At this moment in Australia there are more than 200,000 couples furtively battling with homosexuality in their relationships. Could it be that you are one of them? Are you having intimacy issues? Suspicious about your spouse’s late night exercises? Alternatively would you say you are clueless in regards to an issue that could be putting your well-being and the that of your family at danger? Try not to let yourself get worried without investigating if you are in a relationship with a gay man and didn’t even know it! There are ways to tell is he gay.
Is He Gay?
Homosexuality can appear at any time during a long term relationship. Your lover may have been exploring different avenues regarding the gay way of life even before you met. Possibly he’s simply used you as an unwitting cover whilst he looks for mates in the hetero world.
For these people the disgrace of being “outed” is so great to the point that they will go to extremes to hide it. Notwithstanding marrying someone to seem ordinary in the public eye.
In some cases it’s the family who has hurried a young fellow into marriage out of fear that his mystery will be uncovered. For others, homosexuality can seem further down the road when men hunger for something different and exciting from the dullness of vocations and home life.
For the partner uncertain about her spouse’s proclivities, the most vital thing is to first affirm your suspicions.
Things to Look Out For
Here is a rundown of attributes of men struggling with homosexuality inside a marriage.
1 Secretive late night liaisons on a mobile or PC
Porn habit is connected with homosexuality and a cryptic nature suggests he’s attempting to conceal something from you. Be watchful for a man who would like to web surf or answer cellphone or messages in your vicinity but seeking privacy. It means he has something to hide.
Messaging is another most loved by philanderers. For the purpose of trust, a wedded couple ought to impart everything, including telephone logs, email records, chat companions and site histories.
2 Looks at other men in a coy manner
When you’re out openly, does he invest a lot of energy taking sly look at other men? Is it accurate to say that he is enamored with winking at individuals? Does he get unmistakably irritated when somebody doesn’t give back a compliment about his physical appearance?
3 Feigning religious belief and Chastising Homosexuality
Have you perceived an absence of enthusiasm for spiritual issues? Does it ever appear to be as though he’s simply utilizing church as a reason to be around young fellows? Or does he volunteer to guide other male gatherings?
4 Overly critical about his appearance and the home
Real men have a certain measure of coarseness about them. They sweat and they smell. Gay people regularly loathe this kind of thing and will likewise be inconceivably specific about the cleanliness of the home.
Does your man tweeze his eyebrows, trim his pubic hairs or utilize face creams? It is safe to say that he knows about brand name shampoos? Does he invest more energy getting prepared for a night out than you do? He may not be metro-sexual but closet gay.
5 Gym participation with lengthy steam room or showers
Gay men utilize the rec center as a spot to mingle and to have mystery contacts in the bathrooms. They like to work out their bodies. Subsequently, they utilize the showers and steam rooms to check out other male bodies and on the off-chance for some locker room or steam room liaisons. In the event that your man comes back from the rec center excessively depleted, making it impossible to talk or have intercourse that is a troubling sign.
6 Clothes that are too tight and as well styled
Gay men needn’t bother with words to convey their accessibility for sex “snare ups.” They quietly show the news by flaunting their lean, hard bodies in apparel brand names. On the off chance that your spouse wears thin pants and takes long looks at his bum in the mirror. Or on the off chance that he wears an body hugging shirts, it is most likely advantageous to give careful consideration to what he does in his private times.
7 Strange sexual requests
Fetishism is a sign that a man is looking for a harder forms of sex to excite past the typical closeness of hetero relations. Their lady may not engage the bizarre acts that are rising up to the top as the spark in the marriage dies. If there is a sudden enthusiasm for homosexuality, sadomasochism, BDSM, ointments, role playing, sex toys. Or other non-conventional intercourse routines, this is unmistakably a sign that the current relationship does not satisfy enough.
8 More inspired by the men than the ladies in explicit movies
Erotica is a component in many marriages however there are others who feel viewing it does not add something to their natural sexual lives. Should you have gone down this street and find that your man livens up at seeing the men in these sorts of features, you ought to be concerned.
In the event that he chooses movies because of a particular male on-screen character/s, this is a conspicuous sign that he is experiencing a deeper craving.
9 Travels to Countries like Thailand, Taiwan or Manilla
A few spouses will spend a lot of cash heading out a long way from home to conceal their same-sex activities. Huge urban areas offer liberality of each kind.
From gay bars and clubs to whores and sex bathhouses, a man looking for experiences can discover them effectively on the off chance that he’s so disposed. Is there ever truly a decent reason for a spouse to visit Thailand or Manilla without his wife?
10 Youthful male companions
Somebody who attempts to encompass themselves with more youthful men ought to bring concerns up in any group. In the event that this is the situation with your spouse, inquire as to whether he leans towards their organization or to that of ladies.
11 Sassy, snide and unexpected around his companions
A man who is furtively occupied with gay person action with others may show ladylike qualities when they get together in a gathering. It might be said, he has opened up and this will be seen in over the top back talk and talking with one’s hands.
12 Love of popular society
It’s truly basic for young guys to appreciate the sci-fi end of mainstream culture, yet when your spouse gets to be excessively fixated on sentimental and ladylike demonstrates, that is foundation for caution. Tattle sites, Glee and The Golden Girls are three all around reported symbols of the gay development that authentic hetero men keep away from.
13 Uncovered his chest at any opportunity
Does he go shirtless in the back yard or at picnics when other men are around? Or does he wear a speedo at the shoreline? Does it appear as though he’s intentionally standing right amidst a group to hotshot his midsection and arm muscles, peppering individuals with inquiries regarding how solid he looks?
He may be desiring physical confirmation from other men and frantically searching for insights of imparted longings in people around him.
14 Sudden substantial drinking
Here and there individuals managing a deplorable intense subject matter like homosexuality will swing to liquor to shroud their pain. Does your man vanish on drinking gorges for extended periods without answering cellphone? Is there an interesting smell about him when he gives back, some weird blend of cigarettes and gel? Does he cry?
15 Ladies, have you dated men in the past who ended up being gay?
This is a critical thing to ask yourself when your marriage begins to have issues. Measurements have demonstrated that ladies who have experienced gay men impractically in the past are the destined to rehash this error in future connections.
You ought to approach yourself whether you’re genuinely searching for a man or simply a shopping buddy. Is offering babble more critical to you than bringing up kids?
Eventually, it’s an issue of getting your needs straight and maybe it is you that wants to be in a relationship with a gay man and not the other way round! Maybe he didn’t realise it at the time.
Coming To Terms With Being Gay & Fat!
I was about 15 years old when I finally admitted to myself that I was gay.
It was a long time before I became comfortable with my sexuality and decided to pursue anything. When I finally did, I realized that dating wasn’t really an easy thing to do. Not for me that is.
What It’s Like Being A Chubby Gay
You see, I have always been a bigger guy and it got worse after I left school. I realised that, while yes, the gay community waved the banner of pride and inclusivity. It wasn’t always something that they actually practiced.
By the time I went into the dating scene it was a world of sex applications and I decided to get Grindr on my phone. I added all the criteria to my profile that it needed
- A photo of myself – done.
- About me – done.
- What I was looking for – done.
- And what I was into – done.
Then it came to my information section.
I filled in my location and my height but I paused on my weight. Thought about it and I decided to leave that part out. I activated my profile and started to look through all the different profiles. Looked at all the cute guys and their interests.
I decided to say howdy to a few of them.
“Hey, hey. How’s it going? ?”
This was my usual greeting. I honestly was not sure how I should start a conversation. I’d never done this before. I said hello to a few different guys, left it at that and went about my daily business.
A few hours later I jumped back on and there were no responses.
Okay, maybe they’re all just busy. I decided to explore the app and check out the features. Then I came across the section where you could see which people that had viewed your profile and went into it.
Every guy that I had messaged checked out my profile. But they didn’t even bother to respond. It didn’t feel good, but I decided not to dwell on it and went about my own business. I jumped on a few times and got the same response. So I decided to not bother and deleted the app.
I felt deflated and kept off it for ages after that.
I Found Alternative Gay Dating Applications
Then soon after, a few more other apps came out that were marketed towards a more diverse market. So I decided to give them a try.
Two that I tried were ‘Scruff’ and ‘Growlr‘. They claimed to be for the bear and alternative gay groups. These were a little better received and so I decided to keep these apps. At least a very few guys actually answered me when I messaged them.
I also came across two apps called ‘Grommr’ and ‘Bigger City’. They were marketed for the chubbier gay community. Perfect I thought. I created a profile and perused a few different profiles.
There were actually smaller guys looking for chubby guys!
This was perfect! Or so I thought. I chatted to a few guys and I even hit it off with a guy.
Yay! We went on a few dates and got to know each other. Then, he confessed something to me.
He wanted to be with a guy and make him bigger.
My warning bells went off. I certainly didn’t enjoy being bigger and I always tried to lose weight. Was it something I was willing to do to be with someone? Or was I willing to compromise myself and my values just to be with someone? I thought about what he had said and what I wanted, and then decided it wasn’t something I was willing to do. So I broke it off with him.
I then became curios about why he wanted something like that, and discovered the world of feeding and gaining.
“Feeder: Usually a male who likes to encourage weight gain in his partner through the consumption of food.”
That’s how Urban Dictionary describes it.
I read up how feeders would do things to make their partners bigger.
Buy them extra food and tell them they deserved it. Say they were full and give their leftovers to their partner. This was not something I wanted to be part of. So I deleted my profiles and have never been back since.
Since then I have met guys that have a preference for bigger guys, and that’s okay. Everyone has their different preferences.
But I personally don’t want to be fetishized and have to question if the person I want to be with wants to be with me. Or just the fetish they are after.
What The Gay Dating App World Really Needs
There’s also Tinder! Which I know for most straight people it’s just a hook-up app. When two people hook up through Tinder it’s called a tinder-bang.
But I feel for the gay community it’s more about going on actual dates and to meet people. Rather than it just being one of the many hook-up apps for gays. That’s how I feel it’s like. I have talked to genuine people on it and I even met a guy off it at the beginning of the year
We’ve actually become good friends. And no, not with benefits but we have become good friends.
I’ve also never been to a gay club before.
I honestly don’t feel like I would fit in to that scene and feel like I would be eaten alive in that environment. I’m not small. I don’t have the right clothing or hairstyle. So, I just wouldn’t fit in at all.
But after going through so much self-discovery and not loving myself for a very long time, I have come to realise that you need to look after yourself first and foremost.
As the great RuPaul would say.
“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love anyone else? Can I get an amen?”
And those words are very true! I honestly do believe that you need to learn love yourself before you let anyone in.
Since coming to this realisation, I have decided to have a different outlook on life and have even given the apps another go. I have redone my profile after re-evaluating what I want. And I feel like with a more genuine profile that has a positive view, I have gotten a better reception.
I still find it hard to be part of the gay community
Even though there are definitely a lot of loving people in it. I feel that if I work on myself as a person, I can be included to be a part of this community and meet new people.
But hey, I must be doing something right, because just today I got asked out on a date, so that must mean progress right?
I sure hope so and I am getting dressed up in designer clothing just for the occasion.
Author: Brett is a consultant from Oh Zone Adult Lifestyle Centres
Meet Stephen, a bold and opinionated cis-gendered gay advocate for gender equality and sexual education. Join him on the Adultsmart blog for fearless insights.