Perils of Dating Online

Troll Street Sign

Dating Online can be a cruel world and I think that when you’re ‘anonymously’ on the other side of a screen, it makes it worse. There are many Perils of Dating Online. We live in an age of ‘keyboard warriors’, people who will post some of the most vile comments for what they think is a worthy cause or worse, just because they’re on the other side of a screen and think they’ll get away with it. Everywhere you look, from restaurant reviews, to dating apps, to facebook messages to even gaming community boards – there are vitriolic, hateful and sexist comments.There are some people out there who just get a rise out of people, not because they hardheartedly support a topic but because they can or it is fun to them. Without the keyboard, if these people were to talk to you directly, I don’t believe that 80% of them would talk to anyone with the language that they have used. because in real life their a consequences to what you say.

‘Reviewers’ have destroyed businesses because someone has posted an ‘injustice’ done to them with no understanding of the actual context of the events, this has led to businesses receiving death threats, hurtful and hateful reviews and comments which have no basis in actual reality and/or fact. Dating Onlin, or even finding a date is sometimes one of the toughest things to do. You might just have left school, started a career and getting out there in the world, or you might have been with someone for years when suddenly they upped and left you. Either or, it could be a vulnerable place you find yourself in and then you have to bare all for the dating scene. Sometimes if you don’t reply to someone quickly enough or decided not to respond, you can get a lot of messages from someone you don’t want contact with. Or you might get the odd dick pictures here or there but that is just one of the Perils of Dating Online.


Online Creepy Man
Photo: The Perils of Dating Online


This ‘window shopping’ environment can be soul crushing especially when you’re on the receiving end of it all. I get it, you have your preferences, your fantasies, your habits and we live in a world of instant gratification where you can type in gay Asian Porn and that’s precisely what you’ll get. Yet there is a discrepancy between the idea that your porn preferences are not deemed as racist, yet your ‘preferences’ on Grindr are, and many people actually struggle with the idea that specifically listing your race likes IS racist. On one hand, you can’t particularly blame them, it’s an ‘insta-sex app’ and they’re essentially listing their ‘preferences’. In can also be quite tough if you begin a lot of conversations with people and so many people just don’t end up being anything like they say. Or when you meet them they can end up being a cat fish and try to scam you for your money. Then when you meet them they are a completely different person.

What they don’t realise is the damage this causes, and the damage that some of the responses cause. You might be comfortable to a certain extent with your body, mind and sexuality (Though, arguable considering the explicitness of some of the ‘preferences’ listed), but the queer world is already shallow enough without it being explicit. By listing preferences, you’re essentially slamming the door in someone’s face, by commenting ‘Ewww, you’re ugly’ to someone is downright degrading I have personally had someone write back, ‘I can see why you’re in an open relationship’ when I obligingly sent him a photo of my partner. What?

Yes, Grindr is an instant sex application just like Tinder, but you don’t go to a restaurant and only ever order the same thing every time. By limiting ones self, you’re not truly exploring the world and I think that that is quite a sad thing to do – just because you’re not instantly attracted to them does not mean you ever will be, and by limiting yourself you really do not know what you could be missing out on. That’s the problem with online dating, you’re given a small confined space to ‘sell’ yourself on, and quite frankly to encompass ones personality on a page means you’re inevitably selling yourself short.


What is LGBTQ Foreplay

Women Kissing on Couch
How broadening your vocabulary can make you more aware and ‘sex positive’.
Wikepedia defines foreplay as:
noun: sexual activity that precedes intercourse – “he enjoyed flirting and foreplay”
Urban Dictionary defines foreplay as:
touching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become “turned on” before having actual sex. defines foreplay as:
noun: sexual stimulation of one’s partner, usually as a prelude to sexual intercourse.
Foreplay is a word I learnt in my first year of high school. A word one uses to describe the fun that happens before the ‘act’, the ‘real deal’ the ‘finale’, the ‘actual’ sex; as quoted from Urban Dictionary. I hear it thrown around in conversation daily – “this would be great for a foreplay toy!” On one particular day at Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre, after overhearing a particular conversation between a female and her male partner (presumably) I was rather offended to hear her say that the clitoral vibrator they were buying would be the perfect foreplay toy before the real fun started.  Admittedly, the word that bugged me most was ‘real’.   Somewhat the same as Urban Dictionary referring to foreplay as something that happens before having actual sex, or alternatively known as, Penis In Vagina (PIV) sex.
This brings me to the questions, What is LGBTQ Foreplay? As someone who is in a relationship with a female, I realised that what was bugging me is that the term foreplay is no longer a term that is relevant to my life. “Touching/kissing/licking each other in a stimulating manner, in order to become “turned on” before having actual sex” was rather horrifying and degrading to my sexuality, in all honesty. I mean, my girlfriend doesn’t have a penis, but I’ve never once thought that what we do doesn’t count as sex. That what we do is merely a fraction of what other couples get to experience. If there isn’t a penis going into a vagina at some point, then what is and what isn’t foreplay? What is and what isn’t “actual sex”? Oral sex: foreplay or not? Fingering? Mutual masturbation?  Trusting someone to not laugh at you when you put on a strap on for the first time and feel absolutely ridiculous? What is LGBTQ Foreplay?


Woman on Couch
Photo: What is LGBTQ Foreplay
The truth is a penis is not involved in mine, nor many other queer couples relationships… but what we apparently lack in body parts, we more then make up for in other sexual activities. Queer sex breaks the standard cycle or progression of sexual activities. We (I), don’t casually partake in some act(s) of foreplay before finishing with the grand finale of a penis in vagina scenario for 10-15 minutes (speaking from previous experience’s only hahaha) before ‘finishing’. This isn’t an accurate depiction of queer sex, or my sex life. Queer sex may last for hours, with all different kinds of sexual play which may involve toys or it may not. Multiple orgasms may be involved, or maybe you won’t orgasm. Nor is orgasm necessarily the end of sex. We obviously still take time to turn eachother on and to become aroused, but the key is – sometimes it’s intimate, sometimes it’s rough, sometimes it goes for 10 minutes and sometimes you decide to stop 5 orgasms later… it’s all sex. Not foreplay. So essentially, the term ‘foreplay’ is utterly heterocentric.
I then began to broaden my thought process and thought that if this is offensive to someone who HAS been with male partners before, then how toxic must other people in the LGTBQ community. The teen who is just coming to terms with her trueself and beginning her first phases of changing. Or the teen just coming to grips with her sexuality and being told what she desires isn’t real sex or worthy of the title ‘sex’. Broadening the definitions of sex is beneficial to everyone. It’s more inclusive for people of different genders and sexual orientations, where sex involving a penis entering an orifice isn’t applicable or desired. For people with different ability levels or bodies, people living with STIs, physical health issues, or any other situation where PIV sex might not be in the picture. Or even people who DO engage in PIV sex. What about the girl who can only orgasm from getting fingered while holding a tango on her clit? We all know that over 70% of women can’t orgasm without clitoral stimulation – are they technically not having ‘sex’?
So let’s take the word “foreplay” out of our collective vocabulary. We can define our own standards of What is LGBTQ Foreplay. Where we can pay attention to the language we use and broaden our definition of sex. Appreciate the variety of wonderful ways people enjoy each other’s bodies. It’s beneficial to everyone, no matter what gender or sexual orientation, because it’s another step toward a more inclusive, sex-positive world.
About The Author:  Chloe is a Consultant at the Adult Lifestyle Centres.

How Chocolate Fights Libido Loss

Chocolate on Model

Easter is a time for celebration and chocolate. The history of Easter and its association with chocolate is a varied history depending on the source. The most commonly accepted histories are that the Egg has for thousands of years, dating back to the Ancient Egyptians, been seen as a symbol for fertility and rebirth. The rise of Christianity when it spread across Europe assimilated many pagan rituals and customs including the idea of the egg. Chicken and duck Eggs were and still are given as Easter presents often decorated with dyes and bright colours. From this evolved the rare jewelled pieces from Carl Faberge and egg toys filled with candies and easter gifts – which eventually morphed into the chocolate eggs given today. The eggs are not just given to children, but adults as well and whilst the copious amounts of sugar may be consumed in a single sitting for children, what on earth are you, as a supposedly mature and responsible adult, going to do with all that extra chocolate?! Well, I’m about to tell you something which may make you scheme on how to steal the chocolate back from the kids.

Chocolate contains phenylethylamine or PEA, which triggers the same mood altering endorphins that occur during sex. It’s little wonder that PEA is more colloquially referred to as the love drug, and it is responsible for the feelings of attraction and passion that occur during the throes of sexual relations. That’s right, the consumption of chocolate is comparable to having sex! Now, before you go off and start stuffing your face full of excess chocolate in the hopes of increasing your libido, not only will excess consumption cause you to feel ill, but you only need to have a small bite per day in order to feel the effects of this libido enhancing wonder. Further, the actual scientific basis of the consumption of chocolate increasing libido has not been researched.

Delicious Chococlate
Chococlate Box

The research surrounds the consumption of chocolate and sex in terms of one research group concluded that women who consumed a small amount of chocolate daily reportedly felt more sexually fulfilled, but there has been no direct scientific link between sex and chocolate. There is no denying the chemical factors that chocolate has, and how the brain responds in a similar way to sex. Regardless of whether you view it as an aphrodisiac or not, the health benefits of chocolate, specifically dark chocolate, have been well researched. Daily consumption of a square of dark chocolate lowers blood pressure, improves blood circulation, decreases the risk of heart attacks, fights chronic fatigue, and the improved blood circulation also helps with erectile dysfunction! Sexually, there are many benefits for the consumption of chocolate, and indeed many healthy lifestyle benefits as well.

Now when you combine chocolate with chilli, you can have double the effect! Chilli has an compound in it called capsaicin which increases heart rate and promotes blood flow. An increased blood flow activates the nerve endings increasing states of arousal and stimulating the pleasure centres of the brain! Pair some of that with a glass of red wine as a precursor to some fun times and you’re starting to build a nice collection of foods and drink. Red wine contains resveratrol an antioxidant which also increases blood flow. Even more of a reason now to break out some chocolate body paint, or even turn some of the excess chocolate into some body paint.

Alternatively, assuming it’s a smooth chocolate with no gritty bits such as candies or nuts, measure up 120 grams of chocolate and put it into glass bowl sitting on top of a boiling saucepan and slowly stir until it is dissolved. Add 60 grams of butter in and whisk until the butter has melted and is completely mixed. Add 2-3 tablespoons of water or until the consistency is glossy and paint like. If you like it a little sweeter, add some sugar but ensure that the sugar completely dissolves, alternatively you can add a few drops of your favourite liquor (swap it with the water) for a truly sinful experience.

Grab a paintbrush, and some strawberries and start creating sexual works of art. Don’t put the good bed sheets on for that night else there’ll be some frantic trips to the washing machine in the middle of the night!

Gay Online Dating

Guy carrying man in park

Today, Online Gay Dating is easy for gay men to find partners with the help of online gay dating websites. It is important at the beginning to make proper searches about the gay dating website which you are thinking of joining. Find out if that website is suitable for you and can satisfy all your needs. Like Dating Apps such as Grindr, Scruff and Recon, you’ll notice that there are particular websites that cater to different types of men and fetishes. You will get a good overall result if you sign up to multiple various gay dating websites with the same interests as your own – you’ll generally find that you’ll then have something in common before you even start searching. When you do start searching through your chosen websites for potential partners and/or fuck buddies you can then spend a little time looking over them to know whether they suit your requirements or not.

The services offered by Online Gay Dating websites are mostly meant for both gay women and men but some websites do take care of the needs of male and female persons separately, or gay couples looking for someone of the opposite sex. Gay men have the opportunity to meet their future partner with ease. No matter whether you go for online dating websites for gays or to a website that has both homosexual and heterosexual sections, you just have to check out that the site offers singles a chance to hook up with someone of their predetermined choice. It is essential for you to look out for your benefits.

In case you as a gay man you are wondering whether to go for an Online Gay Dating or not, just think over the point of what will you do if you do not go to a gay dating website. Do you have any other options? If you’re a social individual and go to various social events throughout the year, you’ll have an even better chance of finding someone to settle down with.  Either way it is certainly worth it to try out a gay online dating website. Social restrictions and obligations take up so much of everyone’s resources these days so that there are people who do not have enough time and sometimes confidence to go out and meet a possible partner. Particularly those whom have only recently come out and find the scene a little too intimidating.

Today, Online Gay Dating websites have created a platform for all gay people to live a happy social life with other people while also having the chance on meeting their future partners. You can accept to meet someone without any obligation. You are free to find your future partner just like others, but you can also search for gay men any time since the websites are there for you 24/7. There are many gay dating sites that will allow you to be anonymous while you getting know of the person whom you met online.

Before paying for anything on any Online Gay Dating, it is recommended that you try out four to five websites to check their services and then make a decision. Many offer a free trial and it is advisable to do this first.  Some factors to consider are; the number of singles available in your section on different sites, your comfort zone, availability of your email accounts, and chat rooms and most importantly, location. After considering all these factors choose the website that is perfect for you and then you can pay for the services. It is better to use the free membership of other websites too because it will allow you to share your profile with new gay men out there. Today, gays seeking gays have found an easier way to find their future partners. It is as easy as checking your email account after you have joined up and wait for those messages to flow in.

Gay Men with Dog
Photo: Gay Dating

After you have decided to join a Online Gay Dating website like Gaydar or Just Say G’day and you need to write a profile. All online gay dating sites will have over thousands of unique personal profiles of gay singles listing their characteristics, likes, dislikes and personal preferences. Promoting yourself online can be challenging because you have to make sure that you will attract the guys you are interested and also make them stay and reply to your profile. The online gay dating community is very competitive so your gay personal ad has to beat the competition.

The most important thing is to know what you are looking for. Simply saying that you are looking to find a gay man for dating will attract all the gay men of the site. Imagine your profile getting bombarded by messages from tall, short, fat, bald and other gay men. You need to make your online dating experience better by eliminating the gay men you don’t like. Make a list of your preferences and qualities you want in a gay man, such as age, height, likes and hobbies. This may seem superficial, but why waste your time with people you don’t like? However, focus on the positives that you’d like in a potential mate and don’t list the things you do not want. This is limiting, and often comes across as arrogant, racist and insulting – as well as even if your preference is not a particular type of person, you may find that you’ll still fall for them anyway given all their other qualities and interests. The Gay Dating world is already harsh enough without adding to the pressure of being a particular type of Male.

Online Gay Dating websites like to maintain a certain level of anonymity, which means all gay men using the website, must have an online profile name. Be creative and choose a nice and creative name. BigTool4U may seem like a cool name, but you’ve just listed your big dick as your best quality, not necessarily the right impression you want to give on a dating site, though if you’re after instant sex it might serve you well!

What you need to include in the profile. Gay dating sites offer a section for members like you to upload their photos. A photo is the best way to promote yourself. Most gay men new to the online dating community seem to think that posting x rated pictures is the ideal way to attract attention. At the start you will receive a large number of responses, but are you looking for quantity over quality or are you looking to meet a nice guy. Think about that when selecting a photo to upload. Be mysterious and keep the X rated photos to the bedroom!

I advise you to also include a nice catchy profile headline because it can determine whether someone will read your profile or simply move on to the next guy. Gay men are looking for the one profile heading that will stand out above the rest so put some fantasy into it, making it interesting and as original as possible.

Finally, the text in your personal ad is the final step that will determine if someone will go on and meet you. To help you out with this, gay dating sites have gay men profiles which basically highlight characteristics such as height, weight, eye color, hair color and other specifications. So all you have to focus is to make sure your personal ad has useful, interesting information about yourself that will attract gay men interested in your profile. Be honest and truthful. By now you should be ready to write the perfect gay personal ad and find yourself a new partner. So for all gay men seeking love, use some of these tips to successfully get in the gay online dating community.

Secrets to Perform Cunnilingus

Womans Face
Polishing the floorboards, munching carpet, eating out, – whatever you want to call it, cunnilingus is a key aspect of lesbian sex… to be fair, any sex involving a vagina!  Cunnilingus can be defined as oral stimulation of the vulva or clitoris. Easy peasy. Or not…It is a well known fact that turning on a female as opposed to turning on a male can be a much tougher task, generally speaking that is. Cunnilingus can be a daunting task for some or a turn on for others but definitely a crucial aspect of achieving orgasm with most women. Good Cunnilingus is an essential tool for anybody to have in their… box. We all know that no vagina is the same but do not fear! I have a few basic tips to help you get well on your way to being a Cryptologic Cunnilinguist. (I totally just made up that word and am so proud).
Lady Eating Out
Model Eating Cream
  1. Look before you eat: You totally wouldn’t attempt to eat your dinner without at least glancing at your plate before putting food on your fork, or glancing at your fork before placing it in your mouth… nor would you attempt to piece together a puzzle in the dark – so why go down on your lady before you get a decent look? Sure, in scenarios where it may be a one time thing, or at the beginning of the relationship getting a decent look may be awkward, but you can get around this by making the situation LESS awkward. Brownie points for telling her that her pink canoe looks pretty! So how are you supposed to do your thing and do it well if you can’t even see first where everything is situated.
  2. Converse: How does she like it? Where does she like it? Does she like direct clitoral stimulation? Dual stimulation? All I know is, the more you know, the better you’re going to provide! Discuss what feels good and don’t be ashamed or afraid to say what doesn’t! Communication is key when it comes to consent and pleasure.
  3. Listen to the cues: It’s not just the act but also being present and completely in tune with your partners responses and cues. As previously mentioned, listen if your partner gives you direction, and when to never, ever stop.
  4. Use your hands: Just because it’s called oral sex, doesn’t mean you can’t use your hands! Some women need dual stimulation to orgasm, some like the teasing aspect, some women need G Spot stimulation…. again, COMMUNICATE!
  5. Communite Non-Verbally: Ask her to hold your hand or head and tap, squeeze, or loosen the pressure when you like something, don’t like something or what more of it. You can develop your own types of non verbal communication, to make Cunnilingus that much easier.
  6. Remember: Sometimes you have performed Cunnilingus that many times it should come naturally. It is most important to remember, what she likes. When you have time, write down the moves that have worked best. Before you have Cunnilingus you can read the list and build open your skill set.
  7. Don’t be ashamed to bring tools! Sex furniture or items such as the ‘Wedge’ by Liberator, are described as a serving platter for your meal… It literally is just that. It props up your butt so you can have easier access and maneuver other wonderful toys whilst you go to town  (I won’t go into detail as this is going to occur in a review to come from Amy). Bring along a versatile vibrator, like the Lelo Mona 2. Mona can produce amazing G Spot orgasms in one hand while your tongue focuses on the clitoris. Combined with the wedge, you’ll be able to have much more freedom. FLAVOURED LUBE! Flavoured lube is both fun and one of the best inventions of all time. Like coffee flavours? Try Wicked’s Mocha Java lubricant. Like sour? Try ID’s sour watermelon lubricant. Like sweet? Try Wet Stuffs caramel flavoured lubricant. There is literally a flavour for everyone. So pick away and enthusiastically eat (lick, please) your partner.
A willing giver, paired with a few of the tips previously mentioned, will be sure to graduate as high achieving Cryptologic Cunnilinguist.

By Chloe a Consultant from Oh Adult Lifestyle Centres.
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