been very concerned about just how much they should know at this young and tender age. He’s much more reserved than I am. Although I grew up in a family where you were seen and not heard, with very strict parents, I believe that being open with my children about everything is a good thing. When I say open with them, I mean answer what they ask and only what they ask.
When you’re a Mum, you know you never have any kind of privacy. Showering is hard when there are times when your kids want to show you their week old scratch that they have or the scrape on the knee which is a different colour today.
When my 11 year old was 9, she followed me into the bathroom after I had started my shower. She sat there to talk to me about all sorts of things. Then I noticed she was staring at my body and I began to laugh. She was studying my every scar from various operations I’ve had in my life and said.
“Mum, what are these scars from?”
So I started explaining that
“This one is from my appendix operation, these three are from my gall bladder operation and this one is from a c-section I had when I had your sister”.
She stopped for a moment and asked me if that’s where she came from too. I looked at her and smiled thinking of how beautiful she is and how cute I found her facial expressions as she was almost holding her breath waiting for an answer. So I asked her,
“Do you want the child version or the real version?”
She looked at me with a sarcastic look and said
“The real version, Mum.”
So I explained to her that some children are delivered by c-section and some are delivered the old fashioned way just like she was….exiting from down there. She held her face with her two hands and said
“Oh, Mum! I think I’m traumatized forever.”
And she laughed. I told her that there’s nothing traumatic about it. That from the beginning of mankind, that’s how everyone comes out into the world and there was nothing wrong with that. She was happy with the answer but happier that I respected her enough to tell her the truth. Yes sure, when she was little, the stories were that she came from the tummy and when she asked how did I get in the tummy, it was
“Well, we went to the doctor and he took an egg out of Mummy and Daddy. The doctor placed the eggs in my belly button.“
That was okay for back then, but as they get older and they need more answers. I have found that through lots of talking with my children, they actually feel so much better and more confident when they understand the truth about things that go on around them.
How I Approach Discussing Parents Kink
My 11 year old talks to me about everything she thinks and feels and I need her to know that she can do that. They see me dressing up and going to a kink event. I get questions.
“What do you do? Where you do you go?”
I explain only that I belong in a certain community where we meet up at events and dress up. That they’re like my second family. They’re happy with that. These days they think nothing of it. The key is to be open and not embarrassed about real life things. Our life doesn’t stop because we become parents. We still have to be who we are.
I would much rather tell my children about everything in an age appropriate version, than have them read or see it on the internet, or friends or TV. As parents, we always try to protect our children and not traumatised them. Nurture them and help them understand the world they live in and not over complicate it for them. They need to feel like they can talk about anything with us without being afraid. While they’re young, problems are little…but as they grow older, so do the problems.
Today it’s about where I came from? Why is my body changing? Tomorrow the questions will be vastly different including What are drugs as my friend asked me to try this drug? Why do you think my boyfriend is insisting on having unprotected sex? or I’m attracted to my girlfriend Mum, is that normal? And my reply will be
“Yes they are all normal as long as you are happy and safe my little ones. Mummy and Daddy will always be there for you no matter what!”
Jennifer is a marketer at Adultsmart! Embracing a non-judgmental stance, she believes in pleasure without limits—if it feels good and right, why not?