Dating An Older Man

I have a confession. I have seen a young man and an older man clearly in a relationship and dismissed them. I have dismissed the younger of the two as a money hungry bitch with his name brand clothes, designer wallet and dismissed the older gentlemen as a sleaze who can no longer appreciate or deserves someone age appropriate and instead has to buy his love and affection. I have unashamedly had these thoughts during my visits to the club, to the Midnight Shift, to dinners with friends, to couples on grindr and dating websites and at the time i made absolutely no apologies for my explicit self-righteous behaviour. Further, in an extension of my twisted thoughts I had always assumed that the young man was a bottom and the older gentlemen a perverted top. In my younger years i even maliciously contemplated scoring a ‘daddy’ for the purposes of self-benefit.

I was wrong. I am wrong. And i am ashamed. The queer world can be a harsh and judgemental place and i’ve been on the recieving end of that judgement before. I had dismissed potential legitimate feelings, and had dismissed what they emotionally provided to each other stability, affection and security. It is almost something ingrained within us and i feel that it’s a completely gendered argument. In American Pie the idea of scoring a MILF is erotic, hot and beneficial, as it also does in Desperate Housewives with Mrs Gabriel Solis and her teenage lover John. The younger guy recieving the teachings of an older woman in her prime enjoying the youthfulnes of her partner backed up by the idea that the husband is clearly not providing enough sexual activity or spice. The same thoughts and almost idolised relationship is not always extended to males, either straight or gay. Hugh Hefener is at times depicted as a legend and a creep. The language used to depict Hugh in comparison to Cougars only serves to ‘legitimise’ the feelings and disparity between the two. Does this excuse my naive behaviour? Certainly not, but it provides a contextual platform from which my behaviour was grounded within.

 

Lesbian Love Ellen Portia
Photo: Ellen and Portia Celebrity Wedding

 

Last year Stephen Fry married Elliot Spencer, an age difference of 30 years. Scott Daley revealed he was dating Dustin Lance Black, a 20 year difference. Ellen Degeneres and Portia De Rossie have an age difference of 15 years. All of these age differences were plastered around the news and various articles. A quick perusal of hollywood age gaps within heterosexual couples indicate that it’s certainly nothing unusual. Charlize Theron and Sean Penn have an age difference of 15 years, Samantha Taylor-Johnson and Aaron Taylor Johnson have an age gap of 23 years, even more recently we have Kylie Minogue and fiance Joshua Sasse have a 20 year age gap. Interestingly glamourmagazine.co.uk said this gem ‘We’re pleased for Kylie – and who cares about a 20-year age gap – he doesn’t seem to care’ whereas the publicity surrounding the engagement of Elliot Spencer with Stephen Fry seemed to have people feeling self-entitled enough to say things like ‘didn’t realise Stephen Fry had a son for a BF’ etc.  One can only imagine the effect the hurtful comments had on what should have been an enormously happy moment of their lives

My thinking started to change when i first met my BF. At the time he was dating an older man, and granted his initial talkings of this relationship seemed to support my views adding to my confusion. But over time, i realised what they had provided to each other and just how deep the relationship was to both of them. It changed my views quite considerably and my ‘fear’ of older men slowly, but not completely, retreated. So when it comes to the news headlines that Sam Stanley a UK Rugby Player, Sam Stanley, is dating an older man Laurence Hicks, it doesn’t really phase me.  It doesn’t phase me in the slightest, that as gaystarnews put its, his boyfriend is not what you’d expect this jock to have despite him in all probability having the pick of  ‘twinks, twerkers and gym-obsessed twats.’. Laurence is not the type of person that you’d expect Stanley to go for, and that is what makes this relationship so damn beautiful. Stuff standards, stuff stereotypes, and love who you want to love. Try to look through society standards of sexuality.

Review: Chrome Crescent Double Ended Dildo

Steel Double Ended Dildo

Chrome Crescent Double Ended Dildo is easily my favourite designed sex object as It looks like something you’d find in an art gallery inside a glass cube with an exorbitant price tag. This is an extremely versatile toy, and I think anyone can certainly find a good use for the curve. This sex toy is considerably heavier than other G/P-spotting alternative but due to its design its less likely you will get sore wrists or your arm will tire from use. This weight also aids in stimulation letting gravity take the wheel can make for a sensation that may not be easily obtainable with other toys! The heft of this toy should not intimidate users as it is an aid not a hindrance!

Steel is highly conductive, so Chrome Crescent Double Ended Dildo perfect for temperature play. It warms up quickly in your hands and holds the warmth for quite a long time. To warm it before play – a few minutes in warm water will fasten the warming period if starting off with a cold steel bulb isn’t your idea of fun. For those who do find the icy side of things more adventurous a couple of minutes in cold water or the refrigerator will certainly cool things down! make sure to test the temperature before use and never use the freezer to cool down steel! cause you might get stuck to it!

If you fell you’d get bored with Hell’s Couture’s Chrome Crescent Double Ended Dildo as it is a non vibrational toy a quick way to remedy this is to add on a powerful  vibrating C-ring for a little extra kick and see how interesting things can get from there! The larger end of the curve can also be used and an exerciser for the kegel muscles by  inserting, squeezing and clenching, pulling the curve, relax and finally repeat. An alternate use of the Chrome Curve is as a massage wand team with a good massage oil such as wildfire black and you’ve got a super slick massage wand that is great for pinpoint stimulation to work out those knots from the days stresses! If the mood strikes its lucky that wildfire is safe as a personal lubricant!

Curve Surgical Steel Dildo
Sex Toy: Chrome Crescent Double Ended Dildo

Chrome curve is made from stainless steel which is an ultra safe material as it is latex free, non-porous, and phthalate free. HC’s Steel toys are pretty much indestructible, so this will be a toy that will last you a lifetime. It is very firm, so this material may not be for everyone, especially those who prefer something softer such as a silicone you could try the Jopen comet or the Lelo Ella both available at Oh! Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres.

The craftsmanship on the Chrome Crescent Double Ended Dildo is top notch there isn’t a nick or a scratch to report. The steel is polished to such an outstanding quality it feels smoother than glass. As this toy is steel it is compatible with silicone-based, water-based, and oil-based lubricant, but you should avoid oil-based if you’re using it for vaginal play. This double ended dildo has a bulb on each end  One that’s great for more of a pin-point stimulation and will work best for P-spot stimulation, and another that’s larger and better at providing a broad stimulation a delight to use on the G-spot. If use finds the larger side is too big initially, you can always start off with the smaller end or use as a as a warm up.

Most beginners can accommodate the smaller grape sized end. The larger end will presumably be comfortable for most with a small amount of lubricant and a warm up. The curve is extremely ergonomic and perfect for masturbation as it is easily to wield. It works well for partner play too, but just be careful with it and be gentle and listen to your partner for cues as steel can be very unforgiving and may result in discomfort such as a bruised cervix. The chrome curve as its name suggest has quite a sharp curve that some women may find uncomfortable due to the placement of their pubic bone.

The Curve measurements:

  • Overall length: 200mm
  • Insertable length: 170mm
  • Width at slimmest end: 25mm
  • Width at widest end: 37mm

Due to the Chrome Crescent Double Ended Dildo being constructed of steel which is body safe and non porous a wipe over with toy cleaner and a rinse off is adequate enough to clean this toy but steel also allows for it to be sterilized via the top rack of the dishwasher, a 10% bleach solution or boiling for a few minutes. The curve arrives in hell’s couture’s signature hard case, A leather covered box with a red velvet lining inside. There is a foam cut out that perfectly fits and cushions your chrome curve. The packaging is so sturdy and luxurious it can be kept and used as full time storage for your curve if you weren’t interested in displaying it as a beautiful steel sculpture in your home.

Australian Safe Schools Program

Safe School Coalition

The hot topic of the week is the Safe School’s program. As a teacher having taught in NSW schools as well as being a Sex Educator and Youth Counsellor it is understandable that this topic would pique my interest. Further, it concerns me as a gay male who constantly has to check his surroundings for people to determine the relative safety level as i traverse from everywhere from Western Sydney to the Inner City of Sydney.

Conservatives in the parliament and media have slammed the program as force feeding the Homsexual agenda ‘down the throats of our young, vulnerable school children’ (Bill Muehlenberg, The Real Agenda Behind The Safe Schools Coalition). Senator Cory Bernadi spoke about children being ‘prematurely sexualised’ and even went so far as to describe the program as ‘Marxist’. Senator Joe Bullock said the program is so ‘narrowly focused on homosexual issues that it doesn’t provide the sort of balance one would hope’. What all these comments actually highlight is simple; they have no idea what they’re talking about. They cannot distinguish what is actually in the program and they confuse the program due to an organisations support, Minus18. The Safe Schools program is completely different and seperate to the Minus18 Organisation. Indeed, as Judith Ireland states in her Sydney Morning Herald Don’t Believe Everything Conservative MPs Claim: the FACTS on what Safe Schools teaches Kids on February 26th the core part of the program consists of 8 lessons for young high-school students to supplement their PDHPE lessons. Does the program combat bullying? Probably not as directly as it could – which begs the answer to the question the conservatives are completely ignoring. What is the point of The Safe Schools Program? Tolerance, plain and simple. By building tolerance within the school setting, supplemented by the already existing anti-bullying programs it is to teach children about alternative lifestyles, genders and the diversity of sex and sexuality as opposed the the dicotomy of male/female and the priviledged nature heternormativity. This then translates into their life as functioning and productive members of society and their dealings with other individuals in a social setting.

 

Preventing Sexuality Bullying in School
Companies of Safe School Program

 

It is no worse than what occurs in ACON seminars and workshops for the youth excepting this program has fully trained teachers rather than volunteers who might be teachers, indeed there are a few teachers who volunteer at ACON. The lessons in the Safe Schools program include activities titled ‘Coming Out’, ‘Challenging Stereotypes’, ‘Understanding Intersex’, ‘What is Transgender’, ‘How to be a great Ally’ and others. All of which are centred around building tolerance and mutual understanding. Granted, i do understand the concern about intersex which is a tricky enough subject to talk about normally without the onset of hormones, discovering sex and sexuality and the relative maturity levels of kids. It primarily comes down to the skill of the teacher, and the resources used in order to correctly deliver this lesson in an age appropriate manner. However, for a child who may be experiencing these things at that time – it could potentially be life changing to realise that they are not alone. Even if it reaches just a handful of students in each class then the program should be considered a success.  Even working within the Adult Entertainment industry with Sexual Aides, i continually and as safely as possible, have to correct peoples language and assumptions about Queer People. The overwhelming majority support being corrected when done appropriately, and many of the clients that i have spoken to in regards to this state simply they they were not taught that in life or even school. No one has ever said to them the potentials of life ‘on the other side’ the daily struggles, the constant coming outs etc. The privileged seldom evaluate why they are privileged and simply rejoice and revel in their socially privileged status.

Muehlenberg attempted to justify his position by insinuating that he himself was bullied in school and that the program doesn’t specifically deal with the issue of bullying, further he uses ‘evidence’ from Minus18 to make claims against the program including dismissing the idea of ‘proud to create change in schools’.  He uses this claim as a sweeping argument to dismiss the specific issues that students of diverse sexuality face. Being bullied does not give one the entitlement to comment on bullying concerning homophobia. One can only wonder how he feels about the specific programs that focus on Indigenous students within schools and how surprised he would be to find that the resources within this program solely focus on Indigenous Students! Not only do children of dvierse sexuality and gender have to deal with burgeoning emotions, struggling to find their identity just as every other normal student within a social jungle, but they have to deal with emotions and feelings that, for the most part, they are told are not normal.

I have had several clients whilst working at Adult Stores who have told me that they tried for so long to stay straight, to play happy families and eventually it all came crumbling down. The Safe Schools program IS about creating change in schools. Muehlenberg fails to understand the potential catastrophic damage this can have on a vulnerable child and neglects to acknowledge that LGTBQI youth have one of the highest rates of suicide in the world. He does not comment on the notion of building tolerance merely striking down the program as not focusing on anti-bullying as he claims the program is selling itself as. He also mentions and cautions against throwing such an agenda down our ‘vulnerable school children’. This is fear mongering at its best and insinuates that the ‘gay agenda’ has an ulterior motive. Do tell, what that motive and ‘Real Agenda’ of the program is? Is it trying to force everyone to be gay or of a diverse gender? No, it’s about building tolerance in schools to combat homophobia in order to lower the following statistics.

  • 61% of same sex attracted or gender diverse young people in Australia have experienced verbal abuse.
  • 18% of same sex attracted or gender diverse young people in Australia have experienced physical abuse.
  • 80% of these homophobic and transphobic incidents take place in schools.

When he mentions that  ‘anyone who has a problem with the homosexual lifestyle is ipso facto a bully.’ He fails to see the point that his comments are degrading and hurtful to those of diverse sexuality and genders and he plays the ‘victim card’ of the minority being overly aggressive in its agenda despite being a privileged white cis-male who doesn’t seem to understand the priviledge he has at being able to be correctly identified as a ‘he’. Does he really feel that threatened by the quest for equality? I’d have to question what he actually stands to lose when it arrives, long overdue in comparison to the rest of the world and what he is actually condemning our ‘vulnerable children’ to as members of a tolerant society.

 

By Stephen a Sexual Educator working at ALC, social commentator and an opinionated gay man.

Wounded Warrior Project

Wounded Warrior
I’m sure you’ve seen my previous reviews on Sportsheets, and how favourably i look towards them. Their products are good quality, made well, hold well during play and for the most part are well designed for the intent. I only have two issues towards the company. Firstly their overtly heteronormative marketing campaign and product packaging design. Whilst i understand that there is a difference between the Sportsheets brand (marketed towards heterosexual couples) and manbound brand (marketed towards queer men). This however, can be reduced to simple marketing and gearing towards your clientelle. However, my second concern is more prominent. Tom Stewart founder and CEO of Sportsheets has, from my understanding, been involved in the Wounded Warrior Project since 2009. One of the listed purposes of this project is;
‘To provide unique, direct programs and services to meet the needs of injured service members.’
 This project is a necessary service to men and women who return from war with missing limbs, spinal injuries, mental health issues and the multitude of other issues that concern service people in the aftermath of returning home from war. It’s a worthy cause. The men and women whom service their country come back to feelings (Potentially including PTSD) they’ve never felt before, and on top of that, (for those who have lost mobility, limbs etc) find themselves facing difficulty when it comes to sexual pleasure or intercourse. As Tom states in hie interview with Erin Meisenzahl-Peace:
‘Dealing with an injured spouse is stressful enough. . . when it comes to the effect it has on their sex lives it can be devastating for couples’.
 Whilst this statement is directed at returning service people, it can be easily transferred to people who have been in a recent accident, and also with those with life long disabilities. The comment can serve to highlight the impact a disability can have on what many able-bodied people take for granted, a healthy active sex life. What i particularly like about sportsheets is their involvement in the development of sexual aides for those with disabilities. What i dislike is that they hardly mention this, nor do they include how it could be helpful to those with disabilities. Take for example their product description on the Sportsheets Thigh Strap-On.
‘Our thigh strap-on allows your partner to grind on your thigh, freeing up hands to do other things.  Soft, comfortable neoprene forms to your body making this comfortable to wear as long as you need.  Reinforced opening accommodates flared base dildos . ‘
Wounded Warrior Circular Shield
Logo: Wounded Warrior Project
In Tom’s interview with Meisenzahl-Peace he mentions that he was in Canada demonstrating the thigh strap product. A male confined to a wheelchair saw it and wanted to try it, after putting it on they brought over his girlfriend and told her to straddle it. The couple were impressed.  There is no mention of the accessibility of this product towards people with disabilities. Though i will commend them for their product description on the Everlaster Stud which
‘Fits over your Flaccid Penis. Great for men suffering from premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction.’
I find myself torn. I understand from a marketing point of view to a certain extent, however it could be taken that the product descriptions are hiding the notion of sex and disability when in actual fact, we should be pointing it out. To raise awareness and consideration of the difficulties that those with mental and physically disabilities can have when considering sexual pleasure.
The Door Jam Sex Sling, which could potentially also be perfect for someone with limited mobility or confined to a wheelchair sees the benefits towards those with disabilities reduced to a singular sentence; ‘Finally, sex standing up is possible for everyone!’ I think my disgruntlement stems from an idea succinctly put by Nick Mahler; ‘Most toy shops would rather concentrate on the mainstream public, which leaves a growing segment to figure it out for themselves’. Nick Mahler is a Texan man who has Fibrodysplasia ossificans progressiva, a rare gentic disorder which sees muscles, joints and ligaments fuse together over time. Sensing a gap in the industry he opened Dallas Novelty – A sex store that focuses on servicing the sexual needs of the disabled population. The lack of description within the products from Sportsheets, despite its obvious benefit for those with disabilities, leaves the majority of people to essentially, figure it out for themselves. Is there any harm in explicitly stating the direct benefit to those with disabilities if not only to make the individual feel included but to spread awareness concerning sex and disability.
The Adult Lifestyle Centre in Kogarah is one of the few ground floor Adult Stores in the Sydney Metropolitan area and sees numerous clients with disabilities every week. The staff are trained in a diverse range of disabilities and for the most part can recommend suitable products. From things such as position masters like the Sex Sling by Sportsheets which the providing support ‘reduces leg fatigue and lower back pressure’ to provide enhance angles for penetration.’ to large external toys such as the Bodywand favoured by those seeking clitoral stimulation who have limited hand movement, or even the Rends A10 Piston. An electric masturabator which provides hands free stimulation to the penis and essentially jacks you off and blows you to climax or even the Octopuss Pulse which provides penile stimulation regardless of ones ability to maintain or even obtain an erection. There are a multitude of products out there which can be used for and by those with disabilities. Sometimes, it’s just a little difficult finding them. If you’re in the Sydney Metropolitan area check out the wheelchair friendly location in Kogarah,.

Review: We-Vibe 4 Plus

We Vibe 4 Plus Remote Control Phone

The We-Vibe 4 Plus is the world’s most recognised couples sex toy and has been for the past 3 years. Compared to the stereotypical sex toys such as the Rabbit or the Body Wand, the We-Vibe confidently promotes that it is a first among equals when it comes to the top selling adult toy in the industry. Designed by the Canadian Adult Toy Company with the same name “We-Vibe”, the 4 Plus has taken the world by storm with it’s uniqueness and design. Finally enough the created of the We-Vibe Concept, came up with the idea whilst he was riding his bike.

So what makes the We-Vibe 4 Plus so popular? It’s shape. It’s shape enables it to be the worlds first couples vibrator that can use during physical intercourse and not just as an added extra to spice things up. The We-Vibe becomes part of the sexual experience and creates an extra intimacy and pleasure that both yourself and partner get out of intercourse. It’s shape is unique and looks like the letter U. The reason for the shape is because the top part of the We-Vibe stimulates the clitoris whilst the bottom part is inserted snuggly allowing it to push up on the upper G-spot wall. Did i mention that it’s vibrating the whole time?!. So you must be wondering where does you’re partner come into this? Well other then his or her ability to control themselves when you give them the remote that changes the vibrations, they will be able to feel the We-Vibe whilst they are thrusting because the bottom part will be running along the shaft of the penis/fingers or strap on. Thus this is where the three levels of pleasure come from.

 

 

We-Vibe Online
Sex Toy: We-Vibe 4 Plus
But these day’s there is so much innovation and toys are becoming so versatile in the industry such as the Lelo Siri 2 that vibrators to music, that people are asking “Is there anything else this product can do?”. From a consumers point of view, the We-Vibe 4 Plus is one of the most versatile toys there is on the market, hands down, without a doubt. The benefits of owning a We-Vibe 4 Plus include:
  1. A couples sex toy that can be used during sexual intercourse: Close to 80% of women climax from clitoral stimulation. To achieve a clitoral orgasm these woman may need to massage the clitoris, need a sex toy to vibrate on their clitoris or need oral sex. The We-Vibe 4 Plus allows for hands-free clitoral stimulation whilst stimulating the G-Spot. This means that you can use you’re hand’s for more things then one, instead of allowing them to go numb or getting pins and needles by constantly holding a bullet on you’re clitoris. And lets not forget the stimulation a male can receive from them, he will receive 2 lots of stimulation. The obvious being the stimulation from intercourse itself and the second being the vibration of the We-Vibe on his shaft while he thrusts.
  2. Waterproof: Who can go wrong with the We-Vibe 4 Plus that they can use in any place other then the bedroom? I mean yeah bedroom toys are fun but it becomes repetitive and boring, and nothing beats the toys that say they are waterproof but once you take them in the shower with you… they stop working! However the We-Vibe is both fully waterproof and bath proof (except the remote), this means you can use them both in water without them being destroyed. This is because the design of the We-vibe is made possible to be completely sealed with it’s medical grade silicone exterior. So make you’re partner wear it in the shower whilst you control it from the bedroom.
  3. Downloadable free mobile application and wireless remote control: My favourite feature of the We Vibe 4 Plus is the wireless remote with the mobile phone application. Now without getting too excited let me explain the difference between the devices. The remote can work only up to 10-15 metres, so it’s fantastic for a night out in the cinemas, for dinner dates with the in laws or even going out clubbing. The remote makes it so much easier to use the toy even in the bedroom, instead of constantly having to stop and reach down to change the vibration, you can just change it from the remote. The movie The Ugly Truth is a great laugh about taking toys to business meetings! The phone application is usable no matter where you are in the world, compared to where the We Vibe 4 Plus is located. Well, firstly ill put a few situations in you’re head. You could be at home whilst you’re partner is at work, and be able to control the We-Vibe, you can be at groceries whilst you’re partner is in the Hong Kong during a business meeting, you can be in Court whilst you’re partner is outside waiting for you to get the verdict, either way you’re going to get a good outcome and my personal favourite, you could be oversea’s whilst you’re partner is at home in the backyard pushing you’re kid on the swings. How deviant.
  4. Rechargeable with a case: Other then the fact you will never have to change batteries ever again or pay for batteries, the case is the best thing We-Vibe 4 Plus could have done for couples. With the children of the world rapidly developing and constantly running in and out of rooms of the house finding things that they shouldn’t be playing with, We-Vibe has created the perfect case to be used as a discrete “internet modem” or “Hard drive” for the computer.
You can not go wrong with the We-Vibe, it is an essential couples toy, and if you are going through a break-up… DO NOT THROW IT OUT! You can use it by yourself and keep you’re pleasure and sexual passion alive!

 

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