How we act in the bedroom sometimes doesn’t link in to who we are in our daily lives or the roles we have within our relationships. For example, you can find an independent person wanting to fulfil other people’s sexual desires, a masculine person who loves being demasculated or humiliated and a kind-hearted person who loves nothing more than to be in complete control. After sex, the time a couple spends in aftercare allows them to recuperate, relax, unwind, reconnect with who they are, re-establish lifestyle roles and become grounded within reality. It is a time where you can take care of each others physical and emotional needs.
Aftercare does not have to be an extravagant process, you just need to do your best to take care of your partner. The length of time spent in aftercare varies greatly depending on the level of physical and emotional exertion that is placed into the sexual experience.
Types of People Who Need Aftercare
Aftercare is needed for a variety of sexual experiences including BDSM, fetish play, couples sex, rough sex and anal sex.
- BDSM: The most common people who will need aftercare are submissives, slaves and bottoms as they have given over all their control to participate in a BDSM scene. Although dominants, masters and tops may need aftercare due to the physical amount of exertion they experience during the BDSM scene.
- Fetish Play: Aftercare is also important for people who have fetishes which are considered to be outside of the “norm” like macrophilia, female masking, golden showers or forced feminisation.
- Couples Sex, Rough Sex and Anal Sex: Aftercare is also needed for couples sex especially after they have experienced a wild sexual encounter that was heated and full of passion. Aftercare can also be used to soothe a partner who is deeply in touch with their emotions.
- Some People Don’t Need Aftercare: There are also people who don’t need aftercare who are usually happy to relax by going back into their normal routine.
Types of Aftercare
There are two types of aftercare including physical and emotional.
Physical aftercare is needed as sometimes when people have sex, they can over exert themselves which will lead them to experience the shakes, muscle weakness, cramps, dehydration and drowsiness. Things you can do to take care of a person who needs physical aftercare include:
- Take care of their need for food or water: Provide your partner with a cold or warm drink to help them rehydrate.
- Regulate their temperature: Ensure their body temperature is maintained with a cooling fan or a blanket.
- Drive your partner home: A person who has been in wild sexual encounter may be so weak they cannot drive themselves safely home.
- Clean up: You will need to help your partner clean-up. You can provide them with tissues or a warm wet cloth to clean their body. Remove any sexual lifestyle products like bondage or fetish gear that may be near them. You can take a shower together and help to find their clothes.
- Relieve body tension: You can gently take care of any tense areas on their body with soothing kisses, touches and massages. You can hold them close, spoon them and rest together.
Emotional aftercare is needed to re-establish a meaningful connection and bring the person back to reality. Things you can do to take care of a person who needs emotional aftercare include:
- Talk about each others feelings: You can ask them how they feel about what had happened, what they liked and didn’t like or whether there was anything that could have been improved. Let them know just how amazing the sexual encounter was.
- Provide reassurance: Sometimes after someone has explored or participated in a sexual fantasy they need to be reminded that the sexual experience was normal. It can also involve telling someone that you love or appreciate them. You may want to let them know that you don’t think they are odd or weird. If they are upset you can hug them and kiss them until they feel better. You are able to bring up the experience later on to ensure that you both are okay.
- Let them know they are appreciated: There is a certain level of trust that is involved in experience sexual intercourse with another person. They are trusting you with their body and mind to enjoy an experience with you. Aftercare can also be used to show your partner that you appreciate the sexual encounter you had together.
If you are about to jump into a BDSM or fetish scene, you are able to discuss and negotiate how you both may need afterwards to recover from the sexual experience. This way you are able to predict and understand what your role is and you are able to prepared yourself for the needs of another person. It is a good idea to always include aftercare in your sexual routine.