I have had a one night stand (or two) in my time, and I can’t say they have all left me feeling that great. Yes, the walk of shame is not a stranger to me. A good encounter can fulfill primal needs or boost confidence.
Done right, seeking a casual encounter can be as exhilarating as champagne. If you don’t do it right, it can simply leave you feeling like an awful hangover. Here are a few things I think that may help you avoid the most common pitfalls of one night stand.
Tips For Planning The Perfect One Night Stand
If you follow these tips, you will be more likely to have top notch one night stands. Most concerns fade if you’re too wasted to know what’s happening. In such circumstances, even if it is a successful one night stand, you won’t remember it anyway.
What do we need to take into account before we even think about having a one night stand? Ensure you’re sober and have the right temperament. Sex is inextricably linked to emotions. It is a certain kind of person that can simply enjoy the physical pleasures of sex without making other emotional connections with the other person. Men are much better at compartmentalising emotions and consequently are more likely to have a good time.
Women often come off worse, with only 54% having a good time as opposed to 85% of men. Women and much less often men can end up feeling empty, lonely, dirty or embarrassed. They often seek more attractive partners for casual encounters than their usual choices. Men it seems, do the exact opposite and tend to drop their standards. This goes some way to understanding why they are often ultimately more satisfied and have a more positive experience generally.
Even if you are confident in your abilities to put away unhelpful emotions, you should still think about why you want one in the first place. We should examine our motives as to why we want one and there are plenty of very good reasons why we might.
Some People Are Wired For One Night Stands
Some people, it turns out, are wired to have one night stands. There is a gene called DRD4 that is often present in people who have a lot of them. The same gene also makes a person prone to cheating and getting high. You might also just simply be in the mood for a good fuck! It can be a lot less draining sleeping with a stranger than having serial casual sex with someone.
What if you are fresh out of a relationship or you haven’t had any for ages? One night stands are great tonic for getting you back in the game. You don’t even have to be yourself either, you can pretend to be anyone and that is exciting. You can live out kinky fantasies with people you aren’t going to be involved with again. It is an opportunity to let loose and find out stuff about yourself.
They are also great for revenge! It is very easy to find a one night, there are loads of options. Try to avoid having one with a person you might see around in circumstances that could be embarrassing in the future. Co-workers are never a good idea and even friends of friends can turn out to be a massive nightmare.
If you want zero chance of the other person ending up wanting anything slightly more than sex, like say, a cup of tea afterwards, or something equally outrageous, then pay for it. You can find plenty of places with lovely girls and guys who will gladly take your money and give you exactly what you want.
Dating Sites Are Hot Spots For A One Night Stand
There are also the adult classifieds in places like Craigslist and Back Door Personals. There you will find all sorts of people wanting no strings attached one off sex. But most of those will be escorts. And you need to be doubly safety conscious in those situations. You can always go the old fashioned route if you like, and pick someone up in a bar but like most things now, it is probably more efficient to do it online.
Why narrow down your choices when there are so many sites out there dedicated to casual sex with thousands of people wanting the same. There are dating sites like Tinder and Grinder, where it is easy to find someone who would love a one night stand, but with it being a relationship site, there is always the chance you might , well, get just that…a relationship. Even if it is only annoying follow up messages.
You may as well use a website fit for purpose. Which one though? It is probably best to use a paid one. Friend finder X seems like one of the better ones. These will be the safest, by ‘safest’, I mean have the most bone -fide profiles on and the quality will probably be higher. You won’t be spending money on drinks and dinners anyway so you may as well pay for the site.
Make Your Dating Profiles Stand Out
When it comes to writing your profile on those sites, you don’t have to beat around the bush either (unless that’s what you are into) the more honest and specific you are about what you want and who you want, the less likelihood for disappointment. As well as being specific in your profile, both you and the recipient should be putting safety first, so try and make yourself look “normal”.
It is a bit scary to go and meet a torso with a 9 inch dick….. What if that is all there actually is?! Make sure at least one photo is one of you doing a hobby or out with mates. And preferably one clothed and RECENT!
Look for profiles of others that also look “normal”. You might want a girl with her pussy pierced and love the picture of it. But seeing what it attaches to is probably safest for you. Once you arrange your date, whether in advance or just meeting outside the club at the taxi rank, consider following some one-night stand etiquette. Let someone else know where you are going and who with. And make sure you have your phone and money.
Don’t get too pissed and don’t go with anyone pissed. It is so important to have your wits about you. This person could be anybody.
Consent Is Everything With A One Night Stand
Consent is everything at all stages of proceedings and both parties need to take equal responsibility. f one of you is too drunk for informed consent, the other must say no thanks. Both need to gauge whether each other is in the right frame of mind to be consenting, whatever you end up doing. No means no. The fact that you don’t know the person and may never see them again doesn’t give you free reign to behave like an idiot. This is not a green light opportunity to push things a bit further than is comfortable for one of you.
If the sex is going to take place at someone’s home, then try to make it yours. It makes you feel more comfortable, you are in charge and if anything did happen to you then everyone would know where you were. For god sake use protection! Have fun, experiment, use sex toys, bondage kits, penis plugs, make the most of it, be brave and ask for what you fantasies about.
Don’t do anything too freaky though, without warning! Just because it is a one night stand, you don’t have to leave out the foreplay and compliments. They make both of you feel flattered and comfortable, and that makes for better sex.
You don’t need to entertain, you are not on a date. A drink maybe for nerves. You don’t have to cook a breakfast the next day. If it is late and the girl can’t get home offer her the bed, just like you would a mate. When it comes to leaving, be nice and split the cab fare. Take everything with you…. if you ‘accidentally’ (on purpose) leave something behind, you are probably not the type to have one night stands.
Be Respectful With Your Date
Be as respectful and as polite as you would be in your everyday life. This is a ‘person’ you are with, with family and friends just like you. Don’t expect sex the next day. Last night was last night. By all means show an interest if you like but just because it happened the previous night, repeat sex is never a given, it is a privilege.
Lastly, whatever you do, don’t be a moron in the morning, or worse immediately afterwards, armed with a bunch of lame excuses about why you have to go. You were only there for sex. It is easy just to tell someone it is time for them to go, or that it is time for you to leave. Just make sure you do it confidently and nicely, preferably squeeze in a bit of a compliment.
Something like “Hey, I’m absolutely knackered, thanks so much for that sex, it was really hot! See Ya!”
About the Author: By Emily a Consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centre
Meet Rick, Adultsmart’s owner with 35+ years in the adult industry. A sex blogger, advocate for gender and sexuality equality, offering a diverse product range.